By Jonathan Miller, on Wed May 25, 2011 at 12:00 PM ET
A number of friends remarked that I showed a lot of chutzpah in my inaugural Huffington Post piece last week — by coming out of the political closet to endorse gay marriage.
My second piece, published by HuffPo this morning, takes on the Lamestream Media, the Big Science Establishment, and nearly one thousand years of international conspiracy.
Yes, I prove conclusively that the Earth is flat. Here’s an excerpt:
It’s finally happening. Thanks to the courage of such TRUTH pioneers as Glenn Beck, Alex Jones, and Harold Camping (So what if his Rapture prediction was a little off?), the iniquitous conspiracy between Big Science and the Lamestream Media is finally beginning to crumble.
The first sign was cable news’ wall-to-wall coverage of 2009’s “Climategate.” We know that public exposure of a handful of snarky emails exchanged by British climatologists proved once and for all that all of the so-called “peer-reviewed findings” and “scientific consensus” that the Earth is warming as a result of human activity were a cruel hoax. And the liberal media refused to conspire (finally!) with Big Science’s attempted whitewash: There was scant coverage of the four “independent” investigations which, all-too-conveniently and coincidentally, cleared the scientists of misconduct and reconfirmed the global warming fallacy.
That’s why it’s high time for real, TRUTH-loving Americans to employ the same logic and observational methods used by climate change deniers to debunk a far more pernicious fantasy perpetuated for centuries by Big Science: The “theory” that the Earth is round, that it spins wildly on its own axis, and that it hurtles madly through “outer space.”
Sometimes, a stupid lie that seems inconsequential at the time – in my case about a campaign postcard – can lead to betrayal, the end of a friendship, and a prison term. Other times, a stupid, inconsequential lie can lead to the blossoming of a long and meaningful friendship.
***
During my first Senate session in early 2007, I drove to Louisville for the weekend to visit my ex-girlfriend, who served as press secretary for Kentucky gubernatorial candidate Bruce Lunsford. It was the weekend before the Democratic primary, and on Sunday afternoon before I headed back to St. Louis, we stopped at a restaurant which we soon realized shared a patio with an adjacent restaurant hosting a campaign BBQ for one of her gubernatorial campaign opponents, Kentucky House Speaker Jody Richards.
Lis, whose jet-black hair, pale skin, haute couture dress, and staccato delivery screamed New York City, hid her head in her hand. “Oh my God,” she said, “they’re totally gonna recognize me and think I’m tracking them. Ohmigod, this is so embarrassing. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
Although most people in St. Louis politics viewed me as a Type A politician, who sprinted door-to-door and whose campaign aides who worked 16 hours a day seven days a week, I tended to take a much more relaxed view of campaigns than Lis did. A year earlier, she had famously called my campaign manager and berated him for failing to blind-copy a group of reporters on a routine press advisory. I’d watched the call from his side in the office; he stood there, mouth agape and crumpling like a boxer taking gut punches, for 60 seconds while the office listened to her tear into him, the phone a safe distance from his ear.
Knowing her aversion to even the smallest gaffes, I mischievously decided, as was my wont, to antagonize her. “Hey, I’m gonna go meet Jody,” I said, rising from the table. As a politician, a political scientist, and a huge geek, I liked meeting and analyzing politicians. The only thing better than meeting and analyzing them was to do it undercover.
Lis trembled and turned ashen. “Do NOT do that. Ohmigod I will fucking KILL you if you do that! Let’s just get the check and get out of here.”
***
Former KY House Speaker Jody Richards
I rose from my seat and approached Richards. “Hey, Mr. Speaker, how’s it goin’?”
He clasped my outstretched hand and pumped it furiously. “Hey there, young fella, how ya doin’?”
“I’m great. How’s the campaign going?”
“Well, pretty dern good!” He gestured to the patio, where an embarrassingly small group of supporters had gathered for the BBQ. “Look at all these folks! I’d say things are pretty dern good! What’s yer name, young fella?”
“John,” I lied.
He reached out and pumped my hand some more. “It’s great to see ya, John. Where ya from?”
“Oh, right down Bardstown,” I replied, gesturing vaguely to my left, praying he wouldn’t pursue that line of inquiry any further. I needed a distraction, fast. “So, tell me about your platform.”
Read the rest of… Jeff Smith: When “John” Met John Y.
Apparently Purchase College in New York allowed it students to name a newly built dormitory. Would you like to know what they ended up with? Sure you would. [Purchase.edu]
Our own Recovering Politician could make good use of an invention such as this! (Potentially funnier if you have seen him whip out his iPad in person) [picture]
By Jonathan Miller, on Fri May 13, 2011 at 12:00 PM ET
Our newest Friend of RP, Abigail Miller, made quite an impression when she made her TV debut at the ripe old age of 22 months. As you will see at the very end of the Friday Video Flashback below, Abby sits quietly as her older sister — then 4 year old, Emily — steals the spotlight with her adorable bravado, yelling “I’m for Daddy!”
Abigail actually had a unexpected speaking role that wound up on the editing room floor. After about the seventh take, Abby started to mimic her sister. Unfortunately, with the pacifier in her mouth, all that came out was “Mmm mmm mmm m!”
Abigail also appeared in an earlier commercial. Sitting in her high chair while her father recited his lines, Abby went to work on a chocolate popsicle for about 20 minutes. After the tenth take, popsicle fully ingested, Abby lifted her arms and yelled: “All done!” The director knew better than to rebuf his star, so shooting was shut down for the day.
Another cute aside: In the following ad, the little “future Democrat” holding the Miller for Congress sign about 5 seconds into the video is Conrad Bandaroff, son of the RP’s good friends, Holly and Craig Bandaroff, thoroughbred horse farmers who bred and co-owned Animal Kingdom, winner of last weekend’s Kentucky Derby. Unfortunately, the RP didn’t learn this fact until after he placed his wager on Derby Day.
The RP swore that he wasn’t going to run for office again any time soon. But it looks like he’s falling off the wagon after only a month of political sobriety.
Of course, he has a helluvan excuse: The Ultimate Authority has pushed him into a race for the U.S. Congress. As Alison Knezevich of the Charleston Gazette reports (h/t Aaron Ament):
Jonathan Miller, a Berkeley County Republican, announced online today that he plans to run for Congress in 2012.
Miller told me he would run in the 2nd District, for the seat now held by Republican Rep. Shelley Moore Capito.”I firmly believe that God has called me to run for this office now,” he said when asked why he made the announcement today. “The reason I’m running is because I’m tired of seeing Washington politicians put themselves before you.”
He wants to cut federal lawmakers’ pay in half, eliminate their benefits, and enact term limits.
Miller, first elected in 2006, said he rededicated his life to Christ in 2009, and prayed about whether to stay in politics. He said he received his answer in May 2010 and is responding now by announcing his future candidacy.
UPDATE: An alert reader noticed that Congressowman Capito represents a district in West Virginia, and the RP hails from Kentucky. The RP Staff understands, obviously the reporter made a small mistake. The two states are contiguous.
——
UPDATE 2: Another reader commented: “The article says that Jonathan Miller ‘rededicated his life to Christ.’ I’m pretty sure the RP is Jewish. Otherwise, this post about Jew-ish Gentiles is pretty offensive.” The RP Staff agrees: the RP is pretty offensive.
——-
UPDATE 3: Um…It turns out that there are actually two Jonathan Millers. The new candidate for Congress and the RP. The RP obviously is too busy to run for Congress: He blogs at The Recovering Politician; serves as Senior Advisor to Wellford Energy; practices law at Frost Brown Todd; has been a British theater and opera director; has served 20 years as Senior Rabbi at Temple Emanu-El in Birmingham; has been President and CEO of Miller Samuel Inc., a leading real estate appraisal and consulting firm; is a photographer; has gone to prison due to misdeeds during Iran-Contra, and runs a ministry where he “miraculously” has healed “countless” people.
By Jonathan Miller, on Wed May 11, 2011 at 1:30 PM ET
My piece yesterday about Jew-ish Gentiles in pop culture (The most popular non-Jeff Smith post our site’s long, storied history!) sparked considerable discussion.
My challenge to identify a “should-be-Chosen-person that I failed to choose” was met ably by John Newton who suggested Anne Bancroft, who was raised Catholic, but who brilliantly and realistically played Jewish characters (such as in Keeping the Faith) on screen. But as Diane Hertz Warsoff noted, Bancroft ultimately converted to Judaism when she married Mel Brooks. (Who’d have thunk he was Jewish?!?)
Another reader, Mark Schneider, made a terrific discovery. Apparently, I am not the only person who has theorized that Batman/Bruce Wayne is a Jew-ish character.
Check out this 2005 piece, “Bat-Mentsch” by Alan Oirich in the Jewish World Review:
The Dark Knight, as he has come to be called, is not generally considered to have such transparently Jewish beginnings as, say, Superman whose escape from Krypton was based on the story of Moses in exodus, or Fantastic Four’s The Thing, who was officially outed as a member of the Jewish people in a comic book a couple of years ago.
But there have always been some Jewish underpinnings to Batman, and the newly released origin film “Batman Begins” addresses some of them in a way that previous films about the character never came near. If Superman is a Moses, a Samson, then the newly begun Batman is An Abraham, A Pinchas, a Maccabee…
But today, I venture off on a mission implausible that risks alienation, if not excommunication, by my co-religionists at the Anti-Defamation League and the Global Zionist Conspiracy.
So, please allow me a brief expository digression…
Five years ago, when I launched my national tour for The Compassionate Community— the book in which I discuss my political career as a devout Jew living in an inner notch of the Bible Belt — I ventured often into the rural hills and hollers of my home state, speaking to audiences in which I was the only one present who lights the Sabbath candles. I’d speak passionately about my Jewish faith, quote the Talmud and the Rabbis; but, inevitably, there would be someone who’d come up to me afterwards to proclaim: “You are such a good Christian!”
I’m confident that each time this occured, the well-intentioned speaker was using a secular definition of “Christian” (along the lines of “someone who tries to emulate Christ”) as opposed to making a religious statement. (And I’m certain that they were NOT comparing me to the unholy hoopster “Christian“.) So I took it as a hopeful complement.
Flashback to my college dorm room two decades earlier. My then-roommate (and current Friend of RP) Ron Granieri, came to campus with an encyclopedic knowledge of my faith, customs and moral code, quite impressive for a Roman Catholic from upstate New York. And because he was a compassionate soul with a wicked sense of humor, our other roommate — a future rabbi, natch — annointed him as Jew-ish, since he was still technically not a Jew. (Ron was unwilling to go through the formal conversion process, which not only would have required him to renounce his own devout beliefs; but much worse, to endure a ritual circumcision.)
So in honor of our un-cut and non-kosher, but still quite Jew-ish Ron, I hereby consecrate the following list of the Five Most Jew-ish Gentiles in Pop Culture:
– – – – – – – –
5. (tie) Tina Fey and Liz Lemon
Her dark eyes, Semitic features, the bookish specs, her ascerbic wit, the close association with the media elite in New York City…How could it be possible that Tina Fey isn’t actually Jewish? And her alter ego, Liz Lemon, takes it a step further –Liz’s inexhaustible self-deprecating neuroses identify her as the modern-day Woody Allen. But alas, Fey is Greek Orthodox; and Lemon, when asked about her faith, replied: “I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.” Jewish boys and girls are just going to have to wait even longer to finally find a Jewish role model in the world of comedy.
4. Bruce Springsteen
If his New Jersey roots, passion for social justice and 70’s-era matching Jew-fro and Hassidic beard weren’t enough, his surname is Springsteen, for Chri…uh… Moses’ sake! But sorry… the Boss was raised in a very devout Catholic household. (The fact that “Mary” is the name of the woman in every otherSpringsteensong should have given it away.) It is no coincidence that I learned that the Boss was not one of us precisely at the same time as when my Christian friends were apprised that Santa Claus wasn’t really coming to town.
3. Batman
Batman (Secret identity: Bruce Wayne) was the ultimate Jew-ish superhero. He lived in Gotham, an unsubtle proxy for the city with the world’s largest Jewish population. He was a wealthy industrialist, yet felt apart from the rest of society, much like many successful Jews in the mid-20th century. Most significantly, unlike his fellow comrades in the Superfriends Justice League of America, Batman did not slay his foes using any extra-human, Christ-like powers — Instead, he used his bookish cunning and wile. Yet, there is never any mention of Wayne’s Semitic affiliation in any DC comic book. Unfortunately as well, the experts deem him either a lapsed Catholic or a lapsed Episcopalian. There is good news, however, Hebraic Bat Fans: The new Batwoman is Jewish. And a lesbian. Holy Sephardic Sapphism, Batman!
Read the rest of… The RP: The Five Most Jew-ish Gentiles in Pop Culture
In the spirit of “You get what you pay for,” out of the 20 RP contributors who offered their handicapping skills…and among the 13 different horses predicted by these same contributors…and including the more than a dozen commentors here at the RP and on the RP’s Facebook page…not a single person correctly picked Animal Kingdom to win the Run for the Roses.
