John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Self Improvement

Desire for Self improvement fades with age.

Maybe completely.

Younger version of me: Was obsessively trying to improve myself.

I used to spend a lot of time trying to pinpoint faults, flaws and quirks in my personality and try to correct them. I’d scan the Web reading up on a variety of mild but annoying maladaptive behaviors, take online tests, reading up on how to eliminate such unwanted traits and try to seek to remove them from my personality. And often having some success.

Older version of me (now): It’s hard to describe but basically I don’t …… I dunno know….really care much anymore about self-improvement.

I am still all for improving myself but only if it doesn’t take any real effort or concentration.

If I identify some weakness, bad habit or maladaptive behavior, it’s not from taking an online quiz. I tried recently and didn’t even finish reading question #2 before quitting and mumbling to myself, “Really?! You really want to do this now?”

And if I do become convinced I have some undesireable traits, instead of working mightily to be rid of them, I find myself saying things like, “It’s all good.” What does that even mean? I think it means, “I’m too lazy to do anything about whatever you’re complaining about. Here’s a quarter. Call someone who cares. I’m cool with my little quirks.”

And get this! A younger friend asked me about a bad habit he had to give up and asked me what would I do. I gave it about 2 seconds of thought and said, quite seriously, “Instead of fighting it….or trying to “stop” doing it, why don’t you try ’embracing it.” I was serious.

I wish I cared enough about self-improvement to finish this paragraph on an interesting and perceptive note, but I really don’t.

Sorry. It’s all good!