Lauren Mayer: our Tired, Your Poor, Your Huddled Masses – 2014 version

People have often used ‘the melting pot’ as a metaphor for immigrants from all over the world, coming together to make America a great and diverse country.  (Although when I was growing up, I had a creative teacher come up with ‘fruit salad’ as a better metaphor, implying that immigrants retained some elements of their native culture and blended together in a tasty mixture – unfortunately, California also became known as the ‘granola state’, full of flakes & nuts, but I digress . . . ) However, immigration has become so politicized lately, it’s hard to find any common ground.  The Senate was able to put together a bipartisan reform bill, but apparently the House won’t take it up because they’re too busy repealing the ACA or deciding whether or not to sue the President.  Still, one would think that all sides could at least come together over the plight of thousands of children fleeing violence in Central America who have crossed our border recently.  (Oh, I know, I’m just an eternal optimist . . . stop laughing at me!)

The nasty, xenophobic reaction by so many politicians and pundits has been appalling, but also ripe for ridicule (starting with the “Go Home Illeagels” signs and protesters swarming a bus from the local YMCA).  So in that spirit, we might as well update the iconic poem inscribed at the base of Lady Liberty . . .

Lauren Mayer: Rock And Politics


Politics and pop culture have always been strange allies, from campaign songs (“Tippecanoe & Tyler Too,” William Henry Harrison’s 1840 theme) to actors-turned-politicians (Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ronald Reagan, and I hope someone reading this knows who George Murphy is – I am NOT that old but I am a buff of old movie musicals and learned about him through a Tom Lehrer song . . . but I digress). Presidents have even joined in the fun, including Clinton’s famous sax solo on Arsenio Hall and Obama’s appearance on “Between The Ferns,” although nothing can top Richard Nixon uncomfortably saying “Sock it to me?” on Laugh-In. (And yes, I AM that old . . . )

However, this alliance can sometimes be not only awkward but cause friction when politicians use songs without permission – Jackson Browne successfully sued McCain for using his “Running On Empty” to attack Obama in ads, and Ann & Nancy Wilson formally complained when Sarah Palin used “Barracuda” as her theme song. Those objections are understandable, since repeated use of a song implies the artist endorses that candidate. On the other hand, I sympathize with conservatives who have a much harder time finding good anthems by rock stars who support them – not much to choose from besides Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless America,” which might explain Ted Nugent’s recent resurgence . . .

The other time rock & politics make uncomfortable bedfellows is when pundits jump into the fray, like Bill O’Reilly’s near-obsessive complaints about Beyoncé being a bad role model – although as Jon Stewart pointed out, the video he was most upset about involved sex with her husband in an expensive limousine, so O’Reilly should have been thrilled that she was glorifying both marital passion and conspicuous capitalism. Unfortunately, other Fox news hosts must have missed Stewart’s ridicule of what he termed O’Reilly’s ‘disapproval boners,’ because last week Jesse Watters claimed that Democrats like Hillary Clinton relied on “Beyonce voters,” single women who “depend on government because they’re not depending on their husbands. They need things like contraception, health care, and they love to talk about equal pay.” This foot-in-mouth moment inspired endless internet analysis, a wildly popular Tumblr account, and at least one suburban mom to squeeze into a leotard and take advantage of a rock/political moment too tempting to resist:

Lauren Mayer: How Many Lawsuits Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

Lawyer jokes are low-hanging-fruit – everyone knows at least a few, and it’s far too easy to make fun of ambulance-chasing caricatures or frivolous lawsuits against fast food outlets when people spill things on themselves.  (Although I do have one favorite:  A priest, a rabbi, a nun and a lawyer walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What is this, some kind of a joke?”    But I digress . . . )

Some of my best friends really are lawyers, and they do everything from defending homeowners against wrongful evictions to the mind-numbingly-dull paperwork on which most small businesses depend.  (Admission: My father was a small business contract lawyer, and when I was trying to decide whether to go into law or show business, he informed me that while law was a noble profession, “what separates humans from animals is our ability to appreciate art.”  He then added “plus you don’t get applause in court.”)

Suffice to say, while I didn’t end up going to law school, I firmly believe in the power of law to protect people, and I understand the vital role played by lawsuits.  However, John Boehner’s threat to sue President Obama for some yet-to-be-specified-disregard-of-something-he-hasn’t-figured-out-yet bears no resemblance to a valid lawsuit – instead, it sounds like when a 10-year-old threatens to run away from home because his parents are so mean, they won’t let him do, uh, whatever it was he wanted to do but forgot.

