By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Jan 6, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
I made a new friend today. An unknown number from Atlanta called and I excitedly answered to see who could be on the other end of the line. It was Portfolio Recoveries calling me today–not a long lost friend, as I had hoped– although they did act like they knew me well. In fact, they insisted I owed over them $9000 on two credit cards.
They offered no information about purchases or any other helpful details. And were just terrible at making pleasant small talk. They just kept asking me angrily “How are you going to pay for this?” and “You need to set up a payment plan– now!”
I insisted that they I have never owned either card and had no idea what they were talking about.
I must have been doing well with my answers because the angry person who called me told me she was going to let me speak to her manager.
I am guessing not everybody they call gets to do that.
The manager was clearly the manager. I could tell because he read from the exact same script but sounded both angrier yet also more sane than the first person I spoke to.
No disrespect to her but she just isn’t management material —yet. At least in the debt collection biz. Time will tell. She may make it there one day. But for now she is well placed as just the “initial contact” person.
I told her and “the manager” that I had to go but would call them back tonight.
They thought I was saying I would “call them back” like some people say but never do, for example, with a one night stand. I could tell they didn’t believe me–and couldn’t blame them. They were acting like a stalker girlfriend in high school calling me constantly, not wanting me to ever hang up the phone with them, probing into my personal financial business and God knows what else. I wanted to tell them I wasn’t currently involved with any other debt collection agencies but instead simply reassured them I wouldn’t leave them feeling like all we had was a single casual conversation by saying “I promise I will call you back tonight. Really. I swear.” I didn’t want them to think I was one of “those guys” who says he will call but never does.
So I did. At around 9:15pm
I got a new person this time. A sort of new friend who seemed really excited to hear from me—and, frankly, amazed I actually called back. It made me feel good inside.
We chatted for a while exchanging pleasantries and then after about seven and a half seconds she was back on the “How are you going to settle this debt?” topic…which I didn’t care much for and more and, frankly, was bored with from my earlier conversation that afternoon on this same topic.
So I said “Look, I am a lawyer.” That had no relevance to our conversation but I rarely ever get to say that to people and this seemed like a good opening to mention it. I wanted them to know that even though she was dealing with a clueless person who they claimed owed a debt they were trying to collect–that I did happen to have a law degree. My hope was that she would think I could use some sort of legal Jiu Jitsu to talk my way out of the supposed debt they were collecting and just give up after hearing my status as a “lawyer.” But, as it turns out, telling her she was unbowed. And after I told her I was a lawyer I couldn’t think of anything about that to elaborate on about staring down debt collection agencies. ” I thought about telling here a second time I was a lawyer just for the effect but figured it might come off as overkill.
There was an awkward pause after the lawyer comment and I filled up the silence by repeating again that I swore I really knew nothing about the two debts she was referring to. I even said, “I swear to God, I don’t know anything about these two credit cards.” I tried to make my swearing comment sound like legal jargon but it sounded more like a teenager who had been caught red-handed and was trying unsuccessfully to talk his way out of something.
Unconvinced of my innocence, she asked me again how I was going to “take care of this” and and after a pause asked me again. I said somewhat exasperated, “Uh. Well….I guess I’ll take care of it by not paying for it since its not my debt. I think that’s going to be how I’m going to handle it.” And I added, “And I would also ask that you all stop calling me. (At this point I could have been more polite and said, “Please don’t call me anymore about debt collection but if you want to just talk about personal things, sports, the weather and whatnot then that would be fine. But I didn’t. Frankly, I was starting to suspect we didn’t have that much in common anyway and I just wanted to get the false debt claim against me resolved.)
I said “There are a lot of John Browns out there, you know? Is there any chance you could have the wrong one?”
I asked for the address and birth date they had on file for “me.” I had never heard of the address she gave and; and as for the birth date, it turns out the John Brown they were looking for is 61 years old.
I assured her that wasn’t me and that I had never lived or had an office at the address she gave me—- and that no one had ever thought I looked a day over 50 before and I suggested she try harder next time to call and harass the right John Brown.
She finally agreed and conceded reluctantly, “It does appear we have the wrong John Brown –this time.” Maybe in a few years I will be the John Brown they are after—maybe when I’m 61–but I was the wrong John Brown this time.
