Rod Jetton: How Campaigning Works

156_Rod_Jetton_(R)_Marble_HillWhile walking driving the highway one day an old Senator was tragically hit by a semi-truck and died.

Surprisingly, his soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a powerful politician around these parts, you see, so I’m not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, I understand,” says the Senator. “Just go ahead and let me in.”

“Well, I’d like to, but I’ll have to check with Jesus first and see what to do about what you.” After checking with Jesus St. Peter retuned and said, “What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really…? I’m awfully confident that I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

“But I’m sure I want to go to heaven!”

“I understand, but first you have to spend twenty four hours in each.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and the senator walks out into the middle of a beautiful green golf course. In the distance is a magnificent clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him in politics.

Everyone is so happy and in elegant tuxedos and evening gowns. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy having a good time dancing and telling the funniest stories. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, his twenty four hours were up and it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves goodbye while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, twenty four hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing all the old time hymns. They were having a very good time and before he realizes it, the twenty four hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. So where do you want to spend eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he slowly muttered: “Well… I would never have thought I would say this, I mean, umm… heaven has been delightful, but hell was a whole lot better than I expected it to be and all my friends were there… so I think, umm… I would be better off in hell.”

Without saying a word St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now as the doors of the elevator open he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders and says, “Congratulations you made it!”

As the Senator looked around he stammered, “I don’t understand… yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a desert wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What… what happened?”

The devil smiles at him, takes a puff on a big fat cigar and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning …

But today, you voted.”

Vote wisely today!

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Things to Do Before I Die

10708706_10154776011135515_1119498322920246335_oThings to do before I die…

Finish scraping off the sales sticker on the coffee maker in my office that I bought on clearance almost 5 years ago.

But not today.

Maybe next week. Or in November.

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jyb_musingsFunerals got invented, I suspect, because years ago a group of people couldn’t be content saying “I don’t know what we should do now.” after somebody died.

So one of them made up the idea of a funeral.

And here we are. Probably not a bad idea. But funerals will always feel to me like we still really don’t know what we should do or say.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Bad Ass

10629860_10154779059785515_7732292093066543696_nThis is my facial expression that I just had to use at Starbucks which says, “Would you please hurry heating up my Michigan Cherry Oat Bar because I am running late for my meditation meeting.”

This is not an easy message to communicate and is a nuanced combination of “East end haggard bad ass” and “New agey metrosexual hungry.”

But I think I pulled it off.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Car Talk

10386276_10154786290645515_466084964000015363_nPhew!!

Getting into my car this morning after grabbing coffee and noticed the ominoua 5-5-5 on my car clock

I gasped for a split second and then remembered it was 6-6-6 I want to avoid.

That was a close call.

Looks like it’s going to be an okay new week after all.

And one more reason it pays to get up an hour earlier than usual.

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jyb_musingsI don’t like rainy days

Because how good a parking space I can find will have far too much bearing on how I feel about the rest of the universe today.

 

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In my experience when someone asks me to “Meet them halfway” they usually mean halfway between their driveway and their door.

 

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I think there are too many self-help books on how parents can better cope with having adolescents for children.

And not enough self-help books on how adolescent children can better cope with having grown ups for parents.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Church

jyb_musingsAwkward whispered conversations with my wife at church during service after driving separately and arriving at same time.

Me: (under my breath) “Did you have your cell phone on?”

Rebecca: (Under her breath) “My phone died. Why?”

Me: “I texted ‘L-O-V-E’ and didn’t get a response from you.”

Rebecca: “Oh.”

Me: “Not even a “L.”

Rebecca: “Shh”

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Rebecca: (Shakes her head exasperated)

Me: “If your phone hadn’t died would you have written back ‘L-O-V-E’ or at least ‘L’?

Rebecca: “Shhh”

Me: “Because if your answer is ‘No,’ I’m retracting my earlier ‘L-O-V-E’ text to you. I’m serious. I’ll do it.”

Rebecca: (trying not to laugh and still talking under her breath) “No.”

Me: “It’s retracted then. Officially.”

Rebecca: “I mean, ‘No. I would have written back L-O-V-E.’ Now be quiet.”

Me: “OK then. I will reinstate my ‘L-O-V-E’ text. It’s officially reinstated now. Are we good?”

