By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
The personal impact of movies on our lives.
I just went through the drive through at McDonalds and ordered coffee the same way I have ordered it for the past 18 years, “Lots of cream; lots of sugar.”
That’s always the way I take my coffee but not always the way I ordered it. Before seeing Pulp Fiction in 1994 I would ask for coffee “with extra cream and extra sugar.”
But this scene with Winston Wolfe changed all that. And for the past 18 years and probably the rest of my life, a small but noticeable change occurred in my life.
The coffee tastes the same, of course. But I get a little subconscious Wolfie rush every time I order coffee. And feel like I am a little more in control of the situation —because of my ordering style—than I used to me.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Leadership and leaning….
If you feel at a crossroads with some worthwhile endeavor a version of the “fight or flight” instinct is about to kick in.
I call it the “lean away from” or “lean into” syndrome. It’s not so much an instinct or syndrome as much as a habit we develop over time. How people approach the “check out” or “ramp it up” decision is what distinguishes, in large measure, the winners and losers in life.
Those who anticipate tough times ahead when undertaking any job worth doing and are prepared to kick it up a notch when that inevitable tough moment comes, are the people I admire most. Some say what these role models emulate for us is courage; some say it’s persistence; others say it’s a commitment to a clear vision.
I think it’s more of a habit we have developed. A habit of how we chose to lean when it counts.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Oct 10, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Funny the memories that get jogged.
On a Saturday night in the fall of my junior year in high school, I was at a friend’s house who took out an album and handled it with the reverence and care that might be expected if he were handling the Hope Diamond. Carefully, he placed the needle on the vinyl and announced we were listening to one of the greatest albums of all time…..and proceeded to read excerpts to me from a book about the Beatles and the White Album.
16 year olds aren’t supposed to be reverent about much of anything….so I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or listen with rapt attention as my friend went into this hypnotic Beatles mode. So I did neither. I finally just gave in and listened, somewhat reverently, to the music.
And got it.
“Dear Prudence” was my favorite song on album. And ever since that night I still to this day speak of the White Album in hushed tones. ; )
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Oct 9, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Disappointing iPhone discoveries.
I am very disappointed with the camera app I discovered last night on my iphone that also records video.
It’s a very cool app, for sure. Not being critical of the app or of how it works. In fact, it actually works extremely well–which is really the cause of my problem.
It was the disappointing quality of what I decided to record that is bothering me.
But then again I am probably being way too hard on myself.
I mean think about, how many people have ever said the words, “OMG, I just recorded myself singing and I sound much better than I even imagined I would.”
Not many. And I am in the majority.
Was hoping I sounded like an aging American version of Paul McCartney singing Blackbird. Instead it sounded more like my father’s half-hearted attempts to sing along with the hymnals at church before he’d eventually stop because he didn’t want to call attention to himself for carrying a poor melody.
Maybe Apple should include a warning saying, “Actual recordings will sound like a time your parents sang and embarrassed you and not like the singer you are impersonating.” That might help a little.
Very disappointing discovery, and the last time I’ll be pointing that app in my direction.
Here’s my last video recording of me ever on my iPhone. Without the audio. Because, frankly, I learned last night that I look much better singing “Blackbird” than I sound.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Oct 8, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Do you know your strongest demographic?
A favorite campaign story I was reminded of recently happened in 2007 when my family at our first major fundraising event in Frankfort. I was the Lt. Governor running- mate candidate with House Speaker Jody Richards. We were huddled in our van before the event with my 11 year old son, Johnny, listening intently as we went over fresh poll numbers.
I tried to include Johnny so it would make sense to him and explained that the poll was broken up into different demographic groups based on age, sex and so on.
I explained to Johnny that we did OK with 18-24 year olds; better with 30-45 year olds and even better with those 55 and over. And went though other demographic breakdowns with him as well.
We arrived at the event and over a 100 people were present. Johnny did what any 11 year old would do first and went for the food table. We stayed until almost everyone had left and Johnny walked up to me exhausted–with the arms pulled up from his over-sized sweat jacket— but eager to report something to me. He seemed excited and told me, “Dad, I shook a lot of hands tonight.”
