By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Sep 24, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Theological question:
If you say something to someone at church that is supposed to be humorous –and only moderately inappropriate –and the other person sighs, shakes his head, and says he will pray for you, is it OK to tell him you prefer he didn’t because “I don’t want God to know we are friends”?
(Note: I did not say this. But thought to afterwards and may try out the line some time. I tend to get this comment a lot.)
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Remember when you felt as excited about the iPhone 5 as you do today about the iPhone 6?
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 23, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
I have received multiple “messages” today from Facebook’s new “Messenger” app. It essentially forces you to download it by making it too complicated to figure out how to avoid the irritation of the constant requests by Facebook to download it—and so you just downloading it to stop the requests to, well, download it.
And then I seem constantly to have a tiny person pictured in a circle in the bottom right-hand corner of my phone who just messaged you. The messaging itself i…s fine, of course, but the giant bubble of a person appearing on your phone –and, again, being too complicated (for me anyway) to figure out how to get rid of– is making this exciting new Messaging app on Facebook too burdensome for simple low-tech people like me to want to mess with.
Besides, bubbles just aren’t a good contour for me personally. I look better inside a rectangle or square.
I would message this message complaining about the new Messenger app to the right person at Facebook if I knew how to –and who at Facebook to contact. But there doesn’t appear to be a little bubble of a Facebook person to “message” about such things. Maybe the folks at Facebook don’t care for that little irritating bubble person on their phones either. I can’t say I blame them.
Sometimes, perhaps, the best “app” is the one you don’t create.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 22, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Slow down people.
It’s Monday. We have all week to get on each others nerves.
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Some mornings I wake up and look over at my lovely wife Rebecca and am overcome with joy at how lucky she must feel to be married to me. God is good.
I just smile and let her sleep. And keep my happy thought to myself.
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Deep thought:
If thinking something –but not saying it— is almost as bad as saying it, does that mean that saying something –but not thinking it –is almost as bad as thinking it?
Note: I didn’t think about this or say it out loud before writing it. I just wrote it. And am probably going to keep it that way.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Sep 19, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
I am at a point in my life when it would really help a lot if I had a voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman’s so people would listen in wonderment when I spoke to them.
Instead I often am asked to repeat myself. And I do. In my non-Morgan Freeman-esque voice.
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I sometimes like to tell myself that ice chai tea latte is really a cover for some sort of secret super human jet fuel.
That way I don’t feel as guilty for drinking so much of it.
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“You can still say the wrong thing later.”
Food for thought before I blurt out an unneeded opinion in a tense situation.
By John Y. Brown III, on Thu Sep 18, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Kiboshing Klout
I just got an email update that my Klout score has dropped another point.
I am emailing Klout back to tell them I don’t give a **** anymore and suggesting they make up some new imaginary vanity metric and to please leave me out of it.
Here is my email:
“Dear Klout, I am good enough, I am smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.
By John Y. Brown III, on Wed Sep 17, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
WWE superstar Damien Sandow pitches me on a unique idea.
“I can see it now, John. Imagine the marquee.. Champion Damien Sandow vs challenger John ‘The Body’ Brown in an epic wrestling match at the Louisville YUM Center.
It has all the classic elements of a great athletic drama. Youth versus Age; Strength versus Weakness; Speed versus Slowness; Agility versus Clumsiness; Exciting versus Dull; and Height versus Width.
It could be a wrestling match for the ages.”
As you can tell from my expression, I’m intrigued but still need some convincing before I accept this seemingly sensible –yet bold — proposal.
By John Y. Brown III, on Tue Sep 16, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
Weighing in. One last time.
8 months and 4 days ago I weighed 205.4 lbs and set goal for myself to get down to 178.5 lbs.
Today I weighed in at 177.1 lbs.
I did it.
But only for today. The point of this post isn’t to declare victory but to recommit to maintain this new way of eating and exercising. Daily.
Somehow posting about my diet on Facebook and providing updates helped keep me accountable and the encouragement I received from so many Facebook friends was a wonderful motivator.
Thank you. Very much.
And now….not the end of a diet but merely the continuation of a new lifestyle.