I asked if she was going to offer me an apology for the heavy handed tactics, harassing calls, and offensive insinuations that I was lying.
She said she would have to check with her manager but didn’t offer one herself.
At first I thought that was a bit rude not to apologize but, on the other hand, I admired their commitment to protocol and procedure and the need to run it higher up into management chain before anyone could officially say, “Sorry we got insulted, offended and harassed the wrong person.” There is something about that discipline in any organization that you have to respect.
She told me she hoped that I had a nice evening and I wished her a nice evening as well. Both of us were sincere but I think mine was a little less formulaic and more genuine in my well wishes for the evening. And we hung up.
She seemed like a nice lady. She really did. And said earlier she would write me (by sending a certified letter to me about my debt —or something like that.) But I didn’t tell her I would call her back. I could have said that I would call her back to make it easier on both of us as we said goodbye, but I didn’t. Because I knew I wouldn’t likely call her again. She’s just not my type. Of debt collector, that is. And, besides, I’m just not that type of guy either.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Jan 3, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Several months ago my friend Jonathan Miller, who had been concerned about my attire choices, took mr to Brooks Brothers and made me buy a single dark suit and a blue blazer.
And today I am wearing my dark Brooks Brotbers suit.
As I left the house this morning I felt like I was wearing my Big Boy dark suit and my Big Boy tie and had my Big Boy Samsonite brief case bag and got into my Big Boy gray Avalon car and headed to meet one on my clients to do some Big Boy stuff today. I even have important looking papers and a legal pad with my writing on it sticking out of my bag. All very Big boy -esque.
But as I was typing this I noticed I had on the wrong grey pants and not the ones that came with the suit. Dang it! Having on the right Big Boy pants is key to pulling off a Big Boy day.
Well, I got the socks and shoes right and the gray pant color is close enough to the grey jacket.
Bottom line is if no one notices my dark pants don’t perfectly match my dark jacket, I am going to have a Big Boy day anyway! Or at least try to.
And just hope no one can tell I still don’t feel like a big boy on the inside. Especially if they notice the off-color pants.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jan 1, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Passing down (and up) traditions and wisdom from generation to generation.
Sunday night my son was walking out to his car with a short sleeve shirt on and I yelled “Johnny, wait a minute. How are you going to stay warm?”
Johnny replied, “My car, Dad. It has heat.” “I know that,”
I said, “But what if you have a flat tire or your car breaks down? It would be a good idea to keep a jacket or blanket in your car, just in case. I know I am irrritating you with advice like this but my mom told me the same thing when I was walking out of the house at your age without any socks on in the middle of a snow storm.”
Johnny, looking at me not irritated but amused shot back, “Did you do it? Did you keep a blanket or jacket in your car after that?”
“No. No, I didn’t,” I said. “But it was still pretty good advice. You know?”
“Look, Dad,” Johnny responded, “You are forgetting you had two parents you got your genes from. Grandmommy, who constantly is giving advice; and Big John, who never takes any advice. And I have the same genes so it’s just a waste of both our time for you to keep trying to tell me what I should do. It may be a good idea. But you didnt do those things and neither will I.”
We both laughed and agreed that was the wisest advice passed between father and son in a long time.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Dec 31, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Thought for the day (Perception and problem solving)
When faced with a new and unpleasant predicament I like to think of the best part about it, the worst part, the slver lining and the reality of the entire situation.
For example, today I am congested and have a cold.
Best part: I can sound like Barry White when I talk to my wife.
Worst part: My wife keeps clear of me while I am contagious.
Silver lining: Sometimes I fully recover from my cold and am no longer contagious before my voice completely heals and I can sound like Lou Rawls for a couple of days when I talk to my wife. (Lou’s voice isn’t as deep as Barry’s was but still sounds low, slow, melodic and smooth.)
The reality of the entire situation: It’s too bad I can’t sing with or without a cold.
Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean I should take singing lessons instead of taking Advil. It only means I should at least seriously consider that option.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Dec 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Click here to purchase his first book
My second book and the fear of too much success.
I almost have enough new posts to put out a second book of Musings from the Middle before Christmas. But am not sure I have the time to risk having a blockbuster best seller.
