Growing up, my idea of fun was hitting the local menswear store and picking out ties for my dad. (Yah I know, I’m a good time.) And Father’s Day was always one of my favorite holidays because it gave me an excuse to do just that. If you’re not as fanatical about menswear as I am and need inspiration on what to give this year (or if you’re a dad and want to give hints), read on for my Father’s Day gift list.
One of the easiest, most low-commitment ways to up your style game is with socks. If your dad needs extra help in this department (if he wears black Gold Toe’s everyday, the answer is yes), get him a few pairs from Paul Smith. They make a great variety of colors and patterns, and the socks themselves are durable ($30). Note that the more colors there are in the pattern, the easier it will be for him to match them to his outfit. For my Sock Matching 101 guide, click here.
Does your dad (a) like to make a statement or (b) know how to have fun? Then these embroidered Dia de los Muertes slippers ($325) may be the perfect gift for him.
Bulky pants pockets are definitely not dapper. If your dad suffers from overstuffed wallet syndrome, help him streamline with this handsome crocodile money clip ($125).
Many of my clients travel nonstop, often to different countries, and this multi-currency wallet would simplify things for them ($285). Make the gift extra-special by having it gold-stamped — you can choose from a variety of different motifs and/or lettering.
For the dad that has everything, this vintage table box inset with a silk Hermes scarf would make a fantastic addition to his repertoire (contact store for price).
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Jun 11, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET
I read recently that 35% of Americans suffer from chronic loneliness. Ok, I did read it on the American Bible Study building’s electronic billboard. But that doesn’t mean it ‘s not true. When I was single in my 20s, after a really hard break-up, I was so lonely that I could physically feel an ache in my stomach. Maybe that had some direct correlation to the emotional eating frenzy that was definitively not a sign of wallowing. No, that was not it.
With my coaching clients, I dole out a lot of strategy and advice. But the most valuable service I provide is a lifeline to a world where a healthy relationship can be a comfort. Unfortunately for the state of affairs on marriage in this country, loneliness is not confined to singles. But it is much harder to dig yourself out of the loneliness hole when you are single. I think of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, banging and clawing her way out of the coffin that she was nailed into and buried 6 feet under. Almost impossible but she did it. Such is the work here. But it’s so worth it.
So how do you go from the isolation of living alone in a Facebook-induced haze of faux connection? Not that I am knocking Facebook. Geez, my wholeMatchmaker Café business is based on Facebook. But there’s a reason that all of this social networking makes us feel more lonely. We use it as an end in itself instead of a means to an end.
If you want to use Facebook for dating (which everybody does), take specific action. Connect with 10 old friends, message someone to ask them to set you up, or message me to stalk someone for you! (Yes, I do this and it’s very discreet – I’ll explain if you write me).
Don’t resort to emotional eating and watching the Real Housewives – that only makes it worse. Eat and drink from the cup of life – it’s scary but it’s the only way.
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Jun 4, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET
The hierarchy of communication:
Text
Chat
Email
Phone
Text is largely considered the lowest common denominator in the food chain of communication. Although arguably Facebook chat is lower. I mean you have to have someone’s cell # in order to text, right?
Yet I love texting. It’s quick and efficient and concise. And I am rarely concise- ask my husband. I once told a friend who was editing an interview of mine that I am better when edited, and he wisely said “Everyone’s better when edited.” (Thank you, Dave Adox) And here I babble.
Anyway, text forces me to edit myself, and I appreciate that. Apparently Harvard Magazine reported that young people say phone conversations slow them down. I agree! Yet a lot women (and some men too) feel that it’s rude to text in dating rather than calling. Who has time for all this calling? Who knows how to win at the game of phone tag these days? I sure don’t. These phone-o-philes think that they are standing up for healthy communication and true connection. They often have quite a moral high ground about it. I find their superiority complex on this topic to be unwarranted. The era of the phone call (ala “we talk on the phone every night”) has ended. This battle has been already lost.
I see texting as men’s revenge. The phone call era gave rise to a lot of annoyed guys and the phrase “chewing my ear off.” Many of these guys were pretty keen on technology and thus the text was born. Or maybe Al Gore invented it; I’m not sure.
Read the rest of… Nancy Slotnick: Text in the CIty
By John Y. Brown III, on Sun Jun 2, 2013 at 9:00 AM ET
What’s it like to turn 50?
It’s like watching a play and you seem to lost track of the story line but are enjoying watching the current scene because it reminds you of something fun about your life that you like thinking about and then the audience suddenly starts clapping and the lights go up. And you think for a moment the play must be over—but it’s not.
