By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jul 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
When I am trying to explain something and don’t understand it well I will end my explanation with the phrases “as it were” or “if you will.”
I don’t really know what these phrases mean and they add nothing to my explanation but they are smart sounding and may trick the listener into believing I know more than I do about the topic I am explaining.
This morning is off to a slow start. I couldn’t …read a simple note without my cheaters and then waved hello and spoke to someone in line for coffee this morning who I know but can’t remember from where or what his name is.
It feels like it’s going to be one of those days I’ll be using phrases like “as it were” and “if you will” a lot, as it were….if you will.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Jul 15, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
My early days as a sports agent (wanna be)
“Look, as long as I’m representing Muhammad, we aren’t fighting in Madison Square Garden or Yankee Stadium.
It’s either Freedom Hall or somewhere in Manilla in…wherever that is.
And I don’t want to hear that Don King’s name one more time. The guy is nuts and has lame hair and will never be able to compete with my doo no matter how hard he tries to copy me! I’m the original crazy-haired boxing promoter!
We clear fellas?”
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This picture may have been the pivotal conversation I had with Colonel Sanders when I was 3 to persuade him to sell KFC.
“Look, Colonel, if you sell controlling interest to Jack Massey and my dad, it’ll be like you can be a kid again.
You’ll have all the money you want to buy toys and candy and we can dress up like cowboys, Indians, superheroes, colonels and what not and play in the back yard all day and mom will make cookies and lemonade for us.
No more of these long boring business meetings and endless phone calls about earnings. It’ll be awesome!”
Or it may have been the conversation about me wanting another piece of birthday cake.
I just can’t remember.
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Got game?! Kinda…. ; )
The apex of my athletics career….
At Freedom Hall performing at halftime basketball game in front of over 10,000 people as a member of the Bellarmine Junior Pros half-time entertainment.
We were good.
And Ken Fleming, future Metro Council member, was nearby. We won the Regional title for, well, not sure what they called us—half-time performers with basketballs, I guess.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jul 11, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
How to stay relevant even when you’re not.
Oh come on. You’ve wondered this too. It’s like trying to avoid excessive amounts of cellulite on our personality or wrinkles on our reputation. And, yes, it matters.
I had no interest to read the article. We all have a pretty good idea of who the “most powerful celebrities” are.
Obviously, Oprah tops the list. And it’s fair to assume Lady Gaga, Madonna and Justin Bieber are all in the mix near the top.
OK. Yawn.
But what about a list of “The Least Powerful Celebrities” in the world?
That would pique my interest. Maybe it’s age; maybe practicality or maybe fear. But increasingly I’m more interested with the secrets of maintaining my status as my skills and energy levels decline.
I would be interested to know how some celebrities have found ways to succeed at remaining celebrities while being on the brink of irrelevancy and without any apparent influence.
I know that doesn’t sound like the most exciting late night infomercial pitch.
Or does it?
Think about it….
“Have you spent your career trying to establish yourself in some area and finally broken through? But now see age and agism start you on the downhill course toward obscurity and professional oblivion? What can you learn from Cuba Gooding, Vanilla Ice, Kato Kalin and Nik Wallenda? The surprising answer is “More than you might think.” What are their secrets to staying in the public mind despite nearly half the public believing they “may have died” several years ago? What is it that they do to differentiate themselves from those who have already transitioned to merely “former celebrities” with no power? How do they successfully get invited to appear on QVC and Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice show while their less savvy borderline celebrity peers phase out of the public mind?
Now that is a pitch that I’d be interested in hearing more about. And be willing to buy the book, CDs and DVD set.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jul 10, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
The calculus of bad customer relations.
Company A estimates if they make it maddeningly difficult to get through to a customer service representative and have a nearly incomprehensible policy for refunds when a failure occurs … it will take approximately 3 hours of waiting and wading through annoying delays, hold times, and numerous representatives saying, “I understand your situation, John, and if it were up to me I would refund your money, but it is out of my hands and the rules require me to…..” —-Company A estimates that after 3 hours a rational customer will give up. And they are correct.
Giving up is a “rational decision” because 3 hours of anyone’s time is worth a lot to them. Probably more than the money in question, even if it is a several hundred dollars. Just do the math. Would you let someone have 3 hours of your life if it required you getting increasingly frustrated in return for the “chance” of getting $200? Probably not.
Plus, to persist for longer than 3 hours with multiple different customer service representatives trained to say “no” 258 ways in the same language as they wear you down to demoralizing defeat requires one to be, well, a certifiable ass. A jerk. And that’s very hard –in fact, almost impossible– for some people.
But we never get too old that we can’t occasionally surprise ourselves.
And sometimes that can include surprising ourselves in unusual ways. Like the fact that despite repeated past failures at successfully being an ass, finding out that deep-down inside us there is an “inner ass” just waiting to come out.
And further surprising ourselves that sometimes, in a few select and rare situations, making an irrational decision about our time and money is actually the right thing to do. And feels better than the “rational decision” of giving up.
And no, it’s not the “principle of the matter.”
It’s the value of reminding ourselves–and others on remote calls with customer service operators from parts unknown–that we can if we really, really, really want to— still stand up for ourselves. And sometimes that we will, despite logic to the contrary, do just that.
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Business 101 lessons aren’t typically fun to be reminded of or interesting to re-learn and rarely ever are profound. They do, however, tend to be essential to business success.
Like this fairly uncomplicated rule of thumb.
Nothing in business relationships is more upsetting and disappointing than poor customer service.
Nothing in business relationships is more appreciated and valuable than good customer service.
