John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Love and Marriage

How well do I know my wife?

After being together 27 years and married almost 23 years, pretty darned well.

In fact, I can tell 10 times out of 9 when she is upset with me but doesn’t want to say anything. And I gently pester her to finally tell me what is wrong and we work it out.

That’s right, 10 times out of 9.

That means 1 out of 10 times when I think Rebecca is upset with me, she really isn’t. But I keep trying to get her to admit that she really is upset with me–even though she isn’t– until I irritate her to the point that she really is upset with me.

Which means I really know when Rebecca is upset with me but doesn’t want to say anything 10 out of 10 times– including times when Rebecca doesn’t even know she is upset with me but is about to be.

I think that’s pretty impressive.

It just takes time. And an observant and irritating husband.

Conversely, Rebecca realizes I am upset with her only about 5 times out of 10.

When I am upset with Rebecca and she isn’t aware of it, I subtly hint that I am upset with her by telling her outright what it is that is upsetting me. Then we are both upset with each other.

That means 5 out of the 10 times when I am upset with Rebecca, she gets upset with me too. Which means we get to do something together. But frankly, it’s not as fun as it might sound.

And the 5 times out of 10 that Rebecca does realize I am upset with her, she says nothing –which I know is her way of saying, “Don’t. Don’t do it. Because remember….it is better when just one of us is irritated with the other than when both of us are irritated with the other at the same time.”

And I know Rebecca is right.