By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Dec 24, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET We can all admit it. Sometimes when it is late at night and we have been tossing and turning in bed and unable to go to sleep, the only thing that really helps is sauntering into the kitchen half-awake and helping ourselves to a satisfying late night snack.
Last night I found myself in that exact situation.
Like most homes we have a fair choice of late night snack choices. There is a cupboard in our kitchen corner where we keep chips, cereal, cookies, and even healthy snacks we are experimenting with that we hadn’t tried before.
Last night I was willing to try something a little different and something healthier than usual so I settled on Fruitables (skinny minis) as it said on the bag. Sounded interesting and even had a unique Apple Bacon flavor described on the label.
I grabbed a handful of these morsels and popped them in my mouth and began chewing. Dry and tasteless was all I could think at first so I didn’t what anyone who do in that situation and figured the solution was to pop more into my mouth until I could get a real taste of this new snack. And I did just that.
 Now I had more than a full mouthful of this fancy sounding snack and decided this was about the blandest and driest and yet chewiest snack I had ever eaten and bagan wondering if it was even made for humans or perhaps I had accidentally confused a bag of puppy treats for our dogs for a late night human snack.
Turns out it was, indeed, the latter and I decided to spit out what I had been chewing on and had a bowl of Raisin Bran cereal instead.
In conclusion, I can recommend Fruitables (skinny minis) Apple Bacon flavored bits for a late night snack by themselves. Too dry and chewy and, frankly, tasteless. I personally don’t see what dogs see in them. However, if you are willing to add milk and, say, some raisins, it may be worth trying. But I recommend, all things being equal, to go with Raisin Bran instead– unless you just can’t stand Raisin Bran and are one of those people who always has to pretend you like things other people have never heard of before.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Dec 23, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET I am getting a little nervous.
Everything I use each day seems to have a new updated version that needs to be downloaded every six months or so.
I am 50 years old and can’t remember the last time I offered an updated download for myself.
I hope no one js getting suspicious that I may not have one.
I am starting to feel like the driver of a car that has driven 50,000 miles and has forgotten ever to get an oil change– and there are no Valvoline stations in sight.
I am just going to pretend I have one even though there is nothing really to download. Kind of like a placebo or sugar pill to make us feel better but has no medical use. Just psychological. I think that’s what a lot of these tech updated downloads are anyway.
So…For the latest updated version of me, John Y Brown III, please click here. And use your imagination. While taking a sugar pill.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Dec 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET Apologies and the sexes. (Yes, there are differences. Between the sexes. And, yes, differences in how they apologize to one another).
I asked my lovely and beloved wife, Rebecca, for an apology this morning for something kinda hurtful she blurted out in haste to me during a minor misunderstanding we had—and after I had blurted out something kinda hurtful to her. And also after I had apologized for my mistaken kinda hurtful comment caused by our misunderstanding.
My apology was direct, clear and stated multiple times in multiple ways with slightly different wording to make clear my apology was for what I had said and that it was beyond dispute I was at fault.
It felt good to clean up my side of the street in the same way it must feel when, say, a teenager gets caught dining and dashing and the owner of the restaurant catches him and wants to teach him a lesson by beating him up and making him wash dishes for 8 hours straight for the grilled cheese sandwich and soda he dined and dashed on and then making him apologize after calling the cops and his parents and then beats him up again and leaves him outside the locked restaurant door in the cold and windy rain without a jacket. But the young man feels “whole” again. Like he’d paid penance for his wrong. I had that “whole” feeling too, conscience-wise. That’s the main point of this analogy. The rest are just ancillary similarities that aren’t as important.
So after I had finished my penance, I asked Rebecca for a reciprocal apology and to my delight it came almost immediately, rolling off her lips like someone hungry to have that “whole” feeling, penance-wise, I just described. Rebecca lovingly, patiently and methodically explained, “I am sorry, too, if what I said made you feel bad.” I liked it at first but then thought about it and if started to feel like it was my fault and that what Rebecca blurted out to me was actually very reasonable and it was really something defective in me that caused the comment to bother me at all….and that it wouldn’t have bothered a more reasonable person. (Rebecca basically called me “imprudent” although I am paraphrasing).
After I said, “Thank you,” for the “apology” I began to realize that my “thank you” only reinforced the imprudent reference. So I asked Rebecca for an elaboration to her apology—and quickly got it.
Rebecca clarified that she was sorry also if the tone of her comment made me feel bad.
Phew! This was definitely a big improvement. I think.
So it really wasn’t all my fault —although it still felt like it—and there was more at play than me merely reacting unreasonably. Rebecca ceded that there was a “tone” problem on her side. I liked that. Nothing else to apologize for, mind you.