Rebecca: (Smiles and rolls her eyes)

Me: “Good. I’m glad we cleared that up.”

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FYI —

I just talked to God while praying this morning and, although He didn’t come right put and say it, I got the distinct impression He was bringing His A – game today.

Just a feeling I got and wanted to relay if you are going to church today. You may want to reach for that new sports coat or dress. Just a heads up out there.

(P.S. It also could be that I feel this way because Ann Fleming is leading our Sunday school class this morning. After God, Ann is one of the people I try hardest to act good around when she is present. They both bring put the best in me, but still make me nervous.)

Carlton Weddington: ODRC’s Escape Goat

carlton weddingtonOn September 12, 2014 the headline news in Ohio and trending nationally was that the Chardon High School shooter had escaped prison along with two other Ohio prison inmates. The best dissertation that most of the mainstream media in Ohio could come up with was that T.J. Lane struggled to adjust to prison after being convicted for killing three students and receiving three consecutive life sentences.

Depending on whom you ask, Lane’s short lived escape success was no big feat. Inmates will tell you that Allen Oakwood Correctional Institution is so laxed it is “sweet” here. This was in fact the second attempt from Ohio’s Protective Control Unit which houses Ohio’s notorious and high-profile inmates. An inmate from E-2 block made it over the first perimeter fence but got caught up on the second perimeter fence. This same inmate was put in segregation under investigation for being in possession of potential escape paraphernalia while in the W-2 block before being transferred across the hall to E-2.

Why weren’t more security measures implemented then? What if other inmates who were more mature, violent, willful, and wanton made the trek along with Lane and the others? A far greater shock and awe would have occurred. The bankrupt narratives that have followed this major story to date have yet to answer the question of how this happened and who is responsible for this breach of security.

The past two years, I have been incarcerated at AOCI in the Protective Control Unit both E-2 and W-2 Block currently, with a very unique perspective. I served on the Correctional Institution Inspection Committee as a former House member of the Ohio General Assembly from 2009 – 2012, inspecting and evaluating facilities statewide and addressing issues of personal safety, conditions of confinement, institutional programming and general problems and concerns. I feel like the “Undercover Boss” in unfortunate circumstances.

The issue of security management was noted and bought to the attention of AOCI and the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Corrections through a CIIC report conducted in April 2014, five months before the September 11, 2014 escape. The report also spoke to the safety concerns of the inmates in the P.C. unit, poor healthcare responsiveness, poor service and quality of food, less than adequate programming and lack of morale among correctional officers. The survey conducted among inmates also suggested minimal leadership and oversight by local and central office administration. Yet still six months later many of these issues have not been addressed.  Why?

The Administration and staff at AOCI had intel in advance about the September 11th escape plot that used thousands of dollars in law enforcement man power and resources, put Lima residents on alert, families of the victims into a frenzy and finally brings attention to the lack of leadership and management of Ohio’s PC unit and the re-tooling of Director Mohr’s three tier system. It hurts the head less to say that this was an isolated incident rather than admit that maybe a change is warranted of the institution’s leadership and ODRC’s policies.

The noble thing for the current AOCI administration and Unit Staff to do is resign amid the security gaffes that have occurred rather than to “lock the barn door after the horse has already run out.” How do inmates get locked on the recreation area, without present supervision to obtain a ladder, man-made or existing, to scale a single fence, and jump off a roof to freedom. A similar escape was made in a Mansfield, Ohio prison when an inmate got a hold of a maintenance ladder to scale the prison wall. Here at AOCI, the window dressing during the investigation and then returning back to business as usual should be unacceptable by both Director Gary Mohr and Governor Kasich. It is the culture of the current facility administration and some staff to conduct business in a lackadaisical manner.

Lazy analysis of this matter is a microcosm of the vicious idiocy that attempts to provide dog and pony shows for Columbus suits when they visit, rather than address the entrenched bureaucratic school of thought that I have found, has created better spin-masters than my former colleagues at the Statehouse. Let’s get real, down and dirty about what happened here in Lima: Somebody dropped the ball. Stop ducking the truth, using security and ongoing investigation claims as to why the public has not received answers to how, why, and who is responsible? After all, it is the taxpayers of Ohio who carry the burden. Few dare venture into these uncomfortable but necessary conversations, but I hope I’m wrong. Bad inmates are easier to blame than the real structural, economic, and political issues that still need attention. We need to get into a solutions-based discussion about the institutional ills afflicting ODRC and facilities like Allen-Oakwood. If not, we will see another escape, and maybe worse, a killing at AOCI. The writing is on the wall, but who will read it?

