By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Nov 26, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Is the stop light becoming the abacus of transportation technology?
Maybe I am just restless and hate waiting.
Maybe I am a complete fool when it comes to technology and logistics.
Maybe I have no right or qualifications to comment on topics, like traffic control, that I know nothing about.
Well, there’s the thing. Even if all those things are true they haven’t stopped me before.
So here goes. I was sitting at several stop lights today for very long periods of time. Several minutes which is a long time in stop light time. And there was no other traffic because it was very early. This happens to me most days and got me thinking that I probably spend about an hour a week sitting at stop lights when there is no reason to —if we had the proper smart technology. For some people sitting at stop lights unnecessarily for 50 hours a years is a huge loss in production and an inefficient use of their time. (In my case, it is probably a good protective measure and prevents me from screwing things up, but that isn’t true for everyone).
Which got me thinking about the abacus as I stared (leered, really, at the stop light). For centuries, even millennia, the abacus was considered an advanced and ingenious discovery for making mathematical calculations. And is still used today in many countries that haven’t moved over to hand calculators. (Which are actually much superior in terms of speed and efficiency).
At the time the abacus was invented, it was a breakthrough technology right up there with fire and the wheel…..but that doesn’t mean we should never try to improve on the abacus.
Hence hand calculators. So, is there a “hand calculator” like advancement on the horizon for smarter stop lights? Or is this truly the best we can do? I don’t know.
I would just hate to find out that every time I was sitting for several minutes unnecessarily at a stop light with no cars in sight it was because someone somewhere was operating the stop light from an abacus-like system. That when it was invented was an utterly brilliant breakthrough but over time could have been improved on.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Nov 25, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Please!! Seriously! Would someone just contact this poor guy from Malaysia and take the $10M he has been trying to give away for the last decade —so he’ll quit filling up my (and others) email inbox and Facebook message box?
Here’s the latest from him. (see below) He’s been pursuing me under various identities for years. Sure, I’d love the money but it seems like such a hassle and then there are the tax consequences and having a new lifelong friend (named Godfrey Lau??). What would that entail? I am not ready to make that kind of commitment but am sure someone younger and more adventurous would. So, please, have at it. And help this poor Mr Lau out so he’ll leave the rest of us alone.
“My name is Mr. Godfrey Lau, an external auditor working with MayBank Malaysia. I have taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors because a late investor who bears the same last name with you has left funds totaling a little over ( $10 Million ) with Our Bank for the past Eight years and no next of kin has come forward all these years. To affirm your willingness and cooperation to my proposal, I will like you to get back to me as soon as possible and treat with absolute confidentiality and sincerity.”
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Ok. I don’t know what to think about this!!
In my post above I asked for someone to please, please help the poor guy from Malaysia who has been working feverishly for years to give someone in the US $10M for a little help on a minor matter.
I finally got someone to offer to do the job.
But her response seems suspicious to me:
“Hi,you got a nice looking profile picture that interest me to write… you for a mutual benefit,I must confess you look very attractive.I hope we can be friends?my email is(tfr19799@gmail.com)Regards,Tracey Fujikawa”
Heck, I can’t even be for sure she is responding to my request to help out this Malaysian feller. They both seem crazy as loons, though, if you ask me— and like they deserve each other.
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Bad habits are like spam emails.
We sign up for them (both spam emails and bad habits) motivated by a belief we are getting some reward without paying the usual price.
You can unsubscribe and think that the bad habit won’t return. But somehow the level of spam (bad habits) stays fairly consistent. And we don’t really know if the bad habits are the same old ones or some new and recently devel.ped bad habits.
Same with spam email. We aren’t sure if the unsubscribe didn’t work or if we signed up for a new bad habit. I mean spam email. What I suspect is really going on with spam emails is that it is much harder to shake them off….to end them for good…with just a simple unsubscribe click after we have finally had enough.
Unsubscribing from spam emails —or ending a bad habit–is never that easy. And there always seems to be a disappointing number of them in my inbox at the end of each day. Spam emails, that is. And the filter to eliminate them works about as well as just trying to stop a bad habit. We may need to just embrace the fact that spam email will always be with us and focus instead on just eliminating our bad habits Or vice versa.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Nov 22, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Wisdom….