I then made the mistake of asking “Except for the tone part and my feeling bad part, was there anything else you regretted that you’d like to articulate to me now?” (I’m paraphrasing). I was relieved to find there was. Rebecca, understandingly getting a little exasperated by now with attempts to squeeze more and more of an apology to me out of, conceded that the “timing” of the imprudent comment was probably unfortunate given that I was writing an important email and could have waited until I was finished.
Well now THAT was really all I was looking for! And now I felt fully reconciled and understood.
I think, anyway.
Look, let’s just net this thing out. Sure, I had one simple apology (with multiple recitations….but once you say it it gets easier each time).
And by contrast, if you are keeping score at home, I got not one but three—that’s right THREE (3)!!—apologies in return.
Clearly, I was able to extract more apology-wise than Rebecca got from me.
And here’s the beauty part. I didn’t even have to mention I had screwed up on my comment on the tone, timing and how it made Rebecca feel! Totally off-the hook on that.
In the world of chess, gentlemen, I believe we call that “Game, set, and match,” right? No, wait. That’s tennis. I mean, gentlemen, in the chess world they call that “Checkmate!”, right? Or maybe they say “King me!” I can’t remember exactly. Anyway, the point is, I’m pretty sure I carried the male flag shrewdly and impressively today in this face-off for apologies between the sexes.
And if I didn’t, gentlemen, I apologize for blowing it. And for the tone, timing and way this entire post made you rightfully feel.
===
The sexes apologies and dentistry
1) A man apologizing to a woman is about as painful, as difficult and carries the same resistance as agreeing to have a cavity filled in a decaying tooth.
2) For a woman apologizing to a man is about as painful, as difficult, and carries the same resistance as agreeing to have a tooth extracted that arguably shouldn’t be.
Note: Filling cavities occurs much more frequently than tooth extractions. And cavities, over time, often need re-filling. An extracted tooth, on the other hand, is a one-time event. And often, over time, gets replaced with a shiny new implant.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Dec 20, 2013 at 10:00 AM ET Sam Youngman is someone who if you haven’t heard of yet, you will.
And you will enjoy hearing from and about him –and want to hear more about him. And read more from him.
Sam is the Lexington Herald-Leader’s newest political reporter after recently returning from DC to his home state of Kentucky.
The cliched comment would be to reference something about Kentucky’s brain drain and Sam’s return being a bright spot and encouraging anecdote that Kentucky’s best and brightest do often return home to settle down. But Sam’s story is anything but a cliche or mere anecdote. I would say it is a story epic in its trajectory but serenely sane in its current arc–an arc which seems to be good news for Kentucky generally and Sam personally.
And D.C.’s loss–as Sam decided he’d absorbed about all the wisdom one can staring into an abyss. Sam appears to have concluded that the mirage of besotted and noisy power games in our nation’s capital was , in fact, an abyss –and that the orgiastic yet mind-numbing self-absorbed tedium drawing him in was instead the abyss staring back at him.
Please read this wonderfully witty and searingly honest and insightful piece about Sam Youngman’s journey home.
Homer-esque at moments; and at other times capable of making the Prodigal Son blush. But with a similar happy ending; just not one that is similarly Biblical in proportion. In fact, it’s a very humble ending that really isn’t an ending all. But rather an inspired and edifying new beginning.
Welcome home, young man. (No pun intended. Seriously)
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Dec 19, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET I just always check “I agree to all the terms and conditions” without ever actually reading the fine print of a website privacy policy.
But today I decided to try something different and read a privacy policy I was asked to agree to. In fact, I read several. It all sounded like fairly routine language and, you know, they all have almost identical language. But one section I found hidden in every privacy policy that I found gave me pause. Maybe it is standard boilerplate language but it seemed to stand out to me as somewhat concerning.
Here it is below in a section of the privacy policy. See the portion in parenthesis.
“We do not sell or rent any part of your information to a third party without your permission unless you opt out, we may use your (Hahahaha your mother wears combat boots you stupid moron!!! Oh, and by the way, your combat-boot wearing mother can’t do anything about all the crazy ways we are gonna make bank by using your personal information even though we pretend we aren’t going to. You just signed your life away. Hahaha!!!) contact information to provide you or others with information we believe you or others may need to know or find useful, such as but not limited to…….”
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Dec 18, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Another brilliant business idea. Sort of.
(Think late night infomercial)
In our more mature years resolving marital disagreements can be challenging.
