Lucy Waterbury: Dear Mr. President…there isn’t enough bourbon

Dear Mr. President,

This is your future Ebola Czarina checking in.  You’ve been pretty busy lately, so if you missed my blog about Ebola, you can read it here: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Ebola?  Seems like we have Ebola under control at the moment, so kudos to the current Czar, but if you would like to write in a succession clause, I’m your girl.

But I digress, Ebola is not why I am writing.  Earlier this week, exactly 56.2% of the 46% of Kentuckians who even bothered to show up to vote sent Mitch McConnell to represent them in the United States Senate. (Note: let’s be fair, Lexingtonians and Louisvillians are excluded from this statistic, they actually voted to send Alison to the Senate in the same proportions)

I have to believe that a certain percentage sent him back, not because they liked him, but to bring home the “pork” to Kentucky, as Senate majority leader, because after all, it’s the American way. I’m not sure how I feel about those people as it is this logic that has completely bastardized the resource distribution of our democratic government but that’s a letter for a different day.

Those Kentuckians didn’t send him to represent me, as I promise you that the votes he will cast will never reflect anything that I stand for.  And you know that saying, “You have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything”.  Yeah, well let’s just say that too many Kentuckians will fall for anything, and evidently that disease is pretty contagious among the voting electorate in the mid-terms of 2014.

On Wednesday, after those Kentuckians who cannot see that they are being lied to and their votes and souls are being bought by fear mongering billionaires, decided that Mitch McConnell, after 30 abysmal years of legislating, was yet again their man, you invited him over for some food, fun & fellowship at the White House. You said, I quote, “I would enjoy having some Kentucky bourbon with Mitch McConnell.” Now Mr. President, I will take you at your word that you meant what you said, but I have to assume it would be the bourbon that you would enjoy with Mitch McConnell, rather than the discourse.

In this state, bourbon flows like water.  We drink it in any manner you can imagine, we’ve built a trail around it, we make candy out of it, we have even been known to light it on fire when served as part of a decadent dessert or two. In a few hours, I myself will be tailgating with it at the UK vs. Georgia game, but I think you get my point.

But Mr. President, this Kentucky girl is here to tell you…there isn’t enough bourbon. You could push Bourbon through the veins of Mitch McConnell intravenously and he still wouldn’t see what you and I see.

• To see that people are people, and Corporations are NOT
• To see that inconvenient truths not addressed for decades, could become species ending nightmares at the end of the millennium
• To see that legislation passed in his name is often exactly what Jesus WOULDN’T DO! (not WWJD!)
• To see that choosing “Pork” in Washington, in the long run, harms the men and women bringing home the bacon
• To see that profit maximizers don’t self-regulate
• To see that ending the “War on Coal” fuels a war on clean drinking water and irreversible environmental damage
• To see that access to healthcare makes us all healthier
• To see that Student Loans are as important, if not more important, as Business Loans
• To see that Planned Parenthood serves low income women in ways they will never understand
• To see that birth control pills are used for dozens of women’s health concerns, only one of which is preventing birth
• To see that being Pro Life should mean feeding, clothing, and nurturing these children long after the birth is over
• To see the importance of funding Sesame Street instead of Wall Street
• To see that tomorrow’s criminal is today’s abused, neglected, and broken child
• To see that neediest children come to school to be loved as much as to learn
• To see that Head Start isn’t just an academic start, it is the ONLY start for many of these children
• To see that choosing butter over guns is not only the right thing to do but the smart economic thing to do
• To see that love is defined by the heart, not the type of genitalia
• To see that government can and should reduce suffering, instead of inflicting it
• To see that as Americans we are, and should be our brother and sister’s keeper

So now that the Bourbon Summit is over, keep fighting the good fight, please get back to doing what you have gotten really good at, rebuilding a country and economy you inherited 6 years ago that was decimated by 8 years of the policies of the same party that just dropped by for a bite of lunch.

And while these next two years are going to be a nightmare of preventing the passing of legislation that will undo the economic growing, deficit & governmental fraud reducing and consumer protecting accomplishments of your presidency, please know that history will be kind to you.

And Mr. President, if Mitch didn’t bring the Pappy Van Winkle, he brought the wrong stuff.