By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Oct 7, 2013 at 9:15 AM ET There is an historic impasse between two groups of our nation’s leaders.
One group believes that the root cause of what is most wrong in their lives is the threat of implementation of the Affordable Care Act (or Obamacare as some prefer to call it).
The other group believes that the root cause of what is most distressing in their lives is… the Tea Party movement and its influence on the Republican Party.
This is, for both groups, far more than merely a work-related or ordinary civic cause. It is, for most in this debate, the defining question at the defining moment for each of them and everyone around them.
And each group is ridiculing the other for being ignorant and self-righteous and trying to ruin America. But the problem is that those doing the name calling don’t really know –or at least know well–what those they declaim are really like in their daily lives. They often only understand only a caricature or stereotype of their political rivals.
So, here is my modest proposal.
Since you have the week off and are presumably with family, please sit down with them and give each a single sheet of paper and a pen. Then ask each family member to write down the 5 things about you that in their opinion are causing the most trouble for you personally and for your family.
These are the people who know you best and have your best interest at heart–and theirs.
I doubt the “implementation of the ACA” or the “Tea Party movement” will make the cut on many of those lists. And I suspect you’ll be surprised by what does make the list.
 And now here is the immodest part of my proposal. If that is truly what occurs, will you show the same visceral disdain and devotion to ridding those things from your life that really are causing daily pain to you and your family and those around you–and do so with the same resolve and enthusiasm you show today when railing against either Obamacare or Tea Partiers?
If you answer yes, then I suspect you’ll all be back at work sooner than planned.
And if the rest of us who are deeply engaged and emotionally invested in this national healthcare stand-off would try a similar experiment at our home —and devotedly seek to resolve those items written on our lists, I suspect next week will be a lot less testy and a lot more pleasant for each one of us. And that is good for our health—and the political health of our nation.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Oct 4, 2013 at 6:00 PM ET Did Jon Stewart predict the current government shutdown?
It has been wisely observed that comedians can sometimes be our most useful philosophers.
9 years ago this month an epic moment of honest candid discussion occurred on what was then the most influential political debate show in the nation. It is worth watching right now, in my opinion, if you want to better understand the underlying cause of our nation’s current political dysfunction.
Consider the video clip ad comedian Jon Stewart predicting in 2004 the government shutdown in 2013. At least that is my take.
I don’t believe it matters much who is most at fault. I believe it matters a lot, however, if we as a nation have permantly transformed political debate into a form of sport-like entertainment where the point is merely to “win” –and that we have forgotten how to discuss together, deliberate candidly, and expect our elected officials to honestly craft policy that is within the realm of the possible?
I don’t know the answer. But when I watch this clip I believe Jon Stewart is saying something that is both obvious and profound. And I contend is far more important than any speeches given today on the floor of Congress.
By Josh Bowen, on Thu Oct 3, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
 Personal fitness is like life; you need discipline to be successful, it requires strength and will and no matter how much it hurts or you want to quit, you must keep going. We can learn much from Gandhi; a believer in inner peace and happiness, as well as the quest to always better yourself.
This weekend I found a picture (see right) that listed Gandhi’s “10 Fundamentals to Changing the World.” These are really just steps to changing yourself, ultimately improving and making a better YOU.
 Now lets take this list and apply it to fitness:
1. Change yourself- your habits dictate your outcomes. In order to get the result you want you MUST change something that is preventing you from attaining it. What is it? And are you willing to change it?
2. You are in control- there is not much we are in control of in life, however what we are in control of is; our attitude and how we perceive the world. Always remember nothing is stronger than self, it can beat anything.
3. Forgive and let go- this is a life quality. We spend way too much time mad at people and some of us use it as ammo for our fitness goals. Do not try to improve your body out of spite to your ex-boyfriend. This motivation only lasts for so long. Forgive, move on and grow.
