By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jan 3, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET I just found out my identity has been stolen and there are over a dozen fraudulent charges on my credit card that are now being investigated.
Thankfully, I’m not as frantic as I thought I would be if my identity got stolen. I am covered by insurance and should be reimbursed for the fraudulent charges within the next 30 days.
But what really got to me is the notion that my identity was stolen nearly 3 weeks ago. That’s 21 days. And no one. Not friends, not family, and not a single colleague ever noticed.
I’ll eventually recover the money. But my confidence has been shattered beyond repair.
 And here’s the kicker. I fully recovered my identify about 15 minutes ago with a new card being issued. And I deliberated but casually struck up a conversation with my wife to see if she even noticed my identity was back. Well, guess what? She never said a word. And sthe still hasn’t commented on my haircut which I got nearly a week ago.
Whoever stole my credit card identity thought they were stealing money from me. Maybe they did. But what they really stole was something much deeper than that. Or apparently, based on the lack of notice by others, they stole something much shallower than money.
My identity.
As soon as I get my new card, I’m not only checking charges daily. I’m also considering developing a loud, over-the-top and obnoxious new identity.
One that no one will forget.
Or want to steal.
By Jonathan Miller, on Wed Jan 2, 2013 at 4:00 PM ET I am honest enough to admit when I’m wrong, and boy was I ever wrong to deny the “War on Christmas.” Thanks to David Frum for helping me see the light and realize my sad, sad role in this international conspiracy.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jan 2, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET I am coming to the conclusion that all human relationships are a variation of parasite-host.
That’s not as bad as it sounds. And often can work. For a while.
Some hosts don’t know they are the host and once they find out are appalled and demand change.
By contrast, a parasite always knows (or suspects) he (or she) is a parasite. And if they learn they are acting like a host, they are appalled and demand change immediately back to their original role exclusively as parasite only.
The stages of most human relationships seem to follow this course:
Stage 1: Host —Host
Stage 2: Parasite–Host
Stage 3: Host–Parasite
Stage 4: Parasite-Parasite.
It’s usually during stages two and three that problems start to occur. But not until stage four before the parties realize these problems. And by the time both parties are behaving like a parasite, it is too late. Hosts can become parasites. But parasites almost never become hosts.
There are instances of this happening with medication, group therapy and behavioral modification. But takes a long time and changes are unstable. It is usually more efficient for each party (each parasite) to instead find a new host to befriend than try to change or get the partner to change.
Or simply try to eat one another.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Jan 1, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
My New Year’s Resolution for 2013?
To overcome my Triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13).
I think it’s important that New Year’s resolutions be practical, sensible and attainable.
This one just seems timed so perfectly on every level.
And if I wait until next year to tackle it, I would be almost cheating myself from an opportunity to daily get over this phobia.
You know what would be an absolute disaster though?
If I overcame my phobia of 13 in the year 2013 —only to substitute a new phobia for it.
The number 14.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Dec 31, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET Disclosure and children.
How much is too much?
How little is not enough?
As with most things, it’s a delicate balance and specific to the situation. One never should like to ones children. But one should probably never disclose gratuitous details that weren’t specifically requested.
For example, a few weeks ago my son and I were on the topic, somehow, of Christmas song and which ones were probably best known.
I told him that Bing Crosby’s White Christmas was recognized as the greatest Christmas son ever –and had sold more records than any other Christmas song by far.
That was an “appropriate, informative, and measured response” to share with my 18 year old.
What I didn’t share with him is that my favorite Christmas song of all time is Christmas in Hollis by Run DMC.
I just can’t resist the lyrics,
“It’s Christmas time and we got the spirit
Jack Frost chillin, the orchas out?
And that’s what Christmas is all about
The time is now, the place is here
And the whole wide world is filled with cheer”
And
“My name’s D.M.C. with the mic in my hand
And I’m chilling and coolin just like a snowman
So open your eyes, lend us an ear
We want to say: “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!”
But to have shared that, in my view, would have been a “parental over-share.”
Even thought its true.
By Jonathan Miller, on Mon Dec 31, 2012 at 9:15 AM ET 
#TeamRP:
LESSON #24 from my fitness training Josh Bowen as part of my fierce and ferocious fitness challenge with #TeamJYB3:
Wearing a garbage bag while exercising does NOT necessarily help you lose weight. But it certainly makes you look stupid.
Or alternatively: Don’t follow the fitness advice of a mentally unstable movie character, even if he is being portrayed by the Sexiest Man Alive. (But go see Silver Linings Playbook — it’s terrific!)
 Or perhaps, Jonathan, I knew Bradley Cooper. I’ve seen a lot of movies with Bradley Cooper. Jonathan, you’re no Bradley Cooper.
By Jonathan Miller, on Fri Dec 28, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET 
#TEAMJYB3:
#TeamRP calls me a rascal for sending him a gift basket of Kentucky candy for the holidays.
In the middle of our weight loss competition.
I apologize I’m just getting to the accusation now….I have been AWOL today and just now getting in. Loads of work to catch up on.
