By John Y. Brown III, on Tue May 21, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Me and all the things I can do with my second phone
I have a second phone. I use it as my back-up phone. For situations like when I lose my primary phone. I have my back-up, or secondary phone, to call my first phone and help me find it by hearing the ring.
Sometimes my main phone has fallen under my car seat. Sometimes I’ve slipped it into my laptop bag and forgotten where I put it. Other tim…es, I’ve placed it in my pocket or in the holster for my back-up phone. But the great thing about my back-up phone is that I don’t lose my main phone for long.
It helps me save time that way.
This past Sunday I lost my phone that morning. And found it quickly, of course. Just how I always do.
But later in the day, after a few phone calls, I noticed an unusual number that I had tried to call me earlier in the day. Not once, but twice!
Technology is great. I didn’t have to wonder “Who called me?” I could simply Google the number. After Google turned up no results, I went to a service called Spokeo. Spokeo helps you identify people based on a strange phone number. They don’t always get it right but they do have a pretty impressive record of past owners of that phone number.
I plugged in the strange number than had called me and up came a name I wasn’t familiar with —but it was a name. I had what appeared to be the current (or previous but recent) owner of the number.
After Googling the name and coming up empty handed, I went to Facebook and typed in the name. Bingo! There he was. Looking right at me. And we had 4 mutual friends. I looked at his business but didn’t recognize it. Then on the mutual friends to try to solve the purpose of this mystery caller. I sort of knew them but not well. I knew a little about one of their businesses but couldn’t figure out why they would be calling me.
I then looked at some of the mutual friends of the mutual friends for more clues, but nothing was jumping out at me. I looked through some pictures of their Facebook pages and finally realized I was going to have to cave in to my curiosity—and just call back the unrecognized number. I decided I would call and whoever answered, I would explain that I saw they had tried to call me earlier in the day and I am sorry I missed their call –and was calling now to see how I could help them. And ask, “And whom do I have the pleasure of talking to?”
I dialed the number, fearlessly, and waited for the ring.
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue May 14, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET
A lot of girls swear by the “thank you” text after a first date. (We’re assuming the guy pays- because he should. :-)) And most guys say that they like to get the thank you text. Or email. But whenever something’s done out of obligation it loses its power. I’m not denying the importance of thanking the guy. But look at the text above, and now imagine saying (or hearing it) it in your most sexy sultry voice while looking a guy straight in the eye, leaning in and showing a hint of cleavage at the same time? Now that’s a powerful move.
Timing is everything. My husband and I missed the first season of 24. We got introduced to it when Fox ran a marathon on Labor Day of 24 hours consecutively, just as they really happened when Jack Bauer was really there. It was so realistic. Well, not really. But the draw of watching it in real time was so powerful that we became instant addicts of the show for life. We couldn’t even bear to go to the gym that Labor Day (well, we did but they had TV’s there) or go to sleep because of what we were missing. It was never the same in future seasons of course but we were happy loyal fans most of the time. It was the timing that got us.
So too is dating. The momentum, the pace, the immediacy as well as the suspense (you can’t give it all up in the first episode) are all what make things exciting. That’s why you have to “leave it all on the field” on the first date. Don’t get complacent and think- I’ll just send the thank you email tomorrow and then I can show how I feel on the 2nd date. You might not get a 2nd date!
Speaking of 2nd date, a lot of the clients that I coach ask me what to do after the first date to make the second date happen. My answer to the girls is this: Nothing.
As I alluded to above, what you do to get the 2nd date always happens on the 1st date. You can’t try to strongarm it afterwards. It just doesn’t work. On the 1st date, be flirty, interesting and interested. Be on time; thank him if he pays. If he doesn’t pay, be very skeptical. (Unless you asked him out.) Always kiss on the 1st date if you like the guy. Don’t maul him; it should come from him but help him create an opportunity for it to happen. Then say good night sweetly and turn and walk away with a spring in your step. That’s what I mean by “leave it all on the field.”
Read the rest of… Nancy Slotnick: “thx 4 the drinks. I had a great time.”
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Apr 2, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET
I’m going to make it official: communication is no longer linear. What do I mean by that? Linear communication is the tennis volley. You write a letter to a friend or lover. (Snail mail, anyone? I don’t think so.) You wait for a response. You email someone. They reply to your email. Your text bubbles are evenly matched and go back and forth in a relatively equal fashion.
