By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Sep 25, 2012 at 8:30 AM ET
Some of you are too young to be Billy Joel fans. I’m just young enough to admit it, and yet old enough to see it as retro chic. Regardless of the complexity of my Billy Joel fan status, I had to bring him up today because his song Vienna keeps ringing in my head. So it must mean something, despite the fact that I don’t want to recommend you take relationship advice from Billy Joel. But his poetry is another matter entirely.
Vienna waits for you. I’ve never been to Vienna, but I think I know what he means. What is your Vienna? I’m asking myself this lately. What is that dream of yours that you might be missing because you’re “so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need”? Slow down you crazy child! It’s so weird- we have to slow down so we can speed up our dreams? Hard to understand but it’s true. You can get what you want or you can just get old.
In 2006 I wrote a book entitled Turn Your Cablight On: Get your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less. What does Dream Man mean for you? Can he still be the man of your dreams once he’s a reality? You know how they say—Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it. Once you get it, it’s hard to remember how to appreciate it.
In 1996 when I was single and about to open my dating-café, Drip, I chose an architect for the project who was also a college classmate of mine. We’ll call her Amanda, because that’s her name. I won’t say her last name, because this story could be a little embarrassing but it’s totally flattering. So I’m walking with Amanda and she realizes she has to go to her apartment to get some architectural plans. She invites me up to her apartment, but stops first for some instruction: “When we go up to my apartment, you’re probably going to meet my husband. So, I have to warn you, he’s a babe.” Well, I have heard a lot of things in my life, but that one was without a doubt the coolest thing I had ever heard anyone say. Still is. I really don’t even know why she felt the need to say it but it was so cute. (And, yes, he is a babe.)
Read the rest of… Nancy Slotnick: Vienna Waits for You
Of all the types of questions a fitness professional is asked, nutrition is the most common subject. Quite frankly people are clueless when it comes to what they eat. Conversely, that is not their fault. In this country we search for the quick fix, the easy way out and our media has done a great marketing job on “diets.” These diets usually consist of restriction some selection of food; fat, carbs, meat etc. So we are constantly told what we “shouldn’t” eat and rarely are we told what we should eat. So I wanted to put together a list of 10 foods that most everyone needs (barring food allergy, religious reasoning or preference). These 10 foods have various purposes that go beyond how many calories they consist of. These foods help the body ward off disease, decrease inflammation, and add vital vitamins and minerals to our body.
Eggs– Eggs are on this list for a variety of reasons; the whites are full of high biological value protein (that is a good thing), the yellow is full of leptin (which controls appetite) and they are extremely versatile (scrambled, poached, boiled etc.). Eggs also have 12 vitamin and minerals, one of which (choline) is vital for brain development and increased memory. Eggs are nutrient dense only containing 75 calories per egg. Side note I eat 10 egg whites every morning!
Nuts– If you only look at foods based upon their fat content and calorie count you would probably leave these section of food out. You would be missing the point of the article. Yes calories matter, however a twinkie may have less calories than a Big Mac that does not mean it is a good option. Most nuts are loaded with Omega 3 fatty acids that are good for the cardiovascular system and act as an anti-inflammatory warding off potential disease. Also nuts are considered an antioxidant which has the potential to decrease the potential for cancer. Because most nuts are high in fat, thus high in calories, use proper judgment and portion control and monitor the salt as well. Almonds, cashews, pistachios are all good choices.
Read the rest of… Josh Bowen: Ten Foods You Should Be Eating
No Prix Fixe or full menu today — kitchen’s closed early. But I wanted to make a comment or two about the once-secret video of Mitt Romney that’s saturated the airwaves over the last 24 hours…
Frankly, I have no idea what Mitt Romney truly believes. The talking heads seem certain that Romney’ closed-door comments represent his actual convictions. I’m not convinced. He was addressing a small group of high-roller donors who love to feel like they’re getting their $25,000-a-dinner’s worth. Trust me — Romney’s stump speech a signed picture wouldn’t pay for that undercooked beef wellington they served. So, to please his check-writing audience, Romney felt the need to say something “fresh,” to be “bold.” Instead of giving them the usual talking points (or, better yet, insights into the policy plans he hasn’t shared with anybody else), he threw some red meat to the crowd and hoped they’d bite.
