The decorations are down, the kids are back in school, and the New Year’s resolutions have already been broken – yes, it’s time for the post-holiday blahs. But before you sink into a pit of January despair, feeling like there’s nothing fun coming up for ages, here are a few ‘glass-half-full’ thoughts to help keep your spirits up.
– You don’t have to listen to any more Christmas carol muzak until at least next Halloween.
– It’s much harder to get a sunburn in cold, foggy, gray weather
– You have over 300 shopping days left.
– The dreaded ‘fiscal cliff’ turned out to be as anticlimactic as Y2K
– The kids are no longer sleeping til noon and then complaining they’re bored.
– Your inlaws have all gone home.
Meanwhile, there are tons of minor Jewish holidays coming up which we are happy to share with everyone else. In fact, it feels like we have one every other week, although most of us couldn’t define more than a handful. So with this week’s video, I’ve tried to clarify some common themes among Jewish holidays, as well as providing some upbeat gospel music to start the New Year on a positive note. (And yes, I know Jewish gospel music is an oxymoron, but this is the era of fusion where genres and ethnicities get blended in everything from social groups to cuisine, so think of this as fusion Jewish gospel . . . )
By Lauren Mayer, on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET
The two parties seem even farther apart these days, between the fiscal cliff negotiations falling apart and all the other standard political standoffs. But the sort-of-good news is that there’s finally an issue on which there is some bipartisan agreement. Once the NRA came out with its ludicrous ‘solution’ to school shootings, there were several moderate Republicans joining in the call for the type of things that even most NRA members agree on (more effective background checks, enforcing current laws, banning high-capacity ammo clips and assult-style weapons). Of course, the NRA has subsequently refused even to discuss anything relating to guns – but I am heartened by the number of politicians on both sides who are standing up to the gun lobby and saying, whoah, hold on, banning terrorist watch-list suspects from buying a gun is not an assult on your 2nd Ammendment rights (and that’s presuming the founding fathers meant not just muskets, but semi-automatic assult rifles?)
So I’m heartened by the beginning signs of bipartisanship – even though it may be more like becoming friends with that co-worker you’re not crazy about, but you’re united in your mutual loathing of the boss. Still, it’s a start. However, I’m also terrified at the prospect of a society in which we need armed guards in every classroom. (Of course, I’m a wimp – I can’t even watch mildly scary movies) So here’s a song imagining how we’d explain this to our kids . . . )
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Dec 18, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET
Just like the swallows returning to Capistrano, or the first lilacs of spring, once a year you can count on a few pundits at Fox to resuscitate their complaints about the “war on Christmas.” Once again, they claim their beloved holiday is under attack because a group of atheists lobby to remove a nativity scene from a city hall, or a school changes its Christmas concert to a Holiday concert. Come on, O’Reilly – for several weeks, starting on Thanksgiving and often before, this entire country is covered in an avalanche of candy canes, Christmas tree decorations, and holiday muzak. You can’t go anywhere without being bombarded by Christmas – if it’s under attack, it’s doing pretty darn well. (As Jon Stewart pointed out, since this year ‘Black Friday’ started on Thanksgiving, Christmas is now eating other holidays!)
Of course there are a few loonies out there, fighting the fact that a vast majority of this country celebrate Christmas. But for most of us non-Christians, we have nothing against the holiday and even accept that there will be tinsel, Christmas lights, and dogs barking Jingle Bells everywhere we go. We simply would prefer not to be bombarded with the more religious aspects of the holiday – sparkling lights and metallic ornaments are a lot more inclusive than crosses or baby Jesuses. And wishing people “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” makes us feel less left out, without taking anything away from Christmas. In fact, we hope you have a lovely holiday (while we eat Chinese food and go to the movies).
This week’s video tries to explain why your non-Christian friends might be getting a little cranky this time of year – so I hope you will please cut them (and me) a little slack!
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Dec 11, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET
Latkes? Schmatkes!
This time of year makes many of us nostalgic for those traditions of our childhood, those Norman Rockwell-esque memories of stringing popcorn, gathering fresh pine boughs, and sharing our plum pudding with the Himmels. (Oh, whoops, that wasn’t my childhood, that was Jo March’s . . . )
Well, anyway, most of the time I’m not exactly the domestic type (I cook adequately, but Martha Stewart’s job is safe), but occasionally I get this uncontrollable urge to create a memorable Hanukkah for my family. Which is pretty silly, when you think of it, since it’s a minor holiday that only gets any attention because it’s close to Christmas, and the traditions associated with it are more appropriate to Las Vegas (gambling and eating fried food). But I still want my boys to have fond memories, so I hang up the dreidl garlands and put out the menorah tea towels and star-of-David potholders, and when I’m really ambitious, I make a batch of latkes. (Which I imagine is akin to my Christian friends deciding to make a Buche de Noel or homemade egg nog, something like that?)
