John Y’s Musings from the Middle: Assigning Blame

“Happiness is knowing who to blame,” a friend of mine used to facetiously joke–especially when he was trying to nudge me into taking responsibility for a situation I was complaining about–and trying to blame someone else for creating.

I thought he was right then…and still think he’s right.

What he was really saying is that seeking to resolve frustration by blaming others only creates the temporary illusion of happiness–or relief. It’s not real and won’t last.

A better approach is thinking hard and honestly about what role I played–so I can own my part in an unpleasant predicament.

When I do that, I at least have some hope of changing things.

f it truly is another person’s fault, chances of changing that person—and then of that person changing the offending situation– leaves chances of things improving looking pretty bleak.

So, it seems, the more I am focusing on finding my role in displeasing areas of my life (instead of seeking out others to blame), the more hopeful I feel.

So maybe the saying should be “Hopefulness is knowing where I am to blame.”