THEN: Secretary of State (KY), 1996-2004; Candidate for Lieutenant Governor, 2007
NOW: JYB3 Group (Owner) -public affairs consulting firm; Miller Wells law firm (Of counsel)
Full Biography:link
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Mar 7, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
At the coffee shop this morning and I notice the subtle difference in how women and men communicate with the same sex when meeting for business purposes. Each table seems to have two people talking away with files and laptops and tablets and legal pads covering up the table leaving a few inches open for their coffee and pastries.
At tables where women are ta…lking to women, they each listen while the other is talking. They are “connecting” and fully engaged with each other.
At tables where men are talking to men, they each are pretending to listen but primarily preparing what they will say next. They aren’t really in connecting mode but rather “transacting mode.”
What is most interesting is that at tables where a man and a women are are having a business conversation the man listens and is trying to “connect” and the women is thinking about what she is going to say next —and trying to pretend like she is connecting.
And here’s the irony: The same man who when talking business with another man knows his colleague isn’t really listening (even though his colleague is pretending to listen), when talking to a women believes they are really connecting (even though his female colleague is only pretending to connect.)
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Mar 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
When I was 21 I saw an attractive and vivacious young lady who I had briefly dated at the end of high school. (Actually, I sat behind her taking the SAT and got her phone number. The most impressive work I displayed that entire morning–as memory serves)
Anyway, I got her number again 3 years later and asked her on a date. And we went on a date. I asked her on a second date. This time on a Friday night. She called to say she was running behind and so I watched LA Law for the first time. And liked it.
She called again saying again she was running even later and I watched another show I can’t remember but didn’t like as much as LA Law. And then I watched the early news before getting the call that tonight wasn’t going to work out but asking about Sunday evening for a rain check. I said OK.
But got stood up again Sunday.
We made another date for Wednesday for which I got stood up a third time.
Saturday was The Police concert in Lexington and I got two tickets and invited my SAT friend but ended up only needing one ticket that night. For me.
We tried for a rain check again Sunday but something came up and she had to cancel because she was simply “over-extended.” I was irritated but hadn’t heard the word “over-extended” used in that way by someone my own age and was impressed.
And started using the word often in the same context and still do 30 years later. So, I am appreciative for learning that from her.
We tried for a lunch date Wednesday but it got cut short due to something “beyond her control.” I had heard that excuse before but wasn’t as impressed as I was with the excuse of being “over-extended” and rarely use it myself unless I really am truly desperate and can’t come up with a legitimate reason. Which I remember thinking is what she must have been thinking that day.
Friday we had a date but she explained she couldn’t make it. Without any excuse or apology. Standing me up had gone from being a rude and unexpected surprise to the equivalent of a yawn.
I had heard “boundaries” recently and even heard there was a book out I should read about them. I didn’t know a lot about boundaries but knew they had something to so with being more assertive and were a theory for not letting people take advantage of you.
And so since I had been learning new vocabulary words from my friend, I decided it was my turn and I invoked my own new vocabulary word “boundary.” And the fact that I had them. At least one boundary anyway. Or so I said. Or was at least trying to start having a new boundary. With her anyway.
I calmly explained that she had essentially stood me up for dates 6 times in two weeks and that was “not acceptable” to me. strong words that only emboldened me. I continued that because “I had boundaries” that (and I was very delicate but still deliberate in explaining this part) that there would not be a 7th opportunity to stand me up.
Boundary-wise, I had to be this way because “I respected my self.”
And we hung up and never spoke again.
That’s the end of the story.
I never actually saw with my own eyes the boundaries I created and announced that night. But they must still be there. Since that time I have never let anyone stand me up in business or other (non-dating) areas of my life.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Mar 5, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
I first learned about the 80-20 rule while in business school and it is an ingenious formula that apples not just in the workplace but in every area of life —including marriage
With most couples I know each spouse –almost like a rule of nature –believes he or she is to blame for about 20% of the recurring marital disagreements –while their spouse is respon…sible for the other 80%. And vice versa.
Psychologists and marriage experts tell us the key is sharing that burden equally between the spouses. But such advice flies in the face of science and the 80-20 rule .
My bold innovative idea to solve this age old imbalance is to include a third partner in every marriage. Not a third party that is actively involved at any level of the day-to-day marriage (from finance to romance) but rather an extra person to lay blame on when the primary couple needs to displace blame.