4. Without action you are not going anywhere- reality is most people are scared to take the necessary steps to improve their selves. However, you can hope, wish and pray to have the body of your dreams but without hard work, nothing is possible. Actions speak louder than words.
5. Take care of this moment- We age everyday and we are not promised tomorrow. Take care of the precious moments we have, try something new and be better for it. Life is short, enjoy it while you have it.
6. Everyone is human- including me and you. We all make mistakes and we all make bad choices. As long as we learn from them they are not mistakes, just learning experiences.
7. Persist- persistence is a virtue but which all people should possess. If you want something be persistant about it, do not let it go. Get your rear end into the gym and make things happen.
8. See the good in people and help them- the ability to motivate is a special gift and a gift that must be replicated. See people for the good in them instead of the bad, you will appreciate people more this way. Plus, you never know who you will run into that might just change your life.
Read the rest of…
Josh Bowen: In the Spirit of Indominable Will
By RP Staff, on Wed Oct 2, 2013 at 1:30 PM ET From POLITICO’s Morning Score:
 Two recovering pols: in 1988 and today GORE ’88 REUNION: A tipster emails: “Over the weekend, Al Gore reconnected with much of his 1988 presidential campaign team at a 25th reunion party at John Jameson’s 150-year-old wood-frame house near Eastern Market. In attendance were: Roy Neel, Peter Knight, Jackie Shrago, Jean Nelson, Jack Quinn, Jacquie Lawing Ebert, Mitchell Berger, Fred Duval, Sonny Cauthen, Alan Kessler, Katie McGinty, Pam Eakes and Ambassador Alan Blinken and his wife, Melinda Blinken. The reunion was organized by former Kentucky State Treasurer Jonathan Miller, who started his political career on the 1988 campaign as director of Students for Gore. One attendee described Gore as ‘fit and full of great energy’ and remembered the campaign as the first presidential race where ‘big ideas about the environment and technology were discussed.’”
Writes attendee David Crossland:
Al Gore looks Fabulous! He’s tan—the ozone factor suits him. He’s dressed to make us feel comfortable, even though his made-to-measure look must cost more than a Nissan Leaf. Tonight, Al is downright sexy.
This is the 25th anniversary weekend of Al Gore’s run for the Presidency back when he sought the nomination in 1988. Then, he was the fresh Senator from Tennessee, still dancing the two-step in his kitchen with Jello Biafra’s nemesis Tipper. Everyone is here at John Jamison’s beyond gorgeous home on Capitol Hill, which feels more like Savannah than DC. Is that really Spanish moss?
The texture of this swell Democratic crowd is pleasantly what you’d expect. There’s a two year old toddler weaving through legs, goosing peeps in all the fun places. The Folsom family-an Alabama political dynasty–holds court in the sunroom. Some A-gays (handsome as ever) are on the terrace chatting with Eleanor Clift. An elegant looking grandmother from NC steals a moment to smoke a cigarette under a moon vine in night bloom. It’s old magnolia south, but with an updated passport.
Most famous people don’t know how everybody looks before they walk into a room. Jane Fonda or Oprah walk in to a Georgetown dinner party and everyone has perfect posture. Al’s star is still rising. When he walks in, everyone stands a little taller, and tucks it in—looking a little thinner.
Clearly, the biggest purses south of the Mason Dixie want Al to throw his hat in for 2016, and we are celebrating the guy that could have/ would have steered this country boldly where no man has gone before.
Al preaches to the choir, but his gospel resonates. I can’t help getting angry at Justice O’Connor; now saying she regrets her decision that changed the course of our world. Al is certainly in better shape than Hilary right now, and I bet he could make it. Problem is–Washington treated him so badly. If we ever actually asked the man to dance again, would he?
By Jeff Smith, on Wed Oct 2, 2013 at 10:00 AM ET  Q: Here’s my problem: I’m secretly dating someone who works on an opposing campaign. I know what you’re thinking: This is like something out of a movie, or like James Carville and Mary Matalin. But we’re just two people who really like each other and don’t want to let the campaign get in the way of a blossoming relationship. Is this too scandalous? Should we take a break, or do you think we can survive it?