Latkes, for you goyim, are potato pancakes – so just imagine your entire kitchen covered with oil splatters, flour, and bits of burnt hash browns, and you’ll get the general idea. You can find countless articles about how adequate draining or squeezing prevents splatters, tips on utilizing the potato starch left from the draining liquid, and recipes that require using a lab-quality timer, but it still always makes a mess, and I end up resolving never to do it again. But amidst the mess and debris, occasionally one or two come out halfway decently, and there is something almost religious about biting into a crispy patty of fried potato – plus you’ve got to love a holiday where you’re supposed to eat fried food!
Unfortunately, that bliss is short-lived, and the mess takes forever to clean up. (And the worst part is, my kids don’t even like latkes!) But at least this year I captured it on film, which may help remind me next year that the latkes are always crispier in someone else’s kitchen . . . .
PS “Latkes, Shmatkes” is the title track of my album of comedy songs for Hanukkah – available at www.laurenmayer.com, on amazon.com, iTunes, CDBaby, and Picklehead Music.
When you think of incongruities, Jews plus country music is right up there with pickles & ice cream or Paris Hilton & Wallace Shawn – a pair that just don’t seem right together. (Although there is one colorful exception, Kinky Friedman, who fronts a band known as The Texas Jewboys and who came in 4th in the 2006 Texas gubernatorial race, and who inspires me with his mix of politics and comedic music.) (Not that I’m considering running for governor in the near future!)
The lack of Jews in country music is actually surprising – Jewish songwriters are responsible for many of our classic Christmas songs, and given country music’s tradition of chronicling pain and suffering, it would seem to be a perfect fit. I like to say I’m from in the south – southern California, to be precise, but growing up in Orange County (where there were even fewer Jews than Democrats) did make me feel as much of an outsider as many country singers lament. But I hadn’t really made the connection until I heard Peter Sagal, the host of “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” on NPR, crack a joke about an upcoming appearance in Nashville. Suddenly it seemed like a match made in heaven (and now I feel like Melanie Griffith’s character in “Working Girl,” in that climactic elevator scene where she explains to Mr. Trask how she connected his company to radio, or something along those lines).
Chanukah/Hanukkah/etc (choose your favorite spelling) is really the ultimate country holiday – muscular heros, old fashioned candles, and fried food, so this week’s video is what may be the first country Chanukah song – enjoy!
(And remember, there are only 4 shopping days left til the first night of Chanukah, but copies of my Chanukah comedy CD, “Latkes, Shmatkes,” are available on iTunes, at amazon.com, and at www.laurenmayer.com!)
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Nov 27, 2012 at 1:30 PM ET
There will probably never be a shortage of inspiring antics in the political arena, between the fiscal cliff and assorted sex scandals. But for the next few weeks I’ll be tackling the subject of interfaith acceptance, inspired by our host’s No Labels approach to bipartisanship, and illustrating the challenges of being in a religious minority.
Even if you’re not Jewish (or a member of another religion that doesn’t celebrate Christmas), you may be a little bothered by the fact that we’re already surrounded by Christmas decorations, signs and music, plenty of it before Thanksgiving.
So try to put yourself in our shoes – and since it’s probably impossible to imagine being surrounded by tacky Chanukah decor, what about other times you might have felt like you were an isolated minority? Any liberals in red states, or conservatives in blue states, or vegetarians in a family of carnivores? I’ve had a few of those moments, like being the only girl on the math team in jr. high, or being the only actual female pianist in a gay bar (and constantly having to tell the guys that I wasn’t just in underdone drag). That sense of being different gets particularly strong during this time of year.
Please don’t get me wrong – I think Christmas is a beautiful holiday, and as an entertainer I’m extremely grateful for the extra work (as well as the infinitely superior music – I’d hate to do a gig playing 3 hours of Chanukah music!) But just try to remember that not everyone celebrates it, and even a totally secular ‘Merry Christmas’ still is etymologically derived from the religious basis of the holiday, so if you can occasionally wish your jewish friends “Happy Holidays” instead, they’ll appreciate it.
In this spirt of interfaith bipartisanship, I’ve enlisted some friends & relatives to create our own version of those ’80s ‘videos-for-a-cause’, “Don’t They Know (Not Everyone Does Christmas).”
