By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Sep 24, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET Most young girls become infatuated with pop stars at some point – and reflecting back on those initial crushes reveals a lot about who we are (and how old we are). For example, there were the bobby soxers who squealed over a young Frank Sinatra, the girls swooning over Elvis the Pelvis (before the Vegas sequined jumpsuit days), and teens fainting at Beatles’ concerts. In my day, we were too young to go to a Beatles concert but not too young to pick our favorite – the popular girls all liked Paul, cool girls worshipped John, out-there individualists picked George, and I was probably one of three girls who had crushes on Ringo. (Because he was the funny one – that’s the same logic that drove me to pick Peter as my favorite Monkee . . . . but I digress.)
As we grow older, our crushes evolve – often to include movie stars (while all my friends admired George Clooney, I always had a thing for Kevin Kline – again, he was funny), even comedians (the funny thing works for a lot of us) and political leaders – whether it was liberals admiring Barack Obama in 2008, or conservatives swooning over Paul Ryan last year (or my parents’ generation who loved JFK). These more adult crushes tend to include substance as well as appearance, admiration of talent or accomplishment or potential (like when I was one of lots of people, men and women, fantasizing about Nate Silver, doing statistical analysis with me in a dimly lit office, softly murmuring demographic data in my ear . . . . . . and YES, I know he’s gay, but hello, it’s a fantasy, I’ll never meet him anyway so what difference does his orientation make?)
Where was I? Oh, my latest crush, which seems novel to me, although my friends who grew up Catholic remind me of their crushes on priests, and there were some pretty hot scenes in the Thorn Birds between Meggie and Father Ralph. Still, I’d resisted the appeal of a man in clerical dress (and don’t tell me it’s a cossack or whatever, it looks like a dress to me) until the new Pope started blowing fresh air into the Vatican. The last time people were this excited about changes within Catholicism was Vatican Two – which inspired Tom Lehrer’s immortal “Vatican Rag.” So I figured it was time for another musical salute to the Pope . . . .
“Oh Francis (I’m A Jew Who Has a Crush On You!)”
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Sep 17, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET Every now and then, a situation arises in which seemingly disparate elements come together in perfect unison, like some cosmic Venn diagram (if you haven’t seen this on elementary school homework lately, it’s a diagram invented by John Venn in 1880 using overlapping circles to illustrate logical relations between a finite collection of sets). (See, some of my digressions can be educational!)
It could be that day your schedule works out perfectly with 3 successive appointments all being right next to each other, or receiving a sample of car air freshener on the day both your boys decide to take their shoes off in the car after a long hot day, or noticing that several news stories all relate to a common theme. (Although I must admit, the car air freshener was wishful thinking – any parent of teenagers can probably relate . . . )
Last week’s news provided that perfect convergence for New York Times-subscribing opinionated liberal musical humorists who write for a site advocating bipartisanship, who are embarrassed by how rarely they tackle international news, who find no humor in the situation in Syria, who played a lot of music by Russian composers as young piano students, and who feel particularly strongly about gay rights. (Okay, maybe there’s only one of us . . . . but you never know!) In case you are another “I-should-read-the-world-news-but-I’m-in-a-hurry” type, Vladimir Putin took John Kerry up on his slightly facetious offer to have Syria give up its chemical weapons, talked to his buddy there, and may have helped avert a showdown in Congress about military action. But just as we were feeling relieved and even maybe grateful, Putin then published an opinion piece in which he blasted us for thinking America had any real role in the world and lectured us on how all people are created equal (but apparently not if they’re gay?) At any rate, from my rather odd perspective, there was something so irresistible about the combination of a Russian leader helping avert a crisis while simultaneously advocating anti-gay laws and then writing an anti-American op-ed which produced irate responses from both Nancy Pelosi and John Boehner. Now that’s a remarkable achievement!
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Sep 10, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET Combing this past week’s news stories for a song idea was fairly discouraging – I can’t find anything funny about the possibility of air strikes against Syria, not to mention the human rights atrocities there. I’ve already done a song about Congressional gridlock, the sequester just keeps getting more depressing, and while Anthony Weiner has made a few headlines, it’s been for rage-aholic rants, not for titillating texts. Moreover, I realized many of my weekly songs are my way of responding to unpleasant news, hoping to find some humor in what otherwise would have me yelling, Weiner-style, at the computer, t.v. screen or newspaper.
