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Things I keep in my trunk so I am not unprepared: 1) clean shirt 2) razor and toothbrush 3) spare tire 4) blunt instrument 5) two double A and triple A batteries 6) Umbrella 7) Windshield scraper 8) Flare gun 9) Passport 10) Superman cape
Especially Triple A batteries Facebook needs to decide what they really want to know about us. Ya know? I mean, when I joined Facebook a few years ago, the empty status box always stared at me with the question, “What’s on your mind?” It was a respectful question that showed interest in my intellect and lured me in initially. Someone (rather “something”) wanted to know what little ole me was thinking. At that moment. And so I’d try to answer best I could. About what I was thinking at that moment. Even if I hadn’t been thinking of anything at all, I’d still come up with something because my intelligence was being respected and inquired about. And I didn’t want to let Facebook down. It was a wholesome and respectful relationship. That lasted for awhile. And then Facebook took an intimate, touchy-feely turn. The status box suddenly started asking, “What are you feeling?” That’s a little too personal for me, to tell you the truth. It felt like being asked, “What color underwear are you wearing?” What happened to all that respect for my mind? It sounds contrived too…. like the kind of line you’d hear if the characters played by Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers took over Facebook. The red head in that movie should never have trusted Vince Vaughn’s character. And we shouldn’t trust the new “warm and fuzzy” Facebook solicitousness. I just don’t believe Facebook really genuinely wants to know about my feelings. And that there must be some self-serving motive behind it. And they may even make a funny movie about this question one day starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson….and the laughs could be at our expense. No, thanks, Facebook. My feelings are strictly between me and my mood ring. But now I see we have a Facebook inquiry 3.0. I guess we weren’t the only ones who were “on to them” about the faux feelings “status” line. So Facebook is now trying to put all that behind them and go “Hip.” That’s right, “hip!” As in the new status box inquiry, “What’s happening, John?” Like they know me and are my new bro. It comes off over the top and feels like something akin to “Yo! Whassup John?!!” It’s just too informal and inartfully hip. We all know what Mark Zuckerberg is like. He’s brilliant and tireless and one of the great tech visionaries and innovators of our time. But hip? Nah. As Seth Meyer and Amy Poehler would say without having to even think about this one, “Really, Facebook?”
“What am I doing now? Oh, staring at the Facebook status bar and trying to respond to…..trying to respond to an important social issue or event…I mean, trying to say something that is really, really important about something important that is happening now or just happened recently. I mean….I know not everything I post on Facebook has a socially redeeming value and I’m glad you are asking this tough question in a pointed way to force people like me to be less shallow on Facebook. And maybe a little ashamed if they aren’t doing something socially useful in their status updates. Which is what I’m trying to do right now. And can’t. So, you know what? I just won’t write anything at all then! You want to know what I’m doing? Not writing in my status box on Facebook. That’s what. At least for now. Sign up for the fitness challenge right here: [contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]
When I started I knew 15 pounds was a lot of pounds to drop from the same body. That’s why I had “or at least 10” as a back up. A sort of high goal and low goal. What I didn’t anticipate is how hard it would be to lose 10 pounds. This whole weight loss and improving your health thing actually takes work. And change. And change isn’t easy. Especially if it means doing something different, which is kind of what change means, I think. Or not doing something the way you’ve always done it –and frankly enjoy doing it (like eating what you want because it tastes good and not exercising because it hurts). That’s just plain hard! And gives one pause. And makes change seems like a really bad idea. You know? Which means you won’t change. And, of course, change is especially tough if on this journey to change all alone. You’ve heard the saying “There’s power in numbers” I have to. But am not sure why I mention it here. Oh! No, that wasn’t it. It will come to me….
Well, good luck with that. If you are trying to do it alone. There’s no accountability. No sense of commitment. No plan. No mentor. No process. No reliable resource offering guidance. Just a fat, lazy guy who wishes he weren’t as fat and lazy as he feels at this moment. And no matter how intensely you feel that, it’s not enough in itself to lead to any sort of measurable change. So what can help? You have two choices. 1) You can be a miserable overweight and unhealthy person who hates yourself and will fail again trying to diet and get in shape. If you are satisfied with this option, stop here. There’s no need to even go to the other option. I’m going to sleep on it myself (I joke) But if you aren’t satisfied with #1, try #2. 2) Sign on with The Recovering Politician and Jonathan Miller and me to try to make some real, incremental and lasting changes. Not for fun. It won’t be fun. Not for torture, even though it will feel like torture at first. Unless you are in to torture, which is none of my business. But rather because the pain of staying the way you are is greater than the pain of changing. That’s when I get motivated. And you can too. And not have to do it alone. Seriously. Jonathan and I joke a lot and try to have fun with our little weight loss undertaking, but if we had to identify a single silent health problem in America today, few would argue it’s obesity and lack of exercise. And as guilty of both as I am. I’m trying to make some small changes…that could create some pretty big results for me in the long run. I hope you join me in trying too. And, yes, there is power in numbers to go back to that topic…but there’s much more the RP can offer to help you get serious….and then get fit. Or at least fitter. Hey, I will not be part of any health improvement process that allows striving for perfection to undermine small measurable progress. Real change is the most probably with realistic assessments and objectives combined with a liveable plan that has worked for others. Click for details. We have all that here. Read about it. And then sign up: either at the top of this post, or right below here: [contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]The beautiful emptiness of brevity. In texting. I am still guilty of “over-texting” or texting like one would write formally. I think secretly I imagined at my funeral someone referencing my last text message and wanted it to at least be grammatically correct. But verbosity and adherence to grammatical rules (and even the rules of spelling) misses the point of the texting medium. It is to convey information rapidly –without all the constraints of formal written or spoken dialogue. The “K” response in texting used to really irritate me. It seems so dismissive and meaningless.