What’s non-linear communication? Posting Happy Birthday on your friend’s Facebook wall and never expecting a reply. Texting someone multiple times because they never reply to your texts. (Not recommended in a dating context.) Needing to email someone a few times before they notice. Tweeting.
We have come to expect one directional communication. Is this human connection? Yes, it’s a form of it. Is it a good way to promote a cause, share breaking news or start a revolution? Totally. Is it a good way to make you feel totally popular on your birthday? Absolutely. Does it help you stay in touch with acquaintances and stay on their radar screen for party invites and the like? Yes! Is it healthy in the realm of dating and romantic relationships? Hell no. There’s the rub.
I am considered to be a dating expert (Well, Oprah called me one so that makes it so.) Yet I don’t have many hardfast rules in my arsenal. I’m not a Rules Girl in that way. But I have always had one rule in dating that is extremely useful:
“Don’t make two moves in a row.”
Useful until now, that is. The reason why it works is because you get to find out if the person is truly interested or not. The convention wisdom is that if they are interested, they will reply back. You can avoid a lot of wasted time this way. Rather than continually reaching out to someone who says they’re busy when what they are really trying to say is: “Not interested,” you just wait to see if they reply. Radio silence gives you your answer.
But these days it is pretty impossible to tell if someone just didn’t get the message. How many times do you get a little Facebook chat push notification on your phone and then it marks it as read before you even open it? And how many friends do you have that either never reply on Facebook, or only reply on Facebook, or will reply to a text but don’t read your email or vice versa? And then if you ever attempt to date someone 10 years your junior or your senior, you completely can’t synch up your communication methods?
In the words of Charlie Brown, “Argh!!” And speaking of Charlie Brown, it often feels like the people on the other end of all of my communication media are just like those grown-ups on the Peanuts: “wah-wah-wahwah-waaah!” I want to crawl under a rock. But that doesn’t play well in dating either. So what to do?
Always stay confident and think positive about the other person, whilst trying to keep the conversation as linear as possible. Notice what’s you and what’s them. (In other words- “Are your text bubbles HUGE and they reply: “K.”? But never never make assumptions about why the person isn’t responding in the way you’d like. You can have hunches, and certainly don’t hold off all your other plans while waiting for a reply, but don’t give in to getting paranoid.
I had some business dealings recently with a company that I found online. They make patches that iron onto uniforms and T-shirts. I couldn’t find a phone number on the website so I emailed them to ask if we could talk by phone for them to answer some questions for me. It seemed so much easier for me to deal with it by phone. But the very nice guy on the other end of email kept answering each question I had quite promptly. He never answered my question about speaking by phone. I resisted the urge to be annoyed with the fact that I couldn’t talk to him by phone and we got the deal done.
Read the rest of… Nancy Slotnick: Are you there, Buddy? It’s me, Margaret.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Mar 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Technology is supposed to make us more organized, efficient and punctual.
But I often wonder if each of those things aren’t more of an “inside job” that has more to do with internal factors than the screen size and processor speed of the latest smartphone.
Think of it this way, with a little mathematical license thrown in to make my point: Before cell phones and the internet and GPS and laptops and tablets, I had a tendency to over commit myself and always running a few minutes late.
But that’s all changed now with technology to thank, right?
With two cell phones, one laptop, an iPad, and GPS system in my car and on my cell phone, I have increased the likelihood of being somewhere on time, by 3.75%. That means, at that rate of increase (and factoring Moore’s Law of advancing technology), I will be on time to appointments 100% of the time starting in mid August in the year 2114.
So, is the conclusion that technology is just not advancing fast enough to fix this deficit? Or perhaps I need to spend more money on more technology?
Or maybe, just throwin’ this out there, not saying it’s true or anything, but just maybe it’s on me –and regardless of all the wonderful promises of technology making our lives simpler, better, more efficient, maybe there are limits.
Personally, I am still confused by the difference between time being “digital” or “analog.”
I thought I could pull it off today for the very first time. In fact, I was determined to and even promised myself I would not retreat from my commitment–no matter what.
And I held off for a record period of time. But I just can’t pull it off and have to come to grips with the fact that I am going to have to, no matter how humiliating and degrading and personally disappointing to me and those who count on me, ask….
“Would somebody please tell me what time it really is now?”