—Juliet (obviously not my real name!)
Yes, “Juliet,” something about your question suggested that might not be your real name, though I appreciate the clarification. As for you and your star-crossed lover, your situation does sound a bit like a movie—the dreadful 1992 Michael Keaton vehicle Speechless.
Forgive my tone, Juliet, but, really, chill. By today’s standards, what you’re doing isn’t very scandalous, unless of course you’re leaking poll numbers and television ad scripts. In fact, someone else on your campaign is probably hooking up with someone on an opposing campaign as well. Politics is a small and horny world. So go ahead and date—quietly for now if you prefer, but openly if you like. Assuming that your boyfriend on the other campaign isn’t a 15 year-old intern, I’d suggest that this cycle’s candidates have rendered your love life rather quaint.
Q: Did you see the Washington Post article about the longtime Hillary Clinton aide getting mixed up in shenanigans during the 2008 campaign where she appears to have coordinated a so-called independent expenditure on behalf of the campaign? It reminds me of what you got in trouble for. What’s the difference, and what do you think will happen to her?
—M.E, Washington, D.C.
Well, one big difference is about $600,000 (the expenditure in question was nearly $609,000, whereas the expenditure during my 2004 race was approximately $10,000). A second difference is that—at least according to the Post article—the Clinton aide in question, unfortunately, allegedly put some things in writing, unlike my campaign aides who met with an outside consultant. But the biggest apparent difference is that none of her closest friends wore a wire and got her to talk, so it may be possible for her to explain away alleged emails that strongly suggest illegal coordination but leave some ambiguity. “I was merely providing Sen. Clinton’s campaign schedule for an old associate who wanted to invite friends to some events,” she might say; or “I provided information about our field operations to an associate who said he knew some willing campaign helpers, but I had no idea he was planning any sort of independent expenditure.” I should stress that I’m not accusing anyone of a crime here but speculating about possible defenses. Given the woman’s status as a longtime Clinton aide and the high stakes as Hillary contemplates 2016, I’d expect she’s receiving top-flight legal advice. The outcome is difficult to predict without seeing the actual emails, but it will sure be interesting to watch it unfold.
Read the rest of…
Jeff Smith: Do As I Say — A Political Advice Column
By Josh Bowen, on Thu Sep 26, 2013 at 8:30 AM ET The journey to the center of our bodies. What on earth is the core?
“Today class, our experiment is to stay in the gym for 12 hours and ask every person what their goals are.” A landslide will mention “core” “abs” “stomach.” It is our obsession. Another experiment is to watch any informercial, pushing an obscure fitness product, and see how many times they mention “core” or “abs.” I’ll be willing to bet its more times than they mention anything nutrition related. I mean why eat well when you can do crunches, situps and use the shake weight and get ripped. That is until you realize you have to do 250,000 crunches, JUST to burn enough calories to lose one pound of fat…YES just one pound. You can do crunches until you are blue in the face but it won’t eliminate your stomach fat. And on a side note, whatever new product is out there, it won’t speed the results up any faster. So why do we do crunches? Well duh, its to get an 8 pack!
Abs are made in the kitchen, no matter how hard you work your “abs” you cannot outwork your diet. If your nutrition is not up to par, your stomach will not be either. “So what is the core?” “Why do we have to work it?” “How do we work it?” I answer all of the above!
Lets start with what the “core” actually is. The National Academy of Sports Medicine defines it as the Cervical, Thoracic and Lumbar spines and also the Lumbo-Pelvic-Hip complex (stabilizes the body during weight bearing functional movements producing and reducing forces). WHAT? Time for an anatomy lession! PS do not fall asleep, it gets better.