But one happy story popped up, and not only is it good news, it’s also completely bipartisan, non-political yet totally newsworthy, and makes me smile whenever I think about it – Diana Nyad’s record-shattering swim from Cuba to Florida. After finally achieving a feat she’d been attempting unsuccessfully since 1978, as she emerged from the water she made three quoteable points, including a graceful acknowledgment of the team supporting her, but the one that struck me was “You’re never too old to chase your dreams.”
We have longer life expectancy today than ever before, and yet our culture still puts such a premium on youthful achievement that we feel like failures if we haven’t won a Tony Award or been a celebrity guest playing ‘Not My Job’ on “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” by the age of 30. (Or made our first million, or won an Olympic medal, or dated a member of One Direction, or whatever your particular dream happens to be.) So to celebrate the achievements of a woman who’s been eligible for AARP for 14 years gives me renewed faith in possibilities for those of us over 50. (Which is when you start getting those AARP mailers, as if it wasn’t hard enough to hit that milestone!)
So I am celebrating Ms. Nyad’s accomplishment in song, as well as acknowledging other feats achieved by AARP-eligible folks. And sure, I haven’t really had any videos go viral (despite the line I love to use from my 17-year-old, who saw that a few had topped 1,000 views and informed me that it was ‘viral for old people’), but who knows? It took Diana Nyad 35 years from her first attempt to achieve her dream – and posting youTube videos is much less strenuous!
“Diana’s Song (You’re Never Too Old To Chase Your Dreams)”
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Sep 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET  Don’t blame the messenger.
Unless it is Stevie Wonder.
We hear that a lot. It means focus on the message rather than the messenger.
Someone may be relaying an unpopular message and shouldn’t get the blame.
But not always.
For example, when you are trying to resolve a problem and can’t reach compromise and someone tells you to just “Work it out.”
It’s good advice and we shouldn’t blame the messenger even though we will likely feel irritated at getting this advice.
BUT….But if we listen to Stevie Wonder singing about it….everything changes.
Suddenly working it out doesn’t sound like such a sacrifice and sounds like more of a celebration. And we want to actually work it out.
And we have Stevie Wonder, the messenger, not to blame but to thank.
At least that’s the way it works on me.
By John Y. Brown III, on Sun Sep 1, 2013 at 10:10 AM ET I Have a Dream, Too (Albeit a tongue in cheek one. But it’s still worth dreaming about. Especially on Sunday mornings.)
50 years ago this week, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr, gave his historic “I Have a Dream” speech which helped usher in the federal Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Was it enough? It was a start. And 50 years later we have made great progress toward racial equality. But there is still work to be done. Six days a week—Monday through Saturday—there are still inequalities between the races in terms jobs, pay, standard of living, and other economic and material measures. But fortunately, the gap is slowly closing.
But what about that seventh day, Sunday? Sure, whites continue to have it better the first six days of the week where work and material measures dominate. But on the seventh day, Sunday, blacks continue to have vastly superior church services than whites. In other words, in the spiritual realm, the gap between black and whites at church on Sunday mornings is as stark in 2013 as it was in 1963.
Dr King’s historic speech in 1963 was conspicuous in its absence about referencing lackluster white church services that Caucasians have been forced to endure for several centuries.
And so… 50 years after much of the economic racial divide is being closed, it is time for someone to raise the question about whether the spiritual racial divide will ever be bridged. After all, what is true color-blindness if any blind person can be escorted into a church and know instantly whether he or she is in a white or black church? Predominantly Black churches tend to have lots of energy and Spirit. Predominantly White churches tend to have lots of quiet orderliness and throat clearing —and people whispering, “Excuse me. What time is it, please?”
Worst of all, there are no historic laws or cultural prejudices that caused this disparity. There were no faux “separate but equal” laws that allowed black churches to be more alive and fun while white churches seemed dry and stodgy. That’s right. We weren’t even discriminated against. We white folks did this to ourselves.