It’s just the second intermission of a very long play and you are going to have to go outside in the lobby and talk to the other members of the audience about how interesting you think the play is even though you have no idea what is going on and are still a little rattled at what exactly is happened before the audience started applauding but tell yourself there was probably an applause sign directly over your head that only you couldn’t see— and you stand around and look like you are dignified and in control because others there are standing around in their dress up clothes talking eloquently like they know exactly what is going on but all you really want to do is find out if the concession stand has lemonade and maybe some peanut M&Ms.
And if they don’t you are thinking of asking your wife if you can slip out and watch the rest of that DVD series that you started last night because now you remember that you don’t think you’ve seen it before. And would she mind driving.
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The coolest thing about turning 50 years old is that 50 is the age that many of the statisticians working in the insurance industry start to consider us “actuarially interesting.”
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John Y. Brown, III in best fashion mode
I’m starting an Xtreme Shuffleboard league for people over 50 who still feel physically like they are only 48.
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I got a notice on my phone at 11:45 that I was having a birthday today.
Weird.
In a college psychology course I learned that skydivers feel the height of their fear not seconds before they jump …but about 15 minutes earlier when the plane is taking off and there is no turning back.
When it’s time to jump, the skydiver is ready and not afraid.
Turning 50 is a lot like that
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Tonight and tomorrow night are my last Friday and Saturday nights ….before turning 50.
Am I ready?
I think so.
How do I know?
I have no plans for either Friday or Saturday night except dinner with my wife and then possibly watching a TV series on DVD.
Why do I say “possibly watching?”
We are two episodes into the series and can’t recall if we’ve seen it already or not.
But we should be able to figure that out by Sunday.
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Perhaps the most disconcerting thing about turning 50 is realizing that going forward everything starting with a “5” gets rounded up.
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One of the great gifts of being middle-age is realizing that others know about falling into rabbit holes.
That you really have seen flying monkeys and survived
And your best friend really is a scarecrow who has protected you.
And as irritating as they can be, Tweedledum and Tweedledee are family and you miss them.
And the person you admire most in your life right now is a Chesire cat
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu May 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
It’s polite to let dads down easy.
The transition from the role of a strong, dominant , all-knowing, father-knows-best, man-of-the house to the diminished role of amusing obsolescence is hard on the male ego.
We are on our way to dinner in the care —my wife, daughter and me. My wife and daughter were talking about me and agreed I had been “good” this weekend. My daughter joked that maybe I …should get a gold star. My wife suggested we have a special board on our refrigerator to track my success.
They were laughing good natuturedly and I was even begrudgingly agreeing I deserved some sort of recognition for my “good behavior” this weekend.” But my daughter sensed I was slightly wounded by the receding role in the in the family and tried to reassure me. And that meant a lot and didn’t take a lot of effort.
She simply turned to me where I was sitting in the back seat and patted me on the leg and told me she was proud of me and would make sure it was a big gold star.
By Jonathan Miller, on Thu May 30, 2013 at 10:00 AM ET
Rebuilding West Liberty, an Eastern Kentucky community initiative aimed at reconstructing a small rural town nearly destroyed last year by horrific tornadoes to be a 21st Century model for sustainability and entrepreneurship, today announced that Tim Conley, the Morgan County Judge/Executive helping to lead this effort, will attend the Clinton Global Initiative America (CGI America) meeting June 13th and 14th in Chicago. Judge Conley will participate as a member of the Residential Energy Efficiency Working Group (one of twelve working groups convening at CGI America) to share Rebuild West Liberty’s Residential Energy Efficiency Project.
On March 2, 2012, the town of West Liberty, Kentucky suffered a massive tragedy. An EF3 tornado ripped through this community of about 3,400 residents, killing seven, devastating nearly 400 homes, businesses and government structures, and destroying much of the downtown area. While the disaster was an unprecedented crisis for the tiny community, it also represented an extraordinary opportunity: to rebuild itself with a 21st century, lower-cost, sustainable infrastructure, and develop a path to create job‐producing business opportunities, increasing the tax base and attract new residents to West Liberty.
The community’s residents and leaders chose this bolder path. After a year of extensive discussions among key stakeholders and outside experts, the community completed a thorough visioning process to rebuild West Liberty in a thoughtful and sustainable manner, giving careful consideration to the need to preserve the region’s Appalachian heritage and resources.