Anterior
- Rectus abdominus- The “abs.” A key postural muscle that flexes the lumbar spine and can aid in respiration
Posterior
- Erector spinae- lower back muscles that extend the vertebral column
- Multifidus- deep musculature that runs from the base of the cervical spine to the sacrum. Main job is the stabilize vertebrae in the vertebral column during movement
Lateral
- Internal Oblique-Compresses abdomen; unilateral contraction rotates vertebral column to same side
- External Oblique-rotates the torso
- Quadratus Lumborum-Alone, lateral flexion of vertebral column; Together, depression of thoracic rib cage
Deep
By RP Staff, on Tue Sep 24, 2013 at 2:00 PM ET Second Acts: Recovering from Scandal
Crisis management and scandal recovery have captured the moment, from big-league sports to New York City’s recent political silly season. PR firms are rebranding themselves as crisis advisers. Ex-White House aides are peddling their bona fides. While the public sees scandal through a tabloid lens, at its heart are flawed human beings making mistakes, acting emotionally, and trying to preserve their reputations and careers. “Recovering politicians” who suffered highly publicized scandals share their stories, offer guidance, and comment on the latest attempts to launch second acts.
  A conversation with:
Krystal Ball, co-host, MSNBC’s “The Cycle;” former Virginia congressional candidate
Jonathan Miller, Daily Beast columnist; No Labels co-founder; former Kentucky state treasurer
Michael Steele, co-chairman, Purple Nation Strategies; former Republican National Committee chairman
Moderated by:
Jeff Smith, assistant professor of politics and advocacy, The New School; former Missouri state senator
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2013
6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Theresa Lang Community & Student Center, Arnhold Hall
55 West 13th Street (between Fifth and Sixth avenues), 2nd Floor
Admission is free but you must RSVP.
By Artur Davis, on Tue Sep 24, 2013 at 10:00 AM ET Molly Redden’s essay in the New Republic about the waning of Democratic centrists may be off-base in its examples—Christine Quinn’s deficiencies as a candidate competed with her ideological positioning as a source of her troubles, and Bill Daley’s withdrawal from the Illinois Governors’ race can hardly be attributed to a leftist backlash when he was running ahead in the polls—but her premise is certainly not one an expatriate former Democrat like myself would argue. In fact, I will use her observations to go one step further: the declining appeal of centrism in Democratic politics is not only tactically relevant to candidates, it is about to become just as culpable from a policy shaping standpoint as the much more heralded implosion of the old governing “establishment” wing of the Republican Party.
To be sure, Redden and her like-minded colleague Noam Scheiber aren’t spending much anxiety on the erosion of Democratic social conservatism, but they are highlighting that essentially one economic world view is tenable within internal Democratic fights. The tenets are that the inequitable distribution of wealth is the dominant economic threat; an aggressively regulated marketplace promotes fairness in a manner that overshadows any costs to innovation or growth; and the only adequate response to more systemic conditions like high unemployment and poverty is an assertive infusion of public dollars. In practical campaign terms, this means a candidate with a record of alliances with corporate institutions will need to spend time disgorging any rhetoric that helped forge those ties (for example, the Cory Booker who 16 months ago was defending private equity’s capacity to invest in underserved neighborhoods has morphed into the soon to be senator whose stump speech laments the failure to hand down prison sentences to Lehman executives); and a Bill de Blasio will have a built-in advantage over a more pro growth oriented message even without the special circumstances of identity politics around his mayoral nomination in New York City.
 But the demise of the corporatist sensibility in Democratic politics has arguably spilled into an aversion to the reform minded brand of politics that was until recently an underpinning of both the party’s strategic and policy framework. This plays out most decisively in the context of entitlements. There is a near universal consensus among Democratic politicians and elites that the current entitlement structure is morally and fiscally sound enough that a genuine overhaul is neither desirable nor necessary: a sharp movement from the Simpson Bowles approach a notable number of Democratic thought leaders praised in 2011 and a lifetime of difference from some of the thought experiments of the late Clinton era.