Just do the math. If each primary spouse is willing to accept 20% of the blame , then having a third person available in the marriage for the remaining 60% is the perfect solution! And during periods of above-average disagreements, the third party has another 40% to be absorbed if necessary.
This allows us to use mathematical and scientific principles to our advantage to manage around the 80-20 rule in both work and play –and even within the sanctity of marriage.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Mar 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
So, is it better to grow up or stay a boy (or girl) forever?
Watching my daughter this weekend in the play Peter Pan made me a proud dad (so score one–a very big one–for growing up).
But focusing on the merits of the characters, Wendy vs Peter Pan, had me leaning ever-so-slightly in favor of Peter at the end of the play.
I mean, let’s look at their legacies. Wendy had a nice run for several decades when the play was first published and performed. She’s viewed today as a “good girl” and “model daughter.” More Jan than Marcia in Brady Bunch terms. But has she ever had a book written about her neurosis titled “The Wendy Syndrome”?
Nope.
Do we know who played Wendy opposite who played Peter Pan?
Nah. We just know Sandy Duncan played Peter.
And what about having your own line of peanut butter?
Ever heard of Wendy’s peanut butter?
No. Never happened.
And don’t try slipping in Hamburgers. Different Wendy. Different family. I saw her father in the play this weekend and he looks nothing like Dave Thomas.
So, on balance, would the world be better off if Wendy caved and never grew up?
Who’s to say? We would at least probably have another pop-psychology book and additional brand of peanut butter. But as the Wendys of the world would quickly –and correctly–point out, we have plenty of pop-psych books and peanut butter as it is and don’t need more. And note that Wendy grew up to have a nice family in a middle upper class neighborhood.
That’s all true of course. But the Peter Pans of the world would quickly note, Peter has an entourage of lost boys –just like the awesome HBO series! And, of course, Peter is always the last one to bow and gets the most applause –after flying in for his final bow as he drops fairy dust on the audience who is cheering him on.
And you got to admit –even if you are a Wendy—that may not be very mature, but it is pretty cool.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Mar 1, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
The conventional wisdom is that as you age (into your middle years) you first become mellower but as you age beyond, shall we say, the middle years midpoint, you become less patient and more irritable (some might charitably call it more assertive).
So, is that all true?
I have decided only partially. I like a good deal of the impatient “assertiveness” (aka irritability) comes from realizing the backlog of years and years of not being assertive enough—-and trying to catch up and clean the slate before we run out of time.
And maybe even get in the last word. With that rude sales clerk, or call center “relationship manager” or waiter who always seems to give us short shrift.
And who, if we had an 18 year old’s body and a 70 year old’s temperament, would try to stare them down before inviting them outside.
But since we have a 49 year old’s temperament and 49 year old’s body, resort to much subtler passive-aggressive tactics, albeit still tougher than ever before. And tip them only 13%. Instead of the standard 15%.
I can’t wait to see them again when I’m 55 –and even more “assertive.” That petulant boy is only getting 11% tip when age 55 rolls around!See More
By Jonathan Miller, on Thu Feb 28, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
I have been listening this week to a lot of music from an alternative rock band from the late 80s and early 90s named “Mother Love Bone.”
I know. Great band but name is hard to explain away if I died unexpectedly in a car accident and the police on the scene noticed my IPod set to Mother Love Bone pictured with their gifted and androgynous lead singer, Andy Wood, who died before their debut album from a heroin overdose.
Which is why I am mentioning this now. If some tragedy befalls me and there is talk of my “disturbing interest” for a man my age in a rock band named (there is no subtle way to pronounce it) “Mother Love Bone” —please someone chime in and say it was just a “passing phase” and that I was much better known for my love of classical music, Beethoven, Bach and the boys.
Who, be quick to add, showed clear signs of androgyny too but no one ever mentions that and maybe they (Andy Wood, Beethoven and Bach) were just all great musicians and we should leave it at that.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Feb 27, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
If you feel too old to be young, chances are you are really just too young to be old.
Seriously.
If you think you are too old, past your prime, don’t have it “goin’ on” anymore….puleeez!
Don’t waste our time telling us it can’t be done because your age or can’t try now because, “What will people think?” We know what they’ll think.
The same thing you’ll think if you wait another five years, “Why didn’t I do this 5 years ago?!!”
Want proof your are cheating yourself and others with stories of being on the wrong side of the aging pendulum?