I said, “Well, wonderful honey, but you didn’t have to do that. But I sure appreciate it!”
“I enjoyed it and everyone was really nice.” Johnny responded before pausing and then adding. “I think my best demographic is women over 55.”
I almost embarrassed myself I laughed so loudly….but was quick to remind Johnny, who didn’t understand what was so funny, That’s an awfully good demographic to do the best with. And that he should consider himself lucky.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Oct 5, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
The little recognized “divider”
In the early stages of life we find qualities serve us that seem at the time “most important” to success. The more obvious ones are intelligence, hard work, education, looks, personality, persistence, loyalty, faith, honor, savvy and the like.
All those seem to come and go after being indispensable at some point during our early life stages. But what about the key trait that distinguishes those who thrive in the middle years and those who find this period befuddling and daunting?
I think the key distinguishing trait is self-awareness—or more bluntly, self-honesty. How well are we able to candidly and painfully assess who we are and how we see the world and our place in it. Maybe this is what Socrates meant with his maxim, “Know thyself.”
I was having lunch with very bright friend 4 years ago who as a few years younger than I. He has a law degree from Harvard and was wondering how to figure out succeeding in the murky middle years. I remember saying something like, “I think it is less taxing on our minds than our souls. And open to all who are ready for the journey within where we get to meet and make peace with ourselves.” Adding, “it’s the easiest on the surface but the hardest in practice.”
And I don’t think I’ve wavered from that belief in the 4 years since then.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Oct 4, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s impossible to ask a stupid question.”
As someone who has the habit of asking lots of questions, I always took comfort in this maxim. But learned about 12 years ago during a marriage counseling session, it’s not always true.
I have since become a huge fan of marriage counseling for all couples. It teaches relationship skills we all need and is no different, in my opinion, to time and money we spend keeping our bodies and minds fit. But this was during the first few weeks of counseling and my lovely wife, Rebecca, and I still assumed it we were basically having a contest to see who could “win” and that the counselor was basically our umpire and score keeper.
Rebecca had won the first few sessions on points. I’d always known that if I’d been a boxer life, I’d be better served trying to always win on points rather than going for the knockout punch—even though the impulse to go for the knockout was always hard for me to resist. This morning I was off to an excellent start—doing all the right things. Using I statements and parrying well by mirroring empathetically Rebecca’s statements. I seemed to have our counselor on my side with momentum rolling my way.
And then I decided to go for the close and seal the deal, so to speak, with a question that I thought would secure a “W” for me this session—and one that we’ll all remember. It was the boxer–not the husband—in me.
“Doctor,” I thoughtfully intoned. “I’m sure you treat a lot of unhappy couples in your practice and I think you’ve had a chance to get to know me pretty well these past few weeks. Is it fair to say that most of the wives you meet with would be very happy to have a husband like me?”
And then….then…there was that awful, horrendous feeling one gets when you suspect there’s been a crack in the universe —and everyone is staring at you like you are to blame. And deep down, you agree with them.
I never got an answer to my question. But the question did help one of us “seal the deal” that morning. And it was a question we did, in fact, all remember.
And no one—on that morning—offered me the solace “John, there is no such thing as a stupid question.”
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Oct 3, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Trying to wake up but don’t have any coffee?
Here’s an eye-opener that just might do the trick for you…..
One of my favorite lines from the movie My Dinner with Andre.
ANDRÉ:
You see, Wally, the trouble with always being active and doing things is that it’s quite possible to do all sorts of things and at the same time be completely dead inside.
I mean, you’re doing all these things, but are you doing them because you really feel an impulse to do them, or are you doing them mechanically, as we were saying before?
Because I do believe that if you’re just living mechanically, then you have to change your life. I mean, you know, when you’re young, you go out on dates all the time, you go dance or something, you’re floating free, and then one day you find yourself in a relationship, and suddenly everything freezes. And this can be true in your work as well.
And I mean, as long as you’re really alive inside, then of course there’s no problem. I mean, you know, if you’re living with someone in one little room, and there’s a life going on between you and the person you’re living with, well then, you know, a whole adventure can be going on right in that room.
