John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Hip Jeans

Another “first.”

Despite complaining about how expensive and poorly tailored hip jeans are these days, I finally broke down and bought a pair.

And tonight, for the first time ever in my life, I feel like I am the guy with the nicest pair of jeans at my plane’s baggage claim carousel.

That is a new “first!” for me.

It’s an empowering rush. It’s a feeling of momentary fashion omnipotence.

I even sense some of the guys here are already worried about what pants I will have on next time they have to share a baggage carousel with me.

Now I get why they cost so much. And for this moment they were worth every penny.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Happy Thanksgiving!

The holidays are here.

Starbucks has changed its decor and colors and will be setting the tone for all all retailers during the holiday season.

Tomorrow I’ll be there early to see if they will be offering a Thanksgiving special: Turkey Flavored Latte with a gravy drizzle and cinnamon sprinkles.

Then I’m going to Heine Bros for my Thursday cup of coffee. ; )

 

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Thank goodness.

A little perspective is always helpful when seeking to muster much needed –and much warranted —gratitude. For official national holidays involving giving thanks or just any old day for expressing a blessed sentiment.

And if you can put it to music, even better. Especially if it’s Steely Dan.

No matter what our complaints are about the world today–and tomorrow, Black Friday 2012—it is important to remember this.Black Friday 2012 for our country will be a very different experience for us than the original–and infamous– Black Fridays.
And I am grateful today for that.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Mom and Dad – Thanks for not Naming me Squidward!

Thought for the day.

Squeeze something of value out of everything you do today.

When scrounging, gratitude for a seemingly small thing is a good fall back. Sometimes those “small things” are really pretty big things.

For example, yesterday I was stuck somewhere and Sponge Bob Square Pants was on TV in the background. I watched several minutes to see what useful life “take away” was coming my way.

Sure, I love Sponge Bob Square Pants as much as the next gu,y but yesterday’s episode Bob was off his usual charming and clever game.

And then it happened.

The next scene prominently features a character names Squidward.  And I had my “take away.” And didn’t even have to squeeze hard.

I am so grateful my parents did not name my Squidward. Even with a cool middle name, having the first name Squidward would have provided challenges and obstacles in my youth I may not have been able to successfully surmount. Even though I am a human being and not an animated cartoon character.

And you can see the toll it’s taken on Squidward himself by looking at his drawn face and vapid eyes.

Yes, mom and dad, thank you. And is so often the case, the “small gratitude” turned into a large gratitude.

And then someone changed the channel to Fox News. And I became grateful my name wasn’t Shep.

Are you beginning to see how this Thought for the Day works?

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: What U2 Means at 50

What the band U2 means to you at 50.

A portrait of human philosophical maturation and wisdom.

In my late 20s and early 30s, I listened over and over to “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” I wasn’t sure what the song was about. It had a great sound and the lyrics sounded very deep.

So I listened to the song frequently because it made me feel smart and depressed about the right philosophical questions in life. (Always better than being depressed about the wrong philosophical questions in life).

At 50, it’s still a great song. And I enjoy listening to it.

But I have an entirely different perspective on it when I just heard it again tonight for the fist time in a while.

I thought to myself, “I found what I was looking for but can’t remember why I started looking for it in the first place and now don’t know what to do with it now that I’ve found it.”

Followed by, “Dang it! Where did I put it? Now I can’t find it again. Oh well. Who cares. Maybe a bird will eat it.”

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Genealogy and Cultural Symbolism

Genealogy and cultural symbolism.

I have never been very good at quickly following family relationships on large family trees. I get parents and children and even grandparents and first cousins. But after that, it starts to get confusing. …

Which got me wondering about metaphorical family trees.

I’ve been reading a lot recently about the show Modern Family is emblematic of America—and the American family—today. I love the show and don’t argue much with the contention.

Likewise, when I was a boy I liked The Waltons. They were described back then as emblematic of America –and the American family.

But that was 40 years ago. Which leads to my next question:

Is Cam John Boy’s son or nephew? And which one of the Waltons gets blamed for Phil Dunphy?

John Y.’s Musings from the Middle: Unfair Double Standards

Another unfair double standard.

My wife had a habit of hiding my new light weight robe from me.

Not really hiding it so much as wearing it herself whenever I seem to be looking for it.

And not just my robe but the occasional comfortable pull-over shirt too for relaxing around the house.

But can I turn the tables on her? No!

I can’t fit into her thick over-sized Terrycloth robe.

Not that I have tried….heck, it doesn’t even look comfortable.

And as for stealing my wives comfortable shirts and blouses—-or about any other article of clothing? What do you think?

It appears to be just another unfair double standards of the sexes we men have to accept .  ;  )

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: The Secret of Movie Popcorn

Aha!!! And the secret of movie popcorn.

I love those “aha moments.”

You know the kind…Like when you finally realize why and how movie theaters get away with charging $4.75 for a bucket of popcorn (chewy air, basically, with artificial butter flavoring).

I think I figured it out.

