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That isn’t actually a rhetorical question – I’m at the age when many women are experiencing heat waves unrelated to the weather. But these days it seems like we’re not alone. So is menopause contagious, or is global warming real? That one WASN’T rhetorical, because the scientific evidence is overwhelming – not just fluctuations in average temperatures, but polar ice cap melting and rising sea levels are hard to ignore. At this rate, before too long houses in Fresno will be considered beach-front property. But yet again, there are some politicians who almost willfully ignore the facts. I can agree to disagree with people on the best way to protect the planet, cap-and-trade vs. government regulations vs. investments in smart energy, but it’s hard to have a rational disagreement with someone who claims that since lots of places had snowstorms this past winter, global warming is a liberal hoax. And those people tend to have equally delusional facts-be-damned views on things like Obama’s birth certificate or the benefit of abstinence-only sex education (see Palin: Bristol). I’m all for gentle delusion when it doesn’t hurt anybody – e.g., I won’t complain when my husband tells me I don’t look a day over 35, and I’ll let it slide when my son insists his room IS organized. But there are real-world consequences toward sticking our heads in the sand when it comes to our environment – I’m hoping that eventually, climate change deniers will be as archaic as those old t.v. commercials where doctors are recommending cigarettes. So here’s a song in honor of debunking deleterious denials…
Today, after 5 centuries of avoiding ever, ever spending more than about $7 on a pair of sunglasses from the drug store, I relented. My wife, son and daughter each donned sun glasses this morning and I felt left out. Later this afternoon I snuck off to the Sunglasses Hut (or something like that) and after trying on about 25 different pairs of sunglasses (that cost over $7), I broke done and purchased the basic non-polorized (sp??) Ray Bans (the cheapest pair of Ray Bans they had). I had asked for something “basic” and “kinda classic” ….and something “that wouldn’t stand out on a person who doesn’t wear sun glasses and never has.” As I walked out with the sun glasses on I could hear the customer behind me comment surprisingly to the sales clerk, “He bought those?” That was the first sign.
I explained that “‘Hilarious’ wasn’t what I was going for.” Adding that the “Sales clerk had told me they looked good on me.” There’s more but before I was able to hang with the fam as the fourth sunglass-wearing member, it was clear that wasn’t going to happen. And that I had just paid a little over a $100 for a pair of sunglasses that may be worn on my head but never dropped to my eyes to be worn correctly. I even tried the Tom Cruise Risky Business low sunglasses looking out over them. That was a fail too. I should instead have bought 6 pairs of new dark socks, a new belt, a new sweat suit and two new pairs of $7 sunglasses from CVS. One for my head and one for my eyes. The latter only to be worn in extreme circumstances when absolutely necessary to protect my eyes against imminent danger (or when recovering from the glaucoma eye test) and no one else is around to see me. Question: Is it possible for a 4000 pound vehicle to vanish? Answer: Yes. But it costs $124 to make it come back. Today in Lexington I had lunch with a client and when I returned to my car in the parking lot it wasn’t a matter of not remembering the slot I parked or seeing my car after it had been dented by another driver and left without any explanation. It was a matter of just not being ther…e at all. Poof! I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. My usual defense mechanism for when I feel frustration, disappointment or anger coming on is to make a wisecrack to distract form the tension. I went inside and asked for the towing company and called:
Later while paying my towing fee I asked the clerk if they had a punch card that offered a gift or prize after the 5th or 10th tow….like a car air freshener.
I then looked proudly at my car who was sitting there so unassuming and out of place. I wanted to ask the clerk if my car had behaved better than the other towed cars. But didn’t. I knew the feeble attempt at humor wouldn’t have been received well. And yet I was proud of my car. it looked cleaner and not like an automotive miscreant like many of the others. “C’mon,” I said. “Let’s get you out of here. You don’t belong in this place. I’ve sprung you.” And I grinned to myself. Which just goes to show you if you do somethign stupid and try to deflect attention from it by making other people laugh and that doesn’t work. You still have yourself to laugh at yourself. It works. And sounds so silly trying to explain it will help you laugh even louder at yourself until you no longer are mad at yourself. Of course it helps if you have your same sense of humor. ; ) I’m thinking of suing my tailor under the Dram Shop Act A good lawyer, I’ve always been told, is one who can effectively use precedent from one area of the law and apply it by analogy to a new area of the law. This morning at the coffee… shop I saw the gentlemen who has for years sold me clothing at Jos Banks. Not only does he sell me my clothes but he measures me and suggests the exact alternations for each article of clothing I buy that needs alternation. Over the course of the past 5 years I’ve probably spent $1000 on alterations alone. And here’s the rub. Under The Dram Shop Act (most states have such laws), the owner of an establishment selling liquor has a responsibility to its patrons not to serve them alcohol after they are clearly intoxicated. Most states allow for recovery when the defendant owner knew (or should have known) the customer was intoxicated but continues to serve him alcohol anyway.