In January 2013, the town issued a strategic report: Rebuilding West Liberty, Kentucky, outlining thirteen locally-inspired strategies that would make West Liberty not only a model for disaster-ravaged communities, but also for all of rural America. (Click here for a PDF-version of the full report.)
Judge Conley will provide insight on one of Rebuilding West Liberty’s most urgent stakeholder-inspired strategies and most critical needs: rebuilding roughly half of the 300 residential homes that were lost to the storm. To meet this dire need, Rebuilding West Liberty has committed to the construction and development of 150 affordable, highly energy-efficient factory-built and site-built homes. The three year project includes a $27 million investment of equity, grants, debt and operating grants to complete the project in West Liberty and scale innovations piloted for other disaster response efforts and affordable housing projects for factory-built homes across the nation.
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Please join us in this critical initiative.
Sign the petition below, to take part in the grassroots coalition supporting the project:
About CGI America
The Clinton Global Initiative (CGI), an initiative of the Clinton Foundation, convenes global leaders to create and implement innovative solutions to the world’s most pressing challenges. Established in June 2011 by President Bill Clinton, the Clinton Global Initiative America (CGI America) addresses economic recovery in the United States. CGI America brings together leaders in business, government, and civil society to generate and implement commitments to create jobs, stimulate economic growth, foster innovation, and support workforce development in the United States. Since its first meeting, CGI America participants have made more than 211 commitments valued at $13.6 billion when fully funded and implemented. To learn more, visit cgiamerica.org.
CGI also convenes an Annual Meeting, which brings together global leaders to take action and create positive social change, CGI University (CGI U), which brings together undergraduate and graduate students to address pressing challenges in their community or around the world, and, this year, CGI Latin America, which will bring together Latin American leaders to identify, harness, and strengthen ways to improve the livelihoods of people in Latin America and around the world. For more information, visit clintonglobalinitiative.org and follow us on Twitter @ClintonGlobal and Facebook at facebook.com/clintonglobalinitiative.
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue May 28, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET
“Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ with no broke n—s.” Kanye means this as a compliment. And it is. There’s a fine line between gold digger and assessing a guy’s ambition. Gold digger is very unattractive. But hanging out with a 37-year-old-broke-“entrepreneur”-who-won’t-buy-you-a-tea-on-the-first-date is plain masochistic. So where’s the line?
There’s an expression that goes like this: “Men treat women like sex objects, women treat men like success objects.” Any kind of objectification is wrong. Men are not meal tickets. Sometimes women claim they like to “get to know a guy slowly,” so they go out on 15 dates, let him pay every time, and there’s never even a make-out session. Guys- if you see this pattern- she is toying with you- run the other direction.
The most exasperating part is that if you talk to these women, they really believe their own bs. They rationalize this behavior by being male bashers- i.e. “he has to prove himself to me” or “I’m trying to give him a chance” or “Maybe I like him, I just can’t tell yet— he shouldn’t need to rush me.” Yeah, I guess it will take 2 more dinners at Per Se to figure that out. Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger. Oh, yes, in this case I am.
On the flip side, there is a reason that women look for a man to take care of her financially. A man who is interested in marriage and children and wants to give to them will naturally think about planning for their financial future, even while he’s still single. The inverse is true too. If a man says he is ready for marriage and children yet his actions show no signs of being prepared for this endeavor financially whatsoever, then he probably has more baggage than he admits. Especially if he is over 35. This is not to say that he can’t be a teacher or an artist honing his craft, but he can still have a savings account, wait tables double shifts to support his lifestyle, have good credit and buy your tea.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon May 27, 2013 at 9:15 AM ET
A Memorial Day reflection
Memorial Day is a special time we set aside each year to thank those men and women of our military who fought and died so we could have freedom and a better way of life.
The freedom and “better way of life” these brave and dedicated Americans fought to protect and preserve for each of us living today provide the political, social and economic structure—the preconditions, if you will— for our way of life. They don’t provide “happiness” but rather ensure that we have the life and liberty to pursue happiness.
And that is a lot. In fact, it’s one hell of a gift.
Thank you for that…and thanks to the families who lost their loved ones so we can live a richer life today.
And so today we take a quiet and reverent moment to show our appreciation. But perhaps more important than the day we offer in recognition for those who died for our country’s way of life, is what we do the remaining 364 days of each year.
Are we just in possession of the pre-conditions for a free and full and happy life? Or are we fulfilling that uniquely American opportunity we’ve each been given by how we live our lives each day the remainder of the year?
To truly honor those we seek to recognize today, I believe, is to do more than just possess the freedoms they secured for us. It is to live more fully in our daily lives “because” of these freedoms.
