John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Fruitcake

Life’s great –perhaps greatest conundrum.

Society has become so complex. The mysteries of the human mind coupled with mind-boggling technological advances, has created perennial questions that we may never fully have satisfactory answers to.

From space exploration to string theory to crop circles to revisiting the theory of relativity and countless intractable political and economic conditions, so much of our world remains perplexing.

But no riddle, no puzzling reality seems more elusive more wholly inexplicable than Fruit Cakes.

Each year around during the holiday season millions of people buy and gift Fruit Cakes to friends and loved ones.

That’s right, MILLIONS!

And yet no one has ever been spotted eating a piece of Fruit Cake. Ever!

Why do people buy them?

Why do others feign excitement when receiving fruit cake gifts?

And what happens to these cakes after the gift is given and nobody is watching?

One social commentator, Calvin Trillin, several decades ago posited that there was really only one Fruit Cake in the world. And it simply has been re-gifted millions of times. But technological advances have undermined this otherwise plausible theory.

Others have theorized aliens are making us buy and gift Fruit Cakes against our will by an race of sophisticated space aliens who own several thousand mall kiosk franchises that sell cheese and sausage baskets and, you guessed it, Fruit Cakes. But there is inadequate evidence to to prove this theory at this time.

Which leaves the mystery of the Fruit Cake perhaps the human conundrum least likely to be solved in any of our lifetimes.

The RP’s Weekly Web Gems: The Politics of Laughter

The Politics of Laughter

Christmas Vandalism [picture]

We dare you to pee on the ice. If it breaks we’ll save you with this rope. [gif]

“29 of 49 people found this review helpful.” [picture]

Santa is one shady dude. [Cheeseburgers in the Sky]

Watermelon on my brain. [Buttersafe]

The RP in the HuffPost: How Adam Sandler Saved the Jews

The RP is back in The Huffington Post this week with a provocative column crediting Adam Sandler with saving the Jewish people.  Sort of…

Here’s an excerpt:

But as silly as his lyrics were on the surface, Sandler’s sing-songy outing of pop culture icons with Jewish blood was sort of revelatory to his fellow Chosen People. Who knew that James Caan — Sonny Corleone— lit the Hanukkah menorah?  And while the Jewish-ness of Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) was well-known (we all learned in Hebrew School that the Vulcan hand salute was a tribute to a rabbinic blessing gesture), the Hebraic faith of Captain Kirk (William Shatner) was a welcome surprise. And Harrison Ford being a quarter Jewish? Not too shabby.

(Actually, Harrison Ford is fully half-Jewish. And contrary to another Sandlerian stanza, baseball Hall-of-Famer Rod Carew — whose wife and children were Jewish — did not convert: The former California Angel and Minnesota Twin was never a Member of the Tribe.  But who’s kvetching?)

I remember picturing myself as a child in the ’70s, literally the only kid on my block (with my sis) without a Christmas tree. What I would have given to have known at the time that the epitome of coolness — The Fonz himself (Henry Winkler) — had a Bar Mitzvah! I imagined millions of other children learning the same way that many of their celebrity idols spun the Hanukkah dreidel, just like they did.

Click here to read the full column at The Huffington Post.

And have a Happy Chanukah!

John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Airport Tele-transporters

Improving Kentucky’s public image.

I try when traveling to help boost how others perceive Kentucky.

No, we aren’t barefoot and uneducated as we are too often portrayed in the media.

To the contrary, I believe we are as shoe-rich and literate as about a…ny other state; and, in fact, have a well above average degree of common sense and common decency.
So last week I was in the big city of Atlanta’s mega-modern airport on my way home. I was going through security and was identified as a random person to do a body scan. I was especially friendly and pleasant about it, and explained I was from Kentucky and hadn’t seen one of these machines before but had seen seen them on TV.

I walked inside the cylindrical contraption and was told to stand in the center, be still, and raise my hands. The doors closed shut. After about 15-20 seconds, the doors re-opened and I was told to walk out the other side.

I did and smiled broadly at the security personnel and said “WowWee! I love fancy technology! Am I back in Kentucky already? I never thought I’d see the day….. but here I am. Just like in Star Trek!”

Read the rest of…
John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Airport Tele-transporters

The RP’s Weekly Web Gems: The Politics of Laughter

The Politics of Laughter

Christopher Hitchens died last week. [Cyanide and Happiness]

This is where Sys Admins come from. [picture]

“Hello, Gene. I am Death.” [Formal Sweatpants]

Of course it’s a dead end!! [picture]

“Hi, I’m Rick Perry.” [For Lack of a Better Comic]

What the website for that Chinese place again? [picture]

 

John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Lindsay Lohan & I Had Bran Muffins & Coffee!!

 
Outrageous! Lindsay Lohan outdoes herself again!!
 
I just had an apple bran muffin and coffee for breakfast.
 
OK…I admit it.
 
I used a fake Lindsay Lohan lead to get attention because my Facebook status update this morning is my dullest ever, and I was trying to spice it up and pull people in.
 
Of course, I don’t know Lindsay Lohan and have no idea what she did last night…For all I know, she didn’t …do anything and just had an apple bran muffin and coffee.

Lindsay Lohan NUDE!!!

Which gives me an idea. Here is my new status update:

“Lindsay Lohan and I had apple bran muffins and coffee.”
 
Again, depending on how you read that sentence it, too, can be misleading. I wasn’t eating an apple bran muffin and coffee at the same time in the presence of Lindsay Lohan, and some could read it that way. And that wouldn’t be accurate.

Read the rest of…
John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Lindsay Lohan & I Had Bran Muffins & Coffee!!

The RP: How Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song” Helped Save the Jews. Seriously…

The Last American Jew.