The same antipathy to reform surfaces in the disappearance of the old Robert Kennedy critique of bureaucratic anti-poverty institutions, and in the field of education reform, where accountability and strengthened teacher standards are about as unpopular among today’s Democrats as vouchers or parental choice; that is to say, almost toxic. And, as fellow right-leaning reformers like Reihan Salam and Ross Douthat might point out, there is no meaningful discussion in contemporary liberalism of the kind of pro family tax reform that would advantage major portions of the Democratic Party’s low wage base; and it is conservative pundits who are churning out proposals to make the earned income tax credit more flexible or to permanently reduce FICA taxation on the working poor.
Read the rest of…
Artur Davis: Those Fading Democratic Centrists
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 23, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
I wonder if Stick People know that other people think of them as Stick People?Even if they do know they don’t seem to be bothered by it.
I wish I could be more like Stick People in that way.
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When life gives us lemons, try responding “Wow! Free lemons! How cool is that?”And then start a lemonade business.
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We are not our woundsWe are not even the story we tell ourselves and others about our wounds.
We are whatever we do to overcome our wounds. That, it seems to me, is what ultimately defines us most.
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Do we parents really raise our children.
Or do they secretly really raise us?
Some days I feel like Rod Serling will step out from the next room and start explaining this entire hoax — that all along our children have patiently and lovingly been guiding us into adulthood. And as the youngest approaches age 18, facing the horrifying feeling that you are not ready for her to leave because you are not yet fully an adult.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET
“My most emasculated—or feminine— moment. You know what I mean.”
A friend and I were having coffee Friday and he brought up a topic and used the term “emasculated.” That is a painful word to read and even more painful to write and dern near impossible to say out loud. But there it was.
Except we weren’t sure if we were using it in the right sense. My friend meant it in the “males are de-powered by women” sense. I think I was thinking of it in the singing castrato sense. And then both of us–at least partially–meant it in in terms of a “man feeling overly feminine” sense.
We didn’t say it but understood what we were talking about and were just going with it….and my friend had that look of “Don’t interrupt the flow of the story by asking the precise definition of a word.” Followed by the “”You know what I mean” look. You know what I mean when I say the “You know what I mean” look, right?
Anyway, that got me to thinking afterwards, “What situation in my life made me feel the most, well, feminine, that I’ve ever felt?”
OK. It’s a guy thing. We don’t like talking about such things but have been known to quietly wonder about it. (Just not write about it on Facebook). That’s an attention-seeking thing…and another story all together. But back to my point.
I had grown up in a household filled with women outnumbering men by a significant multiple. A lot of good came out of that. I was more nuanced and sensitive and had better grammar than most my male counterparts. The bad? Mostly things like not learning how to fish or hunt or shoot a gun or change the car oil. Or, yes, even change a tire.
By the time I was in my mid 30s I had never had to change a flat tire and started to secretly imagine I might get through life not knowing how to change a tire and no one ever finding out. Like having webbed feet and wearing socks my whole life so no one ever knew. The shame of not knowing how to change a tire was abating….and a sense of me possibly outsmarting the system began to displace it.
Until the year 2001. I went to visit the North Carolina secretary of state, Elaine Marshall, and went with my IT programmer, Steve Spisak. We were going because Sec Marshall offered to give us her office’s software code for an e-government initiative we were implementing so we wouldn’t have to purchase it or write it internally. Just give her office credit for it.
Steve Spisak is one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and makes me feel more masculine than most guys because I suspected that although he probably knew the mechanics of things like changing a tire he probably tried once as a boy and hurt himself and ran to his room and started writing computer code instead and never looked back.
Driving home from dinner that night with Secretary Marshall the unthinkable happened. Lo and behold, Sec Marshall’s car breaks down. Actually the car didn’t break down. And I began to realize she’d simply had a flat tire. She was relieved. I was mortified. I didn’t say “S**t!” out loud. But it came up inside me automatically from so deep a place I worried others might have heard it. I know I did. It was an agonizing slow motion “Ssss*****eeeee*****tttt!”