Please don’t be confused here. In no way am I defending Romney. Actually, I’m criticizing him for something which, I believe, is far worse than the socio-political view he espoused that night. Simply put, the man has no core principles. He’s a practical, numbers-oriented business man. And he’s perfectly suited for the board room or corner office. I’m not so sure about the Oval Office.
We need leaders who say what they mean and mean what they say. This video cements my belief that Romney simply says what he says depending on the audience, only to later to explain what he means because then he’ll have had ample time to realize what the prevailing opinion wanted him to mean. If that sounds convoluted, it’s because I’m having such a hard time wrapping my hands around him. For all his shortcomings, at least you knew where George W. Bush stood. For heaven’s sake, you could actually find firm ground on which to agree or disagree with him.
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 10:00 AM ET
Romney’s remarks (and economic policies) are strangely reminiscent of 1929, right before the Great Depression. Fortunately, that was a really good time for songwriters, so I couldn’t resist . . . .
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Sep 18, 2012 at 8:30 AM ET
The new year is always a time for resolutions and self reflection. Since it’s the Jewish New Year (and I’m Jewish), I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Of course, being married to a therapist, and having had years of therapy myself, I tend to do that year‘round. So, even if you’re not Jewish, I would encourage you to join me. Extra self reflection never killed the cat. I don’t even think curiosity did. Curiosity is a beautiful thing, and cats have 9 lives regardless.
So I invented a way of helping myself when I am trying to reach a goal. I ask “Future Me”what I should do. For example, one of my goals for this year is around my business. In my mind’s eye, Matchmaker Café is about to be large and in charge. (I apologize that my mind’s eye talks like a ‘90s rapper sometimes.) But how I can garner the traction and the capital to get there is a big ordeal. So when I feel overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do next, or when I am trying to make a hiring decision or a partnering decision, what do I do? I ask Future Me.
I just discovered this trick and the amazing thing is that she always knows! And she’s so calm- how the hell does she do that? (Hold on, I’ll ask…….. Ok, she says it’s because she’s satisfied.) Occasionally she says “Too soon to tell” or “Wait and see,” kind of like the Magic 8-Ball. Sometimes she says “You’ll know in 5 years.” I hate that one! But most of the time she knows the answer, almost immediately.
I tried this out with a client of mine yesterday, as a reality check, just in case I was hearing voices, ya know? You never know. I also wanted to see how it would work for someone who is single and looking for the One. In this case, Future You=Married You. It worked like a charm. Questions that would usually perplex her yielded answers instantaneously. I was pleasantly surprised. (especially to discover that I have not had a psychotic break- phew!)
So I would recommend you try it. Word of warning- just as with Willy Wonka and his crazy gum, this philosophy is untested and may go awry by dessert. Especially if you are more like Veruca Salt than Charlie. You have to be very self-explored in order to truly connect with Future You. Be wary of giving yourself the answer you want to hear. There’s a fine line between the purpose of this exercise and being delusional. Having a guide such as a therapist or a coach can always help. (I happen to know of 2 of those right in my apartment—just in case you’re looking. 😉 )
Read the rest of… Nancy Slotnick: Future You Is Your New Guru
By Nancy Slotnick, on Mon Sep 17, 2012 at 8:30 AM ET
I love my job. I get to help people find love. But better than that. I get to help them enjoy it after they’ve found it. As a dating coach, people hire me (primarily successful smart attractive single women) to help them when they are ready to find the One. I don’t find it for them. (That would be too easy, right?) I don’t actually believe that it works that way. Matchmakers who promise that they can find love for you if you pay them thousands of dollars are often flim-flamming you.
