John Y’s Musings from the Middle: De-victimize yourself

If you are an adult and think you are a victim in life, you are sadly correct.

You are a victim of your own need to be a victim.

I am not saying we are not sometimes victimized. We most certainly are. People get raped, maimed, murdered, and harmed physically and emtionally in inmumerable and unthinkable ways. But those instances of being victimized are situational and do not permanently define us.

Unless, of course, we decide it is preferable to be defined as a victim than to get on with our life.

There are many enticing advantages to being a victim. When we are in that role we get pity, attention, compassion, concern, are the center of attention, less is expected of us and we expect less of ourseleves.

Not a bad deal.

If you don’t mind spending your life “on the sidelines,” so to speak. We are like an injured athlete that sits with the team during the games but never gets to play and we are always pointing to our injury to explain why.

We nurture and promote how we have been harmed until it really does define us.

It is as though we place a sign around our neck for all to see that says, “Wounded. Don’t expect much of me.”

But on our back is another sign that only others can see that says, “Because I choose to be a victim. And don’t expect much of myself.”

And the sign on our back doesn’t come off until we take off the sign that proclaims we are a victim –that we put on ourselves.