It was an alarming image for a Jewish adolescent.

Yet in the 1980s, it was a common theme of our temple youth group gatherings.

Jewish teens in Generation X were admonished regularly about demographic trends and intermarriage rates that suggested our community could soon splinter into the dustbin of history — as early as the end of the 21st century.

At the same time, our rabbis began to share a darker take on the holiday of Chanukah, at variance with the bright and fanciful miracle of our childhood celebrations. (You know the legend:  how the day’s supply of the Great Temple’s oil lasted eight crazy nights, yadda, yadda, yadda.)

As teens, we were old enough to process the back story — how Judah Maccabee and his brothers successfully revolted against the Greek King Antiochus’ oppressive regime that was exploiting Jewish assimilation, poised to destroy our religion from within.  We were warned gravely that 20th century assimilation similarly could lead to our own extinction.

The Eighties indeed were a challenging time for American Jewry. Overt, sometimes violent anti-Semitism had almost entirely vanished, the horrors of the Holocaust still fresh in the minds of our parents’ generation. And yet, in many areas of middle America such as my old Kentucky home, we were still the “other”:  There were social clubs my family couldn’t join, classmates’ parties to which I wasn’t invited, civic organizations that excluded my parents — all because of our separate faith.  Anti-Zionism coincidentally peaked during the decade, as Israel’s war in Lebanon provoked unbalanced, disproportional coverage of the Jewish State from much of the American media.

It was easy to understand why so many Jews — particularly our youngest — took comfort by fading into the multi-colored fabric of secularized Christianity that enveloped American culture.  With Gentile discrimination so diffuse and subtle, the only remaining strident enemy in the 3000-year battle for Jewish survival was, in fact, ourselves.

But then the 1990s brought forth a modern-day Judah Maccabee: Adam Sandler.

OK, so I exaggerate a little.

What the Nineties did bring was an army of modern Maccabees, in the form of prominent, familiar, likable Jews thrust into the pop media spotlight: Jews that were both clearly identifiable and proud of their heritage.

This helped produce a dramatic sea change in Christian Americans’ acceptance of their Jewish neighbors. In the vast center of the country where few Jews lived, ignorance previously had bred distrust and suspicion.  Now, through the magic of television — and shows such as Northern Exposure, Beverly Hills 90210, Friends, and most prominently, SeinfeldJewish comedians, actors, and characters entered the living rooms of middle America. Rural citizens who’d never met a Jew before now “knew” dozens, and understood that “they were just like us” — maybe a bit wackier.

Just as significant was the impact on Jewish Americans.  We could now hold our heads up a bit higher, feel a little more comfortable to publicly pronounce our faith.  We were now the tellers of Jewish jokes, alternatively wry and self-deprecating, instead of divisive and mean-spirited.

Read the rest of…
The RP: How Adam Sandler’s “Chanukah Song” Helped Save the Jews. Seriously…

The RP’s Weekly Web Gems: The Politics of Laughter

The Politics of Laughter

Pure genius in the form of a Facebook status. [picture]

Are You Fired? [SMBC]

Being a man in the 50s was pretty rough. I, for one, was not cut out to live in the pre-Internet age. [picture]

Alma Mater [Abstruse Goose]

Dogs vs. Cats: An Illustration [picture]

Getting creative during a job hunt. [picture]

 

John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Stages of Development

Today, we introduce an exciting new feature at The RP: John Y.’s “Musings from the Middle.”  Contributing RP and former Kentucky Secretary of State John Y. Brown, III, has set Facebook on fire the past few months with his thoughtful, often hilarious posts on his Facebook page. Having reached the limit of 5000 friends, John Y. is now sharing his wit and wisdom with the RP Nation as well.  Enjoy, and be sure to fire away in the comments section.

New habits are almost always achieved incrementally.

A handy tool is the “stages of development” between an old habit and the adoption of a new habit. For example, the stages for adopting a fitness regimen. For me, the 8 Stages have been as follows.

  1. Disgust. Hitting bottom with one’s weight and/or appearance.
  2. Joining a gym. Purchasing a gym membership.
  3. Circling. Driving to the gym and circling it several times in your car before leaving.
  4. Entering. Going inside gym and meeting person at front desk and using restroom. Before leaving.
  5. Augmentation. Joining a second gym.
  6. Canceling. Terminating both gym memberships
  7. Acceptance. Making peace with your weight and appearance as it is.
  8. Contrition. Doing an act that salves a sense of guilt and failure (e.g., joining a morning mens accountability group—but one that serves doughnuts.)

Jeff Smith: Is the Romney Attack on Gingrich Effective?

Mitt is like the perfectly-behaved boy with straight As who’s taken the cheerleader on dates every weekend for a year and can’t close the deal, and now the roguish drop-out has swooped in and gained traction despite the urgings of the cheerleader’s parents (i.e., the Republican establishment) to beware.

How can she not realize what a huge mistake she’s making?? This guy is a total dead-ender! I just got admitted to Harvard, and this guy’s got no future….It’s plain as day! How can she not see it?

Mitt has spent the last few weeks trying unsuccessfully to conspire with her parents and it’s backfired – because the more a 17-year-old girl’s parents like a guy, the less she will. Just like tea partiers and the Republican establishment.

With the president’s approval ratings in the low 40s, these voters are feeling their oats. They want to take a walk on the wild side! 

So now young Mitt, usually so cool and collected, is getting desperate. This ad is his most direct attempt yet to show the cheerleader the error of her ways. And I suspect that Republican voters, like the cheerleader, aren’t going to listen to reason. They’re going to have to learn this lesson for themselves.

(Cross-posted, with author’s permission, from Politico’s Arena)

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