John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Aging and Heroism

Aging and heroism. (Or Worse than Kryptonite)

Did you ever have one of those days where you get called on for a dramatic heroic act that will save the day, but as you step into the phone booth to change into your Superman costume, your mind goes blank and you literally can’t recall for a several seconds if you are Superman or Batman?

And then, after regaining your composure, start to really regret being Superman and grumble to yourself, “This s**t is getting old. They never ask the guy in the office next to me to do this sort of stuff. In fact, he’s at lunch now with the COO. That’s just so wrong! Next week I am going to say something about it.”

And then, as you are taking your time changing–it now takes 5-7 min to change at age 49– you get in a shouting match with some 19 year old who needs to use the phone, who calls you “Lame.” And that really ticks you off and you threaten to keep your street clothes on and not do your heroic deed until some older adult pulls the 19 year old aside and gives him his cell phone for his call?

And then as you are tying your cape, you realize you have love handles pushing out either side of the spandex Superman top. And you are just hoping you can avoid flying and let the cape cover your sides today? Or at least fly at an angle where others won’t notice and comment?

And you make a note to wear sunglasses in the future because you are embarrassed how you look in the Superman costume?

And then, finally, after waiting until now one is looking, you try to burst out of the phone booth but the phone booth door is jammed? You shake and jiggle it. And even do so strenuously but realize that even with your super powers, at this age, you aren’t strong enough to force open the door by yourself?

And so you get the attention of the 19 year old who you had a shouting match with and is now finished with his cell phone call and ask him nicely if he’d try to open the phone booth door from the outside? And apologize for losing your cool as he is smiling smugly to himself and opens the phone booth door for you with two fingers using his left hand?

And then you forget where you are and what you are doing and ask the 19 year old if he still has the cell phone he borrowed so you can check with Google Maps for directions? But he doesn’t have it, of course, because he’s given it back to the stranger who was trying to protect your feelings?

And you walk off dejected? But see a coffee shop and decide to get a latte and a pastry. But after you order remember you are in your Superman costume and forget to bring any money with you? And you want to point out that your Superman and this should really be on the house given all your done for the community over the years —and about to do today? But you decide that discretion is the better part of courage. And apologize and promise to come back later that day (after your super hero mission is complete, but you don’t say this….just thinking this to yourself)?

And after getting lectured by the manager about how he’s just trying to run a business and shouldn’t have to deal with “people like you” you walk out the door and even though you can’t remember where you parked and don’t have your keys anyway after the phone booth change, you are secretly pleased with yourself and feel like you FINALLY caught a break today because you at least got a free latte and pastry?

And make a gentle mental note to yourself that when you send your Superman costume to the cleaners this time to have them take it out two inches in the waist. Again.

If you answer yes, well, you are not alone. Me too!