I was petrified. It was the South and I was with a female colleague as her guest and my brilliant software programer. Meaning I was the more masculine looking of the two males present— and was about to have to finesse my way through pretending how to change a tire while not knowing how to change a tire.
My first bluff was acting like time was of the essence and we needed to call AAA. Elaine balked and said that would take extra time and we’d have to tip the driver and for me to just change the tire and she’d help.
I said, “Sure. OK.” and then tried to play along. At least for the next 15 seconds until I could think of my next move.
I did remember the spare tire is kept in the trunk…so I slyly —almost cavalierly –strutted to the back of the car like I’d done this a thousand times before. I asked her to pop the trunk in as masculine a voice as I could muster. She did. But there was no spare tire that I could see. That noise came from deep down inside me again….Fortunately Steve knew to look under the mat in the trunk and someone had apparently hidden the spare underneath it in a spare-sized hollowed out area. I thought to myself, “I wonder if they made it that way on purpose so the spare wouldn’t stick out?” Before I could decide if car manufacturers hollowed out a place for spare tires in the trunk of cares, I was caught off guard again. The dang tire changing equipment was screwed into the trunk and had to be unscrewed! Steve helped with this too–and fortunately Secretary Marshall couldn’t see us and I just acted all busy and made grunting sounds so Elaine would think I was doing most the work behind the popped trunk.
I did carry the tire to the exact correct tire that needed replacing— the one that was flat. I placed the tire on the ground long ways. Steve picked it up and rolled it instead of carrying it like a medicine ball as I did. I made a mental note to remember that the next time I had to fake change a tire to roll don’t carry it like a medicine ball or baby.
Steve started doing something that looked to me like unscrewing a tire bolt…and it wasn’t easy. I jumped in and the two of us–a computer programer and a male secretary of state—gave it all the effort we possibly could while a bemused damsel in distress and female secretary of state watched on and hoped her two gallant heroes didn’t hurt themselves. I remember as I twisted with all my might falteringly a story about a 94 year old woman lifting a car off of a baby in a moment of super human strength to save the baby and hoped I could muster something like that now. I didn’t think try to imagine a baby’s life depending on the flat tire being successfully changed…but was ready to when the bolt finally turned. “Urrrr!” I growled. Like Steve and I had just finished placing a gigantic ton-sized stone in place at Stonehenge.
And the worst part was there were three more bolts to go. No one who built Stonehenge put 4 different ton-sized stones in place. It just wasn’t fair we were going to have to change the whole tire.
And then I got lucky. I love it when that happens. A local reporter walked by and asked what we were doing as he recognized Secretary of State Marshall. I laughed confidently and introduced myself as a fellow secretary of state from Kentucky and explained Elaine had had a flat tire and I was –with my colleague–changing the tire……and said it in that, you know, in that way that we guys do when we know how to change a flat tire. At least that was the impression I tried to create. I mean….c’mon…maybe the male secretary of California may not know how to change a tire. But Kentucky? No way. All man, here, sir!
The reporter looked over at our progress and I worried he was going to start criticizing our handiwork…but he didn’t. I suspect he may have been one of us. A non-tire changing male….because he only stayed long enough to quip he was writing a blurb piece the next day in the NC Observer titled “How many secretaries of state does it take to change a tire?” We all laughed heartily and knowingly as he walked away— and I just hoped he didn’t realize the answer was at least 3 and probably more.
After that I acted like I didn’t want to get in Steve’s way and, heck, Elaine and I had some serious business to discuss and I’d do that instead of changing the flat tire–in the interest of being efficient with our time. I still pretended to stay engaged with the flat tire work to avoid suspicion and did things like looked around for other reporters and passersby. Not sure how that contributed anything but it made me look busy and prevented the assumption that I didn’t know how to change a tire.
