By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Nov 20, 2012 at 3:00 PM ET
General David Petraeus is just the latest in a seemingly endless stream of powerful men brought down (or at least dented a bit) by their sexual escapades. You can find articles about what motivates them, about how their power gives them an entitled sense of hubris, about the specifics of their sordid activities, and of course plenty of jokes about Appalachian Trails and sexting – but does anyone else wonder why we never read about a powerful woman brought down by scandal? (Mind you, there are plenty of married women involved in these soap operas – and don’t you love that the Petraeus saga even includes twins? – but the women are not the power players, and we wouldn’t even know their names if they hadn’t slept with someone famous and then spilled the beans.)
While the obvious answer is that there are far fewer powerful women, there are still enough that proportionally there should be at least a couple of publicly humiliating affairs. And it’s not just that highly placed women tend to be way past the ‘babe’ stage – attractiveness certainly isn’t an issue with the guys who cheat, many of whom are downright homely. So my theory is that women who have ‘made it’ had to work twice as hard as men to get to their lofty positions, and even if they felt attracted to an aide or a gushing biographer, they’re too busy, and too exhausted, to start anything.
I’m not in any kind of power job, and yet I can swear that I have never cheated on either of my husbands (I’m not a reverse Mormon, it was one spouse at a time) – but this has nothing to do with my moral purity. Like most working mothers, I barely have time to brush my hair – so when that hunky boxboy at Safeway gives me a leering eye, I’m flattered, but not tempted (it just sounds like too much additional work).
However, I did summon up enough energy to have fun with the rhyming potential of some of these scandalous characters’ names . . . . .
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Nov 19, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Genealogy and cultural symbolism.
I have never been very good at quickly following family relationships on large family trees. I get parents and children and even grandparents and first cousins. But after that, it starts to get confusing. …
Which got me wondering about metaphorical family trees.
I’ve been reading a lot recently about the show Modern Family is emblematic of America—and the American family—today. I love the show and don’t argue much with the contention.
Likewise, when I was a boy I liked The Waltons. They were described back then as emblematic of America –and the American family.
But that was 40 years ago. Which leads to my next question:
Is Cam John Boy’s son or nephew? And which one of the Waltons gets blamed for Phil Dunphy?
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Nov 15, 2012 at 12:00 PM ET
Aha!!! And the secret of movie popcorn.
I love those “aha moments.”
You know the kind…Like when you finally realize why and how movie theaters get away with charging $4.75 for a bucket of popcorn (chewy air, basically, with artificial butter flavoring).
I think I figured it out.
You know when you are at a movie with your spouse and a scene begins that reminds you of a recurring disagreement you’ve had with your spouse on som e petty matter? And the scene takes a decided and clear turn in the direction you did not want it to take? And you sense it is only going to get even more apparent and more embarrassing to you? And you are waiting for the person representing your spouse is going to say the exact same words on screen that your spouse has said to you. Except this time the entire audience is on her side?
And you know that she knows. And suspects that she knows that you know.
At that exact moment, you stand up, let out a sigh to indicate boredom, and say, “I’m going to go get some popcorn.”
And you go in the lobby by the concessions until the scene is over and a new scene is far enough along that she may have forgotten (or out of courtesy, really, not mention) the scene when you return to your seat. And you start to feel a little relieved.
But before you go back inside the theater you go up to the concession stand and say, “I’ll take an bucket of popcorn, please.” And however much they want to charge you for it, you will pay. Even $4.75.
Fall always marks a great time of the year from the changing of the leaves, apple cider, pumpkin patches, (well, pumpkin everything) and for Hindus around the world the auspicious occasion of Diwali, the Festival of Lights. Diwali is the celebration of good over evil as people in the ancient Indian city of Ayodhya celebrated by lighting candles to welcome the victory of King Rama over the evil demon Raavan. On a deeper level, this is a celebration of our own inner light, expelling the evil of ignorance within ourselves and embracing a higher knowledge that we can achieve.
For Gujaratis (the state of India where my family hails from), Diwali also marks the end of the calendar with a New Year beginning the day after the celebration. Think of it like a New Year’s Eve, if you will and presents another opportunity to expel the old and bring in the new. What a fitting time to have the results of Election 2012! (Was it really just a week ago? It feels like it was much longer.)
