By Lauren Mayer, on Wed Sep 24, 2014 at 8:30 AM ET Those of us old enough to remember rotary phones, black & white TV, and cars without seatbelts are now at an age when a forgotten name or misplaced car keys can make us worry about age-related memory loss. My response is always to joke about my hard drive being full – it’s not age, it’s data overload.
And that actually makes sense – by the time we’re in our 50s, we’ve had so many experiences, met so many people, learned so many facts, and memorized so many phone numbers that it’s amazing we can remember our own names. (And as far as the phone numbers – anyone under 30 has it far easier, because these days who needs to memorize a number when your smart phone does it for you?)
This sense of data overload is particularly profound during campaign season – which these days is pretty much all the time, given that we’re already talking about 2016 and we haven’t even had the 2014 election yet. It’s not just that every news outlet has its own poll, which all seem to contradict each other, but now pundits are making a science out of poll data aggregation, and none of them agree all of the time. Plus the results seem to change on a daily basis, depending on the latest lawsuits or stories of errant behavior.
Since this relatively new field of unending data aggregate analysis feels a bit like the untamed wild west, I thought it was appropriate to memorialize it with a wild-west-themed song (and one which only those of us old enough to remember rotary phones are likely to recognize):
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 23, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
 I have received multiple “messages” today from Facebook’s new “Messenger” app. It essentially forces you to download it by making it too complicated to figure out how to avoid the irritation of the constant requests by Facebook to download it—and so you just downloading it to stop the requests to, well, download it.
And then I seem constantly to have a tiny person pictured in a circle in the bottom right-hand corner of my phone who just messaged you. The messaging itself i…s fine, of course, but the giant bubble of a person appearing on your phone –and, again, being too complicated (for me anyway) to figure out how to get rid of– is making this exciting new Messaging app on Facebook too burdensome for simple low-tech people like me to want to mess with.
Besides, bubbles just aren’t a good contour for me personally. I look better inside a rectangle or square.
I would message this message complaining about the new Messenger app to the right person at Facebook if I knew how to –and who at Facebook to contact. But there doesn’t appear to be a little bubble of a Facebook person to “message” about such things. Maybe the folks at Facebook don’t care for that little irritating bubble person on their phones either. I can’t say I blame them.
Sometimes, perhaps, the best “app” is the one you don’t create.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 22, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET Slow down people.
It’s Monday. We have all week to get on each others nerves.
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Some mornings I wake up and look over at my lovely wife Rebecca and am overcome with joy at how lucky she must feel to be married to me. God is good.
I just smile and let her sleep. And keep my happy thought to myself.
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Deep thought:
If thinking something –but not saying it— is almost as bad as saying it, does that mean that saying something –but not thinking it –is almost as bad as thinking it?
Note: I didn’t think about this or say it out loud before writing it. I just wrote it. And am probably going to keep it that way.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Sep 19, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET I am at a point in my life when it would really help a lot if I had a voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman’s so people would listen in wonderment when I spoke to them.
Instead I often am asked to repeat myself. And I do. In my non-Morgan Freeman-esque voice.
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I sometimes like to tell myself that ice chai tea latte is really a cover for some sort of secret super human jet fuel.
That way I don’t feel as guilty for drinking so much of it.
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“You can still say the wrong thing later.”
Food for thought before I blurt out an unneeded opinion in a tense situation.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Sep 18, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET Kiboshing Klout
I just got an email update that my Klout score has dropped another point.
I am emailing Klout back to tell them I don’t give a **** anymore and suggesting they make up some new imaginary vanity metric and to please leave me out of it.
Here is my email:
“Dear Klout, I am good enough, I am smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.
So please **** off”
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Sep 17, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET  WWE superstar Damien Sandow pitches me on a unique idea.