So this week’s song combines my general understanding of law with the show business career toward which my lawyer father pointed me . . .

Note: Show Lauren we need more entertainers and fewer lawyers by supporting her new CD, a compilation of greatest hits from these videos. You can hear clips and learn more here.

Lauren Mayer: Boys, Sophomoric Humor and Politics

here are a variety of theories attempting to explain the relative minority status of women in comedy, ranging from socialization (women are raised to laugh at others, not to tell the jokes) to courtship (men want to be the ones to make others laugh) to good old-fashioned sexism (club owners tend to be men and think men are funnier).  At any rate, women tend to be less comfortable with, or at least less proficient at, off-color humor – which is why it’s so startling when they do get down & dirty (part of Sarah Silverman’s huge appeal is that she looks like a fresh-faced girl-next-door and talks like Lenny Bruce).

I don’t know if it’s my gender (female, duh), my age (not telling, duh, which tells you I’m old enough not to want to tell), my upbringing (raised by a feminist mother who forbade Barbie dolls because they fostered an unrealistic body image, and an intellectual father whose idea of a joke was offering to do his Millard Fillmore impression . . . . but I digress), or my Ivy League education, but I’d always believed cerebral wordplay was infinitely superior to potty humor.  My one near-break as a comedy performer was an invitation to audition night at The Comic Strip in LA, after I’d won some cabaret awards in San Francisco.  I did a couple of my witty, Noel Coward-esque songs about current events, to polite applause, but then the man after me impersonated the male sex organ having its first orgasm, complete with sound effects.   Needless to say, he totally killed and got invited back.  (To be fair, this was almost 30 years ago.  Don’t bother doing the math, let’s just say I was old enough to rent a car – but barely!)

I never had to wrestle with whether or not to adjust my highbrow ideals, because shortly after that I started a family.  Turns out, the biggest influence on my sense of humor has been having two sons, particularly once they hit puberty (and especially once Husband 2.0 came on the scene, whose brilliant plan to cure the boys of using foul language was to have ‘swearing night’ at dinner so they’d ‘get it out of their system.’  Instead, they both just enlarged their vocabularies!)  Between language, rating each other’s burps, and Family Guy, I’ve pretty much surrendered to a frat house environment.

I still try to keep my weekly songs witty and informative – which means usually my sons ignore my videos (apart from my 17-year-old reassuring me that ‘over 100 views is viral for old people’ – cue rimshot).  But this week, I’ve succumbed to a sophomoric tone, at least in part – which means my sons think this week’s song is actually cool.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: 51 and rhyming

jyb_musingsI may be 51
But I’m nowhere near done
Just kickin’ it Old School
Revving up for my next run
I got nothing to lose
And I got nothing to prove
Done paid up all of my dues
And rock these comfortable shoes
Fighting gravity and time
As I’m bustin’ my rhymes
Got no awareness of shame
And still got slow motion game
Don’t write me off yet
‘Cause I’m just turning it on
Even crankin’ up the volume
Since my hearing’s half gone
Don’t push me out
‘Cause I’m still “all in”
And still got it going on
If I’m in bed by ten
So remember these words
And take them to heart
Young Guns and Young Turks
Show respect for us Old Farts
As you reflect on my rhymes
You’ll find no hate in my rap
Just tryin’ to hang on
Between power naps
This game’s nowhere near over
Young pups stay out of our way
Old dogs may not know new tricks
But we still call the plays
Young haters can hate
And plan to take up our space
Just know you’ll be leasing from us
And we still set the rates

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: American Idol

10353579_10154263975915515_4282905237645892781_nSuper Proud Dad!!

Maggie made the cut to go to the Producer’s round at Disney’s American Idol.

And then she made the semi-finals round

And then Maggie won the semi-finals in front of an audience of several hundred –and was one of five to make it to the finals.

And performed in the finals that evening –just having turned 16 (too young to compete for American Idol) and about half the average age of the other four competitors.

Just incredible…and got reviewed by the judges as “Taylor Swift like” and ” a music producer and marketer’s dream” 


Like daughter like father

jyb_musingsThat was the thought today when Maggie persuaded me this morning to try out for Disney’s American Idol–after her great success making it all the way to the finals.

I was alone in a small room with an affable Disney female judge and with my daughter Maggie sitting in the corner grinning with anticipation. 

Judge: Can I get your name and is this your daughter?

Me: John Brown and, yes, this is my daughter Maggie and she made the finals at Disney’s American Idol yesterday. (Hoping to score a few points for myself with this fact.)