That being said, I do have a matchmaking site on Facebook. It’s called Matchmaker Café. We don’t charge thousands of dollars- just the same amount as what online dating sites charge. And we set up the date for you- ‘cuz that’s the hardest part! But I digress.
True love finds you. You just have to be open to it. That’s what I call “turning your Cablight on.” But that’s not the real trick of love. (It’s not supposed to be about turning tricks, either.) The trick is to be happy once you find it. I have a lot of clients who think that once they find the “One” that they should fire me. And they may be right, of course. There’s a reason that Recovering Dater sounds like I’m part of a 12 step Program (more than a writer of a blog.) That’s because once you find love, you shouldn’t be interested in dating anymore! And you certainly shouldn’t need a dating coach.
However, even once you find that [almost] perfect person, you have a choice of being hopelessly miserable with each other or hopelessly romantic. Or everything in between.
The beginning stages of dating are like precedents in the law. Once certain patterns are set, there’s no going back. And you will always refer back to that pattern. It’s like when a river dries up but there is still the path. Pour a big rainstorm back in and that water goes in the same direction that it always did for years. Enough metaphors for you? Sorry about that- here’s a real world example.
One of the hardest jobs I’ve ever done in my life was teaching Hebrew school when I was in college. It’s hard enough to be a teacher and control the classroom. But then try controlling a classroom of kids who have been in school for 8 hours that day already! $12 per hour was a lot of money in those days- it had to be. So, in the event that you have been a teacher then you will know what I mean about this- the very first day is your only shot for establishing order and discipline. The students can get to know you and like you later. But if you are “soft” on the first day, you’re done for the year. By the next year you have learned, but it’s a new class by then.
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Sep 11, 2012 at 2:00 PM ET
The possibility of someone showing up to vote under an assumed name had never occurred to me until this election season, when Republicans just happened to uncover the danger of fraudulent voting.
And how odd that it apparently only happens in swing states! And who cares that there isn’t any evidence of actual fraud so far? It surely COULD happen, so isn’t that worth the potential disenfranchisement of lots of already marginalized voters?
Oh, so a sizeable percentage of people don’t have photo IDs and they’re expensive and inconvenient to obtain – isn’t waiting in line at a DMV part of the joy of citizenship?
Thinking about fake identities inspired me to turn into a faux blues singer to address this issue . . . .
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Sep 4, 2012 at 8:30 AM ET
“He makes me laugh.” – Ann Romney, Republican National Convention.
She said it at least three times I think, so it must mean a lot to Ann Romney, but in my opinion the quality “he makes me laugh” is overrated. I tried it on for size with regard to the Presidential Race—“He’s such a great President; he always makes me laugh.” Something just didn’t sound right.
But then I am mainly interested in love and relationships, being that I am a Recovering Dater, so I applied the same litmus test there. Al Bundy makes me laugh; Peter Griffin on the Family Guy makes me laugh; but would I want to be married to them?
If you go onto any online dating site and look at profiles, you will see “sense of humor” on top of most women’s wish list. Don’t get me wrong- I love to laugh with my husband- that’s one of the best experiences in the world. And giggling—so much the more so. But just because someone makes you laugh, can you tell anything about his character?
Comedians can be very angry people; they can be loners. The straight man (in the comedic sense, not the sexual orientation sense), on the other hand, can often prove to be more “stand-up” than the funny man, when it comes to love. Or at the very least the correlation between funny and good husband is inconclusive. So we must look for some other clues when we attempt to assess character.
Judging someone’s character when you first meet is a monumental task, yet an important skill in dating. In my coaching practice, I advise women to read his actions, not his words. In other words, if he says, “I’ll call you,” that is words. (often lies.) If he actually calls, that speaks volumes.
So in advance of meeting, when you are trying to scope someone out from afar, how can you get a reading?
