John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Alarm Clocks

Finally!

My long-time trusty alarm clock broke several months ago–and I have relied on my wife, Rebecca, to wake me up every morning using her alarm clock.

Why?

Because for 4 months I have been unable to find an alarm clock for myself that is “idiot proof.”

In other words, that I can figure out how to use–like my old one dimensional alarm clock. It is a Sony from Walgreens and costs $14.99 and I am elated.

Every other alarm clock I have looked at seems to require an advanced degree in engineering to operate. (It’s not the one pictured but is as scaled down and limited to its original uses) When did clocks become easier to make than to use?

I am so relieved. Imagine…having a clock that I can set all by myself.

jyb_musingsMost alarm clocks I am passing on, I am sure, have many wonderful new fangled features. Some project the time on the ceiling; some probably connect to NASA and can track satellites. But I just need an alarm to go off around 6am every morning and am willing to give up all the other cool clock “value adds.”

I just need a loud alarm buzzer and something that tells time–and I’m good.

Finally.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Choices

Note to tape on my bathroom mirror to read every morning:

You know that thing you’ve been thinking about doing?

No. Not that one. The other one.

You know the one.

Yes, that one. That’s the one.

Don’t do it. Just don’t.

jyb_musingsJust…please… put it out of your mind.

I know. I know. Heard it all before. Remember about this time last year? Same situation and how did that turn out for you?

This would be yet another “bad choice,” as they like to say. And, really, haven’t you made enough of those already?

Just let it go. Trust me on this. You’ll thank me a month from now.

Don’t forget to brush your teeth. And why don’t you try flossing for a change?

The UK/Michigan Insta-Classic — A Recap in Tweets

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John Y. Brown, III: Wildcats > Wolverines

 Amazing some of the things you can learn on the internet…..Something to think about today prior to the University of Kentucky Wildcats vs Michigan Wolverines game (From Wikipedia, mostly)

Wolverine /ˈwʊlvəriːn/, Gulo gulo (Gulo is Latinfor “glutton”), also referred to as glutton, carcajou,skunk bear, or quickhatch, is the largest land-dwelling species of the family Mustelidae (WEASELS).
The Woverine is a dumpy, uncoordinated and unathletic creature that preys mostly on insects because it isn’t fast enough or strong enough to catch “real animals” (e.g. Lions or Tigers or Wildcats).In fact, Wildcats are known predators of the lowly wolverine weasel, especially in late March in the midwest United States, preferably after the weasel creature has feasted on Tennessee Volunteers.

Many cities, teams, and organizations use the wolverine as a mascot. For example, the US state of Michigan is, by tradition, known as “the Wolverine State”, and the University of Michigan takes the wolverine as its mascot. Michigan students overwhelmingly voted to be called “Wolverines” because they mistakenly believed a wolverine was the shape-shifting character played by in the Twilight movie series by Taylor Lautner.

jyb_musingsThere was controversy at the time over the decision because the Michigan men’s basketball team overwhelmingly preferred Robert Pattinson’s fictional vampire character over Taylor Lautner’s werewolf character. Mostly because it was easier to spell “vampire” than “werewolf.”

Nevertheless, it is noteworthy that the entire men’s basketball team agree “Breaking Dawn” the episode narrated from the perspective of Taylor Lautner’s werewolf is the best movie of the entire Twilight saga.

This is an important fact to remember whenever watching the University of Michigan’s mens basketball team play.

(Note: Even though Robert Pattison’s vampire character and Taylor Lautner’s wolf character are tough in the Twilight movie series, the movie is fiction —and in real life both Robert and Taylor are terrible at basketball and believe Duke University is the best college basketball program ever, especially during the early 90s.

imageAnd neither can beat Bella, Kristin Stewart, in basketball, who believes the University of Kentucky Wildcats are the greatest basketball program in college basketball history –and much, much better than any team with a weasel for a mascot. And she believes Christian Laettner looks more like a pasty member of the fictional Cullen vampire family than a real college basketball player.

