Musings from the Middle

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Deep Religious Ponderings

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Oct 3, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Deep religious ponderings.

I don’t believe my religion is right and other religions are wrong.

But if pressed….I do like to think my religion is just a little bit superior to yours.

You know, classier, I guess.

Maybe a bit more “uptown” and perhaps even a little more sophisticated, too.

I guess what I am trying to say is that we Presbyterians, as a denomination, tend to do better at cocktail parties than our competitor denominations.

For example…..I just had a couple of Church of Latter Day Saint women drop my my house to share some literature with me. Thought it was UPS but when opened the door saw no brown but did see the The Watchtower publication being held by one of the ladies— and instantly knew that it wasn’t UPS —and didn’t appear to be FedEx or DHL either.

I admire Mormons a great deal. But I am glad my religion doesn’t go door-to-door to evangelize. Telemarketing to evangelize would be beneath us too. We are better than that. We use mass mailings, for example. And try to keep telemarketing campaigns to minimum.

Of course, I didn’t say anything to the Church of Latter Day Saints ladies about any of this. Just thanked them and suggested they talk to a neighbor who had friends last weekend park in my driveway.

Debating religion on my doorstep wouldn’t have been very Christian of me. Especially when it would be easier for me to wait and just talk about them behind their backs on Facebook.

And I would never bring up something like this at a cocktail party.

But wouldn’t put it past a Methodist.

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What is the world’s most popular “unsaid” daily prayer?

My guess is….

“Why can’t the rest of the world just behave! So I don’t have to.”

I recommend saying it at least once out loud. After that, I find I ave a hard time even thinking it to myself.

Sometimes saying something out loud–and hearing it–helps me stop thinking it to myself.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: That “In Between Place”

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Oct 2, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

The existential angst of being at that “in between place” in life.

And Facebook.

I am at that point in my life where I am still hopeful enough about life to believe that changing my profile picture on Facebook will yield some small degree of new happiness or uptick of social meaning ; but yet wise enough to anticipate the harsh reality that will settle in moments after changing my profile picture –that I am, in fact, the same flawed person with the same human problems that I was before the change of Facebook profile pics only now a little less dignified for believing something so inconsequential could add something of significance to my life.

And yet still shallow enough to respond to this existential grieving and shame (a la Facebook) to believe that this inner pain can be adequately relieved by changing my profile picture a second time.

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Aging is a funny thing in how it changes our perceptions and opinions on things.

The older I get, on the one hand, the less inclined I am to support capital punishment for murder.

And yet, on the other hand, the older I get the more inclined I am to support capital punishment for tailgating while driving.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Fathers and Sons

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Oct 1, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Our 9th consecutive annual father-son weekend in the mountains of North Carolina.

Before that our annual father-son weekend was in the hills of Northern Alabama.

A baby grows into a child, you son.

The child grows into a boy, your son.

The boy grows into a young man, your son.

The young man grows into your best friend.

My son.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Asheville, NC

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Asheville, NC is cool.

Hip.

And Southern (albeit reluctantly).

A serenely hippie dippie college town that could easily take the NCAA regional title in meditation, woodworking, haute cuisine, energy healing, Frisbie throwing, and self-awareness if any were collegiate sports.

My phone camera isn’t functioning. Maybe it has dropped into the Asheville mindset and decided I should just experience the city instead of taking pictures of it, man.

And I agree.

Suffice it to say that it feels like Haight-Ashbury went to rehab and then was sent to a half-way house on the other side of the US and over time these Haight-Ashbury refugees found a way to make a sober-ish life while still honoring their eccentric individuality and pacifist world view. And learned how to make a contented community among themselves.

The inhabitants are not burned out but turned on(and aptly named their town Ashville) where they seek out (not eek out) an all-natural gluten-free, and gloriously Granola-fied life. To the beat of street musicians playing jazzy sounding bluegrass music.

I kinda love it. With soy milk, of course.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Control Alt Delete

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Sep 27, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Too little, too late. I am sorry Bill Gates.

Sure, this public admission and act of contrition is certainly admirable….but it is also too late to undo the harm done already—in fact, about 30 years too late.

Kudos for finally acknowled…ging this soul-stirring error of judgment.

But the fact that you can never completely undo the damage of this “executive decision” means the rest of us will have to continue living with the consequences.

And by the way, genuine acts of public contrition require a heartfelt apology and desire to make whole those harmed. It does not include trying to artfully dodge responsibility by blaming bad acts on others—like IBM.

I am starting to think it would have been better if you’d just said nothing at all about this topic instead of this embarrassing half-baked apology.

And obviously not reading Jonathan Miller’s book and taking to heart advice on crisis management

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: How the Universe Works

By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Sep 26, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

It’s hard to ever get ahead in life until you can first understand some basic rules of how the universe operates.

