John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Being Good While Doing Bad

My version of George Washington’s cherry tree (I cannot tell a lie) story.

If you live long enough in a city you find pieces of yourself –your life–that catch you off guard and bring back a flood of memories.

That happened to me tonight when I went to an to a new ATM off Frankfort Ave. As I looked up I saw a door (see picture) that I recognized. I knew instantly it was a door from a defining moment in my life, when my honesty and character was put to the test.

I was 16 years old and was out one night with my closest high school friend, who I’ll leave nameless. We were discussing sneaking into a movie. A couple left through the door attached to the theater and my friend grabbed the handle and held it open for me.

“C’mon, Johnny! C’mon!! Quick!”

I almost impulsively rushed in. But didn’t. I hesitated just long enough for guilt to seep in and catch my self up….and muster the confidence to whisper bravely “Let’s just go inside and pay.”

I know…that wasn’t as brave a declaration as I’d hoped ….but it spoke volumes about the kind of person I was. My friend didn’t have the money and said we weren’t old enough to get in anyway. He held the door open a few more seconds urging me to sneak in. But I didn’t.

And we left.

And I hadn’t seen that door to the old Crescent Art (porn) theater since that night 33 years ago. The night my character–OK, a small piece of my character–was put to the test. And I passed. By refusing to sneak into a blue movie house without paying.

What a guy, huh? Made me wonder if George Washington felt this way when he’d tell people the cherry tree story. Yeah, of course he did!

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My post above was about being good while doing something bad. (refusing to sneak into a blue movie theater without paying.) And the humorous irony of trying to milk brownie points out of that scenario.

The incident reminded me of another scenario where a similar paradox of doing good while doing bad happened with me. Again involving a movie. This time, however, it was the movie Gandhi.

Gandhi, like movies at the old Crescent Art theater, didn’t involve lots of clothing. But had an entirely different moral and spiritual message.

I was 19 and attending college in Southern California and the Mann Chinese theater was playing the movie Gandhi. I went alone to the movie –some 5 or 6 times. I was mesmerized by the historic character Gandhi and the movie-making in Gandhi.

So much so that one night before going to the movie, I was motioned over to a car where a guy was selling something from the back of his car. The Mann Chinese theater was in a colorful and crime-ridden part of Hollywood. The guy was selling VHS videos. VCRs had just come out and Gandhi videos were normally $79.95 but I could get one “hot” for $20.

I don’t know what exactly I was thinking but it went something like this. “The powerful moral message in this movie is worth buying it illegally.” So I gave the guy a $20 and stashed the video inside my jacket.

And I held on to the video for over 20 years. Until I finally broke down and bought a DVD of Gandhi about 10 years ago. And paid full retail price. At Best Buy. And finally erased the guilt from the illicit purchase–but with a good motive—at age 19.