John Y. Brown, III: College basketball, fan participation and magical thinking

NCAA tournament basketball is about as competitive as sports gets—and takes a full team effort. And when you get to the Sweet Sixteen round that team effort includes the fans. Especially if it is UK vs UL.

In fact, as much as last night’s historic game was a test of collegiate basketball skills at their highest level, it was also a test of fan participation behaviors at their highest (and potentially lowest) levels.

Sure the young collegiate superstars on the floor last night for UK and UL had to be at the top of their game—and were for both teams. But what isn’t as obvious to the unsuspecting eye is the crucial role the fans play in helping their team get those small but important advantages that can make the difference in a close tournament game.

Last night my son Johnny and I were amidst a sea of “mixed” basketball fans. Some were for UL and others were for UK at about an equal ratio. It was the perfect formula for a fight to breakout at any given time and I even whispered to my son before the game, “I hope I don’t get involved in a fist fight tonight….I tend to get hurt badly in those situations.” Johnny agreed and we vowed to be on good behavior for as long as we could.

The most active UL fan in our orbit was seated, of course, directly in front of me. He was clearly a UL fan because he was middle-aged and wearing a red shirt with a cardinal logo and kept making the “L” sign with his right hand (along with his wife, or UL co-fan) for pictures he asked others —sometimes UK fans—to take. I think the hand “L” sign is clever but kept wondering if it shouldn’t be limited to just one hand so it doesn’t get confused with a “J” hand sign. But couldn’t figure out if it should be the UL fan’s left or right hand (outward looking or looking toward).

I was an obvious UK fan. Middle-aged. Not thin but no longer heavy either and wearing blue jeans, a blue shirt and a blue blazer. He had a slight advantage over me because I did not have a wildcat logo on my lapel and, let’s be honest, there is no way to smoothly make the letter “K” hand sign with a single hand. I did come up with a way to make a lower case “k” using both hands but decided against attempting since it was my first time and it was something that would need practice before going live with.

The first half went smoothly. No indications of a fisticuffs breaking out on the floor between UL and UK players or in the stands between UL and UK fans.

Things started surprisingly subdued. In the first few minutes I mumbled, “Let’s go UK” where it could be heard by my son but no one else. I essentially whispered it in his ear. Johnny quickly chastised me my pointing out facetiously, “It sure is good for UK that there’s a man in the crowd of 41,000 fans who is whispering “Let’s go cats.”

I explained I was just trying to communicate with him and not the team, but he had made his point. Meanwhile, my UL nemesis was starting to cheer not just out of normal fan pleasure but to also make a point to the UK fans around him that he not only was “for” UL but was starting to believe they were going to win. He would say things like, “Pull away, Cards!” And the worst part was that they were. It was 18-5 and I had no choice but to up my fan game –before it was too late.

I shouted “THREE” and not long after that UK made an important 3 point shot. Thank goodness. UK was turning around the momentum—and –importantly– doing so in conjunction with their fans.

The Cardinal fan in front of me countered my “THREE!” by reciting numerous player names. He obviously knew his stuff. He also would show off that he knew the hand gesture for official calls trying to do the gesture himself before the officials (whenever the call would benefit UL). This was all good showmanship but my “Go Cats” coupled with another correct “THREE” closed the point difference to 3 at half. My point being at UK we are about winning. Not showing off.

During half time, like the players themselves, I needed a break and headed out to the concession stand before returning to position myself behind and “checking” my UL counterpart as we both prepared for an intense –and potentially historic—second half of play. Both teams came out strong but my UL fan was quieter than I expected at first. I tried to watch the game but couldn’t help staring into his bald spot and starting to really resent what he represented –and what was at stake for both of us.

And then it started, “He cheered louder for UL than any single play during the first half. My son and I retorted with an even louder yell besting our best first half shout out to UK by an even more significant margin. Hoping my UL fan was chastened, I soon found out he was instead embolden. I couldn’t make out what it was he was trying to chant at first. It sounded like he was saying “ewwww” and I even thought it was perhaps a foul on UL. But I soon discovered he was chanting “Luuuuukkkkkeeeee” and it just sounded like “ewwwww.” And, again to my dismay but growing respect, it was working! Within about a 3 minute stretch, Luke Skywalker (I’m guessing his last name…the fan in front of me seemed only to know Luke’s first name) made two three pointers and four free throws.