No secrets to this diet. Just eating a little less and exercising a little more. And doing it every day and being patient. Going slower to go farther was my motto.
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This morning I was admiring my recent weight loss in the bathroom mirror as my wife and I were getting ready to go out for coffee. After my proud moment of self-satisfaction, I threw on a pair of jeans and wet my hair before combing it and began looking for a shirt.”
My wife walked in the bathroom to explain how our dog Macy was just showing off to her by proudly holding a spider in her mouth before it dropped out and ran away.
Wanting to change the topic back to my proud weight loss, I pointed to myself and said, “Well, what do you think?”
“What?” Rebecca answered quizzically.
“This.” I responded smugly pointing in a circular motion to my torso area.
“What? You got water on you?”
“No!” I said flustered. “I’ve lost 28 lbs.”
“Oh.” Rebecca responded laughing. “You are acting like Macy showing off having a spider in her mouth.”
“No I’m not.” I said defensively. “I don’t think it’s the same thing at all. First off Macy didn’t lose 28 lbs and, second off, I am not holding anything in my mouth.”
“OK.” Rebecca said laughing to herself.
“Do you have water on you?” I repeated to myself under my breath. “Really?”
“Well, I’m proud of both you and Macy this morning.” Rebecca offered in a consoling voice.
By John Y. Brown III, on Mon Sep 15, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
That feeling you are “circling the drain.”
For some it signifies the end. For others it signifies being on the brink of a new beginning. And for others still it means the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning or, for extreme pessimists, the end of the end.
For me, though, it feels more like an extreme sport. Hangin’ 10. From near the drain. At least some days. Like today.
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Some days I feel like I am hitting on all cyclinders and am a masterfully mindful multi-tasking maniac.
Other days I feel like my brain is operating aduquately for a 1963 model.
And every now and again it seems concerningly quiet and uneventful up there –like I am mentally moving at the speed of the video game Pong. And my side forgot to show up.
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“I’m way deep into nothing special”
How I feel today (quoting Steely Dan, West of Hollywood)
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Look, I get it. It’s not my post. You just aren’t in the mood to “like” something right now.
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“It’s not personal; it’s just business.”
Really means for the person hearing this that it is no longer “business” and just became “just personal.”
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Groups, ironically, seem to be the best place for us to learn how to be better individuals
–Leaving my men’s accountability group this morning
Sunday morning vanity conversation leading to disappointment
This morning I was admiring my recent weight loss in the bathroom mirror as my wife and I were getting ready to go out for coffee. After my proud moment of self-satisfaction, I threw on a pair of jeans and wet my hair before combing it and began looking for a shirt.”
My wife walked in the bathroom to explain how our dog Macy was just… showing off to her by proudly holding a spider in her mouth before it dropped out and ran away.
Wanting to change the topic back to my proud weight loss, I pointed to myself and said, “Well, what do you think?”
“What?” Rebecca answered quizzically.
“This.” I responded smugly pointing in a circular motion to my torso area.
“What? You got water on you?”
“No!” I said flustered. “I’ve lost 28 lbs.”
“Oh.” Rebecca responded laughing. “You are acting like Macy showing off having a spider in her mouth.”
“No I’m not.” I said defensively. “I don’t think it’s the same thing at all. First off Macy didn’t lose 28 lbs and, second off, I am not holding anything in my mouth.”
“OK.” Rebecca said laughing to herself.
“Do you have water on you?” I repeated to myself under my breath. “Really?”
“Well, I’m proud of both you and Macy this morning.” Rebecca offered in a consoling voice.
By John Y. Brown III, on Fri Sep 12, 2014 at 12:00 PM ET
I know this is probably not politically correct to say but I personally believe Sept 12th is a more significant date for our country to commemorate than Sept 11th.
Because it signifies that no matter how horrifically shocking the terrorist attack was 13 years ago, that it lasted only one day, and on Sept 12th, we began picking up the pieces and moving ahead, chastened and somber, to be sure, but also united and wiser and unbowed.
And that, to me, is important for us to remember and celebrate today.
Theological question:
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