Musings from the Middle

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: A James Polk Day

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jun 7, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

Today….was a day. Where nothing happened in my life.

I didn’t work.

I didn’t rest.

I didn’t play.

I worried a little and wasted a lot of time.

I’m not even sad the day is almost over.

I don’t feel guilty.

I just feel …..well, really I don’t feel anything about today.

It was a nondescript inconsequential day.

Today was to the days of my life what James Polk was to the presidency of the United States. A president no one really remembers or ever talks about. He was probably competent enough but mostly just inconsequential in the public memory. Much like today was for me.

A James K Polk day.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Coffee Talk

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jun 6, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Or one person drinking coffee?

This morning I was set to have coffee with a friend at 8am but he was running behind.

Finally, at 8:15 I emailed him and told him I was going to go ahead and start the conversation without him and when he arrived he could jump in and pick up wherever we were at that time.

Fortunately, he showed up about 3 minutes later.

The conversation was off to a sluggish start by myself and seemed to jump from irrelevant topic to irrelevant topic.

Fortunately, we ended up having a great conversation.

Which just shows a conversation with 2 is much better than a conversation alone.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Blood Tests

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Jun 5, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

Can’t win them all.

Last physical blood tests were “good” but with a few “slight irregularities.”

While waiting for explanation my mind raced. It was “slightly elevated cholesterol and glucose. That’s all.”

Me:”Ok . Good.”

And I added “I figured the “slight irregularity” may have been traces of Tiger Blood.”

Nurse:”Ha! No traces of Tiger Blood. Did you eat anything sweet just before the test?”

Me:”Yes. An ice cream cone.”

Nurse:”That explains glucose. If I ever worry that I need to test for Tiger Blood I’ll let you know.”

Me:”I read once that tigers like ice cream.”

Nurse: “Uh-huh. You can go now.”

Personally, I don’t even think she tested for Tiger Blood.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Car Snobbery

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Jun 4, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

Subtle car snobbery.

It’s not what the car represents as much as what it doesn’t represent about the driver.

I drive a Honda Accord and am excited because in the next few days I’m getting a new car. Another Honda Accord (only slightly pre-owned). My car purchasing is like my restaurant purchasing. I look over the entire menu each time and order exactly the same thing.

But with the Honda Accord …I’ feel kinda proud. I think it’s a perfect combination of efficiency and practically and elegance. A good fit for me…and so while I was driving earlier today I glanced around to see if there were any cars around me I could feel a little superior to.

To my left was a Ford Fusion and I locked eyes with the driver–just briefly. But long enough for his look to say to me, “Honda Accord? Nice. But I’m a little bit better in my Ford Fusion.”

And he got my message back, “Ford Fusion? Not bad. But I prefer the Honda Accord and think it’s just a little bit better.”

It was a mutually respectful exchange that we both could live with. I didn’t mind letting him think he’s a little better and he didn’t mind granting me the same privilege.

But then to our right barreled forward a large shiny black Mercedes-Benz. I didn’t look at my friend in the Ford Fusion. I didn’t have to. I knew what he thinking. We both were embarrassed for the guy in a Mercedes who felt so insecure he needed something that extravagant just to be noticed and to feel like he fit in.

And we both–my Ford Fusion colleague and I— felt just little superior to the guy in the Mercedes. Not because of the statement our cars made. But because of the statement they didn’t make.

I let the Mercedes pull in front of me and speed away. But kept thinking to myself, “Poor guy. He doesn’t need a Honda Accord or Ford Fusion. He needs a hug.”

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Facebook Posts

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Jun 1, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

I’ve noticed younger people on Facebook (OK, kids!) often can post a single word for a status update and add three exclamation points– and they are deluged with “likes” and comments.

How do they do that?

It must be some sort of secret young people language or maybe it’s just brevity of thought.

Oh never mind. I’m depressed now.

This is the first time ever I referred young people as “kids” and it makes me feel… it….it’s….I’m going to need some time to let this sink in before finishing this thought.

Damn!!!

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: St. Francis’ Advice

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu May 31, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

Thought for the day to change the world.

If everyone followed the section from the prayer of St Francis asking,

“Lord, grant that I may seek rather to understand, than to be understood.”

Thought for the day to change myself (as a back-up plan in case the world doesn’t change).

If I followed the section from the prayer of St Francis asking,

“Lord, grant that I may seek rather to understand, than to be understood.”

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Father/Daughter Conversation

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed May 30, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

Father and teen daughter conversation.

Daughter: Dad, I’m going to visit a friend today I haven’t seen in a year and we are going to lunch and shopping at the mall for the afternoon. Could I please have some money….like….$20?

Father: $20?! For lunch–and some window shopping? Where are you planning on eating? You don’t really need to buy anything at the mall. How about, oh, $5.

Daughter: Dad…

Father: How about this. I’ll make it $10 because I’m an amazing dad. Deal?

Daughter: Make it $20 because I’m an amazing daughter. Deal?

Dad: You got me. Deal.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Weight Loss

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue May 29, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

One more reason I love technology.

In the old days when you committed you were going to start a new diet you had to join a gym, buy some new work out clothes, get a heart rate watch, subscribe to an exercise magazine, and perhaps even hire a personal trainer.
Before failing at the diet and exercise plan.

But not anymore!

Thanks to the internet and smartphones, we can save time and money by bragging to our friends—and they pretending to believe us—that we are “committed” to making some major changes in our dietary lifestyle without having to spend hundreds of dollars on all these old school props.

All we have to do is download an “app” for our smartphone called “Lose It”

And then fail at the diet and exercise plan.

Sure, we’re still overweight but look at the time, money and energy we save!

Thanks technology!! You really do deliver! Despite having to put up with us too human humans.

(Caveat: Some people really have succeeded using this app. They must have either really wanted to lose weight or simply lacked the ability to be able to fool themselves.)

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Human Motivation

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri May 25, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

Human motivation and how to understand it.

We all do things or say things that perturb and puzzle others. That don’t make logical sense or seem appropriate for the situation.

Why do we do it? I have a 6- pronged approach to make sense of such situations and would like to share it with you.

1) Ask “What is the pay off for the behavior?” You will often discover there is a history or story behind seemingly silly behavior that helps explain otherwise unusual behavior. Under the right circumstances, many unusual behaviors can still have a “pay off” for people.

2) Dopamine spurt. It’s remarkable how many of our behaviors are unknowingly locked into dopamine “reward system.” Running, sports, anger fits, romance, good grades, and so on–including a number of less savory behaviors are reinforced daily by our desire to get a quick hit of the brain chemical dopamine.

3) Parents. This explanation is a time-honored standby for unpleasant behavior. Tracing it back to some parental deficiency that is still having an awkward impact today. This must be used sparingly to remain credible.

4) Birth order. Sibling birth order can explain some traits and temperaments and has a good deal of solid science to back it up.

5) Philosophical-spiritual. When someone behaves badly simply understand it as the person acting the way he or she needs to at the moment as part of a larger positive process. Statements like “He’s doing the best he can with the tools he has” are often heard to describe this assessment tool.

6) Not caring. This is fast becoming my favorite strategy when trying to understand another person’s inappropriate behavior. It’s more declarative than diagnostic but works very efficiently. When someone behaves badly instead of starting down a long mental path to understand the behavior, stop. Instead, simply say to yourself “That was a really inappropriate behavior and i don’t need to understand why he did that.”

Over time many who use this last technique are able to use the shorthand, “I can’t believe he did that. What an asshole.”

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Rapper’s Delight

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu May 24, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET

The most embarrassing impressive thing I did my junior year at Central High?

I knew every single word to this song….and was happy to prove it to you.

It was impressive. And very embarrassing in retrospect.

But at the time I felt it would help distinguish me as a new student “to watch.” I was wrong about that.

And I still know most of the words to Rapper’s Delight.

And worry there will never be much of a pay off for me.