Have any others ever been injured by this act of negligence? Not really, of course. Certainly nothing compared to the horrific accidents that can happen when excessive alcohol is involved. But I have been forced to pay double for every new pair of pants I buy to be altered not once but twice. And I think the store owner is taking advantage of my vanity, delusional perspective and aspirational thinking. And making me a danger to myself, at least where estimating my waistline for tailoring purposes are concerned. There just has to be a remedy for this injustice. And Justice, after all, is symbolized by a blind woman holding out a scale. Demonstrating the importance of not taking advantage of people where scales are involved.  Click here to purchase Book Review “Musings from the Middle” John Y Brown III ISBN 9781483907345 Published by The Recovering Politician 2013 Lexington, KY 365 pages **** Four fortnights before his 50th birthday, John Y Brown III, with tongue in cheek and pen in hand, wryly and dryly ruminates about how many more “youthful” indiscretions he might fit in before it’s too late. Alas, it’s too late. He can’t think of any. Brown’s new book “Musings from the Middle” (Lexington, KY July 2013) is a collection of insights and incites about the monumental and mundane events of every-day life. Through scores of well-crafted essays, meditations, reflections and quips about family, technology, celebrities, food, travel, music, movies, and politics, Y 3 takes the reader on a life journey that includes details of his inept courtship plan upon meeting Rebecca, his future wife (he would give her his card and tell her to call him); the emotional ups and downs caused by his fluctuating KLOUT score; assaults upon his self-esteem based on a paucity of ‘likes’ on his business Facebook page; his ill-conceived strategy for backing up an iPhone with an iPhone (which he compares to “backing up a spare tire with a spare tire”); the liberating day of self-discovery when he removes “skiing” as his favorite sport from his Facebook profile when he suddenly realizes he has been skiing twice in the last 28 years; his personal victory over Demon Rum and his brash and brilliant revision to Friedrich Nietzche’s warning about the abyss (“if you stare long enough into the abyss it will wink at you and you will both giggle simultaneously”.) While the author appears in every anecdote, the book is not about him– it is about us. Skillfully written with gentle humor and compassionate commiseration, the anecdotes catalogue the follies, foibles, delusions and illusions of the human condition as well as the victories and joys of being human. John Y Brown III does not take himself too seriously. But his readers should. He is a thoughtful and thought-provoking essayist, a practical philosopher and wise man, armed with a disarming wit and, like Michel de Montaigne, graced with a humble personal motto: “ I’m not sure.” Donald Vish is a Louisville lawyer, writer and photographer. He is president of Interfaith Paths to Peace and teaches Law and Literature at the University of Brandeis School of Law. He is a frequent contributing writer and reviewer for the Courier-Journal.
How do you communicate with a mere gesture or casual glance to the guy in the Pontiac Sunfire tailgating you on the Watterson this morning that you are listening to and channeling Lenny Kravitz BUT that you can’t go any faster because you got a speeding ticket in this same area last week and can’t risk being late for your 7:30 client update meeting. But you want him to know …that Mr Lenny Kravitz has no patience with tailgaters and does not want to see this happen ever again on the Watterson. Especially during an air guitar solo of Are You Gonna Go My Way. I did the best I could to communicate this specific message with the facial expression that came to mind but am afraid parts of it–especially the Lenny Kravitz part—may have gotten lost in translation. I’ve always prided myself on being open-minded, on recognizing that there are two sides to every question. Being a competitive high-school debater was great training, since we had to argue, convincingly, the pro and con of each year’s topic (which may partially explain why so many debaters ended up in law school). And it’s certainly a skill one can use raising children, keeping us from instantly snapping, “Are you kidding? You can’t wear your rainboots and your SpongeBob sweatshirt to pre-school, it’s 90 degrees out,” or “I don’t want to hear what the guy on that brainscience site said about the intellectual stimulation of videogames.” (And yes, I’ve had both of those conversations and had to resist those lines!) Even during contentious elections, I’ve tried hard to see the other side – and it helps that I have some good friends whose politics differ from mine. (Which, in case you hadn’t guess, range from really liberal to extremely liberal.) Plus my Republican friends represent a much more civil alternative to the louder advocates of their views (see Limbaugh: Rush . . . ). Of course, the way they often distinguish themselves reminds me of one of my favorite New Yorker cartoons, where a woman is telling a friend about her date: “He says he’s a fiscal conservative and a social liberal – which means he’s cheap, and he sleeps around.” But cartoons aside, I can see how they can feel liberal about issues like decriminalizing marijuana or gay marriage, and more conservative about financial matters. However, sometimes the ‘other side’ goes so far that I simply cannot find any way to understand it, no matter how hard I try, and I can only conclude they are either heartless or insane. (Which makes me feel like Elizabeth Bennett in “Pride & Prejudice,” chiding Jane for trying to find a way to side with both Wickham and Darcy . . . but I digress) I used to think of North Carolina as an oasis of moderation in the middle of the south, a place I could actually see living (and where I could buy a house for the cost of a driveway in California). But lately it seems like many southern states have gone off the deep end in their efforts to restrict women’s reproductive choice, to suppress voting, and to shred the social safety net, and North Carolina seems to be one of the loonier ones. There are a couple of bright spots – the attorney general did point out that establishing Christianity as the state religion was a major violation of the US Constitution, and they’ve drawn so much national attention that things may change. But in the meantime I’ll take advantage of my own personal bright spot – realizing that the tune that kept running through my head was in the public domain, so I could do a guilt-free parody . . .
When someone asks you “If you could live your life over again what things would you do differently?” and you give them an exasperasted look that has an undercurrent of disgust and reply, “What are you talking about? Are you even serious? People don’t get to live their lives over. At this point I’m not even sure I have the energy to finish the life I am living now much less think about a do over.” If your response sounds like this you are probably middle-aged. |
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