Contributing RPs

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: My True Gifts

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Jan 16, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

My lovely wife Rebecca has, again, failed to fully appreciate me and the gifts I possess.

Tonight, or this morning really, Rebecca woke up to me making clanking sounds in our closet as I pushed unneeded hangers into the garbage can. I was so proud of my work. I had stayed up much of the night clearing out and organizing my side of the closet and knew Rebecca would really be excited. Actually, I just hoped she wouldn’t be mad because I did make a lot of noise the last 30 minutes and did wake her up.

Well, you guessed it. She wasn’t really happy or proud of me. She instead seemed irritated with me–just like she was when I stayed up late at night cleaning out my closet in November and woke her up. (The closet had gotten disorganized again since November.)

Rebecca didn’t say “Thanks” or “This looks great” but rather the more disappointing and familiar “John, this is not normal behavior.”

“Well, you know what?” I offered, “I’m not completely normal. OK? And that’s a good thing. In fact, I think my behavior is probably a sign of something that is very positive. Like above average intelligence.”

“Oh really?” Rebecca said while grinning in a state of disbelief. “No. It’s not.”

Oh, yes. It sure is. I remember reading that many years ago in college in a book by Jim Fixx called ‘Running.’ The book was about the benefits of jogging —which I didn’t do–but that’s not the point. In fact, part of the reason I didn’t take up jogging is he died of a heart atrack right after the book got published but that’s not the point either. The point is that in some part of the book the author mentions he is in MENSA, the high IQ society, and lists some of the behavioral traits of highly intelligent people he has met in MENSA. And one of those traits of highly intelligent people is that they need less sleep.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense.” Rebecca blurted as she rolled her eyes and walked away.

“Not at all.” I countered. “He lists a lot of different traits of highly intelligent people and I rememberer that one clearly because that was the only one I really had in common with MENSANS and it allowed me to hold out hope I might have some kind of giftedness. So, you see, this is just part of who I am. Part of the John Brown package and there are, admittedly, some annoying traits mixed in but that’s just part of the whole really good –on balance– ‘package deal’ you got with me.”

“Oh really?” Rebecca said chuckling. “Well, then, we are about to start going through this package and throwing out a lot of the parts in it.”

“But you can’t do that.” I explained. “It’s all one integrated system”

“I always throw away accessories that aren’t needed.” Rebecca said unconvinced.

“That won’t work here. Look, if I had gotten you some big…some big…machine ….for Christmas, like a vacuum cleaner –you know, something you put together– you wouldn’t look at the different pieces and throw out the ones that you didn’t like. You need all the pieces or it won’t work. You see?” Rebecca still seemed unconvinced. I went on, “Think of this piece of me that is irritating you this morning as being attached to the motor –my motor—that is me. You can’t throw away a piece of a motor. The machine stops working then. You don’t want that to happen, do you?”

“Oh Lord.” Rebecca said exasperated. “Are we going to church?”

“Yes, of course.” I agreed. “But would you mind running out and getting us both some coffee first? My motor could use some fuel right now. The good part of my motor, that is. The non-annoying part. The part that you like”

Rebecca left to get the coffee and I couldn’t tell by the way she was walking really fast —like she does when she is trying to leave the room before she says something she doesn’t really mean— I couldn’t tell if she was really convinced about my whole “high intelligence–motor –cleaning out the closet half-the-night” theory or not. I just didn’t know.

But here’s the funny part. I made it all up. Seriously. The truth is I couldn’t sleep and cleaned out my closet and was being annoying –but tried to make Rebecca believe my odd behavior was really a reflection of something grand or gifted about me. But it really isn’t. At least I don’t think it is.

Is it? Who knows? Heck, maybe it is.

Hey, at least I made myself wonder if there’s something to my theory, even if Rebecca doesn’t buy it. And that has to count for something.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Slim Fit

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jan 15, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

I inadvertently purchased a “slim fit” shirt for myself over Christmas. And grabbed it and put it on quickly this morning before realizing what I had done.

At first I thought I may have unknowingly been taking steroids. Then I thought perhaps it was my son’s shirt. Or about anybody else’s shirt but mine. By the time I realized what happened, I was already in my car and several miles down the road and already running a little late so I was stuck.

I tried best I could to conceal the issue by standing as straight as possible and sucking in my stomach and trying to look like I wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I appeared to people looking at me and noticing my overly-strained shirt buttons trying not to snap off if I exhaled too fully.

I tried to give a look to others that said, “This shirt fits me fine. It really does. I may have picked up 2 or 3 extra pounds over the holidays that may make it seem a little tighter today than it really is. But that is just for today and a silly holiday thing. This shirt fits great and is shaped perfectly for me.” That is a really hard look to maintain for nearly 13 hours. Heck, that’s a hard look to maintain for 13 minutes. Or even 13 seconds.

But I did it anyway. Which says something about me. Mostly that I am able to go nearly 13 consecutive hours taking only short shallow breaths.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Retweeting

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jan 14, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

Before we “retweet” anything it is important to ask ourselves:

1) Are we doing this because we really think it is a Tweet worthy of retweeting (for the sake of humankind)?
2) Or is it worthy of retweeting more as an inside joke to an inner circle of our friends?
3) Or are we trying to curry favor with the Tweeting person even though we don’t believe the Tweet is all that special?
4) Or are we retweeting a Tweet because that person recently retweeted one of our Tweets (and we’d like for them to do that again)?
5) Or are we just trying to encourage a friend who rarely Tweets anything to hang in there and they will eventually “get” Tweeting?
6) Or are we retweeting to just let others on Twitter know that we know about retweeting and how to do it properly?
7) Or because we just want to cast out some virtual action into the vast abyss of cyberspace in hopes it will momentarily make us feel that we really do matter and can have some impact, however marginal or meaningless, on an impersonal universe?

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Happy New Year?

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Jan 13, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

I am declaring (for myself anyway) that January 12 at 630 pm is the official end of having to ask people you talk to for the first time this year if they had a nice holiday and happy new year.

Unless you are genuinely curious and sincerely want to know. Or can’t think of absolutely anything else to say.

So to all friends I see for the first time this hear after tonight, we will have to wait until 2016 for me to ask you if you had a nice holiday and happy new year.

(Note: I originally intended January 12 at 430 pm to be the deadline but just finished a conference call with people I didn’t know well and extended the deadline for that call.)

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Silver linings and family vacation low points

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Jan 12, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

Family vacations are full of wonderful moments that create even better memories.

But don’t be fooled by happy Facebook posts. Every family, including ours , has periods during a family vacation that are less than festive. There are inevitably occasional periods that are unpleasant where everyone is exhausted and irritated.

But when that happens in our family there is a silver lining.

No matter how bad things get we have a safe place we can go where we are all on the same page –and it is this: Each family member can agree that they don’t really like me and that I am to blame for everything. And that includes me!

It may not sound like much but at a vacation low point it means a lot when all family members can be reminded there is still a unifying point where we all can be on the same page together –disdain and disgust toward Dad. And from that agreeable touchpoint we always seem able to work our way out of our petty and momentary frustrations and get back on track toward moving to a happier place.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Audacity by a Lawyer

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Jan 9, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

I told the story to my son about how my grandfather (and his great grandfather) got the rarefied and much coveted opportunity to argue before the United States Supreme Court. He lost. But had one of the bolder moments of an attorney before the Supreme Court. Probably too bold.

Of course, for such an august task as arguing before the Supreme Court, an attorney would be well served by a strong self-esteem and command of the courtroom. But John Y Sr, in… the middle of his oral argument, became irritated that Justice Arthur Goldberg didn’t seem to be listening and instead was shuffling papers. John Y Sr stopped his argument and said something to the effect of “Justice Goldberg, I have looked forward my entire legal career to have the opportunity to argue before the U.S Supreme Court and I would appreciate it if you would stop shuffling those papers and listen to my argument and allow the other Justices to as well.”

Justice Goldberg complied. But Justice Goldberg also was assigned the task of writing the majority opinion, which was unfavorable to my grandfather. Coincidence?
Who knows. But I suspect Justice Goldberg took a request from a Southern attorney for common courtesy as something closer to a brazenness. Again, who knows.

But thanks to my cousin Benham Sims for finding this gem. We both are surely proud of our grandfather and are grateful for the long list of amusing and memorable courtroom stories he left behind as part of his legacy.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Grownup Things

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jan 8, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

Sometimes in life –as we get older –we find ourselves doing things not because we “want to do them” but rather because it is the “grown – up thing to do.”

I just had one of those moments. And it feels good inside.

We just left a video arcade where a 9 year old boy was playing Pop-a-Shot and thought he was really hot stuff. He had an entrouge cheering him on: his father, mother and older sister. They were chanting things like “Go, Josh!” and “That’s great, Josh!”

Well, I did what any other guy in a video arcade would do who had Pop-a-Shot game. I immediately got 4 quarters and went to work. While the family was still close enough to watch me.

I filled it up, too! Josh’s high game was 22. Mine was 41. ‘Nuf said!

As I turned to walk away in hopes someone in that family would marvel out loud, “Who is that guy?” or at least say to me “Great shooting!” But none did. Instead they stared downward at the machine and watched it spit out ticket after ticket I had won with my score.

It was at that moment I knew what I should do: Reach down and grab the tickets and buy my 16 year old daughter and 20 year old son a toy prize.

But something deep inside me reminded me that when I did that in the past –when they were very young – we never made it home with the toy prize intact.

And then something hit me at a deeper level. It was this question: What would a real grown-up do? And I had it. I knew without even thinking. A real grown-up would leave the tickets so he wouldn’t have to clean up the mess in the car after his kids tore up the toy prizes trying to play with them. And I did.

Josh grabbed the tickets and looked at me and I just smiled. I told him I was 51 years old now and he could have my tickets. He thanked me excitedly. I shrugged and looking at his parents and added, “If I were 49 I might want to keep them.”

They laughed out loud. But that’s because they don’t understand. They were in their early 40s and couldn’t yet know where I was coming from. But one day they will.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Impressing My Wife

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jan 7, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

I want my wife to know how hard I am working this morning.

We are on vacation but it is still a work day for others and I have to put in several hours this morning.

I know Rebecca knows I work hard but I worry that she doesn’t fully appreciate just how hard.

She was with me this morning in the car during several important calls when we went out to get coffee. I think that impressed her but then I dropped her off at the hotel and stayed in the car to work since I didn’t want to wake up the kids. I went back to the room an hour later to let her know there had been several more calls –and even more calls to come after that.

Granted these “calls” don’t involve manual labor or any kind of real physical work, but I want my wife to imagine my conference calls are the equivalent –or harder — than draining physical labor.

I just texted her again to tell her about some emails I am having to respond to and how stressful my morning has been but how I won’t allow any of this to impact our vacation plans today. I hope this will underline for her –and our children — all the sacrifice I make for them and how “I work so hard to support our family.” They love hearing me say that. Not really. But I love saying it. A lot, as a matter of fact.

Rebecca texted back her standard response that she appreciates all I do. And this time even included a smiley face. Which I apprecited.

The text has a picture of Rebecca’s healthy face but is a washed-out or white generic emoji to emphasize how drained I must feel.

I thought about texting Rebecca that I might be having some mild chest pains right now to emphasize for her how hard I am working and hopefully get more than a smiley face on her next text back. But since I am not having chest pains and am actually in a well air conditioned Starbucks enjoying coffee while doing my laborious “emails,” I am not going to do that right now.

But I am going to post on Facebook about how hard I am working this morning and how much I do for our family and tag her.

And then text her and ask her to have to kids read my Facebook post about how hard my day has been so far — and how I hope they appreciate it.

I am not asking them to praise me or tell me how grateful they are for me and all I do or to maybe tell me that I am a totally amazing husband and father. Although any of those things would be nice. All I am really asking is that they at least acknowledge my efforts in some small but significant way. Just “liking” this post would let me know my message is getting through loud and clear. Or at least vaguely and inadequately. Which is enough for my over-sized and needy male ego this morning.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Sometimes You Just Get Lucky

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Jan 6, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

See this picture? To the discerning eye it is a catastrophic accident — and multi million dollar law suit — just waiting to happen.

Remember a few decades ago when McDonald’s served an extra hot coffee to an elderly customer — but did not seal the top when handing it to her — and she spilled it in her lap and suffered severe burns and made national news when she was later awarded several million dollars in damages?

Well, the exact same thing almost happened to me yesterday but instead of an unsealed cup of scalding hot coffee it was an unsealed cup of cold ice water.

Fortunately for Tommy Burger I spotted their outrageous negligence putting me in harms way and sealed the cup of ice water myself. And later drank it in my car without incident.

Sometimes, even in the face of wanton negligence, you just get lucky. This was one of those times.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: What’s Your Song for 2015?

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Jan 5, 2015 at 12:00 PM ET

This morning, watching the sun rise and drinking my coffee as I absorbed the idea of a new year unfurling, I wondered what song I would pick to mark the occasion — to set the tone for the first hours of an entire new year.

A raft of different jazz and rock and jazz-rock songs came to mind along with a classical tune and one hip-hop piece.

I decided my song for 2015 would be Aja by Steely Dan. But as I listened to the first few seconds of that song I realized that wasn’t what I wanted or needed.

I didn’t want a backward-looking song for 2015 but a forward-looking song. One with fresh words and surprising images that describe the beginning of a new chapter in life. A chapter I haven’t read before about concepts I don’t already think I understand but am excited to attempt to because I am finally ready.

A song that dances in my head and taps in my toes but also nourishes my soul and can animate my spirit. A song that doesn’t seem to have a beginning, middle or end, but is asynchronous yet flows sensibly in unseen directions. And flows toward something true I do not now know but have been searching for and lays it out before me to pick up or merely listen to again. Something light yet profound. Something curious yet familiar. Something obvious yet invisible.

Something musically that I can escape to whenever I want to that lifts my spirit and makes me feel like I am dancing while standing still. A song that helps me see things that can only be seen with my eyes closed and that has a rythmic melody that reminds me of my better self in better days that have not yet happened. But are about to.

A new song. That hasn’t been written or sung yet by anybody and can maybe only be heard in silence by the lyrical tenor I choose to live my life to in 2015.
And plays as often as I want to hear it on a new Sirius station nobody else can find but me.