All I could think was, “Game on, pal!” And If it needed to get a little dirty on my end, I was willing to go there. I started with some major high-fives with my son with accompanying fist bumps and ecstatic “Yes! Cats!” A new shout I improvised in desperation that was obviously—and thankfully—working.

My UL counterpart went into overdrive high-fiving any UL fan within arm reach of him. I wasn’t willing to go there. Yet. And wasn’t sure what to do next to turn up the heat. I shouted my standard bearer “THREE” several times but the UL fans around me were on to me as obviously as the UL players –and no three pointers were made.

Somehow, I have to assume it was my son’s cheering because it wasn’t mine, UK pulled within 3 points. Which is when I knew we had moved to “No holds barred” fan tactics. UK was at the free throw line. I looked on knowingly –confident the free throw by Andrew Harrison was going in and I was shocked. Horrified actually. The UL fan below me was shaking his hands to put a hex on the UK free throw shooter. I had never seen this before and it was as creepy as you are imagining. And this guy looked was obviously no piker. He had cast spells before on free throw shooters and I was trying to pull myself out of shock and into some sort of counter-spell mode. I had never cast a counter spell and was momentarily frozen. All I could do was wait until UL went to the free throw line. I wanted to shake my hands menacingly while glowering at the UL shooter—but was afraid it wouldn’t come off as polished as my competitor fan. So instead I just concentrated really hard on the UL player to miss his free throws. I reminded myself from the first half that UK was more about substance over style in fan magical thinking trying to influence games. And it worked. Phew!! And worked again!

As the clock wound down to under 3 minutes, the UL fan’s free throw hexes became more pronounced and involved —and more desperate looking. And ineffectual. I grinned to myself and with 38 seconds to go went for the coup de grace when Aaron Harrison got the ball in the corner. “T-H-R-E-E” I erupted from out of nowhere. Nothing but net, baby! As uber-fan Dick Vitale likes to say.

The game was all but over. I did one last mental hex on the UL player who missed a key free throw needed to tie. It was over. We—the UK players and their magical fans—and pulled off a staggering come-from-behind defeat.

We UK fans congratulated each other –but not to gleefully. It was a close call and could have gone the other way —if we, the fans, hadn’t been on our A-game.

Feeling both grateful and magnanimous after the big win, I looked down on the court and watched the players congratulating each other. I figured that was the least I could do. I tapped my nemesis on the shoulder and offered to shake his hand which he took. And being every bit as much the gentleman said, “Good luck on Monday” as he walked off.

I looked at my son and said, “That was pretty cool, wasn’t it? Nice gesture.” And I thought to myself how glad I was I didn’t know how to put a counter spell on him after all to stop his spell on UK’s free throw shooters. Because he might have left with my spell still in tact. And on Monday night, if he was really serious about wishing UK luck, we could use his help.

A Twitter Summary of One-Liners from the UK/UL Dream Game

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: My Lexington Accent

You know how when you are in NYC you talk faster and in Southern California you talk slower and in Texas you give in to your full on drawl?

I went to London, England for the first time several years ago and in no time I was speaking with an English accent.

It changes your mindset too.

Which is my main point about having a Lexington accent. I don’t change the way I pronounce things. But once I drive into the Lexington city limits a reflexive change comes over my entire being and I start to think of everthing in terms of the UK Wildcats basketball team.

jyb_musingsIt’s bigger than an accent and you can tell just by looking at me that I am thinking about how I believe the Cats can still win it all this year.

Without me ever even opening my mouth.

Is Mitch McConnell Trying to Lose?

Is Mitch McConnell the real-life version of Bulworth?  Here’s an excerpt from my piece from yesterday’s The Daily Beast:

Mitch McConnell has thereby found himself in an unprecedented situation — the master politician is running an embarrassment of a campaign.  And there is little that is tougher to survive politically than become a laughingstock, particularly with 24/7 cable news and social media replaying your humiliations on a virtual endless loop.

