John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Fruitcake

Life’s great –perhaps greatest conundrum.

Society has become so complex. The mysteries of the human mind coupled with mind-boggling technological advances, has created perennial questions that we may never fully have satisfactory answers to.

From space exploration to string theory to crop circles to revisiting the theory of relativity and countless intractable political and economic conditions, so much of our world remains perplexing.

But no riddle, no puzzling reality seems more elusive more wholly inexplicable than Fruit Cakes.

Each year around during the holiday season millions of people buy and gift Fruit Cakes to friends and loved ones.

That’s right, MILLIONS!

And yet no one has ever been spotted eating a piece of Fruit Cake. Ever!

Why do people buy them?

Why do others feign excitement when receiving fruit cake gifts?

And what happens to these cakes after the gift is given and nobody is watching?

One social commentator, Calvin Trillin, several decades ago posited that there was really only one Fruit Cake in the world. And it simply has been re-gifted millions of times. But technological advances have undermined this otherwise plausible theory.

Others have theorized aliens are making us buy and gift Fruit Cakes against our will by an race of sophisticated space aliens who own several thousand mall kiosk franchises that sell cheese and sausage baskets and, you guessed it, Fruit Cakes. But there is inadequate evidence to to prove this theory at this time.

Which leaves the mystery of the Fruit Cake perhaps the human conundrum least likely to be solved in any of our lifetimes.


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