By Erica and Matt Chua, on Mon Sep 16, 2013 at 1:30 PM ET
I have been testing a life theory. I state what I want to as many people as possible until someone says, “you know what, I’d be happy to _______ for/to you.” It started as a joke that if someone won the lottery, I’d make myself the easiest friend to shop for.
When a friend suddenly find himself with too much money and want to show their generosity, with who do they start? It’d be hard, I mean, what do you, newly rich, gift to your still proletariat friends? If this happens to any of my friends as soon as they start thinking of what to give whom they’ll realize: “Chua wants a Bentley! I can do that!” In their post lottery winning exuberance they’ll get me one, then start working down the list of other friends.
As days pass the realizations of not being as rich as imagined will settle in, the tax bill becomes real, and with each friend the gifts will become less and less glamorous until the newly minted friend is handing out Mentos, individually, not even whole packs, saving the rest of his winnings for himself. Of course, I’ll be rolling like Kobe Bryant in my Bentley while other friends’ fresh breath is wearing thin.
A Bentley she is not, but she made the impossible happen.
I’ll be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever get a Bentley, but say you have one sitting in your garage, not sure what to do with it, and you read this…you consider how much joy it would bring me and give it to me, after all you’re clearly rich enough to gift a Bentley if you just have it sitting around…(I’m also looking for a Rolex, another thing I’d never buy myself, but would bring a smile to my face every time I get to answer, “do you have the time?”). In testing this theory over the past few years I’ve gotten many things and opportunities I never really expected.
Read the rest of… Matt & Erica Chua: Dreams Come True: Route 40
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Sep 10, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET
Combing this past week’s news stories for a song idea was fairly discouraging – I can’t find anything funny about the possibility of air strikes against Syria, not to mention the human rights atrocities there. I’ve already done a song about Congressional gridlock, the sequester just keeps getting more depressing, and while Anthony Weiner has made a few headlines, it’s been for rage-aholic rants, not for titillating texts. Moreover, I realized many of my weekly songs are my way of responding to unpleasant news, hoping to find some humor in what otherwise would have me yelling, Weiner-style, at the computer, t.v. screen or newspaper.
But one happy story popped up, and not only is it good news, it’s also completely bipartisan, non-political yet totally newsworthy, and makes me smile whenever I think about it – Diana Nyad’s record-shattering swim from Cuba to Florida. After finally achieving a feat she’d been attempting unsuccessfully since 1978, as she emerged from the water she made three quoteable points, including a graceful acknowledgment of the team supporting her, but the one that struck me was “You’re never too old to chase your dreams.”
We have longer life expectancy today than ever before, and yet our culture still puts such a premium on youthful achievement that we feel like failures if we haven’t won a Tony Award or been a celebrity guest playing ‘Not My Job’ on “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” by the age of 30. (Or made our first million, or won an Olympic medal, or dated a member of One Direction, or whatever your particular dream happens to be.) So to celebrate the achievements of a woman who’s been eligible for AARP for 14 years gives me renewed faith in possibilities for those of us over 50. (Which is when you start getting those AARP mailers, as if it wasn’t hard enough to hit that milestone!)
So I am celebrating Ms. Nyad’s accomplishment in song, as well as acknowledging other feats achieved by AARP-eligible folks. And sure, I haven’t really had any videos go viral (despite the line I love to use from my 17-year-old, who saw that a few had topped 1,000 views and informed me that it was ‘viral for old people’), but who knows? It took Diana Nyad 35 years from her first attempt to achieve her dream – and posting youTube videos is much less strenuous!
“Diana’s Song (You’re Never Too Old To Chase Your Dreams)”
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 10, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Parking lot logic.
It is great to wake up on the right side of the bed. To feel like this is your day. To have your mind clicking; memory fired. To have one of those days when you feel it is all coming together.
Yet no day, no feeling, no waking up on the right side of the bed can compete with the sense of supreme invincibility ine gets when driving into a crowded parking lot and instantly finding a good parking place.
Sure there are moments that I feel I am up to the task….but let me quickly find a good parking spot in a crowded parking lot and I am ready to take on all comers.
What the heck is up with that?
Especially since I woke up feeling good about myself today but can’t catch a break parking today.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Aug 7, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Lost in Translation?
How do you communicate with a mere gesture or casual glance to the guy in the Pontiac Sunfire tailgating you on the Watterson this morning that you are listening to and channeling Lenny Kravitz BUT that you can’t go any faster because you got a speeding ticket in this same area last week and can’t risk being late for your 7:30 client update meeting.
But you want him to know …that Mr Lenny Kravitz has no patience with tailgaters and does not want to see this happen ever again on the Watterson. Especially during an air guitar solo of Are You Gonna Go My Way.
I did the best I could to communicate this specific message with the facial expression that came to mind but am afraid parts of it–especially the Lenny Kravitz part—may have gotten lost in translation.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Jul 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Initial Reaction to Blue Lights Behind You (Phases over our lifetime):
16-35 : Panic because you immediately think of three things from your past that you could be pulled over for.
36-50: Irritation because you can think of four things it could be for and you don’t have time to get ticketed for any of them.
