John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Talking with the Animals

I’m so relieved that society does not judge us on our thoughts but only on our actions.

I’d hate to be accountable for my thoughts. They aren’t dangerous. Just, well, hard to explain away.

For example, I was eating lunch alone in my car today–a turkey sandwich. Out of nowhere I start thinking about how I’m really glad that animals can’t talk. And I hope we never teach them to.

For one thing, what would we talk about? It’s hard enough making conversation with other humans. Besides, no matter how good we get at small talk with animals, we can only avoid the inevitable “Big Question” for so long.

Eventually a turkey (or some other animal) will ask, “So, why do you eat us?”

And the truth is I don’t have a good answer. All I can say is something along the lines of the primitive logic, “Look, I’m bigger than you and smarter than you and you taste good. That’s it. End of story. Let’s please talk about a less awkward subject.”

Just typing this response makes me cringe–and reinforces to me this is a conversation I’d like to avoid.

And besides, what other subject could we move on to after that uncomfortable segue? It’s just not realistic.

But even without an eloquent explanation, I’m not giving up turkey.

Well, my lunch time ran out on this thought. I’m on a business call now and sounding very professional –using lingo from my MBA and law degree. Very impressive. I’m on my game.

And I’ve almost completely stopped thinking about conversing with turkeys.