Veteran Kentucky political observers are shaking their heads at McConnell’s sudden loss of political mastery.  Some blame his lack of traction on the high level of difficulty of running his traditionally scorched earth strategy against a young female opponent — early sexualized GOP attacks on Grimes as an “empty dress” and an “Obama girl” backfired and perhaps have led to a heightened defensiveness from the McConnell camp and a more desperate effort to reach outside of their comfort zone into, yikes, positive advocacy.

Others blame the campaign leadership, specifically campaign manager Jesse Benton, a Ron and Rand Paul confidante and family member.  The manager’s hiring was seen as a bold strategic move by McConnell to blunt Tea Party primary opposition; but after a recording emerged of Benton claiming that he was “holding my nose” while he worked for the establishment icon — and then after McConnell’s refusal to fire or even discipline Benton for his insubordination — it appeared that the powerful Senate leader was being held captive by insurgent forces that lack the professionalism and experience to run a top-tier Senate campaign .  And perhaps some of the campaign’s mistakes over the past month might be attributed to a manager whose head and heart aren’t really in the race.

But my theory involves none of the above.  I believe that Mitch McConnell is having a Bulworth moment.  Just like the suicidally disillusioned title character of the 1990s Warren Beatty feature, Kentucky’s senior senator has simply had enough of Washington.  Why, after all, would anyone want to return to the polarization, the hyper-partisanship, the paralysis that has engulfed the nation’s capital?  And with some sense of responsibility for helping create that status quo, I believe McConnell now desires to leave on his own terms — smirking on camera, sticking it to the liberal media, and poking the eye of absurd traditions such as our undeserved ardor for a bunch of teenagers running up and down a hardwood floor.

Click here to read “Is Mitch McConnell Trying to Lose?

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Patting Myself on the Back

I did excellent work the past hour and fifteen minutes “working” one of the emergency exit doors on my flight from Clevelend to Charlotte, if I may say so myself.

My exit door, I am pleased to report, was “without incident.” And this is the third time this year I have taken on the responsibility of manning the emergency exit door in the event of an accident or emergency landing.

And it is not a role for the faint of heart.

Why do I compliment myself? Because frankly I have found it to be a thankless job. Not once has a member of the flight crew thanked me for my able, focused and fastidious work in this flight leadership role. Not even an “atta boy” wink or appreciative thumbs up gesture.

Should I need the affirmation to take on this kind of role? Probably not. And as long as I can give myself the occasional Facebook shout out for my aviation safety, that ought to be enough.

jyb_musingsAnd even though you probably weren’t on any of the three flights with me when I was in this important role, just know that if you had been, you would have landed safely and soundly. Thanks to the work of the crew and their volunteer staff, including me.

And although this isn’t a nice thing to say, the person opposite me working the other emergency exit, in my opinion, didn’t have her heart in it and hadn’t really read the flight rules and protocols and lied to the flight attendent when she pretended she had. At times I felt like I was doing her job as well as mine! As far as her side of the plane went, let’s just say we got lucky tonight.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Who says basketball isn’t like life?

(Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

I want to go out of this world like the Wichita St Shockers lost to the University of Kentucky Wildcats yesterday in the NCAA tournament.

I want my last shot to be potentially the one I’ll be remembered for –if it goes in.

And all I ask for is three seconds and one good look at the basket.

And I only want there to be 0.2 seconds left before I realize it’s… all over.

jyb_musingsAnd I want to feel grateful for the incredible run I was privileged to experience

And I want to leave the floor knowing I did everything I could have done during the time I was in the game

And that I exceeded all expectations–not out of good fortune– but because I played with the heart of a champion and never gave up

And that I played pursuing what I believed was my destiny

And I want my loss to be remembered somehow as Kentucky’s gain.

I only ask that I not be in St Louis when it happens.

And that where I am going is someplace much better than Indianapolis.

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