John Y. Brown, III: BREAKING – Marriage Therapists Weigh in on Government Shutdown

Marriage therapists agree it may be time for republicans and democrats in Congress to consider divorcing one another.

“Normally, spouses (and political parties) can work through difficult discussions by agreeing that a “Time Out” can be called by either party when there is disagreement and emotions are running high —but that is contingent on each side respecting the other when a “Time Out” is called.

Some therapists agree that a “prolonged time out” could be beneficial but if parties are going to start insisting on complete shutdowns lasting for several weeks, that other options, including divorce, need to be explored.

“We had felt, as a group, a structured separation made the most sense if things didn’t improve during implementation of the Affordable Health Care Act,” said a spokesperson for the group, “but it is clear now that the two parties have irreconcilable differences that are beyond the scope of the most sophisticated tools our profession has to offer.” Adding that “Even make-up intimacy” (or bi-partisan feel good legislation) seems no longer to hold any allure for either party.

Not all marriage therapists agree. Some professional marriage counselors believe that insisting on using “Mirroring techniques” where members on the floor are required to repeat what they believe they heard another member say –and get confirmation from that member their understanding is correct — before criticizing or name-calling a colleague would be helpful and clear up some of the confusion and hurt feelings experienced now on both sides. But some First Amendment experts say that would be a violation of free speech.

Still others family therapists have suggested the required use of “I” statements when hurling accusations against those not in their political party. For example, instead of shouting something like, ‘You lie!’ to President Obama, Representative Joe Wilson would be required to instead shout something like, “When you talk about your new immigration policy, I feel afraid on the inside.”

Again, however, Constitutional scholars question if such requirements wouldn’t violate the First Amendment.

As for the children, there is the possibility of joint custody. Under this arrangement, Congressional republicans will govern Americans on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays and get us every third weekend and half the summer. Democrats in Congress get to govern the country on odd days and two of three weekends and split summers, probably in the Hamptons.

A few marriage counselors suggested that the cause of the breakdown is traceable to the Tea Party being a jealous and controlling mistress for the Republican Party. One therapist, who asked to remain anonymous, compared U.S Senator Ted Cruz to Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction and his recent filibuster reminiscent of the “rabbit stew scene.” A majority of therapists, however, trace primary blame on an earlier ‘straying” with an inter-party dalliance among Congressional Democrats that turned into a torrid romance with now president Barack Obama. Although democrats in congress now claim it is purely a professional and platonic working relationship, many republican colleagues now admit they felt that “Despite years of being together and taking the good with the bad that they were about to be replaced by a new Trophy Politician, President Barack Obama” and never were able to forgive the very public seduction they had to witness. Quoting another marriage therapist who also asked to remain anonymous, “It was like rubbing salt into that fresh wound by making such a priority about “President Obama’s big idea, the healthcare bill. It’s like asking your spouse to chauffeur your new girlfriend around town and expecting them to say, ‘Sure, I’d love to.’ It’s just not realistic.” Adding, “Anyone in our profession could have predicted a retaliatory tryst with the Tea Party was just a matter of time.”

Is this dramatic dissolution of Congress really necessary? As one top marriage counselor said, “It has to be. The example Congress is setting for the children, I mean the people, isn’t healthy and will likely be repeated if any of them ever make it to Congress. This sort of maladjusted and entitled behavior can take years of therapy to overcome. And that would mean adding additional therapeutic coverage to Obamacare and I just don’t see that happening right now. A divorce is really best for all concerned.”