51-69: Indifference because you know you probably did something wrong (you just don’t know what) and ypu don’t have anything to do until Wednesday’s dentist appointment appointment anyway.
70 and up: A sense of enchantment at the pretty blue whirling lights and a feeling of affirmation that you still matter– and hope that the officer is someone’s son or daughter you know and will feel like talking for a while.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Jun 12, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Me and cars. What do you want to know?
Me (with friend asking sales clerk for directions) : Are you sure it’s on Hubbards and Shelbyville road ?
Sales Clerk: Yes, across from Mini Cooper Dealership
Me (to sales clerk). OK. Thanks
Friend to me: (smiling because he knows I know little about cars) Do you even know what a Mini Cooper is?
Me: Are you serious ? Of course I do.
Friend: What are they?
Me: They are cars. They are, obviously, a smaller version –a sort of miniature version –of the regular-sized Cooper…..
(Pause). Snickering .
Me: I know Austin Powers drives one. You probably didn’t know that, did you? You want to know any more about Mini Coopers or entire Cooper line—including Medium Coopers, Jumbo Coopers and the soon-to-be-released Teeny Tiny Micro Coopers (mostly in Europe, of course). Or are you gonna quit before I embarrass you with my deep knowledge of cars?
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Jan 22, 2013 at 5:00 PM ET
In case you’ve been under a rock for the past week, dethroned cyclist Lance Armstrong ‘told all’ to the queen of the confessional, Oprah Winfrey. And most people reacted much like Claude Rains’ character in Casablanca upon learning about gambling at Rick’s – “we’re shocked, simply shocked” – or something to that effect. The highly promoted, well-publicized interview covered many subjects, but I was surprised that Oprah stayed away from the good stuff, or at least what seems most interesting for a hopeless romantic like me who knows nothing about competitive cycling (but is addicted to Downton Abbey and Jane Austen): his love life! Armstrong has certainly been a cad to his teammates, trainers, sponsors, and anyone else he’s sued or insulted (and I love his defense of all the horrid things he said about his teammate’s wife, claiming as long as he didn’t say she was ‘fat’, all the other names he called her were okay). But he’s been spectacularly awful to his romantic partners, dumping his first wife for a glamorous rockstar, whom he then very publicly dumped because she wanted kids, ironically next taking up with a child star (okay, Ashley Olsen was an adult by that point but she still looks like a teenage waif), and then adding insult to injury by having two kids with the newest girlfriend.
I’m hoping the resilient and talented Ms. Crow will pull a Taylor Swift and write some devastating new song about Armstrong’s betrayal of her, but in the meantime, I’ve taken a stab at it myself.
By Jonathan Miller, on Wed Oct 3, 2012 at 3:30 PM ET
Photo courtesy of @MarkZuckerman
It’s a Cinderella story. Or maybe a Miracle on Grass.
After losing 538 straight times to his Mount Rushmore colleagues, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt this afternoon finally won the Washington Nationals’ Presidents’ Race held on every home game day at Nationals’ Park since 2006.
Teddy’s cause had been championed by a blog, Let Teddy Win!, that followed his exploits, and even had the support of leading politicians such as John McCain, who blamed his political hero’s losing streak on a “massive left-wing conspiracy.”
Please join me in wishing the Trust Buster/Rough Rider a hearty Mazel Tov!
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 11, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
This is my third Democratic convention but my first in a parking lot.
We made it to Charlotte but without tickets to the convention. My wife, Rebecca, put her name in two raffles the last two days (I didn’t ) and won convention tickets both nights. So I drop her off and stay in a parking lot. She’ll post some great pictures soon. Can’t wait!
Exciting! Waiting for president to speak….just several parking lots from the convention parking lot!
Hold on…I see some friends from KY delegation….
I am back now. Explained I was just staying in the parking lot tonight again—but that it still felt special and historic. More special and historic than any event I have experienced alone in a parking lot. I also asked them if there was an after party—and added I may go to it or at least park nearby.
It’s not bad. Oh wait! I think I see a husband from the Georgia delegation parked in the same lot with me. Ha. Can’t help thinking to myself that he looks like a total loser sitting alone in a parking lot now. Geez! Get a life pal.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Aug 31, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Friday morning –stylin’ like a guy.
In Starbucks this morning I noticed a guy I hadn’t seen before.
Nattily dressed like he was ready to pop off a cover of GQ magazine, but looking stressed and impatient pacing as he waited for his coffee. I could smell his cologne from the condiment bar and thought to myself “He reminds me of a temperamental European sports car.”
And when I walked outside, guess who I see standing (posing, really) next to his European sports car? Yep!
So I wonder to myself, “Do guys as they get older start to look like their cars?” Maybe so. His sports jacket matched the exterior of his car and his pants matched the interior. His hair even seemed styled to coordinate perfectly with his sleek and sporty car.
I wondered how he managed to stand next to his car as he groomed himself in the bathroom mirror this morning.
I was about to chuckle out loud as I hit the unlock button on my own car. And realized that I looked just like my grey Honda Accord –with matching grey interior.