We can still take Memorial Day each year to say thank you for the opportunity to be free and pursue happiness. But the way we live our lives –and extent to which we fulfill our individual American dream—will be our greatest gift back to those soldiers who sacrificed so much so we could be play our part in fulfilling the promise of the American dream.
Never mind that I had to get up early on a weekend morning.
Never mind that I had to park a few blocks away to get to the venue so I would not have to search for a parking spot.
Never mind the fact that I waited in a line stretching to another state on a bridge for 2 hours to get through security.
Never mind that I did not have time to eat a breakfast or for that matter lunch today.
Never mind that it was so hot I was a sweaty mess by the time the event actually started.
Never mind any of those things from today.
They do not matter, for I had the great fortune of being in attendance today as the Dalai Lama spoke to an audience of thousands in Louisville.
Once I was able to see him and hear his message, any of the above frustrations was gone from my memory. His Holiness had a simple message; we are all capable of compassion. It is our “default setting” as one of the speakers, Dr. Doty stated in his remarks. Sometimes it is our circumstance, our ego, our bias or our environment that clouds this default nature within us.
Regardless, we are all capable of compassion by seeing ourselves in others. Even for wrongdoers, we can show them compassion by separating the wrongdoer from their action. It is a world of compassion, of tolerance, of humanity that we are looking to create “as man has matured” and we have expanded our scope with small acts of kindness. Though compassion makes for a good slogan, this goes beyond words; this compassion in us begins by taking action.
This compassion and kindness towards others is what I experienced in line waiting for this event. In my 28 years in Kentucky, I had never seen a more diverse group of people gathering for an event. There were people of many different nations, languages, religions, dress all gathered for one single purpose. The air amongst the crowd was of understanding, of tolerance, of compassion.
In particular, the individuals around me were amazing. There was the young mother from my hometown of Bowling Green, KY who had offered to both her sons the opportunity to see the Dalai Lama speak, and her 8 year old choosing to come with her.
Then there was the mother and son duo who had flown from Texas to Louisville for the sole purpose of seeing the Dalai Lama speak.
For me, it was an honor to hear the Dalai Lama speak. He exuded a sense of calmness, peace, and serenity. I enjoyed listening to every word he spoke and watching every action he made in greeting every person he came across. You could tell the audience felt the same way. As he spoke the entire audience hung on his every word. He captured and sustained their attention the way he captured mine.
As we all left at the end of the event, the serenity and peace of his presence stayed with us. His compassion inspired you, regardless of faith, to be a better human being, full of compassion, caring and tolerance. “Compassion begins here [points to his heart]”. I truly believe this was a great start to experience this compassion.
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue May 21, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET
Americans have always had a love-hate relationship with France. On the one hand, we use “french” as a positive adjective, applied to everything from kissing to toast, and we admire French cuisine and fashion. (I’ve always had this image of impeccably chic French women with a spartan wardrobe of 3 perfectly fitted sweaters, a pair of slacks, a pencil skirt, and 2 Hermes scarves, out of which they create 300 different, equally stunning outfits. As well as never getting fat despite enjoying daily champagne and truffles.) But we also use being French as a symbol of snobbery and effete-ness (remember how John Kerry was attacked during the 2004 election for speaking fluent French?, which was supposed to reflect everything that was wrong with his privileged background). And there was that unfortunate episode in 2003 when France’s refusal to participate in the Iraq war resulted in Congress renaming a familiar side dish – anyone remember “freedom fries”?
So France’s latest news will probably cause some mixed reactions, but I for one am thrilled that the country we associate with ooh la la and romance has now opened up official recognition of romance (i.e. marriage) to same sex couples. Sure, France is a largely Catholic country, but it’s also a place we associate with l’amour, toujours l’amour. (Madame Popejoy, my high school french teacher, would be proud of me, I didn’t even have to look up the spelling!)
Quick disclosure – I was actually born in France. (I have no french roots, but my dad was in the airforce about to be stationed in Labrador; he & mom had a whirlwind courtship and he swore the last thing he would do before he shipped out was to get her pregnant. And it was. So she went to France, where her parents were on sabbatical and which was at least a little closer to Labrador. So while I have no recollection of my 3 formative months in France, I have a soft spot for the country.) (And my parents checked, as a US citizen born in an Air Force Hospital, I could run for President. Of course, at the time they checked, Donald Trump wasn’t around. . . . )
Anyway, here’s this week’s song in celebration of France joining the increasingly large list of countries that have legalized same sex marriage:
