John Y’s Musings from the Middle: De-victimize yourself

If you are an adult and think you are a victim in life, you are sadly correct.

You are a victim of your own need to be a victim.

I am not saying we are not sometimes victimized. We most certainly are. People get raped, maimed, murdered, and harmed physically and emtionally in inmumerable and unthinkable ways. But those instances of being victimized are situational and do not permanently define us.

Unless, of course, we decide it is preferable to be defined as a victim than to get on with our life.

There are many enticing advantages to being a victim. When we are in that role we get pity, attention, compassion, concern, are the center of attention, less is expected of us and we expect less of ourseleves.

Not a bad deal.

jyb_musingsIf you don’t mind spending your life “on the sidelines,” so to speak. We are like an injured athlete that sits with the team during the games but never gets to play and we are always pointing to our injury to explain why.

We nurture and promote how we have been harmed until it really does define us.

It is as though we place a sign around our neck for all to see that says, “Wounded. Don’t expect much of me.”

But on our back is another sign that only others can see that says, “Because I choose to be a victim. And don’t expect much of myself.”

And the sign on our back doesn’t come off until we take off the sign that proclaims we are a victim –that we put on ourselves.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: No?

We either need more ways to say “no” or more ways for people to understand what we mean when we say “no.”

By itself “no” –a little two letter word– seems to be the most misunderstood and confusing word in the English language. When someone asks you if you would like such and such and you say “no” or “no thank you,” it’s as if you really are saying, “Gee, I can’t decide. Can you please help me with more options?” Because inevitability the other person will reapond “Oh, I understand. How about this other such and such or the original such and such in a larger size?”

Maybe we say the word “no” too fast and people can’t really hear or underatand us.
Or maybe it is a literacy issue where only about 10 or 15% of the population knows what the word “no” really means.

Or maybe “no” is just a word that has underperformed for so long it needs to be replaced by a longer, stronger and more daunting word. No?

See what I mean?! You were ready for a brand new tougher word for “no” until you saw that little wimpy wishy-washy word “no” that you’ve grown so used and attached to. And decided that even though it is weak, it is good enough.

jyb_musingsSo maybe it’s not the word “no” but our own indifference and lackadaisical disposition toward saying “no” –and meaning it– that is the real culprit behind the lack of meaning behind the perplexing little word.

There is something to that, isn’t there?

Nah.

Well….at least we have “nah” when we really mean “no” but “no” alone isn’t strong enough to do the trick. And the heck of it is that when “nah” was invented it was supposed to be weaker than “no!” The word “no” has clearly fallen on hard times.

So, for now, I guess, whenever we mean “no” we should say “nah” instead –and say it emphatically. Like this, “Nah!!”

Geez. That is pathetic sounding. And a little creepy. I think I’ll just keep saying “no” insted, for now, and letting people think I don’t really mean it –until we come up with some better options.

Cory Collins: Battling Broadway — Confessions of a Big Blue Nation expatriate

Note from John Y. Brown, III: Thanks to Randy Ratliff and Eric Crawford for drawing attention to about the best piece of journalism I’ve stumbled across in a long while.  The piece, by Cory Collins, is a heartfelt and wrenchingly honest and humble personal piece asking probably the most unpopular question in central Kentucky this week on the eve of the NCAA Final Four; namely, Are we making too much of UK college basketball?  Collins’ piece succeeds where so many pieces like it before have failed because it is not a disconnected and predictable scolding for misguided priorities but a sentimental and bittersweet journey of one thoughtful man who has been personally intertwined in the debate for many years and from many different vantage points. And who has reached a very thoughtful conclusion and desire to express it at precisely the moment when no one else in Kentucky really cares to hear it, including me. Which makes it all the more important that we do. And why I am glad I took the time to read it and respond to it just now.

(Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

Allow me to bestow remembrance, lest you forget the Battle on Broadway, circa 2013.

I was sports editor of a publication you’ve undoubtedly encountered on newsstands, somewhere between USA Today and The New York Times on the rack. For the uneducated, unwashed masses, lest you forget my work, it was The Rambler, Transylvania University’s student newspaper, circulation: 1,000.

And there was a basketball game. A preseason exhibition. A storied crosstown Lexington rivalry that none of your kids will talk about: the Kentucky Wildcats hosting the Transylvania Pioneers, my Division III institution that stands just a short Conestoga ride down Broadway from the sacred walls of Rupp Arena.

As you might imagine, hype was high, even if trash talk proved difficult. Something about “Hey, UK! In the 1800s, you were our AG SCHOOL! And we reap what we sow!” didn’t exactly elicit fear in the hearts of seven-foot Wildcats.

We lost. I’ll spare you the bloody details. But Pioneers could take pride in a 30-second spot on ESPN’s SportsNation, where our own Brandon Rash (sort of) posterized Willie Cauley-Stein. The reaction was predictable, only lacking the low-hanging fruit that is a joke about Dracula.

The host, Colin Cowherd, mocked the name on the chest, as if to ask, where the hell is Transylvania?

It’s hard to blame him. For in the world of sports, we were Atlantis, lost in the Lexington, Ky., sea of blue.

Cory-Collins_avatar_1387822758-190x190Perhaps we wore crimson because we often acted as a vein pumping blood into the heart of Big Blue Nation. We had our fair share of duel-fandom, students who wanted Transy diplomas but UK basketball T-shirts. We had Matt Jones, who became the host of Kentucky Sports Radio. We have current senior Ben Lyvers, who helps lead a Pioneer cheering section but wore blue to the Battle on Broadway.

And we had me. Stubborn, hipster me. Adamant that I had picked sides. Adamant that I had put my heart into Transylvania and a critical eye on Kentucky.

What I saw: it wasn’t that simple.

***

I don’t know when I became an outsider.

Before Cory Collins waxed poetic about the problems with big-money college athletics and referred to himself in the third person, Cory Collins played basketball on a plot of packed mud, a basketball hoop nailed to a tree. For hours, he played. And when the names taking the shots weren’t imaginary, they were often Wildcats.

I was just a rural Kentucky boy with a dream, and like many children, I loved things unconditionally and disproportionally. I loved shooting the basketball. And of all Wildcats, I loved Wayne Turner, and the way he shot free throws like he was mean enough to throw a baby backwards but kind enough to put a hand behind its head. I’d mimic the motion, because a swish is just as sweet when its origin makes no sense. And it made me smile. Why isn’t motivation always so simple?

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment that boyhood admiration for Big Blue disappeared. I turned into that typical creative, heady kid who seeks to assert himself. I dreamed beyond the boundaries of Kentucky, and thus, I cheated on my childhood and fell in love with new groups of young men playing ball games. I loved Texas’s baseball squad, UCLA’s color palette.

But these were fleeting fancies. In the end, I went to Transylvania, years after I discovered that a late-bloomer who has a way with words does not a scholarship athlete make. I thought my choice was made, my allegiance assigned. I’d left behind that Kentucky boy.

Instead, I found myself in an epicenter.

***

To live in Lexington with objective eyes is to see it: the big money program, the John Calipari car commercials, the burning couches, the fandom that does not border on obsession but defines it. I’ll admit that I was disenfranchised by its surround-sound persistence.

In 2012, when Big Blue raised its eighth banner, I was there as chaos hit State Street and Limestone. The success of selfless superstars like Anthony Davis and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist begat something much different — a mass self-indulgence. The destruction, the binge drinking, that’s what you’d see if you look no further than the six o’clock news.

So on the surface, it looked like everything that is wrong with the Kentucky fan base, what some may call the Alabama football following of the hardwood. A group that stands on a self-built pedestal, downgrades the outsider, and takes criticism as personal affront. But if that’s all you see, you miss a bit of beauty in Big Blue Nation:

You miss the fans that have nothing else to hold on to, not just in the streets of Lexington, but in the mountains, on the farms, inside the trailer parks where, without Big Blue, hope is a penny stock and they can’t afford it.

You miss the bond Big Blue perpetuates. As the aforementioned Mr. Lyvers explains it, “It just gives you chills. I’ve high-fived so many strangers in the past two weeks I had to ice my hand. It’s unifying.”

You miss the rare moment in the 21st century when something has the power to send people from their digital screens and screened-in porches to celebrate as a community.

But it should be said: if you only skim the surface of Kentucky basketball, you miss the dangers in the undertow.

***

When this culture surrounds you, so too does its flaws.

There are the obvious problems that you can find on the Twitter accounts of Jay Bilas of ESPN (@JayBilas) and Steve Berkowitz of USA Today (@ByBerkowitz) — Calipari’s unbelievable salary, the marketing of young men, an infrastructure so out of touch with its fan base that it sometimes feels like basketball’s McDonald’s, letting its poor indulge on unhealthy expectations until they are full.

But there are other things you see up close. There’s the way Kentucky basketball defines a city, despite a burgeoning culture of art, of inclusion, of creativity that fights to compete with its significance.

There is a dangerous dependence where identities, days, and moods are determined by wins and losses. It isn’t fandom, it’s a civil war, the difference between Kentucky being a national champion and a national punch line.

There appears to be a value system of athletics over academics, despite Calipari’s insistence to the contrary. UK is a team, in some eyes, before it’s a school. The school’s own official Twitter account, after 2012, led off its description promoting itself as the home of basketball’s best team. There was, surprisingly, no mention of its music program.

There is the onslaught of one-and-done, which has created a distance between fans and players. A veteran like Patrick Patterson is now the rarity. And while these fans understand better than many that dreams are fleeting, and that winning has a way of healing the hurt, they engage a coping mechanism. They decide the latest bunch will soon be gone, lament the loss of the old days and discard the new ones.

As an observer, as a liberal arts student and millennial hippie with cultural sensitivity and ingrained skepticism, this troubles me. But then I dare to look beneath the extremes. Beyond the ugly sides of fandom and into the beautiful in-between.

***

It was only two years ago when Kentucky represented the model for how youthful superstars could coalesce into something spectacular. It was only two months ago when Kentucky seemed to offer proof that no number of high school All-Americans could overcome the intangible necessities of experience and chemistry to succeed.

Now, the Wildcats are only two games away from potentially reclaiming the crown.

And on one hand, I dread it. I dread the fed beast that is the Big Blue Nation. I dread the calls to sports radio that will cement stereotypes of a Kentucky mindlessness that sees basketball, but misses the point.

But on the other hand, I can see it. I can already envision the sights of the state I called home. And some of it is beautiful.

I can see my Aunt Becky, as she battles cancer, for a moment able to stand strong, a tear in her eyes, a blue shirt over her heart, the words “our boys” on her lips as they dance across her television screen, victorious.

I can see the streets of Lexington, swarmed in jubilation. And beneath the binge-drinking, the danger, some student just happy to be there will hug a stranger, or take a selfie on Limestone Street with no intent to destroy, just to remember.

I can see a boy, somewhere, in the woods on a mud-packed court, running outside like I did in 1998, counting down imaginary seconds, perfecting Andrew Harrison’s follow through. Just a boy in the middle of nowhere that can dream of being somebody.

And yes, I can see the sight of freshman boys beneath confetti, a farewell party where their parting gift is the title, “National Champion,” smiling while we damn the system. The system that, God forbid, lets these boys of basketball leave to do what they love.

That’s when I’ll realize: who am I to damn the dreamers? Why should I, an outsider who can see the inside, fault the Big Blue Nation for its happiness?

I am critical. Of the money, of the culture, of the insensitivity and ignorance that can sometimes flow from a fan base so devoted to winning basketball games that it forgets that there are human beings beneath the jerseys, both the opposition’s and the one’s that spell “Kentucky” across the chest.

And there will be a time to revisit the one-and-done. To reconsider the explicability of recruiting players to use their university as a stepping stone to greatness, of sacrificing a sense of continuity for a sense of contention. To rediscover a game that used to be a Kentucky pastime before it became a Kentucky corporation.

But it is not just a cliché, in Kentucky, to miss the forest for the trees. So many problems dot the landscape that it’s easy to lose the scenery, to overlook the beauty.

I couldn’t truly see it until I left. I had intended to write about living within the city limits of Kentucky’s evil empire for four years, of lamenting how Kentucky ball courts became cult cathedrals.

But then I remembered that, beneath the burning couches, the hateful words on talk radio and the complicated racial relationship between player and fan (all of which still boils my Kentucky blood), there was happiness. There were smiles.

Because yes, we do have teeth in Kentucky. There’s just not always much reason to show them.

There’s a reason that a recent study from Gallup Healthways ranked two areas in the Commonwealth among the nation’s ten most miserable. For many, times are tough.

And if it takes millions of dollars, a basketball and a miracle run to bring those smiles back to Big Blue Nation — if it takes two Harrison twins and one coach with a car salesman’s smile — on some level, just maybe, it’s worth it.

Or maybe I’m still Wayne Turner in the wooded back yard, and I’ll never have a proper grip.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: The Trouble with Predicting the Future

We can’t know the future but we can try to guess as accurately as possible what the future will likely look like for us. But at best we can only approximate small parts of it. And it is imposible to know which parts will be correct.

When I was a boy I watched the Jetson’s cartoon every Saturday morning. Not so much because I enjoyed the storyline but rather because I wanted to get glimpses into what my high-tech futuristic life would be like.

jyb_musingsAs it turns out—over 40 years later–very little in my world resembles what was promised to me in the Jetson’s cartoon. No spaceships, no spacesuits, no hopping from planet to planet. Not even a robot dog that comes fully house trained.

The only similarities, if I really press myself, is that I am as goofy and ineffectual as George Jetson and my wife is as hot as Judy.

But the rest I will have to wait on.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Deep Thoughts

If a roulette ball had “free will” which number and color would it try to land on?

Makes you think, doesn’t it?

At least it does if you have an hour drive into work every morning and can dictate random thoughts into Facebook posts on your smartphone.

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Typical Monday morning blues…

Feeling Michael Mcdonald but looking Lyle Lovett.

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I know our month calendar is based on the Roman Justinian calendar but I sometimes wonder if our week calendar is based on Greek mythology and the story of Sisyphus.

Sisyphus is a mythological figure who was condemned for eternity to repeatedly roll a boulder uphill — experiencing a momentary sense of relief (the weekend)– and then watching it roll back down and having to start pushing uphill all over again (Monday).

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jyb_musingsWhat is up with this fickle weather?

When did weekend weather reports routinely become “sunny with a couple inches of snow on Monday?”

I can’t tell if Spring is really  just around the corner or if we are just experiencing intermittent hot flashes.

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If a 3 year old needs to plead his or her case for a cupcake and isn’t having success, there is a 3 year old in San Jose, CA I recommend you hire to represent you.

And I am guessing he’s willing to work on a cupcake contingent fee basis.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: The Mysterious Adventures of Morning People

I will never personally explore outer space or the mysteries of the ocean depths.

But after becoming a “morning person” in middle age I have discovered an exciting new world that I never knew existed between about 530am- 8am each morning. It doesn’t involve identifying new stars or planets or observing a new underwater species or rare coral growth. Bu…t there are some real characters, fascinating behaviors, impressive routines and surprising activities that I never knew about that exist in this mysterious “early morning” world.

jyb_musingsAnd you don’t need a spaceship or bathyscape to travel there. Just a functional alarm clock that doesn’t have a snooze button.

And astonaut helmets and swimming goggles are optional.

Politico: The Man of Steele Returns

Awesome piece by Roger Simon in today’s Politico on recovering politician Michael Steele:

Steele, who is a resident fellow at the university’s Institute  of Politics, manages to traverse the entire breadth of the Midway before the  inevitable happens: A passing car comes to halt, and the driver lowers her  passenger window and hails Steele as an old friend, even though they have never  met.

While Steele was once the (first black) lieutenant governor of Maryland and  the (first black) chairman of the Republican National Committee, today he is far  better known than he was then. This is largely due to the airtime he gets as an  MSNBC analyst and his appearances on “Real Time with Bill Maher” and “The  Colbert Report.”

He is outgoing, bright, magnetic, recognized on streets and in airports and  is the one thing he was not while he ran the Republican Party: popular.

“I am the most misunderstood man in politics,” Steele tells me.

Steele was elected to a two-year term as Republican Party chairman on Jan.  30, 2009. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Barack Obama had moved into  the White House, and a lot of people were talking about a “post-racial” America.  Nancy Pelosi was running the House, Harry Reid was running the Senate and it  didn’t seem as if the Republican message was selling all that well.

So maybe it was time for a change.

Except Steele’s election took six ballots and, though Steele had conservative  Republican credentials, the reaction of some of the party kingpins ranged from  displeasure to dismay. And then there was the race thing. Maybe the country was  not so post-racial after all.

“After I was elected chairman, there were some people who refused to shake my  hand,” Steele says of some Republican bigwigs.

He was a different kind of chairman. He got involved in controversies that  earned him the wrath of Sen. John McCain (not that hard a thing to do, actually)  and made a series of statements that some found baffling.

He said the war in Afghanistan was a war “of Obama’s choosing” and that he  was going to tell local Republican chairmen, “Don’t think this is a country club  atmosphere where we sit around drinking wine and eating cheese and talking  amongst ourselves. If you don’t want to drill down and build coalitions to  minority communities, then you have to give that seat to someone who does.”

Some of his ideas were actually pretty good. He said he wanted an “off the  hook” public relations offensive to reach out to “the young, Hispanic, black, a  cross section” and apply party principles “to urban-suburban hip-hop  settings.”

This earned him the wrath of Rush Limbaugh, which could be considered a badge  of honor, but Steele was the chairman of the Republican Party, a party  that didn’t actually think of itself as being that “off the hook.”

Click here to read the full piece.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Alarm Clocks

Finally!

My long-time trusty alarm clock broke several months ago–and I have relied on my wife, Rebecca, to wake me up every morning using her alarm clock.

Why?

Because for 4 months I have been unable to find an alarm clock for myself that is “idiot proof.”

In other words, that I can figure out how to use–like my old one dimensional alarm clock. It is a Sony from Walgreens and costs $14.99 and I am elated.

Every other alarm clock I have looked at seems to require an advanced degree in engineering to operate. (It’s not the one pictured but is as scaled down and limited to its original uses) When did clocks become easier to make than to use?

I am so relieved. Imagine…having a clock that I can set all by myself.

jyb_musingsMost alarm clocks I am passing on, I am sure, have many wonderful new fangled features. Some project the time on the ceiling; some probably connect to NASA and can track satellites. But I just need an alarm to go off around 6am every morning and am willing to give up all the other cool clock “value adds.”

I just need a loud alarm buzzer and something that tells time–and I’m good.

Finally.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Choices

Note to tape on my bathroom mirror to read every morning:

You know that thing you’ve been thinking about doing?

No. Not that one. The other one.

You know the one.

Yes, that one. That’s the one.

Don’t do it. Just don’t.

jyb_musingsJust…please… put it out of your mind.

I know. I know. Heard it all before. Remember about this time last year? Same situation and how did that turn out for you?

This would be yet another “bad choice,” as they like to say. And, really, haven’t you made enough of those already?

Just let it go. Trust me on this. You’ll thank me a month from now.

Don’t forget to brush your teeth. And why don’t you try flossing for a change?

John Y. Brown, III: One UK fan’s reflections

The 2013-14 UK Wildcats men’s basketball team started the season ranked first in the nation and started the NCAA tournament unranked and noteworthy primarily
for what they hadn’t done this season.

But that was a very long time ago—at the beginning of the tournament —and with 68 teams competing.

A couple weeks have passed and now there are just four teams left, including the team of destiny that became the team of disappointment before they became again the team of destiny.

And vanquished the Duke ’92 demon that had festered for 22 years…..before avenging the Michigan Fab 5 loss that had lingered for 23 years…..all while playing 120 consecutive minutes of the steeliest and most exciting basketball in perhaps Kentucky’s storied college basketball history…and who still haven’t played to their fullest possible potential…but have one last chance in Dallas next week to do just that.

And is a team that will never be accused of disappointing their fans or their followers and is now on their way to Dallas because they have a date with destiny…and only themselves left to prove something to.

jyb_musingsWe, the fans, are privileged to be along for this special ride–of the 2013-14 UK basketball team —a team that will not go down as the greatest, or most unforgettable, or most invincible UK team ever….but will be remembered quite possibly as the damnedest team in modern UK basketball history. And certainly one of the most special.

Good luck navigating your destiny the rest of the way. It’s on you, fellas.

Just know your fans are proudly behind you –every single last step of your blessed way.