Steve finished up and I pretended to put the tools in the right place in the back of the car and we drove off. Two days late, Secretary Marshall emailed us the blurb piece about secretaries of state and changing tires. And we all had a good laugh.
And as I reflected on that night I realized I had narrowly…oh so narrowly….escaped. And just hoped that I wouldn’t find myself in that position again for at least another 50-60 years (having to change a flat tire) when I would be too old to change a flat tire and just let people assume I knew how but didn’t ask due to my advanced age. That was my plan. Put off the next flat tire for 50-60 years.
And it seemed to be working the first few weeks. And I could chalk up my funny Elaine Marshall and Steve Spisak NC flat tire story as the answer to the question, “What situation in your life did you feel the most feminine?”
As I said, my plan was flawless for 2 weeks. Then 3 weeks. And 50-60 years seemed not all that far away in the offing…. at least where flat tires were concerned. Until the next week while driving home from Frankfort in a state car during 5pm rush hour….it happened. I had a flat tire. The swear word from deep down inside me didn’t even come up this time. But sweat beaded on my forehead.
I didn’t have a cell phone. I didn’t like carrying one back then because I liked to think to myself without worrying about my phone ringing at any moment and startling me and causing me to lose my train of thought. So I couldn’t call for help.
Cars whizzed by. A few even honked because they were friends– but not good enough friends to feel guilty about not stopping to help me change a flat tire. Those flat tire changing friends are very rare friends indeed.
It was too far to walk back to Frankfort….so I tried waving down a car to help. I figured I might get lucky and get a 18 wheeler to pull off ….perhaps the driver would have some time on his hands and being very masculine (like truck drivers are) he would change the tire for me without ever asking if I knew how to. Just for the exercise and to show off, I figured. I kept my navy blazer on while flagging down cars in hopes whoever stopped would offer to change the tire for me and not suspect I was more likely to be able to explain String Theory than successfully change my own flat tire.
I thought back on my experience in NC a few weeks earlier and started chuckling to myself. “Hey,” I said to myself, “At least you won’t be ‘that’ embarrassed” this time……
A car pulled off the road to help. “John?” said a friendly voice. I didn’t recognize the gentleman but was so grateful he was kind enough to stop. He was a state employee and I shook his hand and thanked him profusely for stopping. He said he knew what it felt like to be in this situation and felt bad for me and wanted to help.
At about that time I noticed he was wearing a small diamond earring and was immaculately dressed—at least compared to my rumpled navy blazer. He also was thin and fit and very nice and sure of himself. And just as he was about to ask me to pop the trunk I realized that my rescuer was quiet possibly a gay man.
I tried not to think in stereotypes but was horrified that I was about to have to explain to this wonderfully kind and presumably gay man that I didn’t know how to change a tire.
As I realized my most feminine feeling moment ever (which had just happened in NC a month earlier) was being displaced by a new experience on the side of the road in Waddy Peytona. And I didn’t have Steve, my computer programmer, to cover for me and simultaneously make me look more masculine than I was.
And then I realized I may have caught a miraculous break. The wonderful thing about gay men (and that was just an assumption) is you can tell them things like “I don’t know how to change a tire” and not lose any of your masculinity while at the same time watching them take over and change the tire for you because, hetero guys are like TV sitcom husbands and dads —useless in a humorous kind of way. I was so relieved and I felt my secret was safe. It was like I was telling a longtime best friend a deep dark secret about myself–and not being shamed. It was liberating too.
My new friend changed my tire in record time and without breaking a sweat. He changed that tire like Steve Spisak writes code. And much better than Steve Spisak changes a tire–even with me pretending to help.
I drove away and started to make peace with the fact that I didn’t know how to change a flat tire….and I may or may not have 50-60 years before I have my next flat tire. But that was OK now because I had a back up plan. If I had a flat tire in the future I would try to flag down a competent and compassionate gay man who wouldn’t judge me. And still change my tire for me.
That was 15 years ago….and counting.
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