First, my congratulations to President Obama! I find it so interesting that as you hear the pundits talk about the election, they frequently tell us the “minority vote” helped secure his re-election campaign. It reminds me of that unforgettable TIME Magazine Cover of the “Changing Face of America”, and if one thing is for sure, this election reflected that predicted change from 1993. Not only did minorities help decide this election, they were able to make an impact on the composition of our elected officials. We re-elected our first African-American President to a 2nd term. We elected the first openly gay politician, Tammy Baldwin from Wisconsin to the U.S. Senate. We elected the first Buddhist-American, Mazie K. Hirono from Hawaii to a seat in Congress. Finally, we elected the first Hindu-American, Tulsi Gabbard from Hawaii to a seat in Congress. For a minority in America in terms of religion and ethnicity, this victory was the most inspiring for me.
Read the rest of… Mona Tailor: Celebrating Diwali and Election 2012
By Nancy Slotnick, on Tue Nov 13, 2012 at 8:30 AM ET
The aftermath of the Hurricane. The aftermath of the election.
What’s the spirit of New York right now? I went on a fact-finding mission in my Timberlands and my construction jumpsuit yesterday. I am an anthropologist of sorts. Anthropologist-matchmaker, if that makes any sense. (usually it doesn’t.) I was hopeful about the state of affairs on human connection. After all, I have gotten buckets of positive energy sent my way on the loss of our house, and meanwhile there are Hurricane victims who are much worse off. So I wake up at the crack of dawn and I’m thinking, like that old Dunkin’ Donuts commercial—“Time to make the dates happen.”
But out in the coffeehouses of the city, not so much. The isolation is deafening. We can’t even blame the Hurricane for the shell-shocked nature of New Yorkers these days. Prior to hurricane season this year I was with my 7-year old son in Starbucks, and we were searching for a seat. He said, “I want to sit over there in the Computer Lab.” He was referring to the communal table. Something has gone wrong with our ability to socialize.
There is so much opportunity for human connection this week. New Yorkers have been outpouring charitable donations, volunteer labor, blankets and peanut butter& banana sandwiches. There is a palpable energy of friendliness, community and good will. But my findings revealed that noble intentions haven’t translated into an easier time for singles to meet. They should, though.
In the blackout of 1965 in NYC, my parents lived at 4thAvenue and 10th Street. My Dad was at NYU Law School and was walking home with a fellow student when the lights went out. He invited the guy over, knowing that my Mom would be there with dinner, and it would be wrong for his friend to have to be alone in the dark. My Mom had been at the gynecologist’s office in the neighborhood and had befriended a random woman in the waiting room who lived uptown and was stuck without safe passage. Needless to say, my Mom (not yet a Jewish mother but obviously in-training) invited the woman over for dinner as well. The two guests met that night and the rest was history. They fell in love and got married.
I’ve always loved that story. I was barely a gleam in the doctor’s speculum but that night must have been the start of my matchmaking proclivities. The most pertinent part of the story is that my Mom (Jewish mom in-training or otherwise) would not have invited a random stranger to dinner under normal circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, she is extremely hospitable. But she follows social norms, and it is just not a very socially acceptable thing to do.
I believe when you breach social norms and make yourself vulnerable, great things can happen. You can effect change. This is the time. That Billy Joel song is playing in my head. He says,“We lived through a lifetime and the aftermath.” What is the aftermath of a lifetime? I certainly don’t know, but one thing is for sure—the aftermath of a lifetime is even further beyond our control than the aftermath of a hurricane or an election. “This is the time, but time is gonna change.” You can bet that Obama knows this. You can know it too.
Imagine you only have 4 years- to accomplish your next goal. Whether that is finding the One, having a baby, starting a business, how might you get started?
“Is that a weathervane in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” Okay, maybe that’s not the best pick-up line in the world. But any pick-up line is better than no pick-up line. And judging from my anthropological findings around NYC this week, a cheesy pick-up line might be just the ice-breaker we need. Or should I say glacier-breaker? “How’d you do in Sandy” or “How’d you weather the storm?” might be a little more socially acceptable. There may be something to be said for some social norms.
Trying times can go either way, when it comes to human connection. We feel vulnerable, so we want to go back into the safe shell of workaholism and isolation. Or alternatively, we feel vulnerable so we reach out for the hope that love and connection can provide comfort. Two roads diverged in a taxi line. “Are you going to the Upper West Side too? I hear they have power and Internet there.” It’s so easy to reach out, yet so hard.
So when you’re out and about this week, think about the next 4 years, and stretch outside of your comfort zone to talk to a stranger. Get yourself one step closer to your goals. This is the time. Take New York City by storm. 😉
Bradford Cummings — a former chairman of Louisville’s Republican Party, a leader in the Kentucky equine industry, and (I understand) the owner of a quite beautiful singing voice — published a very brave and poignant op-ed in today’s Louisville Courier-Journal that endorses marriage equality, as well as a general return to a more compassionate Grand Old Party. With his permission, we cross-post it here in whole:
It was about seven years ago that I witnessed an expression of love and devotion that has forever moved me. A dear friend had experienced complete kidney failure and needed an immediate organ donor. Without hesitation, his partner risked his own life to donate one of his two working kidneys. While I don’t see them much anymore, I know both have been given a clean bill of health. I still get choked up thinking about this story.