Insanity, they say, is repeating the same thing that has failed over and over again and expecting a different result.
But hold on a minute. Isn’t it also insane to try to act sanely over and over again if you find that sanity seems always to leave you mildly depressed, bored and asking yourself, “Is this really all there is?
I mean, c’mon. And maybe the next time you try the failed thing over again, you might get lucky and there really is, finally, a different result and then you look like some kind of genius. And become rich and famous, albeit insane. But that still is probably better than not repeating the failed thing and only seeming “sane.” Anybody can do that for goodness sakes. Live a little!
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My definition of sanity is having just the right about of insanity. And no more. But no less either.
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“When you repeat the same thing that has failed over and over again and expect different results, that is called insanity””But when you repeat the same cliches that have failed to change behavior in others over and over again and expect different results (and the cliche is the definition of insanity above), you may well be clinically certifiable.” Something to think about….
(I have a feeling this is going to be a fun little series)
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My addendum to “Do it Anyway”If you embrace the weakest parts of yourself, your conscience will continue to make belittling self-talk comments to you about being “a loser.”Do it anyway.
Just to piss-off your conscience.
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“Sanity” may not be repeating the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.
But it is almost that boring.
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“Insanity is repeating the same thing that has failed over and over again and expecting different results.””Masochism is repeating the same thing that has failed over and over again and NOT expecting different results. But doing it anyway because you get a “charge” out of it.”
“Insanity is when you repeat the same thing over and over again….until people stop noticing and assume you are talking to yourself in a repetitive way.”
Or something like that….
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If you are insane and it is because of some reason other than repeating the same futile behavior and expecting different results, you have got a real problem on your hands.”
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Nov 21, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
It’s 6:57 AM on Mullholand Drive in the East End of Louisville.
I have over slept. Again. And this blonde dame keeps waking me up and telling me she’s made me a cup of Joe and that I am late and she’s not waking me up again.
She’s a looker alright. Nice voice. But with a motherly sort of tone. And makes a mean cup of Joe.
Yeah, that’s right. She’ s not just another long-legged blonde dame trying to make it through another overcast windy day in this two bit city. She’s got normal length legs. Not long ones. But as for the rest of the description, it’s dead on. And this wasn’t going to be just another ordinary day.
I had a dentist appointment because I hadn’t had a teeth cleaning in 8 months and was getting an oil change for the first time in 7000 miles.
Yeah, I live on life’s edge not by choice. But because it’s the only way this kid has ever known how to live.
Oh yeah, and that normal length legged blonde beauty I was telling you about? That’s my wife. That’s right. And that’s Mrs Brown to you, pal.
And she was serious about not waking me up again and now was getting really irritated with my little game of narrating this Wendesday morning like I was a narrator in a 1950s Film Noir movie.
She’d had enough. See? See? And, frankly, so had I.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Nov 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Sometimes you just have to be tough and put your foot down.
About 25 years ago I became a regular and admiring reader of Business First magazine. I have read it loyally ever since, which is another 25 years.
One of my favorite sections is the “In Person” section that tells about a person in the Louisville community and humanizes him or her with personal details while also explaining their professional arc and future plans. And there is a box off to the side where you get the “personal stats” about the person. Their family, favorite books, favorite movies, what music they have on their iPod, who inspired them, hobbies, favorite TV shows and so on. It’s a lot of stuff, trust me.
Well, here’s the thing. I don’t like admitting this because it sounds kind of vain and probably is. It is vain. But each week for 25 years I read this section and wonder if Business First might do one of those In Person pieces about me sometime soon and I run through each of those questions and answer them myself. And it takes more than just a minute or two.
Well…take 52 weeks (issues) a year and multiply it by 25 years and you have 1300 consecutive weeks of rejection— where not only did I feel slighted by not getting asked to do the In Person section but I wasted several minutes each week imagining how I’d answer those personal stat questions.
Not all of the answers were true, of course. I’d have to balance out the answers so people would be impressed with TV shows I watched, music I listened to and books I was reading –even if I wasn’t reading anything at all. I certainly wasn’t going to say “Nothing” when asked “What books are you reading.” I at least would put down a couple of best sellers and maybe a fiction book or two and probably one classic, like, I don’t know–the Odyssey or something fancy from a long time ago so people will read it and say, “Wow. That John Brown guy is pretty learned compared to the books other profiled people pretend that they are reading.” Everybody knows they are exaggerating about some of it.