“I can see it now, John. Imagine the marquee.. Champion Damien Sandow vs challenger John ‘The Body’ Brown in an epic wrestling match at the Louisville YUM Center. It has all the classic elements of a great athletic drama. Youth versus Age; Strength versus Weakness; Speed versus Slowness; Agility versus Clumsiness; Exciting versus Dull; and Height versus Width.
It could be a wrestling match for the ages.”
As you can tell from my expression, I’m intrigued but still need some convincing before I accept this seemingly sensible –yet bold — proposal.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 15, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET That feeling you are “circling the drain.”
For some it signifies the end. For others it signifies being on the brink of a new beginning. And for others still it means the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning or, for extreme pessimists, the end of the end.
For me, though, it feels more like an extreme sport. Hangin’ 10. From near the drain. At least some days. Like today.
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Some days I feel like I am hitting on all cyclinders and am a masterfully mindful multi-tasking maniac.
Other days I feel like my brain is operating aduquately for a 1963 model.
And every now and again it seems concerningly quiet and uneventful up there –like I am mentally moving at the speed of the video game Pong. And my side forgot to show up.
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“I’m way deep into nothing special”
How I feel today (quoting Steely Dan, West of Hollywood)
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Look, I get it. It’s not my post. You just aren’t in the mood to “like” something right now.
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“It’s not personal; it’s just business.”
Really means for the person hearing this that it is no longer “business” and just became “just personal.”
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Groups, ironically, seem to be the best place for us to learn how to be better individuals
–Leaving my men’s accountability group this morning
By John Y. Brown III, on Sun Sep 14, 2014 at 10:00 AM ET Get up!
If you are like me and plan on doing nothing at all this Sunday, you ought to at least have enough pride to get up early and start right away!
Anything worth doing –even doing nothing –is worth doing well.
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Sunday morning vanity conversation leading to disappointment
This morning I was admiring my recent weight loss in the bathroom mirror as my wife and I were getting ready to go out for coffee. After my proud moment of self-satisfaction, I threw on a pair of jeans and wet my hair before combing it and began looking for a shirt.”
My wife walked in the bathroom to explain how our dog Macy was just… showing off to her by proudly holding a spider in her mouth before it dropped out and ran away.
Wanting to change the topic back to my proud weight loss, I pointed to myself and said, “Well, what do you think?”
“What?” Rebecca answered quizzically.
“This.” I responded smugly pointing in a circular motion to my torso area.
“What? You got water on you?”
“No!” I said flustered. “I’ve lost 28 lbs.”
“Oh.” Rebecca responded laughing. “You are acting like Macy showing off having a spider in her mouth.”
“No I’m not.” I said defensively. “I don’t think it’s the same thing at all. First off Macy didn’t lose 28 lbs and, second off, I am not holding anything in my mouth.”
“OK.” Rebecca said laughing to herself.
“Do you have water on you?” I repeated to myself under my breath. “Really?”
“Well, I’m proud of both you and Macy this morning.” Rebecca offered in a consoling voice.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Sep 11, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET I got excited to see a late night email from American Express that I was receiving an “update” on my recent increase in Rewards points including a link to use them to shop for something right now.
My excitment grew when pictured under the notice was a picture of a brand new iPad and next to that JetBlue airlines and mention of round trip ticket to any of a long list of resorts.
So I click the link.
And find out my new “updated” Rewards point total is worth just under $28 and that the only purchases suggested for me from the Amex “store” is an eye liner or alternatively a rouge compact. But only with 170 more Rewards points.
Anybody out there want to trade me a new iPad for some Amex eye liner? And who also can spare 170 Reward points?
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Sep 10, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET I propose the Corporate Iron Man Triathlon
On the Monday following the actual Iron Man.
It will consist of 112 conference calls, sitting through 26.2 PowerPoint presentations and finishing with 2.4 hours of continuing education credits.
And in the spirit of the real Iron Man competition, the individual contests will lead to no particular destination but just be a test of endurance.
And, of course, wearing cool gear will matter more than it should.
I have already started training!
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