John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Facebook Reality Check

If you are a middle-aged male and get a friend request from a 20 year old very attractive woman along with a breathless message about how much she likes your profile picture and would like to meet you and sends you her private email address, be careful.

I don’t respond to these annoying friend request/messages because I’m happily married and tell them so. But I know not all of my middle-aged male peers are in a marriage/relationship and might find this generous invitation appealing. I’d like to offer some friendly peer advice that I can give objectively.

Sure, these young women have tracked down our overweight, under-toned profile pictures on Facebook and find us every bit as irresistible as we know they should. That’s a given. And, sure, they are probably going to keep stalking guys like us, because, you know…we got it going on and they can’t help themselves and are essentially powerless to our feeble and imaginary charms.

So…. as realistic as this offer for Facebook friendship and romance probably seems to you, just remember that no one is as great as they sound on Facebook and she probably looks better in their picture than she looks in person. And may be really hard to talk to after you have a torrid romance. And, let’s face it, you’ll probably end up getting bored and have difficulty hanging out with her 20-something friends. And then there are the awkward Facebook status decisions about whether you “are in a relationship” or not to deal with.

All I am saying is: think it through.

Especially before you respond to her faux personal email by sending a digital picture of yourself flexing your flabby, withering physique.

I’m just saying, as a friend, in the long run, if you are going to strip down and get in bed with anyone today, just stand in front of a mirror and take off your dark patent leather dress shoes, white tube socks and short plaid pants——and get in bed and take a nap alone. You’ll need the energy to mow the lawn later today. You just don’t have time for a tryst with a beautiful 20 year old this afternoon. As much as she is wanting to, it’s probably going to be a pain and keep you from going to CVS to pick up your medications after spending that traditional 30 minutes every Saturday browsing your favorite hardware store. She’s just going to have to deal with that.

Maybe next weekend.