Judge (to Maggie): Oh my goodness! Congratulations!! I see up to 50 contestants a day and send maybe 1 to the producer who decides if that person goes to semi finals. You must be very proud, Dad.

Me: Yes, very proud for sure!

Judge: Tell me about your singing.

Me: (looking confused)

Judge: Where do you sing? Are you trained?

Me: Oh. No training. Just sing in the shower. Sometimes.

Judge: Ok. Well…great. Go right ahead.

Me: (Fumbling with phone to read lyrics and starting off with voice quavering. I sing 30 seconds of James Taylor and know I bombed except for 2-3 seconds where I really nailed it.)

Judge: Wow. That was nice. Really nice (Saying it the way someone would who says that exact same thing about 49 times a day would say it.)

Me: (Smiling stupidly and thinking to myself if she focuses on only the 2-3 seconds I nailed it and nothing else, I might get to next round….but knowing that isn’t happening)

Judge: If you could get some training in voice and practice singing and really commit to it, etc, etc.

Me: (Before she drops the “Congratulations for trying” bomb, I interupt) That is great and I really appreciate it but I need to let you know that for the finals competition (I look at my daughter), I am really busy this afternoon and can’t make it then. But I can do the finals competition later this afternoon or early evening –but it would have to be after 5pm. Sorry. But I have commitments I really need to….

Judge: (Most awkward smile I have seen in a long time) Ok, Mr Brown. Let me explain how this process works.

Me: (interrupting) I am just kidding. I know I didn’t make it.

Judge: Phew! OK. Wow! You had me worried there for a minute.

Me: Yeah. No need to tell me how close I was. I think the key was I needed a Valium. Then my voice wouldn’t have quavered.

Judge (laughs) Well…

Me: And if I had brought an extra Valium for you, too, I think I could have made it to the next round.

Judge: You are funny. If you develop your voice, you would be really good with the audience. (Then she wrapped it up like she does about 49 times a day so feelings don’t get hurt– and, mostly, to avoid losing contestants snapping and having a total melt down.)

I didn’t have a meltdown and my feelings weren’t hurt either. I shook the judge’s hand and left. I was disappointed I didn’t make the cut but glad I tried — and really glad I wouldn’t have to come up with several hundred Valium for the audience if I had made it to the next round.

And besides, my daughter rocked the finals competiton two nights before.

Lauren Mayer: The Sky Is Falling! No, Really! No, I Mean It This Time!

Over-reaction is becoming so common on the political scene these days, things have to go pretty far before they qualify as genuinely surprising over-reaction. But the furor over last week’s primary defeat of Eric Cantor definitely qualifies.

To put it in perspective, Cantor lost by 36,000 votes, which is about 5% of his voting-eligible constituents, which is about .002% of the 150 million eligible voters in the country. But that didn’t stop pundits from gasping in shock and declaring that this was a political game-changer, with miscalculation like “Dewey Defeats Truman” combined with “Real Housewives”-style national fascination. (Not to mention the fun of seeing Cantor’s opponent, an economics professor who advocates something called “Christian Capitalism,” unable to answer basic questions about the minimum wage . . . but I digress.)

This one low-turnout race has apparently led to everything from a resurgence of the Tea Party to the end of any hope for immigration reform to the realization that Democrats should just give up on 2014 unless turnout is boosted by major hurricanes in November that have female names (which apparently are viewed as less scary, so people don’t evacuate as quickly). Hello, people – it’s only one tiny district!

On the other hand, there is a Through-The-Looking-Glass surreal quality about one of the most obstructionist right-wing Majority Leaders in history losing a primary for being too liberal. So who knows, maybe the over-reactors are on to something . . .

Lauren Mayer: How To Make A Video Go Viral (Without Kittens)

I’ve used my teenage son’s line before here, about how ‘over 100 views is viral for old people.’ (Yes, I am shameless about using my kids’ comments for comedic purposes.  And actually, they really like it – I do a whole routine about their reactions to learning the facts of life, which you’d think would be humiliating, but for a generation raised on Family Guy and The Daily Show, any kind of reference is apparently a good thing!  But I digress . . . )

I do what I can to increase my views – I am now on Twitter (where I have tens of followers), and I send out email links, contribute content to Facebook groups, etc.  I’ve even considered adding footage of our very adorable dog (who looks like the live action model for Tramp, from Lady And The Tramp), but it turns out, all I have to do is mention gun control.  Suddenly, I’m a youTube sensation!