It made me think of the time as a teenager I was shooting craps with friends and had failed to roll a pass for 10 consecutive rolls.
My logic before doubling down my bet for the 11th roll was “Since I had failed to roll a pass 10 times in a row I had much greater than usual odds to succeed on my 11th roll.” But I didn’t and lost my last dollar.
Later a math teacher explained to ne that if I flipped a coin 10 times in a row and it was heads each time on the 11th flip it would still only be a 50-50 chance of it being tails. I never liked that math teacher and always thought he was overly pessimistic about life.
So since my first book only has sold in the very high two digits (almost low three digits) and is ranked, like, two trillionth in sales rank on Amazon.com my old logic is returning and telling me if the first book was a complete sales failure the chances of a second book being a great success is pretty much guaranteed. At least if you look at the numbers, understand my logic, and have an optimistic mathematical view of the world, unlike my former math teacher.
Sometimes you just have to go for it and take the risk in life even when logic dictates you won’t have the time to handle your overehelming success. Just do it anyway and figure it out later.
And besides, what’s the worst that can happen? Sales jn the high two digits again? Heck, that would only means a third book would likely be a sure NY Times best seller.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Dec 27, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
JYB Sr., JYB Jr. and JYB III circa 1972
My favorite –and perhaps most emblematic—story about my father when he was a child.
When John Y Jr was about 16 months old or so, my father hadn’t quite taken to walking yet. He probably didn’t see the point when everyone around him seemed so willing to carry him everywhere he needed to go. But that’s beside the point.
His slow visual and motor development was beginning to distress my grandmother, so she and my grandfather took my 16 month old father to a psychologist to test his responsiveness, perception and ability to navigate his surroundings.
For the first test the doctor laid out a soft blue blanket and put the 16 month old John Y Jr at the center of the blanket. The doctor then placed an eye-catching and appealing shiny red ball on one of the blanket corners several feet away from my father to see if he would notice the ball and then crawl to it and retrieve it to play with.
My father, sitting in the middle of the blanket, eyed the bright red ball several feet away and reached down beside his little legs and grabbed a fistful of the blanket and started pulling the ball to toward him.
And then picked up the ball while never moving himself and began playing with it.
The doctor sent my grandparents home and told them not to worry; their son was fine.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Dec 27, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Travel advice for intelligent life on other planets.
If there really is extraterrestrial life out there and they are aware of planet Earth and have beeen monitoring us and waiting for the right time to visit, there really is no better time of year better to visit our planet than around Christmas time and the entire holiday season.
Homes and businesses are decorated with bright colorful lights and our people are in a pleasant, gracious and friendly frame of mind–toward everyone, even strangers.
Granted, traffic can be bad and the weather is cold but, on the whole, as a planet, we are at our very best during this time of year.
And if you are savvy about it, you can find some real bargains for lodging, food and entertainment.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Dec 26, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
“When greatness meets class, that’s what God created in Dr J” — Magic Johnson
When I was 12 years old I had the great honor of being a ball boy for the 1975 ABA All-Star game in San Antonio, Texas.
It was a heady time for a young boy like me. I idolized these men; these near mythic figures whose moves, style, attitude and basketball statistics filled my young head and heart.
There’s really not much for a ball boy to do. Sweep the floor during timeouts, retrieve errant balls, and mostly just enjoy sitting and watching the game of the league’s greatest players from just a few feet a way. And admire and absorb the sounds, the physicality, the grunts, yells, sweat, trash talk, speed, force and gracefulness… and ultimately the comraderie of an All-Star ABA basketball team.
My “moment” –my time when the pressure was on me as a ball boy occurred late in the game, in fact it was in the 4th quarter.
It was during one of the last timeouts and it was my turn to serve the water. My job was to hand each of the players, most importantly the 5 players who had been playing on the court, a small cup of water in a white cooler cup. I don’t remember how many cups I was given to hand out. I just remember that one of the last ones was the one I handed to Dr J and for my “moment” I was so nervous and excited I spilled nearly the entire cup of water on the left side of the Dr’s All-Star jersey as I tried to hand it to him.