K. And it’s empowering. Notice this next time you are texting with someone. The person who texts less is almost always the more powerful one in the relationship. Which means I am now going to try to find a way to reduce all my text responses to a single letter. I just have to figure out the right letter. What coffee feeling do you have this morning? Some mornings I feel like a shot of espresso. Some I feel like regular coffee with cream and sugar Some mornings I feel like black coffee Some I feel like a cup of decaffeinated coffee
And just hope I can find an old Heine Bros cup to hide it in so no one will notice what I really feel like. Snow in Jerusalem?
Flooding in Tel Aviv?
 Dogs and Cats Living Together? Read the rest of… The Politics of Laughter
I usually skip text conversation screenshots, but this one made me laugh. [picture] This beer label doesn’t lie. [picture] MyspaceTom with the sick burn [Twitter] 8 Things the Marines aren’t Telling the Navy [picture] When coffee shops adopt the business practices of bars. [picture] The decorations are down, the kids are back in school, and the New Year’s resolutions have already been broken – yes, it’s time for the post-holiday blahs. But before you sink into a pit of January despair, feeling like there’s nothing fun coming up for ages, here are a few ‘glass-half-full’ thoughts to help keep your spirits up. – You don’t have to listen to any more Christmas carol muzak until at least next Halloween. – It’s much harder to get a sunburn in cold, foggy, gray weather – You have over 300 shopping days left. – The dreaded ‘fiscal cliff’ turned out to be as anticlimactic as Y2K – The kids are no longer sleeping til noon and then complaining they’re bored. – Your inlaws have all gone home.
Meanwhile, there are tons of minor Jewish holidays coming up which we are happy to share with everyone else. In fact, it feels like we have one every other week, although most of us couldn’t define more than a handful. So with this week’s video, I’ve tried to clarify some common themes among Jewish holidays, as well as providing some upbeat gospel music to start the New Year on a positive note. (And yes, I know Jewish gospel music is an oxymoron, but this is the era of fusion where genres and ethnicities get blended in everything from social groups to cuisine, so think of this as fusion Jewish gospel . . . )
How I exposed myself to art. In a trench coat. This print was hanging in our house while I was growing up. It was the first time I made a connection with trench coats, nudity and art. But it wasn’t until my first job out of college working as a runner/clerk at Frank Haddad’s law firm that I get to live it. Simple enough…and kinda brilliant, I thought to myself. So, I threw on the tan trench coat my mother had just gotten me for Christmas now that I was needing “Big Boy” office clothes –and headed to Speed. Fortunately for me there was a new display –probably something George Salem was aware of—featuring extensive and, well, rather provocative, nudity. It was in a cordoned off area but you could stand outside the ropes and appreciate the art. And even try to photograph it.
I waited until no guards or patrons were around and stepped toward the display, opened my trench coat –with my Polaroid hidden at chest level– and clicked off a couple of pictures. Just my luck, a guard walked by at that time and kindly explained to me that I was not permitted to take photographs. I apologized and walked into the next room. And waited for him to leave. The guard returned but did not see me take the last couple pictures. I smiled and tried to look fascinated—in a high minded and artistic way—in the grand display in the middle of the room. With all the naked people. I was in my 20s and not very persuasive. The trench coat didn’t help things. The guard smiled back tolerably and, again, eventually walked away…..This last time I found the primo angle, leaned in over the roped off area and holding out my Polaroid for a final few shots, “Click!” and “Click!” And then….”Sir! Sir! I have asked you already to stop taking photographs of the display. I’m afraid I am going to have to ask you to leave.” And he did. And I did. Leave. With my non-obscene and purely artistic photographs. And I delivered them. To my boss. In full uniform. trench coat, and all. And as a result, I will never ever be able again to wear a trench coat when visiting Speed Art museum. For fear of being mistaken for, well, a curious and camera-happy investigator, shall we say. Being sick with the flu is a double curse. You feel awful physically, of course. But you also view everything in your life through the same miserable, feeble, nauseous lens…making everything around you less beautiful, special, worthwhile or even tolerable. ==== I have cursed at my cold/flu (whatever it is) to no avail. I’ve tried using rare curse words I haven’t used in months –or even years. I’ve tried new combinations and several hyphenated curse words
But not a single curse word, hyphenated or otherwise, or any combination thereof has helped one whit! D*****t! ==== Does anyone know what keys to press to Restore the Brain to Factory Settings? ==== You know your case of this cold/flu thing going around is bad when you see the old Bon Jovi “Dead or Alive” video and your first response to it is, “Dead? Alive? Why such a big deal about the difference?” |
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You just never know when you’ll need these.
It’s a numbers game, right? Of course, it is.
Oh, I remember now. Yes, if you are …fat or overweight and lazy, like me, you may decide you want to change.
And then some mornings–like this one–I feel like a cup of warm brown water run through yesterday’s coffee grinds.
