By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Dec 12, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Obviously!
When my son was about 11 years old we were in a heated debate about something utterly trivial and I stopped us and decided this could be a great “teaching moment.”
“In life, Johnny,” I started, “We often have to decide, Do we want to be right about every little thing–even silly things– or do we want to be happy.”
I paused.
“Which would you rather be?” I asked.
Johnny shot back “Both!”
I said, “No. You can’t do that. You have to chose one….Not both. Which would it be?”
Johnny, dug in and was trying to simultaneously make a point and get the correct answer. “Well, Dad, I’d rather be right, obviously.”
“No. No…no, no, no. That’s not the right answer. You’d rather be happy.”
Johnny snapped back, “Maybe you’d rather be happy. I’d rather be right. Being right makes me happy. So I do get both.”
I haven’t checked back to see if he’s modified his position on this issue but think I will this weekend.
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Dec 11, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET
Latkes? Schmatkes!
This time of year makes many of us nostalgic for those traditions of our childhood, those Norman Rockwell-esque memories of stringing popcorn, gathering fresh pine boughs, and sharing our plum pudding with the Himmels. (Oh, whoops, that wasn’t my childhood, that was Jo March’s . . . )
Well, anyway, most of the time I’m not exactly the domestic type (I cook adequately, but Martha Stewart’s job is safe), but occasionally I get this uncontrollable urge to create a memorable Hanukkah for my family. Which is pretty silly, when you think of it, since it’s a minor holiday that only gets any attention because it’s close to Christmas, and the traditions associated with it are more appropriate to Las Vegas (gambling and eating fried food). But I still want my boys to have fond memories, so I hang up the dreidl garlands and put out the menorah tea towels and star-of-David potholders, and when I’m really ambitious, I make a batch of latkes. (Which I imagine is akin to my Christian friends deciding to make a Buche de Noel or homemade egg nog, something like that?)
Latkes, for you goyim, are potato pancakes – so just imagine your entire kitchen covered with oil splatters, flour, and bits of burnt hash browns, and you’ll get the general idea. You can find countless articles about how adequate draining or squeezing prevents splatters, tips on utilizing the potato starch left from the draining liquid, and recipes that require using a lab-quality timer, but it still always makes a mess, and I end up resolving never to do it again. But amidst the mess and debris, occasionally one or two come out halfway decently, and there is something almost religious about biting into a crispy patty of fried potato – plus you’ve got to love a holiday where you’re supposed to eat fried food!
Unfortunately, that bliss is short-lived, and the mess takes forever to clean up. (And the worst part is, my kids don’t even like latkes!) But at least this year I captured it on film, which may help remind me next year that the latkes are always crispier in someone else’s kitchen . . . .
PS “Latkes, Shmatkes” is the title track of my album of comedy songs for Hanukkah – available at www.laurenmayer.com, on amazon.com, iTunes, CDBaby, and Picklehead Music.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Dec 11, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Bitter Sweet Symphony
I am a sucker for bitter sweet as a prefix for anything.
I admit that.
I think that much of life, even the most beautiful , brilliant, gratifyjng and elegant parts are still —at best — imbued with a bitter sweet quality. And that isn’t a “sad” quality.
Just a human one.
So being the cutting edge music aficionado that I am, I couldn’t resist the title of this song I stumbled across this morning: And absolutely love this song and sound and video.
Note; I use “cutting edge ” loosely.
Meaning plus or minus 15 years. Apparently this song was released in 1997 and received notable acclaim.
But, hey, that’s more cutting edge than, like, 16 years later.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Dec 11, 2012 at 9:15 AM ET
#TeamJYB3:
Day 2 of my new diet to loose 15 pounds (or at least).
Woke up.
First thing I thought of was “I’m on a diet.”
Went back to sleep.
Woke up a second time.
Planned to workout this morning for 4-5 minutes and then have Bran cereal.
Put off workout. Amazed self getting small chores done that I have been putting off for several weeks (trying to avoid working out this morning.
Ran out of time to workout but had most productive morning in weeks.
Seeing this diet program as having great unintended consequences for keeping up to date on routine tasks.
At one point, considered vacuuming to avoid working out this morning. (PS I don’t even know where we keep our vacuum stored)
Ran out of time for Bran cereal too.
Darn!
Not really.
I tell myself I will work out later today—and for 5-6 minutes. To teach myself a lesson to not skip working out.
And I won’t eat a Apple Fritter for breakfast (at least not a whole one).
Weighed myself. I’ve actually lost 3/10th of a pound (at 192.0 down from 192.3)
At this rate, I am going to lose 2.1 lbs per week.
I become concerned because over the course of a year, if this rate stays steady, I will weigh only 83 lbs. If I continue at this rate for a year and a half, I will weigh 28 lbs.
And will need an entire new wardrobe and can’t afford one now.
Decide to go forward with diet anyway.
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#TeamRP:
A travel day.
Ugh.
Since there is only one nonstop to New York and one nonstop back to Lexington, I have to get up at 5 AM and get home after Midnight to fit in a day trip to the Big Apple for business.
Aside for all of the modern inconveniences of plane travel — rushing to the airport, taking your shoes off, getting irradiated, etc. — it is hardest on my fitness and nutrition routine.
Exercise is out — no way am I getting up 30 minutes earlier when I already have to lose an extra hour of sleep. And it is almost impossible to find healthy things to eat as I am rushing to and around NYC. Don’t even mention the client lunches and dinners where I have to suffer through a salad while my younger colleagues partake of the steak and fries.
At least I will be home tomorrow — I rarely have business trips that last more than two days. I can only imagine what that would do to my fitness challenge participation.
Any tips out there among the RP Nation frequent travelers on how to stay in shape on the fly?
By Ronald J. Granieri, on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 1:30 PM ET
He Sees You When You’re Sleeping…
So the RP called me Saturday morning with a question.
This one was about last week’s Office episode where Dwight Shrute relates the story of Belsnickle, the pre-Christmas visitor of German and Pennsylvania Dutch folklore.
Swathed in furs, this surly figure shows up at the door with a switch in hand, to swat bad children, scaring them straight so that they will behave in time for Santa to bring them presents.
Is that for real? He asked.
Oh yes, I responded (and of course checked Wikipedia afterward to be sure).
That of course led to the obvious follow-up question: WTF?
The short answer is, because German folklore is crazy. Read the original Hausmärchen from the Brothers Grimm if you want further proof.
The longer answer is because parents back in the day realized you needed something stronger than “now, now, Santa’s watching!” when they want to get the little one to behave in the run-up to the holidays. And part of me thinks those parents from days of yore had something.
Belsnickle is delightfully direct. No false threats or mind games.
Modern parenting has gone too far away from that in the world of holiday planning, preferring subtlety to an unsettling degree. The most modern surveillance state version of this is the Elf on the Shelf, who appears in a different spot in the house every morning, constantly watching children and reporting back to the North Pole
Somehow people think this idea of Santa’s CIA is cute and not creepy. What’s next, reindeer-driven drones? If so, we can even re-write famous carols, viz.:
He sees you when you’re sleeping… his drones fly overhead
They record every move you make, now does that fill you with dread?
Or
Here comes Santa Claus, Here Comes Santa Claus
From Langley, VA
He’s got a lot of clandestine intel
And could put you away!
Somehow, a fur-clad hobo with a switch doesn’t seem so odd or scary after all.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Analogy fail.
As helpful as analogies are, they can’t be too personal or too obscure. And keep them light. For example, here’s analogy fail from several months ago I used with a couple of close friends trying to be funny.
“You know that feeling you get when you walk into your old apartment for the first time in six weeks after going to rehab and you have to remove three month old milk cartons with soured milk and clear out old pizza boxes with dried hardened pieces of rancid pizza crust that could be used as a prison shiv?”
Well, as it turned out, the answer was no. No one could relate. So what were some lessons I learned?
First rule: Too personal. Don’t assume just because you had a personal experience 27 years ago, everyone else did too and can relate to the image or feeling you are trying to recreate.
Second rule: Don’t use obscure references like “prison shiv” even if you’ve never been to prison, never plan to go, and have no plans to ever use a prison shiv and only know about them from one of your favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption.
Third rule. Know your audience. Be careful giving out dangerous ideas. The only people who would appreciate the pizza crust prison shiv reference are people who may one day be in a position to actually make and use one in prison. And then you’ll feel really stupid.
By Jonathan Miller, on Mon Dec 10, 2012 at 9:15 AM ET
As Jews around the county join with their families to celebrate the Festival of Lights, I wrote an essay for The Times of Israel celebrating the song that made Chanukah cool, and saved American Jewry (sort of…). Here’s an excerpt:
It was easy to understand why so many U.S. Jews – particularly our youngest – took refuge by fading into the multi-colored fabric of secularized Christianity that enveloped American culture. With Gentile discrimination so diffuse and subtle, the only remaining strident enemy in the 3,000-year battle for Jewish survival was, in fact, ourselves.
But then the 1990s brought forth a modern-day Judah Maccabee: Adam Sandler.
OK, I exaggerate just a little.
What the ’90s did bring was an army of modern Maccabees, in the form of prominent, familiar, likable Jews thrust into the pop media spotlight: Jews that were both clearly identifiable and proud of being both American and Jewish.
This helped produce a sea change in Christian Americans’ acceptance of their Jewish neighbors. In the vast center of the country where few Jews lived, ignorance previously had bred distrust and suspicion. Now, through the magic of television – and shows such as Northern Exposure,Beverly Hills 90210, Friends, and most prominently, Seinfeld – Jewish comedians, actors, and characters entered the living rooms of middle America. Rural citizens who’d never met a Jew before now “knew” dozens, and understood that “they were just like us” – maybe a bit wackier.
Just as significant was the impact on Jewish Americans. We could now hold our heads up a bit higher, feel a little more comfortable to publicly pronounce our faith. We were now the tellers of Jewish jokes, alternatively wry and self-deprecating, instead of divisive and mean-spirited.
It was a phenomenon that Jonathan Alter – in his famous 2000Newsweek cover piece heralding Joe Lieberman’s history-making Vice-Presidential candidacy – labeled the “Seinfeldizing of America.”
And at its epicenter in 1994 was a hastily produced, three-and-a-half minute musical segment on Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update.”
Below, The RP and JYB3 share their personal fitness goals as part of this elite competition. And later this week, we will hear from their trainer — our web site’s own fitness expert, Josh Bowen.
Click here to watch a video with the official rules of the challenge. (SPOILER ALERT: Everyone’s a loser!)
And stay tuned for many exciting developments in the challenge — where you can join the combatants, and when you can win valuable prizes.
We encourage you to pick sides: We fully expect #TeamRP and #TeamJYB3 to trend on Twitter, blow up Facebook, and do whatever to Pinterest that Pinterest does.
Anyway, here are the big losers themselves:
===
JYB3 (#TeamJYB3)
JYB3 BEFORE
I am announcing it to friends and family and anyone else who will listen.
I’m serious this time.
It’s not a New Year’s resolution. Just a December 8th start date. I’m not sure when the end date is. But it won’t be until 2013. And here’s what I’m going to do.
LOSE 15 POUNDS.
(or at least 10 pounds)
Jonathan Miller has challenged me and I told him, in no uncertain words, “I like the idea conceptually, but the working out part concerned me and make me reluctant at first. But I’m in. I’m all in. I mean I’m in. I’ll do it. I guess.”
So “It’s on!” And today is the day. Or maybe it’s tomorrow. We weren’t really clear on that. But what is clear is that I am committed to losing 15 pounds. (Or at least 10).
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I’ve been asked for a “Before” picture. To show beside my “after” picture once I’m through. That assumes two things: 1) I’ll actually finish this commitment and 2) that the “after” picture will actually be distinguishable for the “before” picture.
What I would like to do instead of a “before and after picture” is to reserve the option of
having two “after” pictures, assuming things go well. And a written “before” depiction for comparison purposes. (In addition to the “after” pictures, both of them, if it goes well), I will include a brief narrative description as well.
So, here, goes.
Seth Rogen shirtless
John Y Brown III (Before Description). Imagine Seth Rogan on a beach somewhere without a shirt and nearly knee length baggy shorts. But picture him about two inches shorter and with a slight Southern accent. Eating a Krispy Kreme donut. (I’d say imagine him 7 pounds lighter than he is in the movies….but because the camera adds about 10 pounds, instead imagine him about 3 pounds heavier than he is in real life and not on camera. Or if that’s too difficult because you are struggling to imagine Seth Rogen off camera and 10 pounds lighter, just go ahead and imagine him like in his movies buy 7 pounds lighter. (Just slightly less accurate that way because the added 10 pounds caused by the camera is inexact. But it’s close enough. If you’ve followed this description closely, you have a pretty good idea now of what my “before” picture looks like.
Or, for a simpler image. Just imagine Seth Rogan (movie not real life) shirtless and eating a Krispy Kreme donut. Minus 7.2 pounds (I’m factoring in the donut). And don’t imagine a Speedo. That’s not fair to anyone.
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THE RP (#TeamRP)
The RP BEFORE
About a decade ago, I started training with the extraordinary Josh Bowen. He pushed, bullied and harangued me into shape. By the time we were done, I weighed 175 lbs and was — with no exaggeration — in the best shape of my life.
After a few years, I thought that I had learned all I could from my guru, my fitness sherpa. I continued hitting the gym, this time by myself, using all the advice Josh had given me. A few years later, I was roughly in the same shape.
Then I got greedy, and exercised too hard and did something (used the elliptical in wrong form? put too much weight on the leg press?) that led to a bulging disk in my lower back. My exercise routine shut down as I went to all sorts of places for treatment — doctors, osteopaths, chiropractors, acupuncture, drum circles, etc.
The RP BEFORE BEFORE. Posing with Josh in 2005
Finally, I listened to my wife, found a Yoga instructor, whose stretching and strength routine helped ease the pain. Thank you to the marvelous David and Erin Smith of the Om Place in Winchester!
But without exercising regularly, I gained a bunch of weight. Then I lost it, worked out too hard, hurt myself and gained a bunch of weight again. I simply have never been able to figure out the right balance of working out hard enough to lose weight, but not too hard to hurt myself.
In the meantime, I aged. I developed both borderline high blood pressure and the same stomach acid problem that plagued my dad. I’m on acid blockers, but for both of my conditions, my doctor was insistent: I have to lose at least 10 pounds.
I’m at 190 now. I need to be at maximum 180. I’d love to get down to 175 — where I felt best — but losing those final 5 pounds by myself always led to other physical problems.
So, I’m back to the master for help.
I eat pretty well, but could always use some nutrition tips. But really, I am looking to Josh for a weight-losing exercise program that will not exacerbate my disk problem.
And I look forward to sharing with the RP Nation.
Read the rest of… The RP vs. JYB3 — An EPIC Fitness Challenge
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Dec 7, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Advice texted to my son today after we had lunch and he asked an important question I didn’t answer adequately at the time.
Me: “You asked me if there were many dishonest people in government and business. The answer, as I said earlier, is no. There are very few and they are radioactive and never last long.
But there are plenty of people everywhere who can sometimes be selfish or short-sighted or petty. And that is disappointing. You can’t change them and just learn to maneuver around them. And then you must be careful not to get sucked in to their game of playing things small.
Playing small is not a game worth getting good at if you are going to ask a lot of yourself in life–whatever you end of doing in your work.