I was embarrassed –mortified for a few moments–but Dr J, as Magic Johnson later noted, was that rare combination of greatness and class. The Dr just chuckled at my gaffe and made light of it by saying, “I don’t want water. When are we going to get champagne?”
He artfully covered for me by pretending he didn’t even want the water and was holding out for something better. I was relieved and laughed awkwardly.
Dr. J did drink what little water was left in his small cooler cup and then got up as the timeout ended and returned to the floor and finished with 21 points and help carry his team to yet another victory. He was –and is–a class act. Even to a clumsy little ball boy who idolized him but couldn’t competently hand him a cup of water during a timeout break.
That was my “moment” –and as I grew older I realized that my “moment” wasn’t a failure about me spilling the water. It was positive moment about me being witness to the gentleman and class act that Dr J was and is–even in the most smallest of his interactions. Julius Erving was the greatest basketball player I ever saw play.
And, in my opinion, one of the greatest all around human beings to ever play professional sports.
Here is a tribute to the Doc that I planned on watching only a few minutes of but 1 hour and 9 minutes later realized I’d watched the entire documentary. And I’m glad I did!
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Dec 25, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
It’s game time. Christmas-wise anyway.
Imagine you are in a football huddle late in the game.
A lot is on the line.
The quarterback unsnaps his helmet chinstrap and looks intensely but hopefully at each and every player
Then refastens his chinstrap and says to the team:
“You know what to do. We’ve practiced every conversation and family interaction for months now.
It’s Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and even though we may not be ready for them; they are ready for us.
This is it. And I say we are ready. Let’s do this thing!
Oh, and one more thing. Let’s make this the merriest damn Christmas ever!
On one. Break!”
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The coolest thing about having teenagers on Christmas morning?It is 10:26am and although Santa and his team finished their work at around 2am, neither child is awake yet.Or even stirring.
Neither Johnny nor Maggie woke up naturally at the crack of dawn like they used to a few years ago.
And apparently don’t even bother to set their alarms as teens.
But I am up.
Waiting….
I am afraid to try to wake them for fear they may say, “Just 10 more minutes…”
So I am enjoying coffee and left overs from last night’s dessert and giving them a little more time to awaken, on teen time, for an exciting Christmas morning. Around noon.
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When our son was 5 we surprised him Christmas morning with a new puppy. He was ecstatic but as he held the new puppy my wife and I noticed the puppy was shivering. My wife commented to me several times asking me if I thought the shivering was normal and if our new puppy was OK.
Finally, our commonsense 5 year old son, Johnny, interrupted and said, “Mom, relax. The puppy has been on a sliegh all night long in cold weather. Of course she’s going to be shivering.”
I looked at my wife and laughing said, “Duh!”
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My loved ones are so, so hard to Christmas shop for!!
Why do I think that?
Because everytime I slip away to try to shop for them I easily find a thing or two for me– but can never quite find a gift for them. And have to keep looking. It’s very frustrating.
But as frustrating experiences go, more fun than most.
The other night my wife and I split up to shop more efficiently and when we met back up I was carrying a bag with a men’s robe and a pair of slacks. “Who is that for?” Rebecca asked. “What? This?” I responded in mock surprise.
“It is for you,” I explained. “For you to give to me for Christmas. I just had you in mind and was thinking how I could make things easier on you”
I am pretty sure Rebecca believed me….Or at least was hoping I would find other ways to shop for Christmas that had a more direct benefit to her and others…. ; )
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Christmas Eve 2013
Today feels like that show where the winner got to take a shopping cart and rush through the store for exactly two minutes and could keep everything put in the cart during those two minutes.
Except in today’s game they make you pay for it all. At the end of your two minutes.It looked more fun the other way.
They thought I was saying I would “call them back” like some people say but never do, for example, with a one night stand. I could tell they didn’t believe me–and couldn’t blame them. They were acting like a stalker girlfriend in high school calling me constantly, not wanting me to ever hang up the phone with them, probing into my personal financial business and God knows what else. I wanted to tell them I wasn’t currently involved with any other debt collection agencies but instead simply reassured them I wouldn’t leave them feeling like all we had was a single casual conversation by saying “I promise I will call you back tonight. Really. I swear.” I didn’t want them to think I was one of “those guys” who says he will call but never does.
Follow John Y: