Musings from the Middle

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri May 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Watching great flick, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Thank goodness we only have to go through high school once.

We need the 50 years after high school to work through all the illusions we leave high school with.

And also need 50 years to let go of the delusions we take from high school

High school is where we come to misunderstand ourselves and the world we live in–while simultaneously learning to navigate the world we so confidently misapprehend. And after the glorious misadventure of high school only slowly and inadequately begin to see life a little more clearly and a little less confidently.

And the wallflowers of high school, the quiet ones, may say the least…. but they feel the most and see things most deeply and clearly. And make the truest friends and best all around human beings.

Which are very cool traits.

After high school.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Banning LOLs

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu May 16, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

It’s time.

Right now.

Right here.

The world, real and virtual, cannot abide another moment without it.

It’s time to retire the acronym LOL…and any emoticon …to signify “I’m joking.”

And replace it with an asterisk followed by a parenthetical:

(Hey now! Don’t jump to the wrong conclusion. I’m not serious. Really. This was intended as a light-hearted joke. If you read it literally and didn’t catch the humor you aren’t alone. It was admittedly an inartful and flawed attempt at either understatement, overstatement or irony. And I apologize for any confusion. Please try reading through once more knowing it is an attempt at humor and see if it seems funnier. If you got it the first time, please disregard.)

True, it’s not as brief as an ideal “humor warning” could be. But it’s not as lame as the outdated acronym LOL or creepy as the overly cute sideways smiley face coming from a middle-aged man.*

* (Hey now! Don’t jump to the wrong conclusion. I’m not serious. Really. This was intended as a light-hearted joke. If you read it literally and didn’t catch the humor you aren’t alone. It was admittedly an inartful and flawed attempt at either understatement, overstatement or irony. And I apologize for any confusion. Please try reading through once more knowing it is an attempt at humor and see if it seems funnier. If you got it the first time, please disregard.)

But probably best to not overuse.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Little Miss Sunshine

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed May 15, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Sometimes you have to be bold….

Sometimes you have to be a great parent….

Sometimes you have to be true to yourself even if it means upsetting the status quo…

Sometimes you have to listen to your grandpa because he’s the only one who will listen and who really understands….

Sometimes you have to support your family no matter what. And because it’s the right thing to do…..

And sometimes the best way to fit in is to stand out as a Super Freak…

And sometimes —although extremely rarely—you get to do all of these at the same time…..

And when that happens, it’s a very special moment.

Little Miss Sunshine – Superfreak (ROCAsound Revamp) from Sebastian Morton on Vimeo.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Why God Made Moms

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue May 14, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

If you don’t know why, how or with what ingredients God made moms, then you need to go to the most obvious place available to find the answers.

Second graders.

Here’s a sampling of the answers to these timeworn questions.

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in

the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use
string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We’re related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power
cause that’s who you

got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don’t do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.

2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who
did it not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back
of her head.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: My Unfilled Bucket List

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon May 13, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

My “Unfilled” Bucket List of things to do before turning 50 (in 3 weeks)

1) See the Grand Canyon

2) Be an author (I kind of did that but with an eBook, which is only partial credit)

3) See some other national historic site in the West but can’t recall which one.

4) Get down to “HSW +15” (high school weight plus 15 lbs).

5) Learn to paint

6) Learn to dance

7) Learn to play an instrument

8) Become a millionaire (or at least stop asking my mom for loans)

9) Make a second contribution to IRA. (After I start one and contribute once.)

10) Run the mile in under 4 minutes. (Oops! I meant, run for 4 minutes nonstop)

11) Watch the entire Godfather trilogy in sequence

12) Clean out my closet

13) Change the light bulb in the basement storage closet

14) Read a Gentleman’s Guide to Etiquette to my son. (Or have my daughter read it to me. This was an either/or bucket list item)

15) Fix something in the house without using duct tape or super glue

16) Learn to sing

17) Take a foreign language (Ok. This was on and I took it off and then put back on and took off again for good.)

18) Don’t qualify for any new 12 step programs

19) Don’t shrink in height because you are close to not being able to round up to 5 ‘9 as it is.

20) Turn 49 ( I did that! Yay me!!)

I still have 17 to go after dropping foreign language and only partial credit for eBook and stopping asking my mother for loans.

It’s going to be a very busy next 3 weeks trying to complete my “Bucket List before 50” right?

Nah!

My new Bucket List for the second half of life is going to include not having a Bucket List and just live each day relatively well and not worry about stuff I won’t get to do before I die. I’ve done a few. Like turning 49. And it was overrated anyway.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Imaginary Umbrellas and Silver Linings

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri May 10, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Thank goodness for imaginary umbrellas and silver linings.

26 years ago this week, Rebecca Jackson (now Rebecca J. Brown) showed up to work at a Derby party my father and step-mother put on. It was a combination Derby and political event. My father was running for governor (term limits at the time prevented him from seeking a second term in 1983 so he had to wait until 1987). He was ahead in the polls but there was this fella named Wallace Wilkinson who was getting attention for proposing a lottery and he had a new hotshot campaign manager named James Carville, who had just come off his first major campaign victory and was looking to make a name for himself.

But 26 years ago yesterday isn’t about politics. But rather romance. I had invited a friend of mine to join me, Andy Blieden. Andy and I had been friends since high school and he was determined to fix me up on a date. The week before we had met for dinner and Andy asked when I had last been out on a date. I answered somewhat jokingly, “Let’s see, this is Thur. So….Wed, Tues, Mon…Um…About 8 ½ months since my last date, give or take a week.” That did it for Andy.

At the party, the outgoing and slightly intoxicated Andy, struck up a conversation with one of the Southern Belle’s greeting guests. He asked her what her name was. “Rebecca Jackson,” she said. “Are you dating anyone?” Andy asked point blank. “No, not right now.” Rebecca responded. “Would you like to date someone?” Andy humorously and pointedly asked. And then brought me over and introduced me.

But before introducing us, Andy pointed out Rebecca to me and said, “You have to meet this girl. She’s beautiful and not dating anyone now.” I said OK and then scoped her out from a distance. She had long blonde hair and seemed sweet and shy. I liked that. So Andy brought me to her and said, “Rebecca, meet John the third. John, meet Rebecca.”

I said, “Hi. How are you?”

“Fine. How are you?” Rebecca responded.

“Are you in a sorority?” I asked.

“Yes. Are you in a fraternity?” Rebecca asked.

“No.” I said.

After a pause, I said, “Well, nice to meet you.”

It was an inauspicious start but later in the day I struck up a much more meaningful conversation with Rebecca about such intimate topics as what she was majoring in and even disclosed my major, too. It was a start.

As the party was winding down I noticed that the group of Southern Belles were leaving the party. I went down and said goodbye and thanked them. And looked longingly at Rebecca because I wanted to ask her out on a date but she was surrounded by sorority sisters and it was too embarrassing for me to pull her aside. She seemed to look longingly back at me, but I couldn’t be sure. So I waved goodbye and as I walked away I was angry at myself for not having the courage to just ask this young lady out. I let her get away.

I missed my chance. She was gone.

Or so I thought.

A few minutes later while I was talking to a photographer working the party, I looked up and saw Rebecca walking toward the house. She had made up a story to her sorority sisters that she needed to go back inside the house to retrieve an umbrella she left behind. She never had an umbrella but wanted to give me another chance without all the other young ladies around to come up with the gumption to ask her out.

I saw her and without thinking went with my gut, “Rebecca. Hey there. Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I said, “You know. Um. ….Maybe sometime, um. We can, you know….If you want to….go out, or something.” Rebecca coolly said, “Yeah. That would be OK.” She added she was moving out of her sorority house and into an apartment that week and didn’t have a new phone number yet. I wrote down my phone number and said, “Why don’t you call me sometime, when you get settled in?” She grimaced slightly and I realized giving Rebecca my number and asking her to call me was not the proper way to ask a true Southern Belle on a date. I quickly recovered by promising to call her sorority in a couple days before she moved out.

I had her number but she didn’t have her umbrella. But achieved her goal of giving a shy guy a little extra time to do what she knew he wanted –and needed–to do.

And I’m awfully grateful for that. And will always have a soft spot in my heart for umbrellas, real and imaginary. Because that one umbrella changed my life forever—and without it I would have missed marrying my soul mate.

Three weeks later, my father lost the Democratic primary for governor to Wallace Wilkinson—but there was a silver lining. I came out a big winner and won the heart of a loving lady now named Rebecca J. Brown. And she won my heart. By a landslide.

I’m not sure what I’m whispering into Rebecca’s ear in the picture above on the afternoon or our wedding day 4 years later…..but it could have been something reaffirming my profound gratitude for sliver linings—- and imaginary umbrellas.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Playing Air Guitar

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu May 9, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

I never learned how to play the guitar

But wished I had.

If I had learned to play guitar, this is what I would have looked and sounded like.

More than likely.

If things had gone according to plan.

Now you are probably wishing I’d learned how to play guitar too.

And know how I feel.

Fortunately , Carlos Santana, unlike me, did learn.

At least we can all be grateful for that.

And, I might add, I did learn to play air guitar to several Carlos Santana songs.

Which is a consolation. To me, at least.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: My Ideal Weight

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed May 8, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

“Weight where you are the healthiest and happiest”

I was talking to my wife this morning about me losing a little more weight.

Rebecca asked me to think back and ask myself what was the weight I felt the healthiest and most comfortable with myself and to make that my ideal weight and try to attain it.

After reflecting for a few moments, I had my answer and responded to Rebecca.

It was when I weighed 7 lbs and 11 oz.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Negotiating Advice

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue May 7, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Practical and helpful negotiating advice I learned from my father

“Give a little, take a little, but don’t break up the game.”

We need each other and the best long term strategy for being someone wants to so business with is to be fair to others.

They deserve it and will appreciate the respect —and help the “game” keep going (and with you in it).

It takes more energy to be rude than pleasant. And is a sure indication that a sense if inferiority is masquerading as superiority.

You will go farther in life being average and kind than smart and condescending: Besides who wants to “play” with people like the latter category anyway?

Be a person who gives and little and takes a little and is in the game.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Prince Charming

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon May 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Re-thinking old assumptions and Prince Charming.

We go through life locked in to certain beliefs, goals and aspirations. That is fine but many of the beliefs we carry with us at ages 20,30, 40 and beyond are based on subconscious decisions we made when we were children. We adopted a belief about ourselves, the world and what we wanted to do in life and, in many instances, have never pulled out those beliefs and looked at them from an adult perspective. Maybe they were good assumptions we made about life and we decide, as an adult, to keep that belief. But others won’t be as sensible to our grown-up selves as they seemed when we were, say, age 10.

Think about Prince Charming. Ladies this is for you. We men are told that all women want to marry a Prince Charming.

I am now into my 21st year of marriage to my wonderful wife, Rebecca. She once told me when we were dating all women, including her, want to marry Prince Charming. I said, “Really? Think about it. Have you ever seen pictures of the guy? He looks boring and kinda like a dandy (this was before “metrosexual” was term).”

“Sure,” I conceded, “he was handsome but what would you talk about after the first date? Probably him. It would be all about him. You can tell by looking at him. Do you really want that?”

I honestly can’t remember anything else about that conversation. It probably ended then. My real goal was to set the bar much lower for me than Prince Charming so I could step over it. I did successfully set the bar lower. Whether I have stepped over it or not is a question only Rebecca can answer. But at least I’m not a “Dandy”