By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Apr 15, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
A smartphone “couples” app I’d like to see.
I’ve got an app to count calories and steps taken in a day.
Other apps help me gauge my business travel and finances and even help me manage dietary choices.
But what I could really use is an app that would help me determine how long I need to pout to equal or “get even” for undeserved slights from my wife Rebecca. For example, if Rebecca says “You never do such and such” when, in fact, I do occasionally do such and such –I just don’t do such and such all of the time– that is worth approximately 5-7 minutes of pouting.
How do I know?
I don’t.
That’s the problem.
It’s just a gut feel.
And if I overestimate the necessary pouting length, that can lead to a retaliatory slight from Rebecca to level set things. Which then leads to another pout and another slight and so on.
Hence why an app that could tell me more accurately how long I should pout would be so handy. And like all good apps, it should be cross-functional allowing Rebecca to calibrate the precise counter slight for when I over pout.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Apr 14, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
The author at the Billy Joel concert with some nudnick and two beautiful women
The first two music albums that I fell in love with were Billy Joel’s The Stranger and Steely Dan’s Aja. I was 13 years old. Over time I came to like Aja better but initially The Stranger was my favorite. First favorite albums always have a special place in your heart and which is why I was so excited to attend my first Billy Joel concert at the YUM center last week.
The first thing I noticed was Billy Joel looks a lot different today than he did when I was first introduced to him in 1977. He even joked when introducing himself that he was really Billy Joel’s father. A lot of time has passed since The Stranger was released –37 years to be exact. But as I was treated to a generously long lifetime of songs from the legendary Billy Joel I couldn’t help but notice that –at least in my opinion—almost all of Joel’s greatest songs came from The Stranger (1977) or earlier works.
The 37 years that followed had produced some memorable and even exceptional songs but none that rated, again in my opinion, as classics or truly extraordinary pieces of music.
Which made me think to myself that perhaps in music—and other professions—the key is to have a huge creative burst in your late 20s and then you can coast the rest of your life by replaying your greatest hits, so to speak, to sell out crowds. In other words, I asked myself, Was Billy Joel and so many other of our greatest artists their own version of Orson Welles –who stunned the world with his prodigy and prodigiousness in his early career before falling relatively flat during the ensuing decades?
But as I remained entertained and even entranced by Billy Joel I knew something more was at play. Perhaps for some artists they do flame out early and coast for many years after that. But that is not what we were witnessing with Billy Joel. Yes, his greatest music perhaps was written when he was a younger man but we were not watching a man who was past his prime. He had matured from a great song writer to one of the greatest entertainers of our time. Joel may have been at the apex of his creativity in his 20s but now in his 60s Joel was still peaking as a performer and master musician.
So, as we were slowly filing out after the concert, I wondered to myself what this all meant. Perhaps it was that great creativity and breakthrough originality are breathtaking to experience but like all things that take your breath away are hard to sustain. But real passion and dedication that lasts not for months or years –but for decades –and is nurtured while honing your life’s work, may not take your breath away, but does elicit something even greater—an awe and respect as well as a record of sustained excellence that is even rarer and more special than moments of genius.
The author at the Billy Joel Louisville concert with some nudnick and two beautiful women
I learned, I suppose, that the depth of our devotion is more profound than the height of our creativity. In music. And in life. The former can create one of the great albums of a generation. But the latter can establish one of the greatest entertainers of our lifetime. And made me glad that the Billy Joel I finally got to see live wasn’t the brilliant 28 year old at his creative flashpoint, who would have still been very exciting to see, but rather was the 65 year old master of his craft and consummate musical performer, who truly was amazing to behold. And who also taught me an important lesson about life.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Apr 11, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Idea for a new reality TV show
“Survivor: For Real”
Twelve companies that provide online services (e.g. reservations, etc) –and then make it nearly impossible to ever reach a human by phone and, if you do, it is only to talk to a well-trained call center worker who has memorized every conceivable polite way of telling you you will get absolutely no help— will have their CEOs and call center employees transported to a marooned island with no food or shelter or cell phones.