Watch Steve Winwood (the rock star) singing his classic “Dear Mr Fantasy” in “his prime” in 1972.
And then watch Steve Winwood (now the master) singing his classic “Dear Mr Fantasy” 35 years later, “in his prime.”
Someone, I’m sure, told Steve Winwood he was too old for this more recent concert…But he told them, I’m guessing, something like…. “Nah. You can’t be too old if you still haven’t peaked!. Come see me again in 30 years and we’ll talk then. I’ll get you back stage passes.”
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Feb 26, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Wow!!!
I just found out Lent lasts for 40 (forty) days!!!
That’s almost 6 weeks of self-denial!!!
Man….that is a very long time.
That fact wasn’t fully disclosed to me when we joined the Presbyterian Church several years ago. I’m not accusing the church of a bait-and-switch….But “Wow!!”
40 days! Of not doing things we enjoy!
That is a material fact that should have been disclosed in large print on the front page.
I’m not going to make more out of it for now ….and just try to let it go. Maybe I should have been more inquisitive. I just assumed Lent was, like, I dunno— a weekend or week-long thing. About as long as Chanukah but easier to spell and Catholic. And involving putting ashes on your forehead and not eating your favorite food for, like, the weekend.
This is actually some really major league commitment here….
What if we put twice as much ash on our foreheads?
Can we cut in half the amount of self-denials expected of us?
Is there a “Lent for Beginners” program for newbies that starts off slow and builds to full-fledged Lent sacrifices in, like, year 10 or 15?
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Feb 25, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Getting an unpleasant message about yourself….
I heard some awfully wise advice at Sunday School last Sunday.
Our teacher said “Sarcasm is a sign of intelligence……without wisdom!”
His wife added the second part, and I think those are words to live by. So I try to be cautious and watch for sarcasm and crankiness and cut them off before they spread to the tip of my tongue.
But I am usually a little late to the scene. We need others to let us know when we are veering off course and have a tendency to dismiss unflattering feedback about ourselves. It seems to work itself out in ever escalating stages.
For example: When your family tells you that you are being grouchy and sarcastic, you can chew on it and disregard (several consecutive times) without consequence.
When a friend tells you that you are being grouchy and sarcastic, it gives you pause and reminds you to be more cheerful around them next time (or avoid them altogether for a while).
But when a person who is more of an acquaintance (hence objective observer) tells you that you are being grouchy and sarcastic…… Well, put it this way, it’s kind of like when you were a child and your parents told you that you needed to take a bath, but you didn’t. Then a friend suggested a bath, and you ignored them. But when someone who you barely knew suggested it was time “That boy took a bath,” well, you figured it was getting pretty close to the time to take a bath.
Or in this case, to stop being a sarcastic grouch and soften up a bit….at least until you are, as I heard someone once say, “Sweeter than a bumblebees behind.”
Or thereabouts, give or take. ; ) At a minimum, sarcasm is to the soul what poor hygiene is to the body.
And if bystanders notice, it’s time for me some lye soap. For the soul. ; )
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Feb 25, 2013 at 9:15 AM ET
The fall that launched a thousand applauses.
Jennifer Lawrence’s fall will become an Oscar trivia question and a perfectly defining moment for one of our greatest actresses.
What makes Jennifer Lawrence so appealing is her accessibility. What makes her so compelling is her naturalness. And what makes her acting so convincing is her authenticity.
No actress I can think of could fall as they ascend the steps to receive their Oscar without being embarrassed and lightly ridiculed. Because of the vanity quotient Hollywood demands.
But tonight we saw an exception. A lady who falls graciously and gracefully “up hill” –again. She fell….as we would fall (we relate) and she gets up for us naturally, authentically, and accessibly– and wasn’t acting at all. And brings this same transparency, energy and charisma to her acting roles.
Tomorrow I can even imagine a few young female fans practicing falling upstairs with the charming aplomb of their heroine.
The acting talent Jennifer Lawrence has isn’t something uniquely special or even uniquely extraordinary. It is, in my view, rather uniquely ordinary–and uniquely refreshing. It’s a realness and substantive lightness that is unaffected and vanity-free.
Here’s wishing her well and hoping she never loses the great gift that allows her to fall uphill. And that she keep doing so.
What is most interesting is that at tables where a man and a women are are having a business conversation the man listens and is trying to “connect” and the women is thinking about what she is going to say next —and trying to pretend like she is connecting.
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