But my chief priority is victory over you in our weight loss competition.
To paraphrase Malcolm X, I will assure victory “By any means necessary.” I believe he may have used that phrase originally in a weight loss competition with MLK Jr but I may have my historical events confused.
Point is, in war, there are no rules. Just more candy baskets.
I’m glad you enjoyed the gift basket. But don’t think of it as mere gift “basket” (singular)
Think of it as more of an Advent Calendar. But an Advent Calendar that ends on the day you concede I win and you lose. I mean, that you concede that I lost more. I mean that you concede that in a competition to lose, I lost more. Or, whatever, you know what I’m trying to say.
Watch your mail. Daily!
===
#TeamRP:
J’ACCUSE AGAIN!
I did NOT call you a rascal.
Here’s what I said (try this link for the full post):
John Y. Brown, III is a dirty, cheating snake-in-the-grass. As well as a kind and generous friend.
 A “rascal” is a cute little freckled boy with funny hair.
And by the way, you got the whole civil rights controversy wrong.
Malcolm X did most definitely not challenge MLK, Jr. to a fitness competition.
He challenged Gandhi.
And guess who won that won, SUCKA?!?!?!?!?
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Dec 28, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET iSoap
We so live in an iWorld. iPads with iTunes and iPhones with iNews (the news as I want to read it).
The 70s were called by se the Me Decade. But the 2010 will likely be known as the iDecade.
Why do I say this?
I just left Walgreens because I was out of “Body Wash.”
I know. Look….I had used soap for 48 years and it worked fine . But soap wasn’t personal enough for me in our new iWorld. So when I was offered a chance to switch to something hipper and cooler sounding , like “Body Wash, ” I went for it. In retrospect, I was simply at a weak and susceptible point in my bodily hygiene regimen. But mostly looking for something more tailored to me and my generation than an old fashioned bar of soap could provide.
But I find myself standing in Walgreens tonight and taking over 5 minutes to pick out the “right” body wash for me–because now there are too many choices. There is Relax, Energy, High Energy, Sensitive, Vibrant, Extreme Comfort, Secret Wonderland, and many, many others.
And I think I picked the wrong one now to fit my mood tomorrow morning. I thought I would feel “vibrant” but now worry I may feel like “secret wonderland” –and I don’t have the right body wash for that mood.
Which made me wonder if maybe I never should have given up that simple yellow bar of Dial soap I used for 48 years.
Life was so much simpler prior to the iMovement.
By Jonathan Miller, on Thu Dec 27, 2012 at 1:00 PM ET
#TEAMRP:
Just a few minutes ago, I returned to my office from my slightly extended Christmas holiday to find a huge brown UPS box on my desk.
After I dug through the styrofoam baubles, I pulled out the beautiful “Taste of Kentucky” gift basket pictured at left. It’s filled with delicious Kentucky Proud treats: Red Hot Roasters organic coffee, a box of Simply Kentucky Fudge, a gift bag of Bauer’s Modjeskas, a Blue Monday candy bar from Ruth Hunt, and my favorite — a Derby Pie: basically, a pecan pie with chocolate chips and a hint of bourbon.
Probably my monthly allowance of calories in one basket.
While I am in the midst of a fitness challenge against #TeamJYB3, it is always important to take a break from a diet every now and then, especially during the holiday season. Calculating the calories of just a few bites of the Derby Pie, I remembered that I hadn’t found a note identifying the kind, generous soul who would send me such a thoughtful gift.
I rooted through the box and found the card that had been displaced. Check it out after the jump:
Read the rest of…
#TeamRP vs. #TeamJYB3 Fitness Challenge: J’ACCUSE!!!!
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Dec 27, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET Thought for the day.
A friend admonished me for not planning well. She’s right. Up to a point.
The keys to any plan are to 1) plan ahead; 2) plan strategically and 3) execute that plan flawlessly.
If you can only do two of those three things, pick planning strategically and executing flawlessly. You don’t have time for the most thoughtful plan, but a strategic plan developed on the fly is better than no plan at all.
If you can only do one, there’s not much of a point. You could choose executing flawlessly a non-plan but that’s not really possible. You could choose creating a strategic plan but if you can’t execute it, what’s the point? And you could plan to plan, but why bother?
However, if you are a “planner” and can only choose one, you’ll probably choose one anyway because planners like the illusion of being organized and often-times like to simply plan for planning’s sake. And that’s fine. If you are one of these types and not very flexible, pick whichever one of the three makes you most feel like you are actually doing something constructive and “planning” —since they are all equally useless. At least you’ll feel better about yourself and be less frantic about your non-plan.
On the other hand, if you can’t do any of them at all (and are cool with that), find me and we’ll hang out and find a way to have a better time than those crazy planners,
Just to spite them.
Of course, we don’t really want to spite them because we’ll eventually need their help in getting a ride back to wherever we started since we didn’t plan on having a car or write down the address of where we were staying or where we are going. So if you aren’t a planner, at least keep a planner nearby.
Always.
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