If people were completely honest they’d sound like someone who doesn’t deserve to be profiled in In Person because they wouldn’t be any more interesting sounding than you are me. Maybe worse. Think about it. What if they answered it honestly and said,
“Books: “None so far this year but skim the newspaper from time to time. I may read something next year or listen to it on tape. Nah. Probably not. I do enjoy browsing bookstores and read the covers so I don’t waste money buying books I won’t ever read;
Favorite TV: Weather Channel and Girls on HBO;
You get the idea.
In my case I was going to pretend I understood opera if they asked me and say something like, “Yes, I enjoy opera a great deal. Especially the signing. Much of it is sung in Italian, in case your readers didn’t know. I’m reading the Odyssey right now, too.”
I would have had to lie about what music I listen to as well. I probably would have said classical and country (It is Louisville, KY). I couldn’t say “Pearl Jam and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Steely Dan , US3 and Mos Def. And, oh, I like to sing out loud sometimes when I’m in the car by myself. But only sound good when I’m singing to James Taylor. I just don’t have a voice like Eddie Vedder or Anthony Kedeis.”
If I answered like that people would think I was nuts because 50 year olds aren’t supposed to act like that. Even though they do. They are getting older (we are, not “they”) and want to hold on to a few youthful things. Just because it makes us feel better and, well, old dogs struggle with learning new tricks. And that applies to people too. At least those over about 45 years old.
Anyway, after waiting 1300 weeks and thinking through all my real favorite things and pretend favorite things (to impress others), I am giving up this game. I am tired of waiting and feeling rejected
Dang it! I’m just done with the whole thing. It’s over. I have decided tonight I am not going to prepare for the In Person profile piece in Business First any more.
And if Business First ever calls and asks me to do the In Person profile, which they won’t, I’m going to tell them they had their chance–1300 times and I didn’t make the cut and now they can’t have me even if they want me. That I am going to do a In Person profile piece with another magazine and say I am not at liberty to give them the name. (That would be a lie, of course, but give them a taste of their own medicine.) If they asked me later I’ll tell them the big national magazine went under the week they were doing my long and big profile.
Well, it feels good! I feel free. Liberated!
And kinda feel like celebrating by watching an episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Or an episode of Girls on HBO. I really like both those shows. And don’t have any hobbies anyway.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Nov 19, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
Early this morning I realized I was in the wrong lane and was about to miss my turn. I quickly turned on my blinker and slid over to the next lane in time to turn.
However, the driver behind me, was not only frustrated by my last minute lane switch, but she also felt the need to express her displeasure audibly by laying on her car horn– four times. One short perfunctory honk followed by a series of three very long and dramatic honks that seemed to create a melody of disgust toward me and seemed to foreshadow some sort of revenge being plotted against me.
I waved in my rear view mirror that I was sorry and appreciated her generous and courteous allowance for my car to cut in front of her while at the same time duly noting her understandable frustration.
I thought that was the end of our exchange but had that sneaking feeling characters in horror movies get when they are being followed. Not by someone who was curious about me; but by someone who would like to do bodily harm to me.
After a couple of miles a recognized a car that had pulled up beside me and was hovering –and the driver, an attractive but angry blond-haired woman, waving her hands as if to say, “I hate everything about you and hope you burn in Hell for cutting in front of me two miles back.”
How do you respond to that? I acknowledged her but then pretended she was only trying to wave hello to me and acted like I was excited to see my friend and waved back enthusiastically. That is not the reaction she was hoping for and she staid beside me and motioned again in some way that I couldn’t understand but seemed to reflect a sense of frustration that I was ever born. I waved enthusiastically again and again she motioned her frustration that I wasn’t “getting it.”
So then I had a brilliant idea. I held up my left hand and pointed to my ring finger and mouthed the words. “I am married. I am flattered that you are interested –but no way, I am spoken for and am very happily married.” And then added, “Sorry, I’m not selling what you are trying to buy!” And then shook my head in mock disgust I drove off in a huff!
But smiling mischievously. And hoping she would eventually laugh at herself and the situation too.
But still checking my review mirror periodically throughout the day.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Nov 18, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
There continues to be evidence of an alien people invading planet Earth. Nothing definitive yet but more than just a gut feeling.
