Josh Bowen: Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.”

I have heard it a thousand times. I have seen it just as many. Being honest with you, I have done it too (more on that later). The attempt of proving yourself to someone or multiple people is common, especially for people who want to please others. And lets be honest here, even the most stubborn and rogue of us have people we want to please. We find the need to try to “fit in” or be somebody we are not just to get an anticipated reaction from someone we care about or are interested in. The practice of constantly proving ourselves to others is futile, destructive and a waste of time. The only person you need to prove anything to is you. No one else matters. Not your husband, not your boyfriend, not your boss, not your best friend, not even your parents…just you.

Personal story time. 

At several points in my life, I was on this self destructive path. While not as detrimental as other’s stories, it was abnormal for me to focus on being something I wasn’t to be liked by someone, who at the time, mattered. About five years ago, in the midst of running up and down the road traveling from city to city, I miraculously found a girlfriend. It was a very strange relationship with a lot of ins and outs that don’t matter for this topic but I found myself constantly having to live up to a standard that was foreign to me. Essentially, I was living up to a physique that I never worried about before. Just like when women try to get in shape to be more attractive to men, I found myself killing myself to be leaner and more athletic than I ever had before. Without her knowing, I was trying to compete with boyfriends of the past who were ripped out of their minds.  I was trying to be something I wasn’t and honestly never wanted to be, just so I guess she liked me more. This obviously was a waste of time. But the result was awful. I completely altered my diet and my workouts, going completely off what I normally did. I would drink protein shakes, eat tuna and rice cakes and do a bunch of CrossFit style workouts and then cardio (I have never done cardio since).

As you can imagine, I bottomed out physique wise. I did a lot of cardio, ate very little, and lost my damn muscles and myself. All to try to impress a girl. What a waste huh? Here is the result of all my hard work:

I weighed 175lbs on the day that was taken. I had not weighed that amount since I was 19 years old. I had lost myself trying to prove something to someone, who at the end of the day didn’t care much about me anyway. So what was the point? There wasn’t one. After, I got out of that mess I put the weight back on and now I am at a comfortable 200 lbs.

This happens all the time. People will chose the job their parents want versus the job that they want. Women will starve themselves to look more attractive to their significant others. Men will do whatever it takes to impress a girl that they like no matter how much it deviates from who they are. Stop this process! it is unhealthy and will not get you anywhere. Here is why..

The people worth impressing just want you to be you

If it matters to you, it should matter to them. If it doesn’t they aren’t worth your time. I believe you only have a few close friends, everyone else will go in and out of your life serving some purpose and then leaving. You being you should matter to the people who love you the most. If the guy you are dating can’t accept you for who you are, dump his ass. Same goes for the guys too.

Only you know whats best for you

Everyone will give you advice. However, they don’t have to live in your skin. You know whats best for you. Act like it. Let others take you as you are, or not at all.

F*** society

Society’s message to us leaves a lot to be desired. To be honest, its evil. Magazine photos are photoshopped to create an unrealistic perception of what a woman should look like and even what a man should look like. Its unfair to our psyche to expect us to look and be like something that isn’t real to begin with. Let go of this, be yourself and be who you are.

You can’t please everyone

Its impossible to please everyone. So why try? You end up not pleasing the person you should be pleasing in the first place…YOU.

When we embrace our authentic selves, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness and real success. Your time is NOW!