No product or service is easier or cheaper to provide than good customer service. (The only requirement is the organization treat customer satisfaction as the top priority)
No product or service is more costly to skimp on or more difficult to remedy than poor customer service. (The only requirement is the organization not value customer satisfaction)
I suspect that no business miscalculation has caused more organizations to fail than skimping on giving time and priority to customer satisfaction.
The “soft stuff” truly is “the hard stuff.” And at the core of every business relationship isn’t an inanimate piece of technology or clever algorithm or new system or decision tool. But rather a human being who is free to take his or her business elsewhere at anytime for any reason. And will.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Jul 8, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
How smart were our Founding Fathers really?
Were they just good with “big ideas” about freedom, liberty and all that. Or did they have practical intelligence too?
One way to find out is to look back on the original July 4th in 1787. If it was set on a Thursday like this year’s allowing for not only a great national political event (“big idea” part) but also picking a date that allowed for everyone to enjoy a long weekend and have an extra day to recover from over-indulging on food and drink the night before, I think we can confidently conclude the Founders had both high theoretical and practical intelligence.
But if they set our big celebration day on, say, a Tuesday, we can confidently conclude they were more like a bunch of absent minded professors. Brilliant with complex and philosophical ideas….but could not be trusted with practical matters like party planning.
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I remember hazily a rainy 4th of July with our family about 20 years ago. My half sis Pamela was having fun holding sparklers (and trying not to let sparks touch her arm) and laughing as we tried to light fireworks on the front porch in the damp and dank evening light.
I remember looking down at a disappointing and spent firecracker that had settled amid a sea of matches that it took to finally light it.
But tonight Pamela seemed to have a slightly brighter and more memorable 4th.
She was the CNN reporter covering the re-opening of the Statue of Liberty.
And avoided burning her arm with a sparkler.
And it didn’t rain. One of the blessings of liberty is freedom of speech….and that is especially valuable since we love the power of story.
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Here is a powerful scene from a powerful story exemplifying the modern essence of what we as a young nation carved out for ourselves in an early defining moment on this day 226 years ago.
Happy 4th of July.
For all the original reasons for this nationally sacred holiday. For all the reasons that have developed over the years for celebrating this holiday. And for the fireworks, cookouts, friendship and fellowship too.
As we live freely in each of our individual communities tonight together as Americans.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Jul 5, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Idiom-speak can leave you tongue-tied.
It’s depressing when things that are supposed to “wax and wane” end up merely “waning and waning” And then waning once more —and in a big way, as waning goes—when you least expect it and when you really, really needed a major league waxing period to begin.
At some point waning (without waxing) is just a trend that you have to accept and just deal with …it for what it is and stop telling yourself it will stop soon and start waxing. It may not. It may never wax again.
In fact, it may wane and ebb!
And that is some serious stuff when that starts to happen. And you better be ready.
You can’t be standing idly by wearing rose-colored glasses telling yourself a flowing or waxing period is just around the corner when it’s obvious to everyone else around you there is only more waning and more ebbing ahead. Maybe a lot more.
And that your “glass,” so to speak, is definitely half empty and not half full. And really more like only a third full (or, I should say, two-thirds empty).
Don’t be the last one in the room to realize you are waning and ebbing and already–and maybe permanently —half empty, glass-wise.
Put it this way: When that happens, and you see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s best to run the other way. And to leave all those pesky idioms, maxims and metaphors behind.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jul 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Initial Reaction to Blue Lights Behind You (Phases over our lifetime):
16-35 : Panic because you immediately think of three things from your past that you could be pulled over for.
36-50: Irritation because you can think of four things it could be for and you don’t have time to get ticketed for any of them.
51-69: Indifference because you know you probably did something wrong (you just don’t know what) and ypu don’t have anything to do until Wednesday’s dentist appointment appointment anyway.
70 and up: A sense of enchantment at the pretty blue whirling lights and a feeling of affirmation that you still matter– and hope that the officer is someone’s son or daughter you know and will feel like talking for a while.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jul 3, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Travel tips for visiting NYC.
If you are meeting three male friends who are highly educated and they ask you to meet at MOMA at 5:30pm, you may have troubles if you assume too much.
I assumed that since it was 5:30 they wanted to eat dinner, albeit a bit early.
I further assumed, rather excitedly, that my friends had suggested an Italian restaurant. Pronounced MO-MA. Like Italian, I assumed, for MAMA.
I imagined big homemade meatballs from an Italian family recipe.
Then there is the problem of asking cab drivers to take you, please, to “Moma’s restaurant.” The first taxi driver pulled away without letting me in. I assumed he thought it was only a few blocks away and wanted a bigger fare.
Finally, when my exasperated taxi driver gave up on finding a Moma’s restaurant, he dropped me off at The 21 Club. I asked the kind doorman if there was a “Moma’s restaurant” nearby and apologized for not going to 21 Club. He politely told me one block over. Finally!!
And there I saw my three friends…although running a little late and by this time quite hungry. We were outside MOMA’s–which seemed to be more than just a restaurant (in fact it was big and long and seemed to include works of art as well). “Nice!” I thought to myself.
I asked someone working beside the entrance where the restaurant was. He laughed and said, “Restaurant?! This is the Museum of Modern Art! There’s no restaurant!!” And laughed again.
I alerted my friends they had mistakenly chosen an art museum that lacked a restaurant.
The friend who suggested MOMA’s said, “Oh, I’m not hungry.”
And it was about this time that I put two and two—really more like one and one–together.
We weren’t going to an Italian restaurant with homemade meatballs like I told my wife. We were going to the Museum of Modern Art. Which didn’t even have a concession stand.
When I am trying to explain something and don’t understand it well I will end my explanation with the phrases “as it were” or “if you will.”
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