Of course, fame has its drawbacks – in my case, it’s dozens of really mean comments, disparaging my intelligence, my politics, my attractiveness and my singing.  But it’s hard to take these kinds of insults seriously when they’re often so badly spelled, it makes my teenagers’ texts look positively erudite.  And in any case, these anti-fans are still making my video go old-people-viral, and in the words one could imagine being tweeted by Kim Kardashian, “like, the only bad publicity is like not having any, like right?”

Lauren Mayer: Can Anger Turn Into Comedy?

It seems that nearly everyone has a different opinion about what is and is not funny.  One common definition is that “comedy equals tragedy plus time.”  Another explains that “when I fall into a sewer, it’s bad, but when someone else falls in, it’s funny.”  And you can find thousands of websites purpoting to explain why The Three Stooges are hilarious to men but not to women.

Humor is frequently used as a coping mechanism, to release anxiety or to vent frustration (this explains the huge number of Jewish Mother jokes).  And some of the most insightful comedians have used it to vent – think of George Carlin’s rant about the 7 words he couldn’t say on television, or Rita Rudner’s jokes about relationships (e.g., when she wanted to dump a guy, she just told him she wanted to have his baby, and “usually he would leave skidmarks”).  But it can be touchy – what about when you’re dealing with highly sensitive or politicized issues?  (Although I am still impressed by the first Saturday Night Live show after 9-11, when we all wondered when it would be okay to laugh again.  After a moving tribute to New York’s first responders, producer Lorne Michaels asked Mayor Guiliani, “Is it okay to be funny?” and Guiliani responded, “Why start now?”, totally diffusing the tension and making laughter okay.  I hope I can write a line that perfect someday!)

Writing political humor frequently means tackling subjects that provoke strong feelings.  Sure, every now and then completely neutral stories pop up like the crack-smoking Mayor of Toronto, or the scndal involving oh-so-aptly named Anthony Weiner.  But it can be difficult to find humor in an issue that makes me angry – which is why it’s also so important.  Laughing at a challenge makes it easier to deal with – even if that challenge involves not screaming at C-Span.  Which explains the enormous popularity of programs like The Daily Show (not to mention the fact that it’s the primary news source for most millenials . . . ).

Irvine, my home town, is in Orange County, which I like to think of as ‘the red state’ in the middle of California (in the ’60s and ’70s, there were even fewer Democrats than Jews . . . cue rim shot).  But many of my uber-conservative high school classmates have seen my videos and will send me messages like “that was really funny, even though you’re totally wrong” or “cute song coming from a commie pinko.”  So when I write my songs, I aim for a tone that even those who disagree with me could enjoy.

Normally.  (As my father used to say, “Moderation in all things – including moderation.)  Sometimes it doesn’t work – and this week may be one of those times.

Lauren Mayer: The Music of Science

Music & science may seem to be strange bedfellows – the only songs I could think of were Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science” from the ’80s (and if you’re not old enough to remember that era and its fabulous goofy technopop, check out Devo while you’re at it), and “I Sing The Body Electric” from Fame (from the ’70s, which is making me feel really old . . . but I digress)

Generally they would seem to be polar opposites – science is about concrete data and provable facts, where music is emotional and subjective. Sure, you can give a scientific description of sound waves, but that doesn’t explain why some pieces of music affect us so emotionally. (For example, I get goosebumps when I hear the french horn entrance toward the end of the 4th movement of Mendelssohn’s Scottish Symphony; I also start giggling every time I hear the intro to Spike Jones’ version of Hawaiian War Chant . . . ) Besides, trying to analyze the beauty of music reminds me of E. B. White’s comment about why analyzing humor was like dissecting a frog – “Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”

However, there is concrete scientific data on music’s value in aiding retention of information – it connects with the brain on multiple levels, which is why we teach kids the ABC song, or why anyone who ever learned the “50 Nifty” tune has no trouble remembering all 50 states in alphabetical order. (This multi-layer connection also explains “ear worms,” which is a disgustingly appropriate term for a tune that you can’t get out of your head. Often a TV theme or a commercial jingle . . . anyone old enough to remember “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is?”)

Science is getting a bad rap these days from people who deny climate change – an affliction common among right wing politicians and media pundits. Cosmos host Neil DeGrasse Tyson is doing his best to combat this willful ignorance, including his wonderful quote, “The good thing about science is that it’s true, whether or not you believe in it.” I don’t have Tyson’s scientific expertise (or a TV show), but I can do my part by using music to help make the same point. (And to tie this all together, I’ve borrowed an ear-worm-ish ’80s TV theme . . . )

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