Nancy Slotnick: Gold Diggas

“Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ with no broke n—s.” Kanye means this as a compliment. And it is. There’s a fine line between gold digger and assessing a guy’s ambition. Gold digger is very unattractive. But hanging out with a 37-year-old-broke-“entrepreneur”-who-won’t-buy-you-a-tea-on-the-first-date is plain masochistic. So where’s the line?

There’s an expression that goes like this: “Men treat women like sex objects, women treat men like success objects.” Any kind of objectification is wrong. Men are not meal tickets. Sometimes women claim they like to “get to know a guy slowly,” so they go out on 15 dates, let him pay every time, and there’s never even a make-out session. Guys- if you see this pattern- she is toying with you- run the other direction.

The most exasperating part is that if you talk to these women, they really believe their own bs.  They rationalize this behavior by being male bashers- i.e. “he has to prove himself to me” or “I’m trying to give him a chance” or “Maybe I like him, I just can’t tell yet— he shouldn’t need to rush me.” Yeah, I guess it will take 2 more dinners at Per Se to figure that out. Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger. Oh, yes, in this case I am.

On the flip side, there is a reason that women look for a man to take care of her financially. A man who is interested in marriage and children and wants to give to them will naturally think about planning for their financial future, even while he’s still single. The inverse is true too. If a man says he is ready for marriage and children yet his actions show no signs of being prepared for this endeavor financially whatsoever, then he probably has more baggage than he admits. Especially if he is over 35. This is not to say that he can’t be a teacher or an artist honing his craft, but he can still have a savings account, wait tables double shifts to support his lifestyle, have good credit and buy your tea. 

Such is the legitimate side of what you girls should try to assess when you are on a date. And this is why I say the guy should always pay for the first date. It’s not on principle but because he should know that it’s his job. You have to be able to find out what kind of man he is before getting involved.

By the same token, I also say always kiss on the first date if you like the guy. It doesn’t take 15 dates to assess chemistry. There’s not exactly a quid pro quo but throw a guy a bone once in a while so he knows he’s on the right track. Is that what Kanye meant when the song says “Get down girl go head get down.” I’m not sure. And we may need to take him with a grain of salt since he is dating Kim Kardashian. You didn’t hear it from me but she is going to break his heart. Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger. But I’m just sayin’.