You know when you are at a movie with your spouse and a scene begins that reminds you of a recurring disagreement you’ve had with your spouse on som e petty matter? And the scene takes a decided and clear turn in the direction you did not want it to take? And you sense it is only going to get even more apparent and more embarrassing to you? And you are waiting for the person representing your spouse is going to say the exact same words on screen that your spouse has said to you. Except this time the entire audience is on her side?

And you know that she knows. And suspects that she knows that you know.

At that exact moment, you stand up, let out a sigh to indicate boredom, and say, “I’m going to go get some popcorn.”

And you go in the lobby by the concessions until the scene is over and a new scene is far enough along that she may have forgotten (or out of courtesy, really, not mention) the scene when you return to your seat. And you start to feel a little relieved.

But before you go back inside the theater you go up to the concession stand and say, “I’ll take an bucket of popcorn, please.” And however much they want to charge you for it, you will pay. Even $4.75.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Points of Resistence/Rights of Passage

What can begin as a “Point of Resistence” can turn into a “Right of Passage.”

Which is a bummer.

Tonight I was with my daughter shopping for clothes. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror wearing what were  “Dad jeans.” And it was my moment to slink into depressive moment or rage against nature.

I asked for the “Jeans department” to regain my youthful dignity. After pawing through rows of Vin Diesel jeans, torn, ripped, stone washed, bleached and with cute button flys (for guys who would think having a cute  button down fly is a good idea).

After refusing help several times from the sales clerk, I finally broke down and said, “Basically I am trying to find some, you know, jeans. That are ….um… ‘age appropriate.’ But not too obviously age appropriate.”

He asked me my size and said, he may have something in the back….like Lucky Jeans. He brought me three pair of what I immediately exclaimed were “Dad jeans.”

Another shopper about 5 years my junior started laughing and said, “Look, man, Lucky’s are OK.”

I said I would browse some more. I did but after 5 minutes felt the end of the “jeans phase” of my life ending.

Like when I was no longer able to get away with collecting Pop-a-Shot tickets at Gattilamd for a prize.

At 35. As I walked out the clerk shouted “Any luck?” “Nope!” I said. “Just gonna have to admit my jeans days are over.”

I paused. “Do up have white socks, sandals and plaid shorts in this section?” And I didn’t have to use the qualifier “age appropriate.”

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: iPhone and Paranoia

IPhone and paranoia.

For the past week my iPhone has regularly refused to send forward emails I have attempted.

Instead, I receive a message that the message is being stored because it is being rejected by the server.

At first I figured it was Apple just buying time to transmit messages. I realize they are busy and just had an avalanche of new messages after releasing the iPhone 5.

But by the third day of blocking my emails, I became suspicious that Apple had a detection device that refused to  send emails not up to snuff.

I retread my dozens of “stuck” emails and although they weren’t my best work, they weren’t so poorly written that they should have been prohibited by Apple.

By the 5th day of blocked emails I began to wonder if all the people I email were complaining to Apple about my incessant emails and requested a a week moratorium.

And today, Day 7, as my first few emails are blocked, I am beginning to wonder if a lot longer than a week has been requested

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: More Cowbell with that Laptop?

You are going to want more cow bell with that laptop.

Years ago in my MBA class I remember learning that the extra warranties that a certain unnamed tech store was offering customers had an 80% profit margin. They got sued and changed their policy—in part.

But since then I have never been able to bring myself to purchase one of these. You know the ones. You buy a new laptop and for another $150 the store provides an extended warranty on top of the manufactures warranty.

It’s always an awkward moment for me when I get to that point with the sales clerk. I know it’s coming. “Sir, have you heard about our extended safety coverage opportunity? It’s a great deal…”

I usually stop them and act like I don’t have the authority to make such an executive decision (either in my home; or my business, which I own). I say something like “I need to run it by my firm and let them decide. But not right now.”

But last night I had an unusually pushy sales clerk. After my standard response he said, “No. You can’t wait. It’s pretty much a point of purchase opportunity and that’s it.”

I shook my head and said, “I understand. I’ll just pass for now.”

And then after a pregnant pause I heard, “May I ask why you are not taking advantage of this offer? It’s really smart to do.”

“Huh?” I thought to myself. “Is he calling me stupid? Do I have to justify everything in the store I’m not buying today? Gee. Seems a little heavy handed. What could I say that would be clever but also make this point? Hmmmm. How about, “Look. I’m gonna come clean with you. I’m an idiot and need you to explain the warranty to me really slowly so I can understand this time.”

Or, “Look, I’m an adrenaline junkie and love to try to beat the odds in every area of my life—but especially with Bungie Jumping and with laptop warranties.”

And then I settled on it. “I think —if I hear you correctly—what you are trying to say….is to tell me, ‘Dude, you are going to want more cow bell. Am I right?” Hinting that the “good deal” warranty was about as helpful as a clanging cow bell in the background of a 70’s rock song.

But by this point the sales clerk had already walked away. And the only place I can share my somewhat clever– but way too late–quip is to post it today on Facebook.

Just hope he sees it. And get’s my cow bell reference.

More Cowbell! – watch more funny videos

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