Perhaps it’s time someone in my race stood up and said “Is this really the best we can do?” Or more to the point, “Will going to church for white folks ever look like it is as spiritual, as inspired, and as inspiring and as it is for our African-American brothers and sisters?”
Well?
May I get an Amen out there?
Unfortunately, no. Not if you are white. Because, like, “What would people say?” Right?
C’mon folks. Let’s dedicate ourselves to make white church the new black in 2013. White folks can dream, too, you know. And this is my dream as a way of celebrating and honoring the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s historic speech. And, with hope, closing the racial divide in America just a little bit more.
(Footnote: Of course, my church is the exception to all of this. But could still be a tad more soulful. With both a lower case and upper case “S” But I’m nitpicking. The only other exception is Lyle Lovett. (See below.) Perhaps Lyle Lovett can lead us from the low-lying foothills of churchiness to the inspired mountain top of the fully engaged church services of the Promised Land. And without programs to pass out. Anyway, that’s my dream.)
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Aug 27, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET For anyone who doesn’t known someone in 12-step recovery or who doesn’t have a folk-wisdom-spouting Bubbe (or Nona or Grammy or Nana, etc.), “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.” This perhaps-overused aphorism has so many useful applications, I won’t bore you with too many. (Let’s just say in our house, it applies to everything from why I don’t keep Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the house, to our current search for an alarm clock guaranteed to wake a 17-year-old boy.)
In politics, however, very few people seem to follow this wisdom. I imagine it’s partially because everyone is ‘preaching to the choir’ (another folk aphorism, although not one I ever heard from any Bubbe, which is Yiddish for Grandma . . . but I digress). That is, public figures mostly give speeches to please the people who already agree with them, which makes sense – constituents or fans know what to expect, and it also makes life much easier for political comedy writers who all start salivating whenever Donald Trump says he’s going to make any kind of announcement.
The insanity of repetition gets a bit out of control when it comes to legislation. It’s one thing for gun control advocates to come up with a variety of new laws, or for abortion foes to get creative in how they make it difficult for clinics to stay open – whether you agree or disagree, at least those groups are trying to adapt to reality instead of doing the same thing over and over. But what’s with the 40 votes to repeal the Affordable Care Act? On top of the fact that it’s getting to be a punch line, and these repeal votes are clearly fruitless, it does seem somewhat hypocritical for a supposedly fiscal conservative bunch to be wasting so much time and taxpayer money. (According to a CBS estimate, based on nonpartisan data about the cost of a congressional work week, each repeal vote costs $1.45 million, which makes the total over $50 million so far.) I don’t even want to think about how $50 million compares to my financial situation . . . but at least, on the brighter side, it makes the expenses for my college-bound son seem pretty reasonable by comparison.
At a certain point, it’s prudent to give up fighting and ‘surrender, Dorothy’ – so to help the GOP get unstuck, here’s a musical reminder that “Obamacare Isn’t Scary!”
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Aug 26, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET It’s one of those Monday mornings that feels like I am about to take a major test I waited until the last minute to study for…
Because I thought I could pull it off…
But realize now I was probably mistaken…
For a class I didn’t want to sign up for but did anyway because I thought it would be good for me…
And two weeks ago had the opportunity to drop but didn’t and now the deadline has passed…
And decide if I gorge myself on a sweet roll and loud Motown music while telling myself “In the scheme of things…..this is not a big deal” that I briefly feel better ….