But there’s always that danger that things can go dead. And then I think you really do have to kind of become a hobo or something, you know, like Kerouac, and go out on the road. I really believe that. I mean, it’s not that wonderful to spend your life on the road. I mean, my own overwhelming preference is to stay in that room if you can!
Now, of course, if you live with somebody for a long time, people are constantly saying, “Well, of course it’s not as great as it used to be, but that’s only natural. The first blush of a romance goes, you know, and that’s the way it has to be.” Now, I totally disagree with that. But I do think you have to constantly ask yourself the question, with total frankness, is your marriage still a marriage? Is the sacramental element still there?
Just as you have to ask about the sacramental element of your work—is it still there?
And I mean, it’s a very frightening thing to have to realize suddenly that, my God, I thought I was living my life, but in fact I haven’t been a human being. I’ve been a performer. I haven’t been living. I’ve been acting. I’ve acted the role of the father. I’ve acted the role of the husband. I’ve acted the role of the friend. I’ve acted the role of the writer or director or whatever. I’ve lived in the same room with this person, but I haven’t really seen them. I haven’t really heard them. I haven’t really been with them.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Oct 2, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Always question assumptions.
For a successful life.
And to avoid motion sickness.
“Ok. I am serious about finally getting some balance in my life,” he said—as he had been saying fairly regularly and unsuccessfully for the past 30 years.
You had to admit he was a persistent fella–especially about things he didn’t seem very committed to. Like getting balance in his life.
And then he had an epiphany:
“People who have really honed their ability to balance themselves end up being professional tight rope walkers and travel with a circus troupe and have to carry a long thin balancing bar with them everywhere.”
“Yuck!” He thought to himself. “What was I thinking? I have severe motion sickness and would struggle trying to make a living with a traveling circus show.”
And at that precise moment, John decided to quite trying to be a professional tight rope walker. Embraced his imperfections and native gifts for creating imbalance in his life almost as effortlessly as the young Mozart wrote beautiful music.
And he lived happily, for the most part, ever after.
And never experienced guilt -or motion sickness again.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Oct 1, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
An unsuspected gift from fate that impressed a son and grandson. And surprised William F Buckley Jr .
You know the old Groucho Marx joke, “I’d never want to belong to any club that would have me for a member.”
I think most of us feel that way about our families–at least in the sense that we don’t believe they are all that special. And that’s a good thing–mostly. We see them as they are–their faults and foibles, their best and worst and most ordinary.
(I remember meeting Ed Prichard’s wife Lucy shortly after Prich had died. I was awed by Ed Prichard and peppered Lucy with eager questions about her husband’s greatness. Until she resignedly said, “I knew him warts and all.”)
JYB Sr., JYB Jr. and JYB III circa 1972
Other people, by contrast, are seen as they’d like for us to see them. And that’s an unfair comparison–but it’s the best our brains can do.
This past weekend when I was alone with my son and we were talking about Big John (my father; his grandfather), Johnny was astounded to hear Big John was once a guest on Firing Line, the uber-erudite political talk show hosted by the eloquent sesquipedalian William F Buckley Jr.
(I’ve never gotten to use that word before –meaning a person who uses big words—-and not about to pass it up now!)
I remember when I heard about this show and had the same reaction as Johnny, namely: “I know Big John is smart and has a lot of common sense but I doubt he can hold his own on with William F Buckley.” Few can.
But it didn’t matter anyway because as I explained to Johnny I had tried for about 25 years to get a video or transcript from the 1981 show and had never been successful.
Until we got to our hotel room and found to our amazement it was available for free online.
And then found to our astonishment, that the plain spoken, quick witted family member of ours known more for horse sense than book sense, went toe-to-toe with Mr Buckley and…..Well, put it this way… For those watching who just saw Gov Brown for how he wanted to be seen (and weren’t biased family members), he held his own.
And even the two fellas who knew better than to think such nonsense had to admit they were awfully proud.
Here’s the transcript (click this link). I doubt anyone will be interested but you never know…. It just might inspire you to realize you are much more capable than you think. We all probably are….We just don’t get he chance to prove it often enough.
The personal impact of movies on our lives.
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