Also on the island are the frustrated customers of these 12 companies and they will have much more food and shelter than they need –as well as having cell phones. But this group will be unable to talk live to any of the CEOs or call center workers who are begging for food and shelter because they will be on their cell phones and can’t be bothered. But they will be very polite about explaining why they can’t talk or help right now. And tell them to have a nice day and ask if they would agree to participate in a customer service survey.
The ensuing fun will be something most every viewer will be able to appreciate.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Apr 10, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Don’t you hate it when you are trying to work in your office and someone’s car alarm goes off…..?
And blares on…..?
And on….?
And you start to wonder if the owner knows their car is driving everyone within earshot crazy …..?
And then finally give in and go outside and try to figure out how to determine which car it is in your office parking lot that is going off and hope you can find someone who knows the car owner and they can get hold of them to turn off the annoying and offensive car alarm……?
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Apr 9, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Week 10 of my diet and down 14.7 lbs (oh hell, let’s just day 15 lbs!)
My goal is 12 more pounds. Not sure why that is my goal other than Kent Oyler, who is my height and much fitter than I am, told me what he weighed when I was starting my diet and I decided I wanted to look like him. We were at an event at the Kentucky Science Center and talked about it. I never told him that because it sounds kind of creepy but it’s the truth.
I lost 12 lbs the first 6 weeks and only 3 lbs the past 4 weeks….but I am moving in the right direction–just slowly.
It may be summertime before I have my Kent Oyler-esque bod. But I looked at a picture of Kent and I on Facebook just now and I think it will be worth the wait. And that sounds really, really creepy and is probably something I should have just kept to myself. But dieting finds the strangest motivators and that is all I am trying to say.
And if Kent sees this post please know that just because I imagine your physique in my mind daily as an idealized motivator for my diet, I am not imaging your body in any kind of weird way that should concern Kathy. I swear. It is just a dietary tool and totally normal, I am sure. I hope. And thanks for being my inspiration. And I don’t mean that in any kind of weird way either. I really don’t. I swear.
Look, all I am trying to say here is I have lost 15 lbs and have 12 lbs to go. And when I get there perhaps Kent Oyler and I can dress up like twins one day just for fun. OK, I know that is really, really weird and I am totally joking. Promise!!
Although…I suppose it could be kinda cool. But probably not. Not “probably not” that I will lose the additional 12 pounds but “probably not” that when I do Kent and I will dress in the same outfit one day. Unless, of course, Kent insisted on it. Out of respect for him I would have to consider it then. But it would have to be his idea. And even if I ageed to do it I would pull Kent aside and tell him I thought his idea was a little weird and I wasn’t completely comfortable with it. But I would do it anyway because Kent’s a good guy I respect a lot and I feel like I owe him.
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Diet update: For the first time in 3 months, I went shopping for a new pair of pants.
3 months ago I wore a 38×29 (and was pushing it at 38 in and measured 39″) –but today fit comfortably into, get this, 35×30 pants.
That’s right. I have lost 4 inches in my waist.
But perhaps even more impressive, I have –apparently–grown an inch as well. And I wasn’t even trying to grow. Buying a pair of medium boxers ….well….that was just showing off.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Apr 8, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
If you are an adult and think you are a victim in life, you are sadly correct.
You are a victim of your own need to be a victim.
I am not saying we are not sometimes victimized. We most certainly are. People get raped, maimed, murdered, and harmed physically and emtionally in inmumerable and unthinkable ways. But those instances of being victimized are situational and do not permanently define us.
Unless, of course, we decide it is preferable to be defined as a victim than to get on with our life.
There are many enticing advantages to being a victim. When we are in that role we get pity, attention, compassion, concern, are the center of attention, less is expected of us and we expect less of ourseleves.
Not a bad deal.
If you don’t mind spending your life “on the sidelines,” so to speak. We are like an injured athlete that sits with the team during the games but never gets to play and we are always pointing to our injury to explain why.
We nurture and promote how we have been harmed until it really does define us.
It is as though we place a sign around our neck for all to see that says, “Wounded. Don’t expect much of me.”
But on our back is another sign that only others can see that says, “Because I choose to be a victim. And don’t expect much of myself.”