Bad news: I lost my shirt at the Derby. (It only cost $5.) Good news: I don’t have to buy anybody any mint julep mix for winning our prediction contest!
I know one person who actually picked the winner. And on Thursday, we will feature her as brand new Friend of RP. Of course, she’s a month shy of 15 years old. You will have to stay tuned to read her wisdom.
Until then, if you want some good laughs, re-read our KY Derby post. And stay to the very end to read the prediction of the winner of a box of chocolate bourbon balls for the funniest one-liner.
By Jonathan Miller, on Fri May 6, 2011 at 2:15 PM ET
Tomorrow is a quasi-religious holiday in my home state — the one day we put aside our obsession with college basketball, and focus on something truly spiritual: a two-minute race, involving about 20 three-year-old thoroughbred horses and a bunch of vertically-challenged guys riding on top of them.
Wherever you are, you might have an opportunity to place a small wager on the race, or to select a horse’s name on a piece of paper from a punch bowl at a Derby party. Because The Recovering Politician‘s mission is to serve our readers with critical information at timely moments like this, our Contributing RPs, the Friends of RP, and even the RP staff have been asked to share their expertise and give you their recommended picks.
(OK, they’ve been bribed: Winning entries from the RP team will receive a bottle of mint julep mix; the funniest pick wins a box of delicious chocolate bourbon balls.)
So, with all the obvious disclaimers (adults only; gamble in moderation; if you wager at a track, consider your bet a contribution to Kentucky’s struggling horse industry; picking a horse by its color or name is often as effective as studying the Daily Racing Form; females, be sure to wear an outrageous hat to your Derby party–see an example to the right), here is the deeply-educated, passionately-considered handicapping of the RP team:
The RP: My brother-in-law, Clark Mandel, is a chiropractor who works with horses, and a very serious handicapper. His picks are in this order: Archarcharch, Pants On Fire, and Soldat. I will follow his advice, putting my big money ($5) on Pants On Fire because of Jeff Smith’s comment at the bottom of this post.
John Roach: If the track is dry, I like Mucho Macho Man and Nehro. For longshot plays, I like Twice the Appeal and Master of the Hounds.
Grant Smith (RP Staff): I’m going with Twice the Appeal. Not only is Calvin Borel the jockey, the horse’s position at Gate 3 only increases the odds that Calvin “Bo Rail” will be able to pull off his famous rail-riding antics all the way to victory.
Kathleen Kennedy Townsend: I am going with Twinspired…I like the cleverness of the name…and I have two sets of twins as nieces and nephews, and they inspire me with their grace and ability!
Kristen Hamilton (RP Staff): I love Calvin Borel, but if I were to pick one based on a name, it would be Archarcharch, because that is exactly what I said after taking finals. :/
Andrei Cherny: I say Mucho Macho Man in honor of Arizona’s Hispanic heritage.
Stephanie Doctrow (RP Staff): My favorite Derby horse has to be Stay Thirsty… I don’t know much about the horses this year, but as an upperclassman at a Big Ten university, I feel obligated to pick the one with that name!
Loranne Ausley: I was going to go with Watch Me Go as a Florida bred with a female trainer (only 2 female trainers tomorrow making them the 14th and 15th in history of Derby), but I am going with Pants on Fire. Not Florida bred, but ridden by a female jockey…..if they win, Rosie Napravnik would be first woman jockey to win the Derby! Only 5 previous female jockeys in the history of the race. Here is a link to a story in the St. Pete Times Politifact (yes, Politifact has opined on this because “Pants on Fire” is a term of art in their political fact checking world!)
Antics in the Derby infield
Zack Adams (RP Staff): Twice the Appeal. I’m betting on Calvin Bo-rail, winner of 3 of the last 4 Derbys.
Steven Schulman (Who attended the Derby infield with the RP while in high school): From personal experience, I can’t say there are horses at the Derby. But I will pick Mucho Macho Man. Of course.
Carte Goodwin: When I was living in Atlanta, a radio station used to periodically have a contest called Rock Band or Racehorse. The DJs would read a name, and callers would have to identify it — say Veruca Salt as a band, or Unbridled as a horse. So in honor of that contest, Santiva sounds like a good band name (or at least better than Pants on Fire.)