Note: While I am unfortunately not able to use this space to plug my upcoming appearance on The Daily Show (since they haven’t invited me on yet), I can let readers know that the song is from my album, “Latkes Shmatkes – Comedy Songs for Chanukah and Beyond”, available at this link, and on iTunes, Amazon, CDBaby, and Picklehead Music, among others. It’s a great gift for any of your friends who are Jewish, or who will be flattered by receiving something that implies you think they have a good sense of humor!
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Nov 20, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET
General David Petraeus is just the latest in a seemingly endless stream of powerful men brought down (or at least dented a bit) by their sexual escapades. You can find articles about what motivates them, about how their power gives them an entitled sense of hubris, about the specifics of their sordid activities, and of course plenty of jokes about Appalachian Trails and sexting – but does anyone else wonder why we never read about a powerful woman brought down by scandal? (Mind you, there are plenty of married women involved in these soap operas – and don’t you love that the Petraeus saga even includes twins? – but the women are not the power players, and we wouldn’t even know their names if they hadn’t slept with someone famous and then spilled the beans.)
While the obvious answer is that there are far fewer powerful women, there are still enough that proportionally there should be at least a couple of publicly humiliating affairs. And it’s not just that highly placed women tend to be way past the ‘babe’ stage – attractiveness certainly isn’t an issue with the guys who cheat, many of whom are downright homely. So my theory is that women who have ‘made it’ had to work twice as hard as men to get to their lofty positions, and even if they felt attracted to an aide or a gushing biographer, they’re too busy, and too exhausted, to start anything.
I’m not in any kind of power job, and yet I can swear that I have never cheated on either of my husbands (I’m not a reverse Mormon, it was one spouse at a time) – but this has nothing to do with my moral purity. Like most working mothers, I barely have time to brush my hair – so when that hunky boxboy at Safeway gives me a leering eye, I’m flattered, but not tempted (it just sounds like too much additional work).
However, I did summon up enough energy to have fun with the rhyming potential of some of these scandalous characters’ names . . . . .
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 5:00 PM ET
As in any election, there were some predicted results (Obama re-elected, Nate Silver fan clubs popping up), some lovely surprises (20 women in the senate, legalized pot and gay marriage), and some disappointed losers (including every senatorial candidate who mentioned rape . . . who’d’ve thunk?) I know some people feel the saddest for Florida, which ended up not even mattering this year. But my sympathy vote goes to Karl Rove. Whatever you think of him, he has to be a fundraising genius to have gotten $300 million from his donors, but of all the candidates he supported, not a single one was elected. I mean, I disagreed with him on almost every issue, but I never wished this much pain on the man. Not only did Donald Trump publicly shame him via tweet (I don’t know what part of that was more humiliating!), but now he’s even a joke on The Simpsons. What’s Rove supposed to do now? I seriously doubt he has much of a future as a political fundraiser, and after his election night meltdown on Fox News, his punditry career may be shot.
So while Rove sorts out his options, he can use this song as his soundtrack . . . (And after this last political song, I will be turning my musical attention to more general current events, the upcoming holidays, and the latest pop culture silliness that gives me an intellectual excuse to buy People Magazine.)
Whew! After all that worrying, there were no fights over vote counts, no major machine meltdowns, no hanging chads, and nothing to do for the legions of lawyers on deck for both parties. It’s a little like the aftermath of Y2K, when the world didn’t end and nothing bad happened other than a few hangovers. Of course there were plenty of positive newsworthy stories, from the increase in women in the senate, to patient voters who cheerfully waited out long lines, to the bipartisan bromance of Governor Christie and President Obama. But perhaps the biggest winner of all was Nate Silver, the NY Times “538” blogger, sabermetrician (look it up, I had to) and expert on psephology (ditto) whose mathematical polling analysis proved 100% accurate, making all his critics look foolish and illogical. Plus his calm analysis throughout the campaign made him a refreshing Dr. Spock in a sea of emotional hotheads.
I referred to him as the heretofore unsung star, because after this video he’ll no longer be unsung. This may be the first fan song he’s received, but I doubt it will be the last.
It’s been an incredibly divided election season, but seeing new BFFs President Obama and Governor Christie has inspired me to be more bipartisan.
Those of us in solidly red or blue states may disagree vehemently about our choice of candidate, but there’s one huge thing we have in common. We feel left out of all the rallies, speeches, door-to-door canvassing and incessant ads lavished on the few states whose votes will actually affect the presidential race.
I mean, sure, my vote matters on local races and propositions, but it’s not the same. Those of us in states like California or Texas never get called by pollsters or visited by campaign workers – meanwhile voters in a few crucial states are complaining about all the attention, like a gorgeous celebrity complaining about how hard it is to keep her weight up because she forgets to eat. But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to let my inner musical theatre geek pay tribute to perhaps the most pivotal swing state of all . . . .