For some, the message of this video is elementary.

For most of the rest of us it requires a great deal of concentration and rote memorization.

Before we learn.

After you learn the rules of the universe you can try to manipulate them to your advantage.

Or flow with them.

I recommend the latter.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: My Inner Gangsta

By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Sep 25, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

My inner gansta raises its ugly head.

Because it can.

And to remind me I am a dangeorous man.

Last week I took four free mints instead of one when leaving a restaurant.

The week before I went through the Express Lane with 11 items.

Next week?

Who’s to say?

I don’t even want to think about it.

(Note: after snapping this pic I got nervous and immediately re-parked. But strutted to the Thorton’s entrance. Because I could. And to remind myself that I am a dangerous man.)

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For some people….and I suspect I am one of them.

If you really don’t watch us to touch something because of wet paint I recommend changing the sign from:

“DO NOT TOUCH -WET PAINT”

“Go ahead. Touch it. I dare you.”

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Stop Sign

By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 24, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

So I was at a stop sign and waiting for the sign to change….

And after several minutes lost in thought I realized that the wait was starting to irritate me.

As well as irritate the driver behind me who gave a short honk which I recognized from hearing a few seconds earlier but it never occuring that the first honk was intended for me.

But realizing all of a sudden that it was at the same time I suddenly remembered that stop signs don’t change colors.

And drove on through.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Thoughts for the Day

By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 23, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

I wonder if Stick People know that other people think of them as Stick People?Even if they do know they don’t seem to be bothered by it.

I wish I could be more like Stick People in that way.

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When life gives us lemons, try responding “Wow! Free lemons! How cool is that?”And then start a lemonade business.

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We are not our woundsWe are not even the story we tell ourselves and others about our wounds.

We are whatever we do to overcome our wounds. That, it seems to me, is what ultimately defines us most.

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Do we parents really raise our children.

Or do they secretly really raise us?

Some days I feel like Rod Serling will step out from the next room and start explaining this entire hoax — that all along our children have patiently and lovingly been guiding us into adulthood. And as the youngest approaches age 18, facing the horrifying feeling that you are not ready for her to leave because you are not yet fully an adult.

John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Customer Service

By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Sep 20, 2013 at 12:00 PM ET

Yes! It really can happen. And just did to me.

No. Not anything catastrophically bad. Just something catastrophically idiotic and stratospherically unlikely.

I use these USB modems for remote internet access—live off of them, really. It’s a must have for me because I travel a great deal and work out of my car frequently.

So when I lost it several weeks ago I panicked. And scoured my office. And scoured my home office. And scoured the rest of my home. And scoured my car. And scoured them all again. Twice.

Finally, in desperation, after going two weeks without my usb internet lifeline, I broke down Friday afternoon and bought a new one. It was full price. About $150 and they set up a new SIM card for me in the store. It was like getting oxygen again for someone with respiratory problems. I could breathe again….internet-wise, anyway.

Friday was great. But then on Saturday I was in my car and needed to send some emails and tracked down my handy USB modem–but it wasn’t connecting. I tried again later in the day. No connection and a message to call AT&T to activate.

I shrugged and figured it was new and the bugs needed to be worked out— and it would work next time–like it did Friday. But today and tonight it failed again. Frustrated…I called AT&T…and was put on hold for 26 minutes while I thought of all the reasons this shouldn’t be happening that AT&T should be made aware of…

After running through the first customer service rep who was stumped…I was transferred to a more expert customer service rep….She was stumped, too, after I explained what had happened and that my USB modem wasn’t working.

She then asked me to open up the modem and read her the SIM Card number. I ripped off the back of the modem and finally found the SIM card. I growled out the teeny-tiny numbers to her after pointing out “No human can read these without a magnifying glass.”

When I finished she said, “That’s not possible.”

“Why not, I asked.” She laughed and said, “That is your old SIM Card number.” And added, “You have apparently found your old USB Modem and lost your new USB Modem with the new SIM Card that is activated.”

I paused….for a long time. Part dumbfounded, part humiliated, part wanting to crawl into the fetal position under my desk. It seemed like 3 minutes passed before I spoke again ….but was really only about 5 1/2 seconds. “Well, um, can you fix it?”

“No. Not over the phone. That card has been de-activated and you’ll have to go to an ATT store tomorrow to get a new SIM Card for your old USB Modem.” Pausing before chirping helpfully, “Or you could find your new USB Modem. It should still work.”

So, tomorrow I’m scouring my office. And then my home office. And then the rest of my home and my car….to find the new USB Modem I just bought to replace the old USB Modem I had lost but inadvertently found and mistook for the new USB Modem. But can’t use anymore since I activated the new USB Modem on Friday.”

And customer service chalked up another “story” for the bar later tonight.