And the sign on our back doesn’t come off until we take off the sign that proclaims we are a victim –that we put on ourselves.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Apr 7, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
We either need more ways to say “no” or more ways for people to understand what we mean when we say “no.”
By itself “no” –a little two letter word– seems to be the most misunderstood and confusing word in the English language. When someone asks you if you would like such and such and you say “no” or “no thank you,” it’s as if you really are saying, “Gee, I can’t decide. Can you please help me with more options?” Because inevitability the other person will reapond “Oh, I understand. How about this other such and such or the original such and such in a larger size?”
Maybe we say the word “no” too fast and people can’t really hear or underatand us.
Or maybe it is a literacy issue where only about 10 or 15% of the population knows what the word “no” really means.
Or maybe “no” is just a word that has underperformed for so long it needs to be replaced by a longer, stronger and more daunting word. No?
See what I mean?! You were ready for a brand new tougher word for “no” until you saw that little wimpy wishy-washy word “no” that you’ve grown so used and attached to. And decided that even though it is weak, it is good enough.
So maybe it’s not the word “no” but our own indifference and lackadaisical disposition toward saying “no” –and meaning it– that is the real culprit behind the lack of meaning behind the perplexing little word.
There is something to that, isn’t there?
Nah.
Well….at least we have “nah” when we really mean “no” but “no” alone isn’t strong enough to do the trick. And the heck of it is that when “nah” was invented it was supposed to be weaker than “no!” The word “no” has clearly fallen on hard times.
So, for now, I guess, whenever we mean “no” we should say “nah” instead –and say it emphatically. Like this, “Nah!!”
Geez. That is pathetic sounding. And a little creepy. I think I’ll just keep saying “no” insted, for now, and letting people think I don’t really mean it –until we come up with some better options.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Apr 4, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
We can’t know the future but we can try to guess as accurately as possible what the future will likely look like for us. But at best we can only approximate small parts of it. And it is imposible to know which parts will be correct.
When I was a boy I watched the Jetson’s cartoon every Saturday morning. Not so much because I enjoyed the storyline but rather because I wanted to get glimpses into what my high-tech futuristic life would be like.
As it turns out—over 40 years later–very little in my world resembles what was promised to me in the Jetson’s cartoon. No spaceships, no spacesuits, no hopping from planet to planet. Not even a robot dog that comes fully house trained.
The only similarities, if I really press myself, is that I am as goofy and ineffectual as George Jetson and my wife is as hot as Judy.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Apr 3, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
If a roulette ball had “free will” which number and color would it try to land on?
Makes you think, doesn’t it?
At least it does if you have an hour drive into work every morning and can dictate random thoughts into Facebook posts on your smartphone.
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Typical Monday morning blues…
Feeling Michael Mcdonald but looking Lyle Lovett.
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I know our month calendar is based on the Roman Justinian calendar but I sometimes wonder if our week calendar is based on Greek mythology and the story of Sisyphus.
Sisyphus is a mythological figure who was condemned for eternity to repeatedly roll a boulder uphill — experiencing a momentary sense of relief (the weekend)– and then watching it roll back down and having to start pushing uphill all over again (Monday).
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What is up with this fickle weather?
When did weekend weather reports routinely become “sunny with a couple inches of snow on Monday?”
I can’t tell if Spring is really just around the corner or if we are just experiencing intermittent hot flashes.
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If a 3 year old needs to plead his or her case for a cupcake and isn’t having success, there is a 3 year old in San Jose, CA I recommend you hire to represent you.
And I am guessing he’s willing to work on a cupcake contingent fee basis.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Apr 2, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
I will never personally explore outer space or the mysteries of the ocean depths.
But after becoming a “morning person” in middle age I have discovered an exciting new world that I never knew existed between about 530am- 8am each morning. It doesn’t involve identifying new stars or planets or observing a new underwater species or rare coral growth. Bu…t there are some real characters, fascinating behaviors, impressive routines and surprising activities that I never knew about that exist in this mysterious “early morning” world.
And you don’t need a spaceship or bathyscape to travel there. Just a functional alarm clock that doesn’t have a snooze button.
And astonaut helmets and swimming goggles are optional.
It’s just a gut feel.
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