John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Magic Remote Control

If we each discovered the magic remote control to our life story, I think we have to ask ourselves which of these options we would choose.

Would we:

1. Want to change the channel?
2. TiVO it to watch later?
3. Mute it and play music in the background?
4. Try to rewind?
5. Try to fast forward?
6. Pause it?
7. Make popcorn?
8. Watch on the HD screen TV?
9. Try to adjust the color?
10. Increase the screen brightness amd then later dim it back?
11. Wish it were from the Action section?
12. Not care what section our life story would be filed in as long as it was displayed in the “Employees Picks” section?
13. Wonder if there will be a sequel?
14. Hope it is not a prequel?
15. Wish it were in subtitles?
16. Wonder if you would have missed parts when LOST was at its peak popularity?
17. Wonder what you have to do to get nominated for a Emmy award?
18. Wonder if we don’t watch would it hurt our Nielsen ratings in a way that could be hard to explain later on?
19. Begin to truly see the value and social utility of commercial breaks?
20. Wonder if  your life story is running on PBS, HBO, network TV, or Bravo?
21. Wish you had been able to get an up-and-coming actor to play you instead of you playing yourself?
22. Prefer your life story had been a monologue?
23. Think it was a mistake you could only play one character?
24. Feel the producer has made a lot of amateurish mistakes and should probably get fired?
25. Suspect a cameo role may have been a better fit?
26. Wonder if the line you are about to deliver will be the one replayed at the next Academy Awards ceremony?
27. Worry that your life wouldn’t have survived as a pilot for a reality TV show?
28. Wish that even though it’s not a game show, there was at least a catchy theme song?
29. Feel you should be allowed to narrate it?
30. Pine for the days when after midnight you would hear The Star Spangled banner and stare at a stationary picture of an Indian man?
31. Wonder if the Mac Book Pro is really yours or just effective product placement?
32. Be grateful for the possibility of future royalties for syndication?
33. Wonder if it is true that the “camera puts on 10 poumds” or if it was just you who put on 10 pounds?
34. Wonder if it would be better in Anime?
35. Tell yourself “Although it may seem slow at times, it will make you think”?
36. Try to convince yourself that Roger Ebert would give your life a “Thumbs up”?
37.  Secretly prefer that Gene Siskel give you a “Thumbs Down” because he just doesn’t “get it”?
38. Wished you had at least one signing part?
39. Realize there are a lot of surprises even though you thought the trailer gave it away?
40. Hope that later on you can watch your favorite parts over and over.