1. Eyes are the window to the soul. If you believe in a soulmate, then start looking into the eyes of strangers and find out what you see. It’s not staring, but reading their eyes. I dare you to do it.
2. Watch him while he’s talking to his friends. You can tell a lot by how he interacts with others.
3. Listen to what he’s talking about and see if it sounds intelligent. Ok, I grant you that this may be hard to do if you are scoping him out in a sports bar setting. This is why I recommend trying to have 1 date/week. Some things you can only find out from going more in-depth.
4. Finally, look for his smile. That Aretha Franklin song says “It’s in his kiss- that’s where it is.” That is true too. But we’re talking about in advance of kissing. Then, it’s in his smile. Even if you just observe him smiling at his friends, or laughing with them, you can glean a lot. And if you dare to smile at a stranger, you may get to find out a lot about him and his character.
So it may not be all about him making you laugh, but rather seeing when he laughs, and what it’s about. If he has a winning smile, he’s a keeper. And I’m not just talking about Obama. Oh wait, maybe I am.
Greetings from hot and humid Tampa Bay, Florida! It’s the final day of the Republican National Convention, with Mitt Romney taking the stage later tonight. If there was ever a time Romney needed to look Americans in the eye and convince them that he understands their problems, it’s now. Here’s today’s menu…
Appetizer: The most important word of the week hasn’t been “accountability” or “jobs” or “leadership” — for any convention-goer, it’s “Credential.” There are different badges for the media and for the delegates, distinctions by forum section and suite level access. Two of the biggest tickets are the blue floor passes (if it says “Escort” you can bring two others down with you) and black production passes (backstage access). Tuesday night we ran into one of the good men in the Senate, John Barrasso of Wyoming. Shaking his hand, I couldn’t help but notice his “Maine Delegate” badge. His response: “Hey, you can never have too many credentials at one of these things!” When a US Senator is wearing credentials from states other than his own, you know they come at a premium
Main Course: We’ve been talking to swing voters across the country for months now, but there’s been a clear revelation recently. Americans think Romney is better equipped to solve their problems, but that he doesn’t understand them. And they think Obama better understands their problems, but is entirely unable to solve them. Here are three important takeaways: 1) Many will cast their vote for the lesser of two shortcomings. Obama 2008 voters who are switching won’t be voting for Romney as much as they are voting against Obama. 2) Obama needs to convince voters that he made genuine efforts to solve, or at least temper, the economic crisis that began in 2008. That means cutting down on the blame game — Bush, Congress, Europe, the weather, Bibi Netanyahu — and imploring Americans to give him another chance to finish what he started. 3) Romney’s speech tonight matters. As you’ll read below, I don’t think these conventions will matter as much as the debates, but if there’s any part of this week that could swing this election, it’s Romney’s speech. Paul Ryan gave a great one last night — it was emotional, energized, and honest — but nobody casts their vote in November for the Vice President. So tonight, Romney MUST convince America that he gets it. Corny campaign trail stories won’t do it. He needs to admit to being a little stuffier than other candidates, a little less charismatic, a little less inclined to give that “human touch.” For 5 years now, Romney’s been on the defensive about his wealth, his record, and his personality. Admitting something about the third could be just the right amount of self-deprecation to better ingratiate himself with the general public.
Some of you are too young to be Billy Joel fans. I’m just young enough to admit it, and yet old enough to see it as retro chic. Regardless of the complexity of my Billy Joel fan status, I had to bring him up today because his song Vienna keeps ringing in my head. So it must mean something, despite the fact that I don’t want to recommend you take relationship advice from Billy Joel. But his poetry is another matter entirely.
In 2006 I wrote a book entitled Turn Your Cablight On: Get your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less. What does Dream Man mean for you? Can he still be the man of your dreams once he’s a reality? You know how they say—Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it. Once you get it, it’s hard to remember how to appreciate it.
