LEXINGTON, KY: The Recovering Politician is EXCLUSIVELY reporting this morning that actress/humanitarian Ashley Judd — who just last week announced that she would not be challenging U.S. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell in his 2014 re-election bid –has reversed course, and will file her official Senate campaign papers on Tuesday with the office of Kentucky’s Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes.
“Watching Mitch in that ridiculous University of Louisville sweater vest, cheering on those loser Cardinals in the Big Dance, made me want to barf,” Judd, the University of Kentucky Wildcats’ #1 fan, told The Recovering Politician in an exclusive interview. “The next thing you’ll tell me is that we’ll have a Dukie as Kentucky Senator. Oh, wait we do — that curly-headed wing-nut. To quote another Duke alum, Richard Nixon: “[Expletive deleted] that [expletive deleted] sheep-[expletive deleted] [expletive deleted].”
Reaction among Kentucky Democrats was fast and furious, just like the name of the only late 90s’s movie in which Ashley Judd did not appear:
“That’s horse-hockey. No way can we let that out-of-touch Hollywood celebrity run,” shouted political consultant Dale Emmons, the most outspoken advocate of an Alison Lundergan Grimes candidacy. “Those DC elites are not going to get in the way of me running yet another campaign against Mitch!”
“Barack and Steve ain’t gonna be happy,” former Obama and Beshear campaign operative Jimmy Cauley charged, “And I’m headed to Vatican City for a pow-wow with Francis. He’s gonna be pissed.”
“We are opposed to Ashley Judd because we think that Alison Lundergan Grimes will be an outstanding U.S. Senator,” said every person who is thinking of running for Kentucky Governor in 2015. “Of course, if Alison runs against us for Governor, we reserve the right to change our minds about her qualifications.”
The Frankfort political press could not be reached: They were tripping over themselves to be the first to quote Danny Briscoe, Larry Forgy, and a handful of other old white men who haven’t been involved in high-level Kentucky politics for decades.
Former Kentucky State Treasurer Jonathan Miller was again the only person of marginal political status outside of Louisville publicly touting Judd’s entry. “Thank God, she’s changed her mind. My 15 minutes had run out. Doesn’t Ashley know how hard it is for a recovering politician to appear on national TV talk shows? Run Ashley, run!”
Given a few more minutes of media exposure, Miller continued. “By the way, did you know that today is the second anniversary of The Recovering Politician? More than 3,000 posts and nearly 600,000 visitors later, it’s been an extraordinary experience. And the KY Political Brief is off to a rollicking start [Sign up for the free email on all the day’s KY political news by clicking here.] Thanks for everyone’s incredible support. Happy anniversary and HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!”