John Y’s Musings from the Middle: An Eye Opener from “My Dinner With Andre”

Trying to wake up but don’t have any coffee?

Here’s an eye-opener that just might do the trick for you…..

One of my favorite lines from the movie My Dinner with Andre.

ANDRÉ:

You see, Wally, the trouble with always being active and doing things is that it’s quite possible to do all sorts of things and at the same time be completely dead inside.

I mean, you’re doing all these things, but are you doing them because you really feel an impulse to do them, or are you doing them mechanically, as we were saying before?

Because I do believe that if you’re just living mechanically, then you have to change your life. I mean, you know, when you’re young, you go out on dates all the time, you go dance or something, you’re floating free, and then one day you find yourself in a relationship, and suddenly everything freezes. And this can be true in your work as well.

And I mean, as long as you’re really alive inside, then of course there’s no problem. I mean, you know, if you’re living with someone in one little room, and there’s a life going on between you and the person you’re living with, well then, you know, a whole adventure can be going on right in that room.

But there’s always that danger that things can go dead. And then I think you really do have to kind of become a hobo or something, you know, like Kerouac, and go out on the road. I really believe that. I mean, it’s not that wonderful to spend your life on the road. I mean, my own overwhelming preference is to stay in that room if you can!

Now, of course, if you live with somebody for a long time, people are constantly saying, “Well, of course it’s not as great as it used to be, but that’s only natural. The first blush of a romance goes, you know, and that’s the way it has to be.” Now, I totally disagree with that. But I do think you have to constantly ask yourself the question, with total frankness, is your marriage still a marriage? Is the sacramental element still there?

Just as you have to ask about the sacramental element of your work—is it still there?

And I mean, it’s a very frightening thing to have to realize suddenly that, my God, I thought I was living my life, but in fact I haven’t been a human being. I’ve been a performer. I haven’t been living. I’ve been acting. I’ve acted the role of the father. I’ve acted the role of the husband. I’ve acted the role of the friend. I’ve acted the role of the writer or director or whatever. I’ve lived in the same room with this person, but I haven’t really seen them. I haven’t really heard them. I haven’t really been with them.