Until after the second sweet roll I start feeling both guilty, anxious, and now nauseous at the exact same time I realize listening to Lady Marmalade for the third time is two times too many…
And I look over my notes one last time and hope the questions on the test turn out to be the few I know the answer to…
As I realize that this is just another Monday ….like every other Monday. And the way I always feel before a test. And, awww hell, it will be fine…
And even if it’s not fine and I do poorly, it will still be fine…
And turn back on Lady Marmalade and it sounds even better the third time than it did the first time…
By Lauren Mayer, on Tue Aug 20, 2013 at 3:00 PM ET (That title makes more sense if you hum it to the tune of the line, “You say either, and I say either”)
Within moments of the Supreme Court decision on the Voting Rights Act, it seemed like every solidly red state jumped at the chance to reinstate the kinds of laws that the invalidated section of the act had kept in check. Stringent ID requirements, cutting voting hours, eliminating polling places in predominantly Democrat-leaning neighborhoods, and refusing to let college students continue to vote in their state of residence. (Which, by the way, is unconstitutional – there’s nothing in the residency requirement that says an address doesn’t count if it’s a dorm, frat house, or off-campus house no matter how many empty pizza boxes are in the kitchen.) (Which, by the way, you’d think Tea Partiers would remember since they like to quote the constitution so often . . . but then again, homophobes who use the bible as their justification are good at conveniently forgetting the other things the bible forbids, such as mixing fabrics and getting tattoos, much less death penalty for cursing your parents or pulling out during intercourse . . . but I digress)
The speed with which southern states jumped into voter suppression after the decision prompted many people to use the analogy, ‘the body wasn’t even cold yet.’ It reminded me of the urban legend about savvy New Yorkers finding apartments by combing the obituaries. But I was less offended by the speed than by the overkill. There are a variety of studies of actual voter fraud, but the number of proven cases is between 10 and 15 – that’s from 2000 to 2010, with approximately 600 million votes cast during that time. Meanwhile, there are multiple cases of politically-appointed state election commissioners going to great lengths to ‘cleanse’ the voting rolls, harrassing tens of thousands of people and winding up not finding more than a couple of cases – not of voter fraud or dead people voting, but typos and other clerical errors. Changing voting requirements to prevent the rare case of fraud is like using a nuclear weapon to kill one cockroach in your kitchen. (Mind you, I lived in a few rundown apartments in New York for 5 years and would have considered it, especially the night I was awakened by a noise in the kitchen and saw a foot-long tail coming out of a box of Rice Krispies . . . .but I digress)
Since claims of voter fraud are either incredibly inflated or just plain fraudulent, I decided to fraudulently turn from a suburban Jewish mom into a blues singer to complain about it. (And as a result, I finally learned the word for that phenomenon when you say a somewhat unusual word over and over again, like ‘kidney’ or ‘detrimental,’ and it starts to sound weird and lose its meaning . . . check out the song to find out!)
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Aug 15, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET I have been an avid coffee drinker for three decades and when traveling I like to try different coffee shops and coffee brands.
What is my standard for determining if a new kind of coffee I haven’t tried before truly measures up?
Easy. …One simple test.
After the first deep gulp (or second sip) do I start to hear this song play in my head?
If the answer is “Yes,” the coffee brand has made the cut and gets placed alongside Cafe Buestelo, Heine Bros, Cafe Du Monde (which I relied on while studying for the bar exam) and other great coffees I favor.
If “no,” it gets filed alongside Sanka, Nescafe, Maxwell House and a few dozen others coffee brands that have tried but come up short for me personally.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Aug 14, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET The flip side of addiction is an unraveling of many things: hurt, loss, fear, shame, loneliness, emptiness and aridness. Coupled with an intensity of feelings, passions, dreams, and idealism —all surrounded by an overwhelming craving for love and affirmation to fill in the gaping pieces missing from an un-whole life.
And then there is the undisciplined promise and lingering sense of pending defeat made endurable only from the well of undeveloped latent –and misguided– talent.
The addict is in many ways the ultimate tightrope walker. If his demons prevail and he falls to one side, he dies. But if he taps into some sort of divinity in the universe or in himself, he falls to the other side. And soars.
No public person I can think of embodies this beautifully treacherous balancing act more harrowingly (and inspiringly) than Robert Downey Jr.
He has ridden the roller coaster of addiction–and its flip side– publicly and dramatically into our hearts and minds–and souls.
Robert Downey Jr wrote and performed this piano ballad, Snakes (first video)
And more recently in a duet with Sting performed the aptly named Driven to Tears (second video).
In each video he shows us a glimpse of the depth of the brilliant and painful artistry tamped down so deeply inside this man-boy who can and has fallen far and hard. And soared so high and fantastically that only he can describe it. And he has touched us as we enjoy the honor and pleasure of witnessing his talent escape the bonds of his addictions and soar before us as we smile and applaud.
Here’s hoping he keeps falling to the beautiful side of his dichotomous daily walk— and soaring for yet another day.
And here’s hoping the very same glorious reprieve for all other addicts.
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