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Ebola

jyb_musingsOk. For what it’s worth….and I’m not a doctor or anything ….but I am very intuitive about things like pandemics and mass diseases. And I am starting to get a much better feeling about this whole Ebola thing and how it is going to play out.

I’m predicting in a few days we can all go back outside again.

Probably.

Just a feeling. But it’s a pretty strong one.

The exact same feeling I got with Avian Flu and SARS just before we found out they weren’t going to cause our extinction. So there’s even a track record here for me with these sorts of things.

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My wife and I are on our laptops and I peered over to see what she is reading. It is –again–an article about Ebola.

I have tried to reassure her that she won’t catch it and even if she does to try to look on the bright side: She looks really great in yellow and will rock that Hazmat suit.

Unfortunately, I don’t look good in Hazmat. They make me look bloated and I have really worked hard to slim down. One more reason I hope I don’t get Ebola.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Fundraising Emails

jyb_musingsThey say death and taxes are the only two things you can rely on. But that was before Democratic Party fundraising emails. I am beginning to think these are even more reliable than the two long established standbys. And certainly more constant.

I am a proud and life-long Democrat and intend to remain that way.

And hope my party feels the same way about me. Right now — a little over a week from Election Day — I average receiving about 40 desperate to exciting fundraising emails a day from the national party. I love that they are keeping me so informed by the half-hour and giving me so many opportunities to contribute money. And it is the only thing that happens to me 40 times a day. Which is interesting too. And I think a good thing.

I just wonder if they will keep emailing me this often after November…

I hope I at least get a Christmas card. And an update about the family and how everyone is doing in school and personally and in Congress.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Game on, Hawking!!

jyb_musings

Smarty pants astrophysicist Stephen Hawking has joined Facebook and said in his first post “I have always wondered what makes the universe exist. Time and space may forever be a mystery, but that has not stopped my pursuit.”

Oh brother. Whatever.

Well, you know Mr Hawking, you may be the smartest man alive but a lot of us on Facebook have some pretty brilliant moments ourselves. I am upping my scientific and intellectual Facebook game. Be forewarned. And remember, it’s OK to hate the player but don’t hate the game? Feel me? You are no longer in the ivory tower on Facebook. You are now on the street. And it’s about to get real.

So, for starters, you aren’t the only one on Facebook who wonders about what makes the universe exist and about space and time and stuff like that. I think about them too. Not all at the same time. But I think about them sometimes. And think about many other complicated sciencey things too.

When I am on an airplane I like to look out the window at the clouds and think to myself, “Let’s see. There are three kinds of clouds. Stratus, cumulus, and one other.” See? You are probably already realizing we are a lot more alike than you originally thought. That’s OK. That will happen to you a lot on here. Keep an open mind on Facebook. Ok? That’s important for everybody — but especially for guys like us.

10580031_10154805192810515_2724657550179636568_nOh…and after I think about the different types of clouds, I’m not done. I keep going. I saw this one recently (see below) I keep staring at the cloud formations until it comes to me, using my vast imagination (again like you) and I figure out what the cloud shape reminds me of. This one reminds me of a puppy dog.

I am interested, Mr Hawking, to find out if your mind works this way too and if you agree the cloud looks a lot like a little puppy dog? Cutie, huh?!

Anyway, congrats for joining Facebook. This may be the most exciting and surprising intellectual journey of your life. And I suspect — if you give it a chance–you will finally get some answers to all your questions about the universe.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Fridays at 51

jyb_musingsWhat makes Fridays nice at age 51 is the vague but pleasant recollection that 15 or 20 years ago something really fun –maybe even edgy and exciting– used to happen on Friday nights.

Even though you can’t quite remember what it was.

You realize that was a long time ago and isn’t going to happen tonight. Because you are too tired and have to pick up the kids later.

But the fuzzy memory that something fun used to happen to you on Friday nights still sustains you.

And is enough to still make you “thank God it is Friday.”

Just with a lowercase “T.”