And yet, despite unequivocally expressing their love, these two cannot be celebrated equally with the many married couples in our society simply because they are of the same sex. The GOP must understand how important that inequality is to so many in our electorate.
Before this most recent Election Day, I believed that while gay marriage is an important issue, most people vote with their pocketbooks first. Logically, the Romney/Ryan ticket would have broad appeal, especially in this time of economic malaise. Mitt Romney, the turnaround artist, was a man uniquely created and placed here for this time in history.
And the exit polls show that most people agreed. Romney won on economic issues across the board and the American desire for smaller government was clearly communicated. But despite these advantages, the Republican nominee lost. Our country is shifting center/left on social issues. I miscalculated, and so did many others, by believing that when the ship is sinking social issues become less important.
But after some reflection, I see the error in that thinking. If the Southern Democrats of the 1860s or 1950s and 1960s, who were supportive of racist stances from segregation to slavery, were also the party of smaller government, I too would have had to vote against my economic ideals. Americans prefer limited government but not at the expense of limited social freedoms.
I also wonder exactly what we are fighting so hard to preserve. I’ve been pro-gay marriage for years but also respect that the original basis for marriage came from religious orthodoxy. Every day, I feel blessed to be married to my wife and our marriage grows stronger each year. But exactly how would that change if two men or two women held the same societal status?
The legalization of gay marriage wouldn’t force churches that disagree with homosexuality to perform marriage ceremonies or infringe on the rights of heterosexual couples. Marriage in our society has become a social contract first and should not be legally restrained through religious eyes. As a wise man once said to his followers, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.” I’m a follower of that man, but with the tax advantages and other benefits given to married couples in the United States, not allowing gay couples to participate immediately makes them a second-class citizenry.
But it’s not just the anti-gay marriage stance likely hurting Republicans in the future. While most people say they are pro-life personally, it is a simple reality the majority of Americans also want the option preserved and women especially find this to be a top priority. Personally, I find abortion as a form of birth control to be a sad and immoral act, while supporting the common exceptions of rape, incest and life of the mother. I tried to embrace a pro-choice stance in my youth, but could never get around the idea it’s ending a life. Despite this, sometimes you have to realize you are in the minority and work from within the existing realities.
Is my time better spent fighting a losing battle trying to end abortion in the United States and therefore risk losing every foreseeable national election? Or would I be better served to encourage other choices for unwanted pregnancies and not let this single issue derail the rest of my political ideology? It’s a tough one to swallow, but Republicans need to begin to ask themselves these difficult questions.
Read the rest of… Bradford Cummings: A GOP Leader Endorses Marriage Equality
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”-Mahatma Gandhi
Hmmm. I used to think of a million reasons about why I couldn’t be happy until later including but not limited to: losing 10 lbs, finishing that project, finishing this course, earning more money, losing 14 lbs, leaving this job, switching lanes, leaving that job, switching cities, losing 6 lbs, leaving this gathering, switching vitamins, when my husband stops snoring, taking a vacation,
taking a vacation from my family, taking a vacation from my thoughts, leaving this vacation and going home, losing 24 lbs, buying that thing I NEED, eating a pizza….
So there was a lot of getting somewhere else in order to be happy, it was never right now but rather, a destination in the future.
But what happens is that later, when we finally get “there”, we’re still not actually there because there can’t be a here and now for the later thinker, later will ALWAYS be later and somewhere else.
So what did I do?
FOUND A WAY. FOUND A WAY. FOUND A WAY. I had to find a way to be happy in myselfness, even if only for some brief, genuine, constructive (“constructive” does NOT include the deceptive lie of colored sugar and artery clogging fat found in cake and other processed desserts, and bacon) minutes throughout the day.
Read the rest of… Lisa Miller: Perspective & Happiness
While the obvious answer is that there are far fewer powerful women, there are still enough that proportionally there should be at least a couple of publicly humiliating affairs. And it’s not just that highly placed women tend to be way past the ‘babe’ stage – attractiveness certainly isn’t an issue with the guys who cheat, many of whom are downright homely. So my theory is that women who have ‘made it’ had to work twice as hard as men to get to their lofty positions, and even if they felt attracted to an aide or a gushing biographer, they’re too busy, and too exhausted, to start anything.
