Nancy Slotnick: You Sexy Think

Paper towels are my guilty pleasure.  Is that pathetic or what?  But I’m totally serious.  Especially the Viva ones, that are so soft and absorb everything.  I never have to touch a sponge.  My husband wipes up turkey grease with a Crate and Barrel hand towel and it kills me.  Why?  I wish it didn’t.  I’m trying to train myself not to care.  Shalom Bayit is the term for letting sh*t go for the sake of peace in the family.  It’s more than that.  It’s letting go of thinking that the way I do everything is the right way.  Realizing that there are many ways to skin a cat.  And that some of us would never dare skin a cat.  But my husband would if we were hungry enough.  I respect that.  He does love cats too.

So I have to pull it together when he puts the Tupperware on the bottom shelf of the dishwasher.  I stole that line from Liz Lemon on 30 Rock, btw.  I was encouraged to know that I’m not the only one who worries about crap like that!  But a little scared to think that I’m about as sexy as Liz Lemon sometimes.  I used to be sexy though.  And I think I still can be on a good day. In further tribute to Tina Fey, I don’t own Mom Jeans.  But I’m not quite Nancy [MILF] on Weeds.  That’s probably good news for my son, as well as for the paper towel industry, but it might not be so good for me. 

I must channel my inner MILF.  Okay, excuse me, there’s something I need to go do.

I’m back.  One of my favorite movies is Working Girl.  Melanie Griffith’s character gets the job and the guy- what’s not to like?!  She has a line when she first meets Harrison Ford’s character Jack. “I’ve got a head for business and a bod for sin.”  I think that’s awesome.  Of course she was about 6 tequila shots in when she said it and she regretted it the next morning, but I think it’s actually something to strive for.

In a lot of intellectual circles (yes, I went to an Ivy League school), the “bod for sin” comment would be frowned upon.  Like she won’t be taken seriously by men.  But I’ve been in the dating business for over 15 years and I’ve talked with a lot of single guys.  Believe me when I say that they want that combo- hot and smart- it’s the Holy Grail of dating.

So I say to ye Ivy Girls of little faith and little waistlines- join Matchmaker Café and post a full body shot.  Yes, the site is based on Facebook.  But the guys all wish it were called Bodybook when it comes to dating.  Do your Sports Illustrated calendar photo shoot with a girlfriend (tasteful, though, please!) and then be willing to post it online.  Ignore the creeps that will inevitably ensue. Then keep on searching until your Harrison Ford comes your way, and he makes you toast for breakfast, and he gives you a lunchbox to take to your dream job.  Then try like hell to keep your bod for sin because do you notice there wasn’t a sequel to Working Girl?  Working Woman is just not as sexy.

And to the guys that want to date the aforementioned girls (yes we do use big words):

Make sure that you make like Harrison Ford that drunken night and throw us up against the wall.  Making your wife toast for breakfast is not what you were made for.  As long as you are willing to skin that cat.  (What’s the emoticon for raised eyebrow?  Someone help me out here.)