These aliens look stunningly like we do. Almost indistinguishable from a distance with identical facial features except they exude more confidence and seem to have, as would be expected of any superior species, seemingly inexhaustible energy.
The main difference that I’ve been able to discern in this alien race trying to displace me is their “youthful appearance.” Most look much like I did 30 years ago only with a much keener fashion sense. And ssmarter, too.
They laugh to an annoying degree about just about anything, which is to say about nothing at all. They seem “happy” in the face of circumstances that no human could be truly happy. This is what gives them away.
They seem taller, too, than most normal humans.
They turn up where you least expect them. Often as checkout clerks at Target or “technicians” at Valvoline. They work the drive-thru windows at fast food restaurants and hold “car washes” on Saturdays. Some are starting to show up in jobs like mine which means they are reaching critical mass. Something has to be done. And quickly!
All I know for sure is that they are real and they are here to displace me. I am not delusional with paranoia but worry about saying anything publicly for fear of being called crazy. I just feel it in my bones.
Shhhh. Wait. One is waking up now in my house. I must monitor their activity. They have even found cunning ways to persuade me to give them money. And car keys. It’s seems like some sort of mind control trick they play on us.
They have voracious appetites and large sharp teeth. When I see one and they look hungry I am starting to fear they might eat me.
I am, I suppose, a willing participant in this alien take-over of our once great planet Earth. I can’t believe this is happening. And yet it is.
It makes War of the Worlds almost laughable. Except this time it is real.
It may be time for real Earthlings to start thinking about a new planet where things can be like they used to be. ; )
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Nov 15, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
You know those conversations you have after a certain age that you didn’t see coming….and are mostly pointless and make you laugh at yourself.
These kinds of conversations begin happening after about age 40. Sometimes they begin just as a conversation with yourself. Other times another person or persons may be involved.
But they become a staple you rely on to fill up empty air.
Tonight after dinner with friends my wife and I were driving home and I had a few crumbs on my face from dessert.
I told Rebecca that when I die and they are preparing my body to please make sure I don’t have crumbs on my face. I am still going to be a little self-conscious even though I have passed on. I don’t want people at my funeral talking about me (or remembering me) as a slob and their last image of me is as a sloppy eater. I think that was a fair request.
And then I pointed out to try to put an amused smirk on my face so it would look like I was thinking of something funny–even though I wasn’t still alive. I know it’s mostly for “affect” and that is supposed to be shallow. But when you are dead, I’m guessing, the whole shallow versus deep thing doesn’t matter as much. Looks are more important. Because that’s about all you can do. Be looked at. You can’t make up for a bad looking image with a winning personality at that point. I do often have that amused smirk on my face when alone like I am thinking of something mildy funny and I think it will be a good look for me, posthumously. It is certainly a lot better than the current norm of being remembered with absolutely no expression on my face like you are are indifferent to everything around you. Or bored to death. And certainly better than having dessert crumbs at the corner of your mouth and on your chin.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Nov 14, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
The importance of positive self talk.
Let’s take a commonplace mistake people make. Putting on a different pair of shoes on each foot (see picture to the left).
The natural response is to be embarrassed and saynto yourself (self talk):
“You are an idiot who can’t even dress himself! And it is almost end of the week, Thursday, before you caught it! Go back to bed before you hurt yourself.”
Or you can try positive self talk. (Try to spot the difference):
“Look. Even though I haven’t been wearing the exact same pair of shoes this week, I at least have been wearing one left and one right shoe. And caught it is early in the week –just Thursday. I say “early” because Monday was a holiday and Tuesday was like a Monday and nobody notices what shoes you’re wearing on most Mondays. You got almost all other clothing articles right this week. And you never forgot to put on pants before leaving the house. You are doing really well. Like 99%. In baseball 99% gets you in the Hall of Fame. And even though you don’t like baseball, you wouldn’t mind being in the Hall of Fame. It’s going to be a good day. Yep. And, check! You didn’t forget your pants today either –and totally nailed shoes AND socks today, you Mr Hall of Famer, you!”
At the time the abacus was invented, it was a breakthrough technology right up there with fire and the wheel…..but that doesn’t mean we should never try to improve on the abacus.
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