When couples are younger couple and one spouse (often the male spouse) finds himself in error, there are a variety of conventional methods for remediation. These can range from from taking on extra chores around the house, finally doing yard work put off for too long, visiting in-laws for the weekend, long talks processing feelings, to utilizing the pull out couch in the den over night.
But as you get older a male spouse’s energy level and physical limitations make some of these conventional remedies impractical. Yet a mistake was still made and something has to be done about it.
I propose a new product that allows perjorative things to be written on the offending spouse’s tombstone for an agreed on period of time. The product would be made with a type of disappearing ink after a set number of days, weeks, or in some cases, years depending on what the spouses agree upon is the appropriate period of time for the public humiliation punishment.
For example, a tombstone could read:
John Smith 1947- 2026
Loving husband, great father, and dear friend to many
Lazy (2011)
Inconsiderate (2013)
Assh*** (2005)
The last three rememberances could be in the disappearing ink and written out without asterisks with the year the offending behavior occurered in parenthesis. These could be recompense for punishment for mistakes made in the past but during the mature years.
The beauty part is there is no painful extra work in the yard to do right now but a satisfactory punishment is still meted out that is appropriate to the misdeed. And remains for everyone to see. At least long enough for everyone the surviving spouse wants to see it. (For example, long enough for all living friends to see but not great grand children)
And for just an extra $9.95 a month the same tombstone message can be placed on the bereavement website for your loved one.
This way, finally, there is a way for both the deceased and their surviving spouse to Rest In Peace.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Dec 17, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET How does one say RIP to a man, Peter O’Toole, who once quipped, “I hate the light. I hate weather. Heaven for me is moving from one smoke-filled room to another?”
And to complicate matters further, O’Toole hilariously played an aristocratic delusional man who believed he was God in The Ruling Class. His doctor asks, “When did you realize you were God?” and O’Toole explains, “One day when I was praying I realized I was talking to myself.”
Today we lost, professionally, one of our greatest actors and even greater stage presences; and personally, we lost a preposterously delightful and divinely charming character’s character.
Upon hearing of Peter O’Toole’s death, I kept thinking of the story he told nearly a decade ago about what he wanted written on his tombstone.
After a trip to his dry cleaners’ to drop off his beloved leather jacket, one that he sent in “because it was covered in blood and Guinness and scotch and Cornflakes, the usual,” the jacket was returned with a note pinned on it:
“It distresses us to return work which is not perfect.”
And that’s what Peter O’Toole wants his tombstone. Maybe he’ll get his wish.
There are too many memorable video clips to pick just one. But since one is the limit for a post, this is a fitting one and they way I prefer to remember, Mr O’Toole–whose most magical role as an actor, perhaps, was simply playing himself.
(Start at about the 3:50 mark)
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Dec 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET Being 50 years old gives one a lot of advantages over those young upstarts gunning for us in the rough and tumble business world.
But sometimes you try and try and try and try again.
And no matter where you are or who is around or who there is to look to for help….
And no matter how hard you keep trying as everyone around you is watching and waiting and listening and waiting some more….
You just can’t remember what you were going to say.
At least you think you can’t remember it. In fact, you can’t even remember if you forgot what you originally thought you forgot and now realize you may not have even been talking about the topic you thought you had lost your train of thought on in the first place.
It’s not so much embarrassing when that happens as it is liberating.
So, you just laugh and go along with it and finish that story just the way you feel it probably was supposed to end. Or at least possibly was supposed to end. Or hope, if it wasn’t the way it was supposed to end, no one notices. Or if they did notice, since they are about your age, maybe they will forget in about 15 minutes.
And if there are any of those young hot shots standing around looking at you and grinning knowingly like a vulture circling its prey before it breaths its final breath, stare them down with a look that says unmistakeably, “All I have to do is make one call and you’ll never work in this industry again. Got that?!”
Now….what were we talking about again?
By Jason Grill, on Tue Dec 17, 2013 at 10:00 AM ET
By Jonathan Miller, on Mon Dec 16, 2013 at 1:30 PM ET If you are a fellow #upper, particularly a fan of the Steve Kornacki version of MSNBC’s “Up,” you undoubtedly have watched the best political game show on TV — “Up Against the Clock.” Typically hosted by Kornacki, the all-time leading scorer on the show had been contributing RP (and MSNBC “The Cycle” co-host) Krystal Ball.
Well, this week. Krystal guest hosted for Steve, and the game show featured new contestant, and fellow contributing RP, Jeff Smith. And who’d have thunk it, but Jeff emerged as the Greatest Of All Time Up Against the Clock contestant. Watch him stumble over a Judd Gregg question, and then make a miraculous recovery to claim the all-time championship:
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