Nancy Slotnick: “He Makes Me Laugh”

“He makes me laugh.” – Ann Romney, Republican National Convention.

She said it at least three times I think, so it must mean a lot to Ann Romney, but in my opinion the quality “he makes me laugh” is overrated.  I tried it on for size with regard to the Presidential Race—“He’s such a great President; he always makes me laugh.”  Something just didn’t sound right.

But then I am mainly interested in love and relationships, being that I am a Recovering Dater, so I applied the same litmus test there.  Al Bundy makes me laugh; Peter Griffin on the Family Guy makes me laugh; but would I want to be married to them?

If you go onto any online dating site and look at profiles, you will see “sense of humor” on top of most women’s wish list.  Don’t get me wrong- I love to laugh with my husband- that’s one of the best experiences in the world.  And giggling—so much the more so.  But just because someone makes you laugh, can you tell anything about his character?

Comedians can be very angry people; they can be loners.  The straight man (in the comedic sense, not the sexual orientation sense), on the other hand, can often prove to be more “stand-up” than the funny man, when it comes to love.  Or at the very least the correlation between funny and good husband is inconclusive.  So we must look for some other clues when we attempt to assess character.

Judging someone’s character when you first meet is a monumental task, yet an important skill in dating.  In my coaching practice, I advise women to read his actions, not his words.  In other words, if he says, “I’ll call you,” that is words.  (often lies.)  If he actually calls, that speaks volumes.

So in advance of meeting, when you are trying to scope someone out from afar, how can you get a reading?

1.     Eyes are the window to the soul.  If you believe in a soulmate, then start looking into the eyes of strangers and find out what you see.  It’s not staring, but reading their eyes.  I dare you to do it.

2.     Watch him while he’s talking to his friends.  You can tell a lot by how he interacts with others.

3.     Listen to what he’s talking about and see if it sounds intelligent.  Ok, I grant you that this may be hard to do if you are scoping him out in a sports bar setting.  This is why I recommend trying to have 1 date/week.  Some things you can only find out from going more in-depth.

4.     Finally, look for his smile.  That Aretha Franklin song says “It’s in his kiss- that’s where it is.”  That is true too.  But we’re talking about in advance of kissing.  Then, it’s in his smile.  Even if you just observe him smiling at his friends, or laughing with them, you can glean a lot.  And if you dare to smile at a stranger, you may get to find out a lot about him and his character.

So it may not be all about him making you laugh, but rather seeing when he laughs, and what it’s about.  If he has a winning smile, he’s a keeper.  And I’m not just talking about Obama.  Oh wait, maybe I am.